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Second Contest: Story!

Boba Rhett

By Boba Rhett
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Tie Guy Newbie

Tie Guy

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Well, what can i say. I do argu...er....debate alot.

 

Good chapter.

 

I can't write it tonight, because i have a ton of summer reading to catch up on, so ihave to read all night practically. I'm on a break right now. ;)

 

But why didn't you pick up wolfman? He's above where i live in the state.

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jediduo Newbie

jediduo

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Well, I have now ruined a pair of boxers because I peed in them from laughing so hard. I just read the last three or four chapters all at once, and they were great. By the way, welcome Thrawn! I passed these out a little before you arrived (re-arrived?), but I had some extras.

 

*Hands Thrawn a platinum party kazoo*

 

I won't be able to write a chapter:mad: , so here's a couple things about me to help the author of the Florida chapter.

 

1. I am obsessed with import car racing, and am saving up to buy a Honda Civic.

 

2. I have a very small 1988 Ford Festiva hatchback right now. I hate it: its a piece of ****.

 

3. I have a quite stupid dog who enjoys rolling in his own feces.:eek:

 

4. I am convinced that someday I will marry Natalie Portman.

 

Hope this helps!

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Artoo Newbie

Artoo

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Ehehehehehehehehehe, I would so claim the Florida chapter right now, but I really, really, really want Arkansas, which is right after it. Oh well. :o

 

Hurry up and finish your summer reading TieGuy! *looks at those 2 lonely books sitting on his nightstand* ehehe, ehe. Looks like I haven't even started mine yet. oops. :D

 

Oh and Rhett, he's little and he's your brother, therefore little brother. ;)

 

edit: I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo on the list by now.

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Mitth'raw'nuruodo Newbie

Mitth'raw'nuruodo

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Originally posted by Eets

BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

 

Oh god Thrawn.. That was f'ing awesome!!! :D

 

I laughed my arse off when you pulled the "Aces are a different color" joke! :D

 

Wow! I didn't think I'd get so much popular support! Not that i don't like it. :D I'm really glad you guys liked my chapter! I may have to write another one. . . :D

 

PS Thanks for the platinum kazoo. . . I think. :D

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Tie Guy Newbie

Tie Guy

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*sigh*

 

 

Chapter 15: Deep South

 

“Aren’t we forgetting someone,” Tie said. “I know I’m not the only North Carolinian on the forums. “

 

“Doh!” Rhett exclaimed, “We forgot about Wolfman!”

 

“But Rhett, what about the chicks!” Dash exclaimed. By now practically everyone was watching the show, except for Chase, who was sent to the back to look for the “chickens,” and Rommel, who realized that even when standing on the seat he couldn’t see over the dashboard.

 

“I know! I know! But we have to go back!” Rhett slammed on the brakes and turned the wheel hard. The bus almost flipped over but finally regained its balance after hitting a large billboard on the side of the road.

 

“Where does he live?” asked Thrawn curiously.

 

“At college, I think” Replied Wraith 5.

 

“Where’s that?”

 

“A place where you continue your education after high school,” said Wraith 5 confidently.

 

“Will you shut up with that!?” shouted Rhett. “He lives in Raleigh, ok, at NC State University.”

 

They finally pulled up at the dorm and honked the horn several times. Way up on the top floor they saw a guy run out his door, look around nervously, and then jump off the top of the building. He landed on the bus with a thump, then bounced off onto the ground right by the door.

 

“Hey! That’s Wolman. What was he thinking?” Rhett opened the door and Wolfman lept inside hurriedly. “Geezes, man! Are you ok?”

 

“Its those stupid UNC fans! They are looting the campus!” He said. “Just because they won some football game!”

 

“Oh, so that’s what the parade was for.” Dash said.

 

“It ain’t no parade. We gotta get out of here! Those UNC people are crazy!” Wolfman pleaded with Rhett. Rhett, never one to ask questions, stepped on the gas. He ran right into the dorm, causing the entire thing to fall backwards.

 

“Arrf yip, yowl, bark!”

“Yes, I do know that the D means drive and the R means reverse.” Rhett argued. He threw the monstrous bus into reverse and stepped hard on the accelerator. He finally managed to turn the bus around while hitting only a few dozen cars. He shifted into drive and raced out of the state like a convict into Mexico.

 

 

 

As they came up on the state boarder, they saw some strange objects on the horizon. As they approached Rhett recognized them as the South Carolina National Guard, complete with soldiers and tanks. Heck, even the governor, who was standing on the boarder, had a colt .45 in his hand.

 

“Hahaha! You’ll never get your radioactive waste into my state you dang Yankees! Open fire!” The governor yelled as the bus neared the boarder line. Bullets and tank shells starting flying all around the bus. Each bullet that hit made a loud pinging sound as it dented the bus’s hull.

 

“We’re being shot at!” cried Wraith 5.

 

“Thanks for the info!” shouted Rhett in reply. He stepped on the accelerator and brought the bus up to near top speed. The bus flew across the boarder, crushing the roadblock and sending pieces of it flying. “Whew. I’m glad we’re passed that.” The bus was rittled with bullet holes and small dents, but for the most part still ran like a dream.

 

“Ok, now where does Homer live?” Someone in the back asked.

 

“According to the map his house should be right…there!” Rhett replied.

 

“Uh… Rhett? That’s a gas station,” Thrawn stated.

