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A story to cheer you up

RpTheHotrod

By RpTheHotrod
in Yoda’s Swamp

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RpTheHotrod

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NO, I didn't do this...but this actually happened. I'll quote his story

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is for all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need

to take it out on someone! Don’t take that bad day out on someone you know,

take it out on someone you don’t know!

 

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had

to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying,

"Hello?" I politely said, "This is Bobby Carpenter and could I please speak to

Melissa Lewis?"

 

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn’t believe that anyone

could be that rude. I tracked down Melissa’s correct number and called her.

She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Melissa,

I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it

again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You’re a

jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass,"

and put it in my desk drawer.

 

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I’d

call him up. He’d answer, and I’d yell, "You’re a jackass!" It would always

cheer me up.

 

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real

disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I

had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello."

 

I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and

I’m just calling to see if you’re familiar with our caller ID program?"

 

He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.

 

I quickly called him back and said, "That’s because you’re a jackass!"

 

The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there’s

ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial

402-8863.

 

 

 

Continued...

 

An old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I

didn’t think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she

started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her

plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she’s finally leaving.

 

All of a sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the parking aisle in the

wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling,

"You can’t just do that, Buddy. I was here first!"

 

The guy got out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the

mall as if he didn’t even hear me. I thought to myself, This guy’s a jackass.

There are sure a lot of jackasses in the world. I noticed he had a "For Sale"

sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for

another place to park.

 

A couple of days later, I’m at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the

phone after calling 402-8863 and yelling, "You’re jackass!" (It’s really easy to

call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone

number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I better

call this guy too. He answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the

man with the black Camaro for sale?"

 

"Yes, it is."

 

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

 

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It’s a yellow house and the car’s parked

right out front."

 

I said, "What’s your name?"

 

"My name is Don Hansen."

 

"When’s a good time to catch you, Don?"

 

"I’m home in the evenings."

 

"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Don, you’re a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.

 

After I hung up, I added Don Hansen’s number to my speed dialer. For a while

things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two

jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging

up on them, it just wasn’t as enjoyable as it used to be.

 

I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution: First, I

had my phone dial Jackass #1. The man answered nicely saying, "Hello."

 

I yelled "You’re a jackass!", but I didn’t hang up.

 

The jackass said, "Are you still there?"

 

I said, "Yeah."

 

He said, "Stop calling me."

 

I said, "No."

 

He said, "What’s your name, pal?"

 

I said, "Don Hansen."

 

He said "Where do you live?"

 

"1802 West 34th Street. It’s a yellow house and my black Camaro’s parked

out front."

 

"I’m coming over right now, Don. You’d better start saying your prayers."

 

"Yeah, like I’m really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.

 

Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello."

 

I said, "Hello, Jackass!"

 

He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."

 

"You’ll what?"

 

"I’ll kick your butt."

 

"Well, here’s your chance. I’m coming right over, Jackass!" And I hung up.

 

Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802

West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got

home.

 

Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going down on W. 34th

Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch

the whole thing.

 

Glorious! Watching two jackasses beating the crap out of each other in front of

six squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my

life!

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