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The Interview: Yoda


Lost Welshman

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Hello there fellow swampies!

 

As some of you may know I have recently been chosen to interview the one and only YODA!

 

Here is the interview.

 

Lost: Hello Yoda, welcome to yoda's your swamp, I hope you enjoy your visit (?)

 

Yoda1.jpg

 

Yoda: Hello stranger, nice welcome I have had. Yoda not like all the people, wander round my home they do. Leaving thing for people to read hmmmmm.

 

Lost: Yeah, okay..... I tried to make you some swamp soup, just how you like it. What do you think?

 

Yoda2.jpg

 

Yoda: .....Good it is..... too little water it has...... too much salt hmm, be back I will.

 

Yoda left the room for about 10 minutes, I felt a bit like an idiot. There was nothing new there. I had to think of some decent questions before he came back.

 

Lost: Welcome back Yoda. Now then, It is said that you are the original holder of breath. It is a well known legend that you can hold you're breath for ten minutes, is this true?

 

I failed to think of any

 

Yoda3.jpg

 

30 seconds had past and I feared the little green guy would soon vanish in some sort of jedi death way. I had to stop him

 

Lost: What do you see in this card?

 

I held up a mirror

 

Yoda4.jpg

 

Yoda: Ludicrous painting it is. Give you nightmares it will.

 

Lost: Yes, quite. So then Yoda, how's your love life?

 

Yoda5.jpg

 

Yoda: Hmmmmm Good, yes

 

Lost: Moving swiftly on. I have heard news that you are being sacked. Much like your predicessors. The yoda from episode 5 and 6 was never heard from after the films. The yoda from the last film was sacked and found behind the studio in a dumpster. And apparently they are working on a new CG model, much like yourself, but with some better animation.

 

Yoda6.jpg

 

Yoda: Strong is the force with me, delete me they cannot. I hope not anyway.

 

Lost: Well thats about it now Yoda, have a good fun filled remainder of your life.

 

Yoda7.jpg

 

Yoda left the room and I felt like I'd got some really important information out of him. Now It's time for me to get some questions for my next important interview. See you next time.

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I was mysteriously invited back to another Interview with the lovable old geezer we all know as Yoda. This time it was much more surreal, and I still hadn't thought of any decent questions

 

Lost: Hello Yoda, thanks for inviting me back.

 

Yoda8.jpg

 

Yoda: Deleted you say I would be. No said George when I ask. Die you shall!

 

Lost: Look, anger only leads to the path of the dark side, besides, If you stike me down, I'll return more powerful than you can possible imagine.

 

Yoda9.jpg

 

Yoda: Die or Die Not, there is no Die and come back to life.

 

Lost: Yes there is I could be all blue and see-through. Now calm down, you're going to wrinkle your forhead frowning like that. Think about the children! What will they think of you if you kill someone?

 

Yoda10.jpg

 

Yoda had calmed down, and he seemed severely upset because of his wrinkles. He look as though he felt old.

 

My time was up for the day, so I was told to return the next. Which I did.

 

Lost: ...........Yoda? What's happened to your face?

 

Yoda11.jpg

 

Yoda: What? Oh, nothing, my usual face this is.

 

Lost: It looks plastic

 

Yoda: It isn't

 

Lost: So if I shine this intense light, the heat wont effect you?

 

Yoda12.jpg

 

Yoda: No effect at all it will have.

 

Lost: Erm... Are you sure?

 

Yoda13.jpg

 

Yoda: Positive I am.

 

Hours after Yoda had returned from somewhere, I offered to pay but he insisted he wasn't going to have his face fixed.

 

Lost: So you've had no operations at all?

 

Yoda14.jpg

 

Yoda: No! Natural face this is.

 

Lost: Natural hair?

 

Yoda: ....mmmmmm

 

Another succesful interview. We can only hope Yoda returns to his senses and gets his face remodelled. That's it for now guys. Sorry.

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The week was drawing to an end and I felt like my job was nearly complete. All I had to do was ask a few crutial questions so I would have some decent material to return with. I still couldn't think of any.

 

Lost: So Yoda, how was your weekend?

 

Yoda15.jpg

 

Yoda: Good it was, Party I did.

 

Lost: You party every night, why the scary grin?

 

Yoda searched his pocket and found something, which he raised to his ear.

 

Yoda16.jpg

 

Yoda: Pearced ear I now have. Ladies like I am told.

 

Lost: Well I'm not sure about that, but for the sake of it give them all a big kiss

 

Yoda17.jpg

 

Lost: Good God!

 

I really didn't mean to shout that

 

Yoda: What!? Something wrong have I done?

 

Yoda18.jpg

 

Lost: No no its just... hey... Wasn't that ear ring on the other ear a minute ago?

 

Yoda19.jpg

 

Yoda: No it was not, lie you say I am? Angry you have made me

 

Lost: I'm not implying that you have a clip on ear ring to try and look cool, in fact even a normal ear ring would look wussy.

 

Yoda20.jpg

 

Yoda: Kill you I will! Dead you will be, Save you nobody will! Angry you make me!

 

This wasn't the first time I had been threatened to be killed, so I decided to use my usual tactics

 

Lost: Well, that's it for the interview, and possible your whole carear, well, as soon as I cut the nice parts and sell it to Sky One. Bye bye, MWA HA HA HA!

 

Yoda21.jpg

 

Well I felt like I had fulfilled my duty as an interviewer, I asked some intriguing questions and got some nice full replies. I'm just sad that the whole experiance is over, it's too bad I had to leave, but it wasn't my decision. I just had no more ways of mushing that guy's face into something I could write about. This isn't the end of my interviewing though, there is another......

 

 

 

Well, there will be eventually

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