Joke thread

[Eldritch]

Originally posted by Marth

T-cells are your immunity cells so when you say "Better hold on to your T-cells everyone" it means brace yourself its gonna be bad just like a virus being bad

 

I know what T-cells are. That's not why it doesn't make sense. In the words of the Simpson's 'Comic Book Store Guy,' "Worst heckle... ever."

[Marth]

tcchhh (im never stealing lines from my bro again)

 

 

Joke = virus

T-cells = its bad avoid it

 

 

 

 

 

just like you avoid a virus

[Sam]

I got one here it goes:

 

There’s was this guy at a bar minding his own business when a man comes though the door goes over to him and hits him in the back of his head. The man said that was a judo chop from china then leaves twenty minutes later the man comes back and kicks the same guy almost knocking him of his chair and says that was a karate kick from Japan. Fed up the guy leaves the bar. When he comes back he sees the man in his seat so he goes over to him and Wham! He hits him Then thw guy says that was a crowbar from Sears.

[Eldritch]

Originally posted by $am

I got one here it goes:

 

There’s was this guy at a bar minding his own business when a man comes though the door goes over to him and hits him in the back of his head. The man said that was a judo chop from china then leaves twenty minutes later the man comes back and kicks the same guy almost knocking him of his chair and says that was a karate kick from Japan. Fed up the guy leaves the bar. When he comes back he sees the man in his seat so he goes over to him and Wham! He hits him Then guy says that was a crowbar from Sears.

 

That also makes no sense. Are you sure you've got all parts of the joke typed in and the punchline correct?

 

-Anakin

[Marth]

.........................................................................................................confusing

[PhantomHelix]

um........... these jokes make no sense!

[Boba Rhett]

Have you all been huffing glue? $ams makes sense. Did you guys just want to post something so very bad or what?

 

 

Now Marth's on the other hand.... That heckle was just sad.

[PhantomHelix]

dunno......maybe they r gettin paid for it? but seriously, i dont kno.......

[TiE23]

40 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK...

 

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****.

 

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to

pronounce.

 

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

 

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in

public.

 

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship

me.

 

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

 

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

 

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

 

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

 

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

 

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

 

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

 

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

 

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

 

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

 

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point

of view.

 

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

 

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

 

19. What am I, flypaper for freaks!?

 

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

 

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

 

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

 

23. And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be?

 

24. Do I look like a people person?

 

25. This isn't an office, it's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

 

26. I started out with nothing &still have most of it left.

 

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

 

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

 

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

 

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

 

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

 

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

 

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

 

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

 

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

 

36. Chaos, panic, &disorder - my work here is done.

 

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

 

38. I thought I wanted a career - turns out I just wanted paychecks.

 

39. Sure, you came up with that idea.

 

40. I'd love to help you, but it's 5:00 PM or for us graveyard it's 7:15am

 

[whitedragon]

2 nuns are driveing at nite on a deserted road and suddenly a vampire jumps on the hood. one nun turns to the other and says "quick show him your cross" so the other nun rolls down her window and says "GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU TOOTHY JERK"

[Lost Welshman]

knock Knock

Whos There

Boba

Boba Who

Boba Feet

LOL FOFL ROFL SOLAHTCRWGOWMBIAL

[DiRtY $oUtH™]

Time for a real joke...

 

Ok, there is a boat right. There's a Cuban, a French Guy, and a guy from Miami. So the boat starts to sink right. So the French dude says "whatever you dont need, throw overboard" So the Cuban guy throws all the boxes of cigars he has overboard. Then the Miami guy says, "what was that for?" So the Cuban says, "well, in Cuba, we have plenty of cigars..we dont need these" So then the French guy throws out a whole bunch of bottles of wine. The Cuban sees him and says,"why did you do that?" The French guy goes..."well, we have a lot of wine in France..we dont need this wine" Finally, the guy from Miami grabs the Cuban and throws him off the boat. The French guy says, "why did you do that?" the guy from miami says,"well, we have TOO many Cubans in Miami!"

 

 

Believe me, its true....I have to live with them here...LOL

[Junior™]

A person asks another one: "What's worse, to be stupid or to be ignorant?"

The other person replies: "I dunno and I don't care anyways."

-----------------------------------------------------------

What's green and has three corners?

-A green Triangle

-----------------------------------------------------------

Two people meet, one is missing.

-----------------------------------------------------------

A blind man passes a fish shop

"Good evening, ladies."

[Pad]

heres the proof that girls r evil!!!

 

[Eldritch]

Originally posted by Padanime

heres the proof that girls r evil!!!

 

 

LOL...

[PhantomHelix]

pad, that is pure brilliance!

[Junior™]

Originally posted by Padanime

heres the proof that girls r evil!!!

 

 

Hehe...

 

I've seen this before...just with a different layout.

[Boba Rhett]

Ever wonder why they don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

 

 

 

 

 

Because everytime they shoot them off the French surrender.

[obi]

How do crazy people get through the forest?

 

 

They take the psycho path

 

 

 

Why did they close Disney world down in Japan?

 

 

Because there weren't enough people tall enough to ride the good rides

 

 

-Last but not least-

 

Whats green and looks like a bucket?

 

 

A green bucket!

