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The girlfriend problem threapy thread


Heavyarms

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Ok here's a new one. This isn't a girlfriend problem but more of a dating problem. At my wonderful high school it seems like I haven't been overlooked. I am a freshman and I was invited to go to the junior/senior banquet. This is very disturbing considering the fact that I do not fit in with the juniors or seniors. The person who asked me I have no interest in having social contact with. Especially in front of my older peers. Sort of a talk to you at school, but no where else thing. I want to say no, but I know that would be a big disappintment considering she probably will not get a date otherwise. I am very torn in-between going and probably having the worst time f my life. Or not going and hurting her feelings. I really do not fit in with the social crowd that will be at the banquet. I need some input on if I should say no, and if so, how? I know I can count on you guys out there.

 

 

 

p.s. no darthfergie you wouldn't know her.

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Hey, why not? Go with her. She asked you to go, so it's not like you're going to embarass yourself. Besides, you're a freshman. They'll be out of school in a few years, then you'll have the school to yourself. The way I see it, you've got nothing to lose, but everything to gain. You may actually enjoy their company. If not, one night of your life isn't gonna make a difference.

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if i were in your shoes, i would probably do it because i can never turn anyone down (especially a girl) unless i really dislike them. if you have no gripe about them or anything, go ahead and do it. one night wont kill you. plus, you never know, maybe something good will come out of it. you never know...

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I don't think anyone younger than college age should ever complain about girls ever. EVER.

It's such a target rich enviroment where you're actually capable of picking someone up, unlike after you graduate and you're lucky if a female type human acknowledges the fact that you do consist of matter and are capable of communicating in whatever language your nation speaks.

Plus you don't have to deal with sorority girls. *****es.

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I agree with that sorority girls comment ;).

 

I seem to have suffered the same fate as many of you here. You've heard the story before... shy, respectful boy goes largely unnoticed throughout high school until a certain girl takes notice of him. One thing leads to another and *bam*, feelings are expressed and a relationship forms. The next year is complete bliss, until the love of this boy's life leaves him for another guy. One who seems to represent everything the girl told the boy she disliked in men. The boy is absolutely heartbroken, withdrawing into solitude even more extreme than before.

 

It still hurts 1 1/2 years later. I know I should be over her; but you know what they say about your First Love.

 

That's part of my problem with girls: I still think, even dream, about her. But that's minor; I know it's over and never coming back; and most of the time, I think/dream about her involuntarily. A longing for happier days, you could say.

 

My other problem simply boils down to shyness. Sort of. Let's see if I can explain this coherently...

 

Girls like me. Not in a Leonardo DiCaprio or George Clooney way, but a you're-a-sweet-guy-who's-funny-intelligent-and-I-enjoy-being-around way. Sounds great, eh? Well... not really. See, girls only think that when I'm in a certain mood. A happy, energetic, carefree, and reasonably random mood. I've been told I'm most fun when I rant about things, because I do so with such energy. But I only act this way around girls I care nothing about, those I have 0 interest in sexually/romantically.

 

Is this making any sense at all? Here's a scenario: I spent my 4 years in high school playing the clarinet in the marching band (like Artoo :)). So after I graduated I volunteered three weeks of summer to help out with Band Camp after work. I helped teach drill, marching basics, music, etc etc etc. I spent most of the time teaching drill (positions on the field for the band's show) to a group of flute players who, in true flutist tradition, were all girls. Since I had no interest in any of these girls (they were attractive in their own rights, but most were only freshman/sophmores), I was very energetic and silly around them. And they liked me; it wasn't too hard to tell.

