[SongFic]The Hardest Thing

[JediMaster12]

Alright ye huddled masses:

 

I have defied my usual convention and have written my first songfic ever. This nifty little piece is entitled The Hardest Thing and surprisingly is the name of the song that I chose made by 98 Degrees. This is based upon other works that I have read with some recommendation through mach on Atton and his beloved juma. In this piece, Atton must make a choice over who has more reign over his heart. In the end, you may see the obvious. There are some blatant references to Drunken Moments seeing as it tied in.

 

Much thanks goes to mach, Emperor Little Evil Man Devon and Mama Jae for beta reading this and offering suggestions. Without further ado I give you...

 

The Hardest Thing

 

He charged up the ramp as if there was no tomorrow knowing that he only had a short time. Atton knew what he had to do as he was heading towards the quarters that he used to share with Bao-Dur and Mical. When he got there, he stopped and looked in and around the dormitory, making sure she wasn’t around.

 

We both know that I shouldn’t be here

This is wrong

And baby it’s killing me, it’s killing you

Both of us trying to be strong

 

Atton knew it was killing him. He didn’t want to but he had made a promise. Ever since Malachor and everything before, he decided to changes the rules of the game. This was to be the last match for a very long time. He went to a footlocker at the end of the room and began to rummage through it.

 

I’ve got somewhere else to be

Promises to keep

Of someone else who loves me

And trusts me fast asleep

 

He had made a promise when he realized things had to change. The cards had been dealt and he was going to follow through or bust. He was playing Republic Senate rules but he realized that it was going to be a high stakes match. He wanted to get rid of one player but a new one had come into the den. The match wasn’t over yet as he continued to rummage through the footlocker looking for what he wanted.

 

I’ve made up my mind

There is no turning back

She’s been good to me

And she deserves better than me

 

The good times were over. The match would be the last of its kind. It was frustrating as various items flew out. The last straw was when the spare deck of pazaak cards went flying. Before it got out of hand, he found it nestled next to yet another deck. He pulled it out and placed it in a sack that he managed to grab. Now that the hard part was over, he went to find the others.

 

It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don’t love you

 

The galley was tolerable, if you could stand whatever it was that came out of the synthesizer. The table with its accompanying booth seats made up for it. It insured that the match would go smoothly. Reaching into the sack, Atton pulled out what once was the most beautiful thing he knew of. The sack he put next to what passed for a sink. He started taking the others out and dumping them in the sink. So far the match was going well. He turned towards the last one on the table. It stared back at him, almost laughing. He said, “I’m glad this is over. You’re going down.”

 

“Who are you talking to, Atton?”

 

Damn! Atton turned to see a new player enter in the match. It was as he feared: it became a high stakes match. Serena Korrin was a tough player, and a pretty one to boot. She entered the galley with a smile on her face telling him that she was pleased to see him. Using his best pazaak face, he replied with a smirk, “Talking to myself because I feel like it.”

 

It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to lie

To show no emotion when you start to cry

I can’t let you see what you mean to me

When my hands are tied and my heart’s not free

We’re not meant to be

 

“Alright if you want to talk to yourself,” Serena smiled in a teasing manner.

 

Great. This just keeps gettin better and better. Atton smirked at her as he whisked the sack behind his back. “Hey everyone needs to talk to themselves once in a while.” He maneuvered towards the trash compactor and tossed it in.

 

“Fine but what are you doing with that?” she pointed at the table.

 

Don’t let them know that you’ve been had. Play the bluff.

 

It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do

To turn around and walk away

Pretending I don’t love you

 

“Just something that I decided to do a while back,” Atton replied absently looking at where Serena was pointing. He looked at it and thought of what else to say. This was the hardest thing about his whole plan and it wasn’t even in an ideal setting for him. With Serena there, it was hard to turn away. He was afraid that she would laugh at him for what he was about to tell her. He glanced at her and saw that she was waiting for him to continue. At least she was a willing listener.

 

Then we’ll meet again

Fate has a place and time

So you can get on with your life

I’ve got to be cruel to be kind

 

“You remember that time after Onderon when we played pazaak?” Atton asked. He was relieved when Serena said yes but was surprised when she blushed at her answer. It wasn’t going to be easy to keep the pazaak face any more. It would probably be better if he just came out and said it. Meeting her gaze, he continued, “That and a few other instances made me decide something.”

 

“Decide what?”

 

“Well I wasn’t happy the way things were going and I decided to change it. Something had to go,” Atton shrugged. It was the wrong thing to say but he was never an eloquent speaker and Serena didn’t expect him to be. Yet it cut him to the heart to see the look on her face.

 

“Why?”

