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Legends of the Spam


Boba Rhett

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When this story is done, there is one thing we must do! Either we put it on a very nice website with all the illustrations, the logo, and the soundtrack, or we publish it in a book with the Illustrations. This is awesome! Rhett, hurry!

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Originally posted by Natopo

When this story is done, there is one thing we must do! Either we put it on a very nice website with all the illustrations, the logo, and the soundtrack, or we publish it in a book with the Illustrations.

 

That would be awesome! Of course it would be even better if it was FINISHED! (Hint, Hint Rhett!) ;)

 

Where's the chapter? :(

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Originally posted by xwing guy

I'm sure adminastor Rhett has very important matters to attend to. (yeah, right) C'mon rhett, if you don't get this chapter done soon me and Darth Fergie will feed you to an Undead Ghoul.

 

Rhett...you see that weird contraption over there *points* That is a Meat Wagon, it hurls corpses into enemies or enemy buildings...would you like to try that while living? ;)

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Originally posted by Havoc Stryphe

*passes the tequila around*

 

:mex1: "si, señooorita..." *hic-up* "Wee have nothing wroong. We are just waiting for the slowest poster of all Me-hico, Slow-Poke Rhettsolez" *hic-up*

 

Yeah, he is slow. Even though he is on all the time he never posts in the RPG! Its only a sentence or two but it takes him forever. I guess being an admin isn't all good....or something like that.

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Ok guys. Here it is. I gigantic frickin' masterpiece. Or at least I sure hope it is. I'm so out of it I wouldn't be surprised if a giant burrito crash landed in my front yard. o_o Don't mind the errors. I haven't had a chance to go over it. There will be another chapter after this one. I will write it later today. You can see this chapter's logo in the attachment at the bottom. 13kb I need sleep....

 

 

_______________________________________________

 

 

The Face of Evil

 

Rhett removed his helm and held it in his shaking hands as the utter contempt boiled up within him. He could still not believe the fate that had just befallen Havoc. With a great cry Rhett flung his helm against the wall behind them. Leon and Tie looked on as their friend vented his rage. A sickening rage that each one of them felt in the pit of their stomachs. They had been made to never again see their dear friend.

 

I hideous laughing was heard accompanied by a slow clapping. The three men drew their weapons and turned their gazes toward a balcony some thirty feet before them, as the source of the sounds became clear. A large cloaked figure stepped into the light. It was the embodiment of evil itself. It was Viper. They needn't see his face to know it was truly him. A dark yet unseen force seemed to float about him. As if his very aura had been twisted by spam.

 

"Wonderful show, my friends. It is a pity that you were able to slay my dragon, but at least he got a final meal before his demise. It appears I will have to deal with you myself." Viper spoke as he calmly walked down the stairs which led from the balcony that he had viewed the entire fight from.

 

Tie guy spat towards Viper as the disregard that Viper had for human life chilled him to his heart as Viper reached the end of the steps and began slowly walking towards them. He came to a stop about ten feet in front of them and stood silently for what seemed to the three like ages. He then began to speak.[/i]

 

"Tie…old comrade. It is still not to late. As you see, I am without a general. You would indeed be quite useful once again. Join me. I will not hold what you have done against you.

 

Tie, without any hesitation responded.

 

"Save your silver tongue, Viper. I now come here with but one mission. To kill you. Whether or not I die in the process no longer matters to me. You don't control me anymore."

 

 

"Grrrr… I gave you the chance to aid me willingly but you have elected the way of, pain! I should have destroyed you long ago when I had the chance, you sniveling little worm! Your treachery long ago still burns in my mind! It looks like I now I get the to correct that mistake!" Viper yelled at Tie as his temper spiked. He quickly put his temper in check though, and then turned his attention to Rhett and Leon, who where still standing silently.

 

"… You two. I remember you. Do not think I have forgotten what you took part in doing to me so long ago."

 

Viper chuckled slightly.

 

"Do you three not plan on completing the task which you've traveled so very far to accomplish? Come. I am defenseless!" he added as he raised his empty hands above his head

 

Not being able to keep himself in check any longer. Rhett briefly glanced at his friends, gripped his sword with both of his hands and raised it high above his head. Then, with a battle cry he charged at Viper. Letting all his anger and pain push him onward. Rhett brought the edge of his sword down onto Viper's still robed shoulder with a force that would have hewn any mortal man in two. -- There was a large clinging sound, as half of Rhett's sword fell to the floor."

 

"What is this new devilry?!" Leon yelped.

 

Without having time to react let alone respond, Rhett who was still holding the hilt of his broken sword, was grasped around the neck by one of Vipers gloved hands and raised off the floor. The creaking of Viper's leather gloves could be heard as he tightened his grip.

 

"Pitiful." Viper spoke as if commenting to himself, right before he effortlessly hurled Rhett back into the wall that Leon and Tie still stood by.