 

My problem lies in the fact that I can't act this same way around girls I feel for. I just can't. (Now for the next part of the Influenza Saga...) There's this girl, let's call her "Nicole". She's a senior in HS, and happens to be the girl I took to Prom. I am deeply in love with Nicole; she's the most incredible person I've ever met; beautiful, in a plain way, something I admire; a National Merit Scholar (top 1% or so of high school students, for those non-USA forumgoers); an absolutely phenomenal jazz trombonist, a real prodigy; and above all, someone you just love being around. She knows that I like her (not the extent of which I do, however), but (as you may have guessed) doesn't hold me in the same regard. We're very good friends, but she isn't interested in anything more.

 

Damn, where am I going with this? Well, I'm pretty confident that *if* I were able to act around Nicole the way I did around those flutists, things would be different. Everyone just likes me better when I'm "like that" (even me). So why can't I?!? I just get nervous around her, because I care about her and what she thinks of me. Shooting myself in the foot, effectively.

 

Ah well. Just means I'll have to work to win her over :D. It's working already... she's warmed up to me quite a bit, and even seems pleasantly surprised when I call her to see a movie, or run into her at the mall (over break), or see her at a football game (my high school's, which are now over).

 

I guess I should stop before I get even more incoherent...

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Hey Flu, I completely relate to your story (obviously, from my first post), but even more so. I played Sax in Marching Band through High School, and was a bit shy. But I became a real outgoing, "silly" person in college. I could make the girls laugh and really interested, however they were the girls I didn't really see myself with. Just like you, it was the Girl I wanted that I couldn't seem to act the same in front of. Of course, she did finally realize I was there in a manner other than just friend.

 

Be patient, however I will contradict myself this much by saying: Don't wait forever, she may become ready and some other guy will take her away. There will come a time when you just know... and obviously when she does start to see you in a different light she may be hesitant to act on it. You know, the whole "I don't wanna ruin the friendship thing", so you have to act when the time comes. Like myself in my above post. I had to act on the urge to kiss, or I probably never would have dated her. I sensed the tension and acted on it. If I hadn't someone else would've come along and fullfilled her now "longing heart".

 

So be patient, but be observant. The time may come sooner than you think. ;)

 

P.S. And Hope she doesn't break your heart into a thousand pieces after your "Dream comes true" :(

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well, let me put it one way:

 

I am very emotional. I have my problems go up, go down, I think about it, you know. We try to forget and move on, but I just can't seem to stop thinking. Well, it takes so long because she hated me, and, well, i can't say she still does.

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Thanks Havoc; that actually does make me feel better.

 

Surfnshannon - depends on what you mean by "decide what they want". Elaborate and perhaps you'll get a better answer :D.

 

BTW, where in So Cal are you from? I live in Long Beach but go to college in San Luis Obispo.

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Alright guys get ready for a lot. . . I'm 5'7 1/2", brown hair (usually gelled), green/brown eyes, baggy pants and a T. I'm the kinda guy that talks to girls alot, but never starts the conversation. I'm not exceedingly popular, nor am I ridiculed or teased. I'm somewhat good at sports, but I'm not specialized in any. I'm kinda sensitive, and would rather go out with a girl to have fun and be together, than to get something out of them. I'd go on a date even if I didn't get so much as a kiss. I'm caring and calm. I don't like to start fights, except with my brothers, because they're a pain. I like to do things for girls to make them happy, and I don't swear and cuss all the time.

 

From what I've heard girls like guys that are sensitive and caring, but where are they? It seems to me that only the guys that are crude, uncaring, and just want some fun on Fridays, are the guys who always get the girls. . . I've yet to ever go on a date with a girl, much less know of one that likes me. :( Well at least not any hot ones. (There were 2 girls that liked my , but that was more like a middle school crush, than really wanting to date, and they weren't hot anyway) So where are all the chicks that dig caring guys?! I'm still waiting for them to come crowding around me. :p and it's getting boring waiting. . .

 

Now moving from girls liking me, onto me liking girls. There is one girl I really like named Amy. She was in my Latin class last year, and is in my Health class this year. I've made alot of progress from not talking to her at all last year (too afraid), to talking with her everyday this year. There's one big problem though: her boyfriend! She's been going out with this guy for over a year!

