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Things LotR Characters Would Never Say


Boba Rhett

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The Balrog: WHO WANTS ICE CREAM???

 

Merry: How about a pint, Pippin?

Pippin: No thanks, it's my goal to stay sober.

 

Barliman Butterbur: I have a mind like a steel trap.

 

Any Hobbit: (to a shoe salesman) I wear a size 6.

 

Aragorn: Sorry Arwen, I've decided I like hobbits better than elves. (hmmmmm....or would he.... -rhett :D)

 

Frodo: Sure Boromir, you can wear it any time you want

 

Aragorn: Score Boromir's dead. I just gotta finish off his loony dad and then I can become King of Gondor. ::In girly voice:: Gondor needs no king. ::normal voice:: I'll show him.

 

Merry: Dude.

 

Gandalf: DUDE!

 

Gandalf: Oh man, I got so wasted last night.

 

Sam: Get your own damn breakfast, Frodo.

 

Aragorn: Come on Eowyn, you me and Arwen, whadda ya say? :naughty:

 

Samwise: You know what Frodo, screw you, I've always hated your guts

 

Samwise: **** off, Mr. Frodo.

 

Gimli: I'm gonna go take a crap.

 

Legolas: I'm gonna go take a crap.

 

Ok ok ANYONE: I'm gonna go take a crap.

 

Butterbur: Be at ease, fair maid. Those nine Black Riders will never bother you again after the beating I gave them.

 

Aragorn: My grandmother in law has a hotter body than my fiancee

 

Boromir: I am called Boromir the arrow dodger

 

Gandalf (Just as he falls down with the Balrog) : **** meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

 

Tom Bombadil:Taste my flaming fist of might and die, little innocent hobbits!

 

Frodo: Listen everyone, why don't we just have one of the eagles fly this thing to mordor and drop it on in? It'll save us all a lot of time and pain.

Everyone: Shut the **** up, Frodo!

 

Sam: Let's get this b*** to Mordor!

 

 

 

 

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Aragorn to Boromir: "I got somethin you can blow, but it's not that friggin annoying horn of yours ~.~ " (you can edit that if it's too perversed ;) )

 

 

Gandalf: "HAHAHAHAHAHHA! You cannot kill me! I only change color!"

 

Balrog: "oh dear, Hell is a mess! I need to call the maid!"

 

Gollum: "Ah, screw that ring! I found it in a Cracker Jacks box!"

 

Gimli: "Ah, I never liked my cousin anyways."

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Gimli: "Can't we just ride horses?"

 

Legolas: "I'm am SO SICK of trees. Let's go spelunking"

 

Aragorn: "**** the Path of the Dead; who's up for poker?"

 

Galadriel: "Jeez people, just go home."

 

Pippen: "I'm not hungry."

 

Sam: "My Old Gaffer use to say, 'Keep that up and you'll go blind.'"

 

Gollum: "Give me some more of that elf-food."

 

Merry: "Smoking's bad for your health."

 

Treebeard: "Here, use my whetstone."

 

Kryllith

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