Photoshop fake album covers (56k gets shooped out)

[TiE23]

 

Excerpt from Rolling Stones Magazine Review by Dathin Surgart, January 2008:

 

The more I listen to Levanter's newest album, the more I hate it. After listening to every song at least five or six times, and some over a dozen or so, every one of the 17 songs in "There Is No River" fills me with a special kind of rage. If you've never heard one of Levanter's previous eleven albums since 1994, let me sum them up for you:

 

Levanter is known as a very wonderful of band that is well known in their astonishingly beautiful rhythms and hymns. As my friend and collegue once said to me, and I shall quote him, "If Hitler could listen to this every day before he went to bed, he would have become such a powerful advocate for peace that he would rival Ghandi and the Dalai Lama and Mother Theresa combined in his greatness." And I had to agree with him, Levanter in their last thirteen years has done nothing but create the most beautiful and awe-inspiring music and lyrics that the world has ever heard. Combining smooth, almost lullaby like vocals and calming synth beats and uplifting strings. Though never a commerical success and never going big with a major hit, they have never the less been an insider's secret and has been well known for their amazingly beautiful music.

 

But that has changed...

 

Now that you, reader, are up to speed with Levanter's history, I must tell you that something terrible has gone wrong. "There Is No River" is essentially the total opposite of Levanter's previous works. Each song was seemingly created and crafted with pain in mind, each and every note has been deemed fit to inflict pain in the listener. All 17 songs start out with calming, beautiful music as they previous works, but after 15 seconds or so, it instantly converts to this hatred-on-disc soul sucking sound that just destroys my will to live... it literally makes me hate life. The screeching, the yelling, the random notes, the quick tempo changes, the epileptic inducing beats, the random fluctuations of volume, and incredibly distorted sounds just sicken me. Since listening to this album for a week prior to writing this review, I've attempted suicide once with a combination toaster, bathtub, hair dryer, noose, razor, shotgun, prescription drug, alcohol, combo... but then the track would end and would send me back up with it's 15 second long soothing melodies, before plunging me back into self loathing hatred for all life. Vocalist Mira Vestage on the cover just infuriates me, and has now become the symbol of my pain and hatred. If negative stars could be given for an album like this would be possible, I'd give it to "There Is No River". A dark and depressing hate filled void of humanity printed en masse on a Compact Disc. I hate this, I hate life, I hate Levanter, I hate everything.

 

1/2 Star out of Five

[IG-64]

Wow, TiE, I think you just wrote The Ring Three: The Album

 

One more for now:

The all-female band Verolanuova has an almost-impossible-to-pronounce name and an equally difficult to pinpoint style. It's upbeat but mellow, modern but retro. And what instrument is that, anyway? Despite their obscurity, their sleeper hit first album To Be What One Is topped the charts, and fans are eager for more.

[RoxStar]

Mac Protip: Just drag the picture into photoshop, no need to circumvent the transparent .gif

 

 

Zachary Zatara burst onto the scene in the early 90's as one of the few solo artists from a former Eastern Bloc Boy Band to release a follow up album.

[TiE23]

Sharon Genish's first album since her hiatus in 2004, she has returned to what she does best: Lyrical story telling to remixes of old ska music with violin concertos and pan flute solos. Again employing the talent of Yvannie Skenzert, the proclaimed world's greatest pan flute player, Sharon Genish sings along to classic ska, retelling stories of past affairs she has had, and how she dealt with them when the wife discovered her relationship.

 

The breakout hit single, "The Little Man With The Pointy Red Hat", is a tale of her infatuation with a garden gnome and her stories of using it as a sex toy on a Granada Hills neighborhood lawn before getting arrested for indecent exposure and trespassing. Instant classics like this make this album one to remember.

 

"Into Someone Else's Marriage" also includes the acoustic track, "Eruption (The Pan Flute Version)", the critically acclaimed track featuring the skills of Yvannie Skenzert on the pan flute in his most impressive performance ever. A cover of of Eddie Van Halen's epic guitar shred from the 80's, Skenzert interprets the entire song at full speed with deadly accuracy and perfect pitch. As David Helm of Pan Flute International Magazine wrote in a recent article, "...I didn't think it was physically possible to trill and play arpeggios on the pan flute. I mean, holy sh*t, how did Skenzert attach a whammy bar to his pan flute? I saw videos of him playing, it's not bullsh*t, he actually plays it... with a whammy bar and effects pedals, I mean, holy f*ck..."

 

So don't miss this next hit album by Sharon Genish, "Into Someone Else's Marriage"!

[Jeff]

 

After their last album, the critically acclaimed "A Very Serious Game", Lough Ramor has gone with a more contemporary style in this album rather than the psychedelic new age they are known for. The album has received mixed reviews thus far. Most reviewers cite the change in style does not suit Lough Ramor, but they like the overall sound. Look forward to Lough Ramor's new album, "Judging People By Appearances"!

[IG-64]

Hip hop jamz.

 

Dinner party hits.

 

I am amazed at how well this works.

[coupes.]

My humble contribution...

 

[TiE23]

 

The hit punk fusion techno pop rock band Album has released their all new album to critical acclaim... and confusion. With such a confusing "genre" to call their own and a strange band name, it's a wonder if anyone can make sense of them. Featuring the singles "Single", "Track", and "Song". In any case, this confusing album is one that is worth the full $15.99 price tag... more than a dollar.

[Samuel Dravis]

Darathy's contributions to this thread, since he absolutely refuses to post anywhere other than the KotOR forums:

 

 

 

[TiE23]

Review Written by Peter Heines for Alt. Rock Monthly Magazine, June 2008 issue.