 

Alright, that's the whole deal, now shower me with comfort, insight, and a hot girlfriend! :D

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Guys, don't go after the stereotypical hot jappy girls. You'll only end up crushing on them from a distance and nothing more. Even if you do manage to get into a relationship with one, chances are it won't last since girls like that tend to have eyes that wander. She'll find another stupid jock to mistreat her and leave you grasping for her hand.

 

Looks aren't everything, my friends. Look past all the glitz and glam and find someone that will love you for who you are. And you'd better love them back the same way or else, what the hell are you looking for a relationship for?

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here's my story and my query:

ok i'm 5'7", brown hair, 2nd in my class, and a sophomore in a high school in new york. i've been attached to the books since 7th grade and i'm very caring. i used to be friends with *joe* in 6th grade-real good friends. joe went on in high school as a buff player and star runningback and wrestler of the VARSITY TEAM (in freshman year). he's about my height and a year older than me, and even though he's a hell lot more popular than me, he still looks out for me. a couple of days ago, he asked me if i have ever gotten any a s s. i told him no. then he's like, "THAT"S it, i'm gettin' you some azz next saturday!" i was emmensely shocked, at the same time emmensely nervous. i mean, he showed me the pic of the girl he was gonna hook me up with (she's from a private school), and she was pretty damn cute (not exactly hot, but the naughty-cute type of face with the nicest ass). i've never gotten any before, and i was wondering if there were any pros out here who can tip me on how to approach her, start my move, and (*giggle*) guide me through the process. any sort of help is welcome :)

-ps, i'm glad i'm friends with *joe*. he's like santa-claus

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Originally posted by SithMaster2003

ok, you asked...

 

 

 

well, for some reason, most girls i talk to seem to think that i am that guy that is different from all the others. the one who is more concerned about a relationship instead of gettin some from some hot chick. taht i am the guy who will sit and listen to everyone's problems. that i am the all-around different guy that all girls want... eventually.

 

 

 

so, what my problem. if i am that different guy, where are the girls who want to meet me??? it boggles my mind. for now this is my biggest gripe. dont worry, there are more.

 

Hate to say it but... don't hold your breath. In my experience (and I'm probably twice your age), women _say_ they want a sensitive guy who is concerned with relationships, etc, etc, as you stated, but those are not the guys they go out with. What women really want is a hunk of a guy who will also occasionally act like he has half a brain. So they go out with hunk after hunk, hopeing to get lucky at some point and meet one with the brains to match his brawn. Meanwhile, the 'different guy that all the girls want' usually ends up sitting at home on Saturday nights, while the jocks and shallow guys go out on dates.

 

Sorry to sound pessimistic, but that is the experience I have had, over the years.

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good luck in getting help on getting azz in this thread!

 

SurfnShannon POSTED!!!

 

Keep posting SurfnShannon!

 

*to flu*

 

You know an awesome jazz-trmbonist girl! That's pretty cool cause I know 3 of them who are all better than me. But you just wait next year. I'm taking first chair and going to all-state.

 

*about previous problem*

 

The girl that has talked to me is sort of an endless supply of pointless chitter-chatter which I've found annoying for awhile. Also she is a girl and a trombonist, but she is not better than me. That makes 4!! A certain rarity in school bands no doubt. I think there is a loophole to where I can give an excuse without sounding like a shmuck. The band trip is going to be on the same weekend as the junior-senior. So that makes me home-free, I think.

 

*off topic girl discussion*

 

Those girls have been saying that I was a surfer and had my hair down to my ears, I'd have to keep them off me with a stick! I think this counts as progress. Maybe I should grow my hair out really long like that. With the little cow-lick part in the center so I could see out. Too bad the school dress code doesn't allow that. I wouldn't use gel for the world on my hair cause that would make it look very un-natural. Official song of the thread, "Yesterday" by the Beatles. I'm done adding random comments now.

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