Niner_777 Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Good chapter. This opens up the plot a bit more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 Sorry if nobody likes this really short Chapter, but it will create a new Story for Mira later. I wasn't going to do this, but I had bad Writer's Block, trying to bring Mandalore back. I'll do that next. Anyway, here it is. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter V Hanharr’s Survival ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anger flowed through the Wookiee, Hanharr’s mind. Anger at the Exile. Anger at the Jedi. And anger at the one who accompanied the Exile. Mira. Why did she spare him? Why? She could have easily killed him on Malachor V, when the moment was right. Because of her decision, Hanharr had a new goal. To kill Mira once and for all. His question was how to kill one such as her. He thought he was free, from the old woman, but now he had a new leader. His new leader was an ex Jedi Knight from the Mandalorian Wars. His name was Zor Krel. Hanharr remembered his confrontation with him, prior to the destruction of Malachor V. ***** Hanharr watched as Mira walked off into the vast darkness of Malachor V, leaving him alone. As soon as Mira vanished from his sight, Hanharr could hear the sound of hands clapping from behind him. Hanharr immediately turned around to see a Human. He walked towards Hanharr. “Excellent Wookiee, excellent,” He said, “Well played.” Hanharr growled angrily at the man. “What do I want?” The man asked, “I’m Zor Krel, an Immortalis, not a Human, though I do look like one. I think I’ve found my new employee.” Hanharr growled and asked the man what he was talking about. “You hate that woman don’t you?” Zor asked, “I can feel your anger rising within you and I can feel your anger begging to kill. I have a proposition for you my friend.” ***** Now Hanharr was on the way to a forbidden mining facility, near the Unknown Regions. There he would wait for Mira and the Exile to arrive at the mining facility. ***** As Hanharr’s “lent” ship approached the mining facility, he noticed that the mining facility was known as Station 5. According to Zor, Station 5 was a mining facility for the lava Planets, Mustafar and Sarapin. How could that be though? Both Planets were near the Republic, not near the Unknown Regions. Hanharr forgot the question and his ship stopped. Station 5 wasn’t a pretty sight. It looked like an asteroid, that had just been under attack. There were bodies everywhere, broken mining Droids and even faulty power. How Hanharr would have loved to have wrecked the place. He knew that he would soon be killing though. Hanharr went to the detention centre and prepared himself for the task at hand. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stay tuned for Chapter VI Mandalore’s Return ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Aye it's good, and I'll give a better comment when I'm not so nervous (I have a job interview today:whacked: ). Edit: As JM12 pointed out, Jaden is behaving a little oddly. And does everyone use the shall in the Star Wars universe? Keep up the good-tacular work. P.S. I didn't get the job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Uh oh. Just remain calm Hall. They are not that bad, at least not as bad as presenting in front of several hundred people. Pottsie: This is and interesting story so far and a nice turn of events after the destruction of Malachor. That bit about the no volunteers was interesting. Those comments he said to Brianna makes Jaden seem a bit perverted. What's up with that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 Good luck with your Job Interview Hall. Anyway, Jaden loves Brianna, so that maybe why Jaden loves her so much. He can be a bad man when he wants can't he? Anyway thanks for the comments all and I'll try to get the next Chapter out as soon as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordRevan123 Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Nice chapter! But I have a question. How could Hanharr stand up to Mira and Jaden since they are both Jedis? Oh and Jaden can be bad, because girls like bad boys!!!!!! Lol! Jk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 25, 2006 Author Share Posted July 25, 2006 Nice chapter! But I have a question. How could Hanharr stand up to Mira and Jaden since they are both Jedis? Oh and Jaden can be bad, because girls like bad boys!!!!!! Lol! Jk! Hanharr will only see Mira. Jaden has never met Hanharr and he never will. Also for those who haven't played TSL, Hanharr is one tough Wookiee and he is the toughest Non-Jedi Party Member in the game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Good