 

“Oh crap! My wife loves gas stations!” said a now nervous Havoc.

 

“Just shut up! We have to stop. We need gas anyways and I want to ask for directions,” said Rhett, now very annoyed.

 

Everyone hopped off the bus. Well, everyone except for Chase, who insisted that his mommy never said he could. On top of the gas station there were two huge signs. One read in flashy letters: VIDEO POKER. The other was written in red, white, and blue: FIREWORKS.

 

“Oooooooooh” Everyone said in unison, each looking at one of the two signs.

 

Heavyarms was the first in and immediately rushed for the nearest video poker machine. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a quarter, which he put in the machine. Havoc and Wraith 5, Young David, and Leon did the same, but on separate machines. Sherack and Rommel checked out the food section pointing out everything they didn’t have in Canada, so basically everything. Eets ran wildly around the store, ripping things off the shelves and eating them immediately. Dash, of course, went in search of cheese. Everyone else helped in the effort to get as many cases of fireworks as they could.

 

“Hey, we’ll need a lot these for the party.” They reasoned.

 

“Aren’t those illegal?” Rhett asked.

 

“Nah,” the storekeeper interjected, “ain’t no nothin’ i‘legal in South Car’lina.”

 

“Oh, ok.” Rhett replied. “We’ll take them all.” Rhett paid for everything and started to leave. He looked over to where Heavyarms was playing poker.

 

“Why you ***** piece of ******* ****! You ******* cheated me you mother ******! Give me my ******* money back!” Heavyarms began to pound on the machine and then picked up a metal searing rod from a nearby shelf and began to beat the machine brutally, all the while shouting expletives at it. Rhett tried to pull him away but he kept running back to the machine and cursing at it and beating it again. Finally, three people were able to pry him away from the machine and back onto the bus. As the others walked outside they saw an old man with a shotgun in his hand and an old hound at his feet. Rhett was a little hesitant but he eventually went up to the man.

 

“Umm…Sir. Do you know how to get to Darth Homer’s house? I’ve been told he lives around here.”

 

The man replied in a very heavy accent, “Boy I tell you what boy I ain’t never hear no Homer I just take this har shotgun and shoot that thar dear like this.” The man raised his gun and fired into the woods. “Boy I tell you what boy I got that thar dear boy see boy go it that thar dear ole pal.” The dog ran off into the woods.

 

Rhett, somewhat amazed and confused by the old man started to go back to the bus when a man came out from behind the gas station.

 

“Hi, my name’s Darth Homer.” The man said.

 

“Hey! Darth Homer! How ya been?” Rhett asked.

 

“Not as good as your mother last night. Bada-bing!” Homer laughed. Rhett shook his head.

 

“Alright, lets just get on the bus and get going.” Rhett started to step up the bus. Homer looked at the bus.”

 

“What happened to this piece, run into a flock of sparrows? Bada-bing. Thank you, I’ll be here all week.”

 

“Ok, guys, that’s enough. This place is giving me the creeps, the sooner we get out of here the better.” Rhett said. As Rhett pulled out onto the highway what he saw could only be described as total chaos. Cars were piled up on the side of the road as far as the eyes could see. What was left on the road wasn’t much better. People bumped into each other left and right. Several cars ran directly into the bus as soon as it made the turn. “Geezes! Doesn’t anyone here know how to drive? Haven’t they heard of Driver’s Ed?”

 

“Arf, bark, arf arrf?” Eets said.

 

“Yes, Eets, I know you just got permit.” Rhett sighed.

 

“What’s Driver’s Ed?” Homer asked genuinely.

 

“You don’t have Driver’s Ed in south Carolina? How’d you learn to drive?” Asked Rhett.

 

“Drive?” Homer thought for a second. “Oh! You mean like in a car. You can just do it whenever you want, you don’t need a permit or license. It ain’t huntin’, boy.”

 

Rhett just shook his head and headed down the highway, trying to avoid the massive swarms of reckless drivers. “So, where are we going next?”

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Tie Guy Newbie

Tie Guy

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Originally posted by WolfmanNCSU

Alright, I'm in the story now. Lousy UNC fans, they are everywhere I tell you, EVERYWHERE!!!

 

Yeah. My parents went there and my brother goes there now. I might go there also in a few years. The rivalry with NC State isn't as big as the one with Duke, but its still pretty harsh. :D

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Havoc Stryphe Newbie

Havoc Stryphe

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Great Chapter Tie, :lol: I never tire of reading your interpretation of Heavyarms!

 

 

 

Originally posted by Chase Windu

The people on my hit list are on it for obvious reasons so here's the new and improved hit list:

 

Rhett

Sherack

Artoo

Darth Homer

Havoc

Tie Guy

Mitth'raw'nuruodo

Eets

 

 

Eets is on the list because it seems to me that he just, so very much, wants to be on the list.

 

Woohoo, I made the list!

 

Steve Martin ala The Jerk: "The new list is here! The new List is here! Finally, I'm somebody!"

 

:D

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Darth Homer Newbie

Darth Homer

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Originally posted by Havoc Stryphe

Steve Martin ala The Jerk: "The new list is here! The new List is here! Finally, I'm somebody!"

 

HEH!!

*Bullet whizzes past Homer and strikes one of many oil cans next to him*

IT'S THE CANS!! HE HATES THOSE CANS!!! STAY AWAY FROM THE CANS!!

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