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:D

 

SLOW ZOOM IN ON CENTRE OF STAGE.

 

"Welcome to the Infomercial Channel! I'm Troy McLure. You may remember me from such public information videos as, 'Blasters: Not For Scratching Your Ear Canal With' and 'Is That Really His Ronto's Speeder?', and the multi-platinum-selling record, 'My Lightsaber Won't Come Back!'

 

"Tonight's latest bargain: the Gaderffi Stick! It's suave, it's sophisticated, it can smash a hole clean through someone's head! Yes, there are no end of uses to this stylish yet practical walking apparatus.

 

"Are you like Hans Moleman here, all cowardly and afraid to leave the warmth and safety of your retirement home?"

 

LEANING INTO SHOT:

 

<Hans Moleman> "Hellooooo!"

 

"Then fear no more! One of these indispensable devices will not only help you walk stronger, faster, better <cue "Six Million Dollar Man" music>, but it'll also help you defend yourself against ne'er-do-wells and villains!"

 

CUTS TO: Hans Moleman LOOKING SCARED.

 

CUT TO: REAR VIEW OF Rainier Wolfcastle WEARING SIMILAR CLOTHES TO Hans Moleman, BEATING UP SEVERAL MUGGERS AND THIEVES WITH A Gaderffi Stick

 

CUT TO: Hans Moleman WITH A BIG RELIEVED SMILE.

 

<Hans Moleman> "Phew!"

 

CUT TO: Troy McLure WITH A GADERFFI STICK OVER ONE SHOULDER, STANDING WITH ONE FOOT ON AN UNCONSCIOUS MUGGER.

 

"You too can feel the safety again outdoors, and enjoy beating up crooks at the same time! Until next time!"

 

:p

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It's a device used to....no....it's for....ahh......dang it, Rive! why ya gotta go and do that? Now all of my answers are lame in comparison!

 

*pulls out own double saber, ignites it & runs after Rive*

 

 

(from off-stage somewhere)

OW!

 

 

HEY!!

 

 

 

QUIT THAT!!!

 

 

 

 

 

*Homer comes running out of the back, two pieces of his saber in hand, and Darth Rive running after him w/ saber ready for a kill*

 

I SAID I WAS KIDDING!!!

 

*turns to run off again, but trips on a misplaced gaderffii stick*

 

NOOOOO!!!

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Somewhere off to the right, Darth_Rive and Darth Homer are battling it out with their double-ended sabers, when they stop and hear Havoc Stryphe's terrible gag. They both stop fighting, look at each other, then both cover their faces at the god-awful joke, and chase after Havoc Stryphe with their sabers ignited - a much more worthy target after that terrible effort at a joke.... :D

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Havoc continues to run, with Homer and Rive at his back. Becoming winded, Havoc stops and turns to face his opponents.

 

"Wow, tough crowd!"

 

Just then Homer and Rive reach striking distance, and the last thing you hear from Havoc above the hum of lightsabers is, "I get no regard. No regard, I tell ya!"

 

:D

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Ugnaught:

 

Hi-tech piece of equipment that is a vaguely similar concept to the droid detectot in bars.

 

Clubs use Ugnaughts, the coloquial name for the Ugly Detector, to ensure that only the finer looking members of any species is allowed in, or if necessary, a race dissallowed entirely.

 

Called Ugnaught as it is deisgned to reduce the number of ugly patrons to nought.

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