one, altough short. A new side story, how fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Nice story going. Every fic you write seems to improve in terms of descriptions, dialogue, and grammar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Haven't read this one in a while, but I see things are progressing quite well. Keep up the good work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Niner_777 Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 This chapter was very good. It is aiding the development of the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordRevan123 Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Thanks for answering my question. But I bet Mira could sill beat the beans out of him! Lol! Don't stop updating! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 Thanks for answering my question. But I bet Mira could sill beat the beans out of him! Lol! Don't stop updating! I won't stop updating, don't worry. At the moment, I'm concentrating on the Entertainment Center Awards 2006. As the host, it is important to add new catergories for the Awards and I'd like to thank Jason Skywalker for his suggested two catergories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordRevan123 Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Go Jason (Have no idea who that is.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabba da Butt Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 I like . Can't tell much about the story yet but it seems like an interesting story so far, I'll definately be reading this one. Oh, and the story with Visas and Briana was kind of weird but I guess the Exile can be bad sometimes cant he? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC-1162 Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 yeah, somewhat like the Star Wars version of archie . now all we need is Visas to be a blonde XD. any news on the updates, Pottsie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 yeah, somewhat like the Star Wars version of archie . now all we need is Visas to be a blonde XD. any news on the updates, Pottsie? I'm hopefully near the end of the next Chapter. I'll get it posted as soon as I can. RC, I don't think we'll see Visas blonde. I don't even know if she has any hair. Also I thought you didn't have TSL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter V Mandalore’s Return ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Clan Ordo leader, Mandalore waited for Jaden and his friends to approach him. Mandalore felt pleased with his accomplishments over the past fortnight. Clan Ordo had increased its number of Recruits and the base was being rebuilt into a much stronger fortress for the Mandalorians. Mandalore felt that Clan Ordo was stronger than it was during the Mandalorian Wars. “It’s a pleasure to see you again Mandalore.” Jaden told him, bowing towards him. “Likewise,” Mandalore told him, bowing back to him, “Kelborn told me that the Ebon Hawk was landing, so I knew who would be coming.” “It wouldn’t be anybody else eh?” Atton asked. Mandalore ignored Atton and returned to speak to Jaden. “Come with me,” He told Jaden, “I need to talk to you in the privacy of my chambers. Your friends can wait out here.” Mandalore led Jaden through the base and soon they ended up in Mandalore’s private chambers. It was a big room. It was as big as the Ebon Hawk’s main hold. ***** Outside, Atton and Zor walked around the base, looking at all the Mandalorians practising their fighting techniques. “Wow,” Atton said, “It reminds me of my Echani days.” “Right.” Zor muttered. Zor felt anger towards the Mandalorians. Because of them, his master died and because of them that he had become a twisted tool of evil. Soon Atton had led them both to the Mandalorian Battle Circle coach. “You must be friends of the Exile,” He said, “Feel free to watch or participate in the Battle Circle.” “We’ll watch thanks.” Atton told him. Atton and Zor watched the many battles taking place in the Battle Circle. ***** “So why are you here?” Mandalore asked. “I… No the Republic needs your help.” Jaden told him. “My help?” Mandalore asked, “Why?” “Well actually, the Republic needs all the Mandalorian support we can get,” Jaden told him, “The True Sith have returned and they will soon have the fate of the Galaxy in their hands.” “So what does that have to do with me and Clan Ordo?” Mandalore asked. “Right now, the Republic hardly has an army to help them,” Jaden told him, “I thought that the almighty Clan Ordo might be able to assist.” “Well I’d have to talk to the Republic Admiral and sort things out, but I’ll be glad to assist.” Mandalore told Jaden. “Thank