 

"It's really a strange album, Cuneo's first album, first of all, has 14 songs, all named after contagious diseases, yet each song has little or nothing to do with any kind of sickness or disease. Maybe it's a form of irony or something, but when the songs "Acute Diarrhea" and "Typhoid" are actually love songs that are actually pretty decent, it just confuses me.

 

I can tell that the one song "Syphilis" would probably become Apple's next 'iPod Commercial song, but when you hear the lyrics and begin to understand the song as a story about the musician's time at a club with friends, you'd think it'd be called "The Romp at the Blue Cat Club" -as the line "...And it was a ROMP at the Blue Cat Club, TONIGHT!..." is repeated in the chorus- but no, it's titled "Syphilis." So it's chances are probably slim to none, as who wants to hear the cool song on the next iPod commercial, only to find out that it's called "Syphilis"? Really baffling.

 

Other than the strange titles, it's a solid album worth any alternative rock fan's collection. (4 stars out of 5)"

[•-BLaCKouT-•]

...gotta be worth returning to the fold for.

 

 

"Heavier than a bag of anvils" - NME

 

"The best thing to come out of Eastbourne since the road to London" - Melody Maker

 

"S**t sandwich" - Kerrang

 

[DarthAve]

[TiE23]

It's not nearly as funny without some description. Because most of these covers would only incite the thought of "huh, that's weird" - unless you get some funny text.

[Pie™]

Also, most CDs tend to be perfect squares. Put some effort into it, people.

[Pho3nix]

The weird part is that pretty much every cover so far could be a real band.

[Da_man]

^: Yeah, cuz most bands have real freaky names now.

[Maxstate]

Hey, a popular photoshop thread from GBS got transplanted into the swamp!

[edlib]

My humble submission:

 

 

In her first major-label, non-import recording released Stateside, the lovely Ms. Somayajulu attempts to shed her Bollywood roots, and, with the help of a sizable team of top-Hollywood producers and image consultants, take on a somewhat more controversial (at least in her homeland) sex-kitten/ bad-girl persona in a daring rock/pop/ hip-hop crossover project... with decidedly mixed results.

 

You may be able to take the girl out of Bollywood, but you can never really take the Bollywood out of the girl... and unfortunately, here's where most of the problems lie.

 

One can clearly see that the title track was meant to be her take on an Alanis Morisette "You Oughta Know" anthem of pissed off spurned lovers everywhere... but one can only imagine the commercial impact that Alanis may have been able to muster had her breakthrough emotionally unhinged vocal performance had been about all the issues she is encountering in her arranged marriage, backed by a 25 minute odd-meter raga, and played mostly on sitars and tablas.

 

It doesn't help that her screechingly high-pitched voice, sing-songy delivery, and mangled English pronunciation (even slightly less intelligible than what you might find calling the service help line for Dell Computers...) make what is supposed to be the rants of an angry woman at the ends of her rope sound, at best, slightly peevish. As if she accidentally ruined a batch of curry before her husband brings his boss home for dinner. Which, by the way, is actually one of the very few situations presented in the somewhat cryptic lyrics that can deciphered out of the bizarre poetic imagery that leave the listener (or, more accurately, at least when it comes to the lyrics: reader...) far more baffled than enlightened.

 

 

 

Heh... sticking strictly with the rules of the game, mine actually worked out OK. I just wish the girl in the picture looked slightly more Indian... it would have helped the illusion.

[narfblat]

This is the artist's second album, the first being released under her real name, Nikki Summer. The album Malls, Boys, and Other Things I Like, released when she was only 12, was full of "tween" bubblegum pop; its grittiest song was "Kitten Broke Her Paw". It enjoyed some commercial success, but Nikki fell off the radar. Eight years later, she has resurfaced as Deitmar Schaurhammer, inexplicably named after an East German bobsledder. Her new album, Undue Depression in Adversity, retains the bubblegum pop sound but with much more mature themes, like child abuse, animal mutilation, and STD's.

 

london metal exchange's album, finished; it is abandoned is quite possibly the most depressing and distasteful group of songs ever gathered in one place. With songs like "God created the World, then filled it with jerks", "Punching Mother Teresa", "You're Different, And That's Bad", "How I Killed Santa" and "You have No Future", it is sure to fill the listener with dread and disgust. However, the tunes and rhythm are so catchy it is impossible to turn off. It is sure to be a bigger commercial success than their debut self-titled album, which featured songs about the prices on the London Metal Exchange (oddly, their song "Molybdenum" enjoyed unexplained success among members of an online Star Wars forum known as "Yoda's Swamp").

 

Rygar: the Battle of Argus is not your ordinary start up band. They have tried to make sure that every song has a very unique sound. Not that every song sounds different but that there is one very strange sound in each track. For example their first song "Who?" (a ballad about a schizophrenic friend's voyage of self-discovery) features three seconds of what can only be described as rabid kittens on a blackboard. Track two "What?" (about hearing loss) has what I believe to be the bludgeoning of a watermelon. Next up is "When?" (thoughts on the discovery of a tattoo believed to have been obtained while drunk) has the sound of a Wii controller in a blender (a statement about their ongoing battle with nintendo and Tecmo over an upcoming game release with the same name as their band). "Where?" (about waking up in a strange bed with a hangover next to someone they don't know) ends with a CD being cooked in a microwave. "Why?" (ruminations on the existance of God) has a bucket of cow hearts being poured on a counter. The bonus track "How?" (an obscenity laced tirade about assembling furniture from ikea) begins with the sound of a brutal sledgehammer attack on a bucket of pudding. Of course these sounds are up to interpretation and it has been rumored that there are actually several different versions of the album each with their own complement of unique sounds.