Burnseyy

ps. I can see your sister screaming through the walls, telling my next door neighbours to shut up and turn their music down to at least medium volume, and stop hammering the walls... whilst she's also trying to ignore door slamming and cars zooming by. Oh, and the occasional crash. Don't forget the smokey joes next door, who just love throwing cigarettes into our garden! And the kids on the street, who just love squealing and beating each other up with sticks.

Are you sure you want me to post the first one? I'm sure none of us mind, but y'know. If so, just tell me all the stuff you want on the first post (besides the names and the actual story) and I'll put it in. Also, we need a summary for our little impatient/curious readers out there.

Oh no, it's a common fact that university students run low on money, end up having to cook the cheapest meals, and never have money for luxuries. I can't see myself having a different situation, so I'm accepting it now. of course I won't starve... or maybe I will. I'm a terrible cook lol.

It's definitely 'interesting' round here... hey, forget the streets, stick your sister in my house for a week, see how she fares then!

I'm staying at home - I've no desire to move out, but I will be doing when I go to university in two years time. I predict starvation, outgrown and torn clothes, and plenty of drinking, come 2 years... Joy.

Oh yeah, I'm so going to kill Vrook it's always fun killing him... I can't wait until the end for Kreia to do it. But I have will power - when I'm playing lightside, I let him off lol

It's a bit annoying though, how they all say "you have not changed" ¬.¬

Some circumstances, yes, but not all. But yes, I'd rather postpone the technical stuff until tomorrow.

I guess you might feel like that, because you haven't got things going on around you, all the time. Unlike you, I have a motorway outside my window, annoying next door neighbours who I suspect are drug dealers, and a teenage angst sister slamming doors. it's nice to escape it for a bit, sometimes... but I can't just lie down and think or whatever - have to play a game, write a story, draw something. I'm glad I never really get bored. But when I do, wow, I am bored. Anyway... you didn't want to listen to that.

I don't want to get through it faster... I'm not one of those gamers who just rushes to complete a game, and then stops after finishing it and says "wait, what happened again?"

I'm on Dantooine - just got Disciple *shudder* and I'm on my way round the Crystal caves. Still not got a lightsaber...

I suppose when I'm 23, I'll be able to write better lol but until then, I have to work, work, work. I'm beginning to sound like one of those workaholics, aren't I? Well, if I get this job, my life will be just work. *sigh*

What do you mean, when a semi colon follows a comma?

How does no internet take from playing an ordinary computer game? and I still can't believe you've never done a DS play through!

Well, it was our language first obviously, since it's English and 'we're' England.

I'm gonna stop working for the night, and just relax, talk on the forum, play K2... all that, instead.

So how's life? Got any further on your latest K1/K2 playthrough?

Your sentences are fine, as far as I know. Some could be extended, I guess, but I meant other writers on the forums, who just don't seem to understand the meaning of 'commas'.

I guess I focussed so much on certain things, I didn't concentrate on the basics of writing - sentence structure!

No, I welcome critique.

And I know where apostrophies go - didn't I put them in? God, I've really gone down hill with my writing. Thank god college is around the corner... I need some harsh teacher lectures, and quick! lol

I do know what you mean with the sentences, but I just despise short sentences, that go like this:

He walked out of the room. Looking left, he saw a wall. He then looked to the right, and saw another wall. It was amazing.

Worst example ever, but you get what I mean? I notice it so much in other peoples writing, that I try to avoid it... obviously I use it sometimes, but not a fullstop every two seconds. I guess it's made me want to completely ignore fullstops altogether but I'll get my head sorted out soon.

You know what I find funny? You two are American and I'm English. Americans miss out 'u's on words like armour and favour... but obviously the English don't. I doubt people will notice it, or be bothered by it if they do, but you can definitely tell it's been written by different people.

Bleh, I'll work on them, for the next writings I do. Won't give you so much work to do, nor any critics so much fun.

I didn't consider that many of my sentences to be extended way too long. A few, yes, but not a lot. Maybe I need to improve more than I thought. :/ thanks for fixing them for me.

You don't know the half of it...

Hanharr must be the most pointless character... except for Goto.

Wow, really? You've missed out! Sure, it's mean at first, but after a while, it's quite fun, not having to go on laborious treks around planets just to avoid the easy way and killing the person in question.

Thanks lol didn't mean to sound demanding or anything.

Do you find it kind of rude how all of your party members on K2 basically say you look like a corpse, at the same time, on DS?

Thanks. I did change about 4 paragraphs of it, which you had shortened and sounded better, however, one or two of the adjustments weren't saying what I intended it to sound like, so I made my own adjustments to the original. I don't think the story is going to be absolutely perfect, but a few minor changes will make it that much better.

Thanks again! You can continue the proof reading if you wish.

I've done my proof reading. You can make the adjustments you want, and if I want to keep them the same as the first draft, or modify them slightly, I still have the first draft saved, don't I?

Alright... you could just rearrange my words to fit the way you want... this way it would dramatically change the sentence, mean the same thing, and I'd still have my prefered wording in there. That's if it's possible.

And I've just realised... the most emotional part of my part is cut off by an annoying 'beep! beep! beep!' I think it's a nice touch since it's about Bastila, but grr - I had my emotions getting in there a bit.

Ps, no I haven't received HOPs piece yet... if my last post didn't explain that.

My sentencing isn't that bad is it? I know some places sound awkward, but I wouldn't say they require drastic wording changes.

And yeah, we should each choose our own proof reader. Since you've already read mine and offered to proofread, you could be my proofreader, and HOP has already read yours so HOP could be your proofreader, and I could proofread HOPs when he submits his to the K3 discussion. That would make sense, yeah?

Sure, I'll probably fix them during my proofreading, now, but if I miss them, then feel free to change them. Thanks.

Are we opening with your Katarr scene? Just need that clarifying.

Also, how many chapters are we writing before posting the thread? Surely not ten... I don't think we need to wait and see how well we work together, before posting it, because I think we're an excellent team, you HOP and I. We should have our own KOTOR with us in it.

Good, good. I figured that was the most ideal way to go about it. So that means your section will have to follow mine. Is DYs before mine, or after yours? I thought we were opening with his, but I haven't really spoken about the punctuality of the story, yet.

Damn those commas... it's the bump on my head that caused this... honest!

I'll read through it now, and sort those commas out.

HOP, biiiig question that could ruin the whole first chapter if you've written it differently!

Okay, it's not that bad, but I needed to catch your attention.

Well, in my Bastila and Carth scene, they have only just set off the 'rumour' that the Temple on Coruscant is being rebuilt instead of the Dantooine Enclave, to divert attention from the Sith. If you're writing the Mission and Dustil scene, now I see 3 different ways it could work out

1. Dustil and Mission discover Dantooine's Enclave before Bastila and Carth because either Mission or Dustil or both, is already on Dantooine.

2. You write at the beginning "2 weeks later" or something.

3. You don't set their piece on Dantooine, but somewhere else. I don't see how that could work, since they've lost contact, but I'm sure you could come up with something.

Pick and choose, unless you have a better idea/have it already covered.

I've just editted a longer bit to the end of my K3, so it doesn't sound oh so cut off where Bastila says "It's also our only hope". I quite like this piece... I shouldn't be so proud but I am. I've never worked with these two characters, but I think I can easily write for them.