 

[dole_4]

here's another one:

 

 

what's a catch-22 situation for a jew?

 

...

 

 

Free Pork.

[Darth Dooku]

A guy walking through the market really wants a job - he has been looking for one everywhere and just can't get it - everyone on the stalls refuses to give him a job because he looks dumb. Then one stall-owner decides to play a small joke on him.

 

He said: "You can have a job on my stall if you can answer me three questions."

 

The Man: "ok then. Ask me anything."

 

Stall-owner: "Show the number 3 without using numbers."

 

The man looked thoughtful for a moment, then drew a tree in the mud.

He said: "der you go den. a tree."

 

Stall-owner: "fine. now show 33 without using numbers."

 

The Man drew a bit of mud on the tree. "der you go den. a dirty-tree."

 

Stall-owner: "hmm.. ok. Now show 99 without using numbers."

 

The man drew 2 more copies of the muddy tree, and drew something beneath each of them. "der you go den. A dirty-tree and a turd, and A dirty-tree and a turd, and A dirty-tree and a turd makes 99."

__________________________________

I know it's a bad joke!

[obi]

Originally posted by Darth Dooku

A guy walking through the market really wants a job - he has been looking for one everywhere and just can't get it - everyone on the stalls refuses to give him a job because he looks dumb. Then one stall-owner decides to play a small joke on him.

 

He said: "You can have a job on my stall if you can answer me three questions."

 

The Man: "ok then. Ask me anything."

 

Stall-owner: "Show the number 3 without using numbers."

 

The man looked thoughtful for a moment, then drew a tree in the mud.

He said: "der you go den. a tree."

 

Stall-owner: "fine. now show 33 without using numbers."

 

The Man drew a bit of mud on the tree. "der you go den. a dirty-tree."

 

Stall-owner: "hmm.. ok. Now show 99 without using numbers."

 

The man drew 2 more copies of the muddy tree, and drew something beneath each of them. "der you go den. A dirty-tree and a turd, and A dirty-tree and a turd, and A dirty-tree and a turd makes 99."

 

 

heeeeeeeeey

 

 

Are you a John Boy and Billy Fan by any chance?

 

 

TRUE STORY:

 

A man robs a package store. He comes to his getaway car, and notices he locked his keys in. He uses a phone booth nearby and calls a cab.

 

 

What a genious, eh?

[-s/<itzo-]

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him

"You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They'll go to heaven and you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room."

 

The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman.

 

"I choose this room!" the man says.

 

"Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder.

 

"You can go now. I've found you're replacement."

[nova_wolf]

This may offend our female members... But its funny - and their big enough and ugly enoug to take it... I have atleast hidden it.

 

 

One night, 3 vampires have had a poor nights hunting and are dieing for a pint. as such, on the way home, the stop of in a local pub.

The first vampire goes to the bar and says to the bar keep, 'Pint of blood when your ready.'

Bar keep looks at him and says, 'sorry mate - we dont doo blood. beer, spirits and food yeah - but no blood'

The vampire sighs and accepts a pint of cider. He walks of mumbling and sits in the corner.

Second vampire asks for a pint of blood also.

'Look - I told your mate, I'll tell you - I dont DO blood!' exclaims the barman.

The vampire hmmphs and takes a pint of bitter, then wanders of to his mate.

The third vampire returns from the loo and before he asks for anything, the barman says, 'Dont ask me for bllod. We dont, and ont, do it.'

'Thats okay, says the vampire. 'I want a mug of boiling water.'

Surprised, the bar keep obliges.

the third vampire sits down and his mates ask him why he asked for the water.

He puls out a used tampon and says. 'I just felt like a cuppa tea.'

 

 

 

Umm... Having alienated the girls, time for the boys (All men who are proud of their nuts be wary of the folowing joke):

 

 

A man is to cross the desert and so needs a camel. he goes over to a small camel rental hut and asks the proprietor for a camel.

'Of course sir - 2 day or 4 day camel?'

Confused, the traveller asks to see what the difference is.

The camel owner takes a camel over to the pool of water and lets it drink.

'Two day.'

Then he brings over another to drink. Whilst the second camel is drinking, he takes to drinks and slams the camel's nuts between them. The camel sudenly sucks in in pain, draining half the water in the process.

Somewhat stunned, the traveller takes the two day, feeling sympathy for the four day camel.

 

Eight hour later, and he is half way to his destination, but his camel has stoppped and refuses to move. Luckily, coming over the a dune is the camel rental man.

'What be prolem here then?' he inquires.

'Bastard camel wont shift. Can you help me?'

'Ah,' says the rental man, 'I believe so'.

He takes two bricks off his own camel and then smacks the travellers camels nuts!

the camel shoots off over the dunes and is out of sight in seconds.

The traveler looks at the rental man in anger and shouts, 'now how amd I gonna catch up with the camel!'

Oh, no worry sir....' says the rental man.......

CRUNCH!..... And off the traveller shoots, howling as he went...

 

 

[git_sum_stuka]

Insult Joke: Your mama's so stupid that she sold her car for gas.

 

 

One day, a polish man went to the police station and said to the cops that his wife is going murder him. The officer asks if he had any evidence and the man showed him a bottle with a label. The officer laughs and the label says "Polish remover"