 

Like Dr. Zhivago

All my love I'll be sending

And you will never know cause

There can be no happy ending

 

“Well, I found someone worth all my time and attention and I decided to set priorities,” Atton explained not liking the reaction that Serena was giving him.

 

“I see,” the reply came quietly.

 

He replied, “Look. This is hard for me to admit but you gave me a chance to be something bigger and better than what I admitted to being before I met you. I want to make sure that we have an equal understanding.”

 

“And you really want to do this?” she asked him.

 

“I had a love but now I have a new one and she’s one that I wish to keep,” Atton replied and gently kissed Serena’s cheek. “It’s for myself that I am doing this because…well I don’t want to be that person I was any more.”

 

“So what are you going to do?”

 

“I’m gonna end it.” Atton moved towards the table. Now was the time to make the move with the tiebreaker card. “Time to dry out my liver and pour this down the drain.”

 

Atton didn’t see the surprised and confused look on her face. He was about to pour the last bottle of juma down the drain when she asked, “Why not one more? For old time’s sake?”

 

Atton turned to look at her and found her smiling deviously. The stakes had changed and now he had the bad hand of the pazaak deck. She was waiting for an answer and he gave it to her, “Why not? There’s always tomorrow.”

 

The warm smile on her face was all that he needed to be reassured. He handed her the bottle and grabbed a couple of glasses. He asked, “You know you’re going to regret this right?”

 

“Like you said, tomorrow is another day. Besides we can celebrate together.” She smiled at him.

 

As much as he loved the fun with juma, he knew he loved Serena more and would gladly give anything for her. This time the deck was stacked in his favor this time. The old love of his life was gone and the new one was standing right in front of him. He knew that he would never need the old one ever again…after tomorrow. He poured them a drink and they raised their glasses and said, “Off with the old.”

 

It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don’t love you

[Diego Varen]

I don't always read Song Fics, but since it was by you, JM12, I knew I couldn't pass the chance to not have the first reply to this Fic. The Hardest Thing is a song, I'm not familiar with and I'm not familiar with 98 Degrees. Anyway, I like how the layout of the Fic is set out. Serena is also the same Jedi Exile from Drunken Moments I believe. This could also be my longest reply to something of yours too JM12. I hope the reply is alright and don't send that killer pencil after me.

[CSI]

I was supposed to reply earlier than you, Topsite. If I wasn't hurried to class, you are about to miss that opportunity. And nicely writen, JM12.

[JediMaster12]

98 Degrees is one of those boy groups/pop music that were very popular when the Backstreet Boys did their thing. I picked the song because it seemed right considering the circumstances behind Atton's choices. I was trying for humor and I think it flopped in my face like a banana peel.

[Emperor Devon]

Good, this looks pretty different after my two beta readings. There's still more stuff to criticize, though.

 

Without going into a lot of depth, it could still use some polishing, mainly with the dialogue. It felt a bit forced at times, and not totally like how I'd expect the characters to react. (For example, the line "Talking to myself because I feel like it," would've been better as "Talking to myself." "Why?" "I dunno. I feel like it")

 

But I'm getting carried away with the criticizing. I'll save that for the beta readings.

 

Still, it's been improved from the previous two revisions and is written well. Just a bit more polishing would do it.

[Bee Hoon]

Definitely not what I was expecting. I kinda thought Atton was going desert...again:p It still could use some work. A few more commas in places would be good. People like me prefer our sentences in bite-sized pieces:p The lyrics don't fit in seamlessly in places, but nothing major. All in all, an interesting idea:)

[JediMaster12]

Like I said, it is my first attempt. I figured why not and took the ball and ran with it. Some of the long sentences are grammatically correct but I do admit that sometimes I hate commas or I love them too much. Thank you for the review. I am tempted to do one other but I think I might stick to fics and poems.

[Cygnus Q'ol]

Never limit yourself, JM12. Another song fic is heartily welcome.

Your expression was well conceived and quite interesting.

I can tell you spent time on it.

 

You really should do another song fic.

 

 

 

Why not... ?

[JediMaster12]

Cygnus darling! It's been awhile since I've seen you post. The reason I am nervous about songfics mainly has to do with my particular writing style. The joke in my family is that I don't 'speak English.' It is more technical sounding because of the vocabulary I tend to use. It doesn't help that I have the idea that everyone else's work is better than mine. I have considered the idea and I have a plot in mind but right now I really want to finish my fic that ED teases me about, Heart of Deception. I will try.

 

This one I thought a why not and figured on one of my surprise like endings, much like Memories Do Help. Thanks again Cygnus. Just when I feel down here you come out of the blue and make me all smiles.

[Rabish Bini]

Bravo! Nicely written. Great positioning of the lyrics. Looking forward to another one.

Perhaps it was me that led you to writing this by my song fics...?