you Mandalore,” Jaden told him, “I’ll call Bao-Dur and tell him to get the ship started.” ***** Zor felt his hand grab his Lightsaber. He felt like igniting it and killing the Mandalorians. Now he had to wait for the right moment. He noticed Atton talking to the Mandalorian Battle Circle coach and Zor knew what his first target was. Kill the Mandalorian Battle Circle coach. Zor immediately felt himself leap up, high into the air, preparing to crash down onto the Mandalorian Battle Circle coach. However before he could strike at him, Atton blocked Zor with his yellow Lightsaber. “What are you doing?” Atton asked angrily. “Don’t you see?” Zor asked angrily, “The Mandalorians are scum! We must kill them all and place their heads on sticks to show to the Galaxy!” “You’ve got a sick mind!” Atton shouted at Zor and immediately pushed him backwards with his Lightsaber and then he let his Lightsaber crash onto Zor’s left leg. It left a burn in Zor’s left leg. Zor yelled out in pain. Atton laughed slightly. “Surely it can’t hurt that bad?” Atton asked. “What’s going on out here?” Mandalore asked angrily. “Mandalore, the Exile’s friend tried to kill me, but this guy saved me.” The Mandalorian Battle Circle coach told Mandalore. “Who Atton?” Jaden asked. “Don’t sound so surprised.” Atton told Jaden. Jaden started to feel angry. He couldn’t afford the Mandalorians to despise him now. Not while the Galaxy was under threat. “Atton take Zor back to the Ebon Hawk,” Jaden told him, “Mandalore and I shall catch you up.” Atton decided to do what Jaden said. He knew when Jaden was angry. Atton put away his Lightsaber and grabbed Zor by his arm tightly. Atton left with Zor and Jaden returned to speak with Mandalore. “We better be off.” Jaden told Mandalore. “I agree,” Mandalore said, “Everything shall be fine here and Kelborn has already had his share of leading experience. Let’s go.” Jaden and Mandalore left the Mandalorian base, hoping to catch up with Atton and Zor. ***** On the Ebon Hawk, Visas was meditating alone in her dormitory. Little did she know that Brianna was standing in the doorway. Visas immediately stood up, because she could sense Brianna’s presence behind her. To be honest, it made her feel a little uncomfortable. “Do you want something?” Visas asked. “You know why I’m here,” Brianna told her, “It’s about Jaden.” “The Exile?” Visas asked, “What about him?” “He isn’t an exile anymore,” Brianna told her, “I found out that you love him also.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Visas told her. “You and him were about to kiss each other.” Brianna told her. Visas thought for a moment. Then she remembered the day that Jaden had protected her from Zor. “Listen to me Brianna, I have no feelings for him, I never have,” Visas told her, “We’re just friends, nothing more. I’ve never loved him.” Brianna started to get angry. This was the first time anyone had ever loved her in her life and now she felt like she was in a competition with Visas over Jaden. She didn’t even know if Jaden loved her. “Okay Visas, I believe you for now,” Brianna told her, “I don’t want to lose him, because of my love for him and I don’t want anything to threaten our relationship. If I catch you two together again, it may break my heart.” Brianna left the room and Visas decided to return to her meditating. Perhaps it was best if she didn’t speak to either Jaden or Brianna. ***** Atton and Zor returned to the Ebon Hawk. Zor was really angry with Atton. He didn’t know why though. Maybe it was from that burn or maybe it was when he tried to kill the Mandalorian Battle Circle coach. Atton took Zor to the cockpit of the Ebon Hawk. “Why did you bring me here for?” Zor asked angrily, but he felt his voice grow softer. “To talk to you,” Atton told him, “What were you doing and what’s the matter with your voice.” Zor looked at him. “What are you talking about?” Zor asked. Atton sighed. “Don’t give me that,” Atton told him, “I worked for the Sith Lord Revan once and I became a Sith Assassin under his command, I think I know how to interrogate people.” “I…” Zor shouted, as he started to stagger backwards, “I also worked… for Revan. I… never met any… Atton Rand there though.” “I was known under a different identity then,” Atton told him, his voice growing angrier “And I won’t give you the pleasure of knowing it.” Suddenly Zor slipped backwards onto the floor and a yellow beam of light shot out of his mouth. It lit up the whole of the cockpit of the Ebon Hawk. Atton was wondering what he was seeing in front of him. “Are you okay Zor?” Atton asked. He didn’t reply. Bao-Dur ran to the cockpit, looking at what was happening. “I haven’t seen anything like