jebbers Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 yea, if you take the apples then you have the two you took away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legameboy Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Talking with spoiler tags is fun. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? 'Cause he was feeling crummy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BongoBob Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 No, it's annoying I get it now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kipperthefrog Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 Here is one: What did the wizard turn the bannana peels into? A pair of slippers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KBell Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 One day I decided that I wanted to ride a horse without any experience or lessons. So I get on the horse and the huge beast goes into motion. I notice that I'm starting to slip, OH NO! I grab at the mane but i can't seem to get a grip on it! I slip off the horse and my leg gets caught in the stirrup. But the horse is completely obvlivious to me hanging on for dear life! Just when I think im going to pass out and even die, Frank the Wall-Mart manager runs out and shuts the horse off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jon_hill987 Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? “Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spill-over illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps: The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable. NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiE23 Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 [Quick lawyer joke!] How do you save a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off his head. TiE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IG-64 Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 If Shamoo defecates, does it make shampoo? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Wow, I forgot I was reading the jokes thread, and I saw IG-64's post and I was all..."WTF was he THINKING posting that?" Then I remembered and I felt dumb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kipperthefrog Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narfblat Posted February 26, 2005 Share Posted February 26, 2005 What's the difference between a carp and a lawyer? One is a slimy, scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other is a fish. alternate answer I saw online: I don't have five dead carp in my trunk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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