this, since the Mandalorian Wars.” Bao-Dur told Atton. “What’s happening?” Atton asked. “He is being reborn,” Bao-Dur told Atton, “He will have a new voice, a new face and a slightly different personality. It is cheating death, as I call it. That is why his species is called the Immortalis.” The beam of light suddenly stopped and Zor returned. However, his face was different. His hair was also different. Instead of the old long, untidy black hair, he now had short dark brown hair. He tried to speak, but his voice had become much more gruff, showing a sign of old age. “My rebirth,” He told Atton and Bao-Dur, “I think I’m okay.” Atton didn’t say anything. He just backed out of the cockpit, leaving Bao-Dur alone. Zor suddenly felt ill and started coughing. Bao-Dur picked him up. “I’ll take you to the medical bay,” Bao-Dur told him, “I’ll treat you as soon as I can.” ***** Jaden and Mandalore finally arrived. They entered the Ebon Hawk and Jaden ran to the cockpit. He set the course for Telos. Mandalore entered the cockpit. “The old ship doesn’t change much.” Mandalore commented. “Well, I’ve been too busy for spring cleaning,” Jaden told him, “Goodbye Dxun and hello Telos. I hope we don’t leave anyone behind.” The Ebon Hawk took off from Dxun and sped off to the next destination. Telos. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stay tuned for Chapter VII Alone Again ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Young_Padawan16 Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Hello all, this is a new Fic I plan to write soon. It will be set after TSL and will star the Exile, Jaden Lennon (Named after my idol John Lennon from The Beatles). He is a Jedi Consular and will also be a Jedi Master (When I get to that stage of the game). I've currently started a new game with him and plan to start writing this Fic as soon as possible. One question though. Should he had a blue Lightsaber or a green Lightsaber? blue. definietly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 blue. definietly. Bit late to post about that now. Talking of Lightsabers, here is what the Ebon Hawk Crew have in terms of Lightsabers. Jaden Lennon (The Exile): Green Lightsaber Atton Rand: Yellow Lightsaber Bao-Dur: Double-Bladed Blue Lightsaber Brianna the Handmaiden: Double-Bladed Silver Lightsaber Visas Marr: Red Lightsaber Mira: Two Purple Lightsabers Zor Krel: Red Lightsaber Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Good one. Nice to know the saber colors. Also, thanks LordRevan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediMaster12 Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Nice chapter. I especially like how you show Zor get out of control. I was surprised that Bao-dur popped out of nowhere to explain about the Imortalis. That rebirth thing, did you base that off the legend of the phoenix? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 27, 2006 Author Share Posted July 27, 2006 Nice chapter. I especially like how you show Zor get out of control. I was surprised that Bao-dur popped out of nowhere to explain about the Imortalis. That rebirth thing, did you base that off the legend of the phoenix? Thanks and I'll explain somethings. 1. Bao-Dur was working around the Ebon Hawk and let's just say he was in the main hold, he could hear Atton worrying over Zor. 2. The rebirth thing was slightly based on the legend of the phoenix and the other half was based on the regeneration on Doctor Who. I hope I've explained everything to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordRevan123 Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 I agree with JediMaster12. It got pretty exciting when Zor did his rebirth thing! I honestly was expecting him to blow up! lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted July 27, 2006 Author Share Posted July 27, 2006 Thanks for the comments. I may end this Fic soon, as it is near the end now, but it is only something to be set in between TSL and KOTOR III (Whenever that comes out or if it ever does). I've got two ideas for new Fics, so don't worry. Ideas are listed below: 1. A descendant of Revan (Who is Female, because I want to try something new) has a mission, which if she succeeds she will become a Jedi Knight and little does she know the threat that she has to find. It is set eight years before TPM. 2. This second idea is a lot like RC's HK Fic, but instead it stars T3. It could become a Trilogy, of T3's new adventures. This first one would be set ten years after ROTS. Suggest which idea I should pick and why. After a small tally I shall write it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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