 

 

Before having the time to turn their attention to there friend whom was knocked out against the wall, Viper let out a growl and cast the large robe that he wore to the ground. Revealing to Tie and Leon a mighty suit of armor, not made of any material from which Tie and Leon had ever seen. It was dark, with etchings and designs carved seemingly everywhere. Slender shards of what appeared to be of luminescent purple stone where embedded ever few inches upon it. The entire suit gave off an eerie glow. Upon his head was a helm of like material and set in the eye sockets of it were two large red stones which glowed with an inner fire. Making Viper's appearance even more imposing.

 

"As you can see, I learn from my mistakes. This Armor of Flame I have forged during my long years in the deep depths grants me great power renders me all but invincible. You cannot win."

 

 

Rhett opened his eyes as the darkness began to fade. He could see through the blood running down his forehead his two friends charge at Viper only to have their swords diverted by mighty blocks from Viper's armored covered arms. Viper then flung his left arm across Leon's side. Leon's armor was no match for the sharps blades of rock on Viper's suit which passed through Leon's armor, cutting his arm and knocking him across the ground. Tie took this time to try and land a swipe of his blade across Viper but he was not fast enough. Viper grabbed the blade of the word with his glove and violently jerked it away from Tie's grasp. Then with his other arm, he tried to hit Tie in the same manner he had done to Leon. Tie was able to get his enchanted shield drawn in time to block the blow but the force of it knocked him to his knees. Without hesitation, Viper kicked Tie across the floor sending him slamming into the wall beside Rhett. Tie let out a grunting sound and spat out a mouthful of blood as he tried in vain to get to his feet.

 

Viper standing in the middle of the room, gloating and observing what he had done, began to talk.

 

"I expected more of a challenge. Especially from you, Tie. After all, I was the one that trained you."

 

He then turned and began to walk away and yelled over his shoulder.

 

"I shall send my men in to come and - heh… clean up the mess."

 

Not accepting defeat. Rhett struggled to get to his feat. As he did so, a bright light blocked filled his vision and he began to hear a voice within his head. The silhouette of a man began to take shape in the blinding light and then he clearly came into vision. It was a friend long passed. One cut down in his prime during The Flood. It was Kvan -- and he was laughing.

 

"Hello old friend. It's certainly has been a while. You certainly have seen better days, haven't you?"

 

"…Kvan…... I"

 

"I'd love to talk with you friend but we haven't much time. Viper must be destroyed." Kvan stated, cutting Rhett off mid-sentence.

 

"But how Kvan? Even the tools granted to us by Chris are of no use now."

 

"Is that so? Tell me... Did he ever tell you in what manner they should be used? …No? " Kvan added with a laugh

 

"I guess you do not remember how the Dark Lord was defeated so very long ago. Many ages ago, before Viper was lost completely to the dark powers he was but a lonely and bitter waste of a man. He sought out power in spam only because of the despise he felt for himself, thinking it would make his pain go away. It only made him loathe himself more so. -- Use this hatred he has for himself against him! That is the key to your victory! I must leave you now, Rhett. You now know what to do. Goodbye…"

 

With that said, the vision began to fade, and Rhett's sight was restored. He found himself still leaning against the wall and with Viper still walking away from them. He still had time. Summoning his remaining strength he grabbed hold of the wall and pulled himself to his feet.

 

"Hold on Viper. Where do you think you're going? I'm not finished beating you yet!" Rhett yelled out lightheartedly.

 

Viper looked back over his shoulder.

 

You just don't know when to quit do you Rhett? Why are you in such a hurry to die? You'll be dead soon enough." Viper turned forward and began walking away again.

 

"What a matter, Vipey. Afraid?"

 

Viper stopped dead in his tracks. Clenching his fists, he turned around and faced Rhett.

 

"I…. Am afraid of nothing. And my name is not Vipes. My name is VIPER!!" Screamed Viper shaking his clenched fists above his head.

 

Leon and Tie had picked them selves up now and where standing behind Rhett.

 

"Oh, I'm sorry Vipey. I know how sensitive you can be about your name. You're not going to start crying are you? It would be a shame if that pretty armor of yours rusted from all the tears"

 

The anger in Viper was too great for him to put into words. He gave up a great cry and charged at Rhett. This was exactly what Rhett was hoping for. Without flinching, Rhett stood his ground until Viper was little more than arms reach away. He then threw himself on the floor below Viper. The stone shards on the Dark Lord's boots dug into Rhetts side as he slammed into him, tripping and falling hard to the ground. Without taking notice of his wounds Rhett jumped onto the back of Viper and yelled to Tie guy.

 

"Quickly Tie. Throw me your shield!"

 

Without hesitation and knowing that whatever Rhett was planning he needed to do it quickly before Viper was able to get up, Tie tossed the shield to Rhett. Rhett then raised the shield high and slammed it down as hard as he could upon the armor Viper bore on his back, causing Tie's shield to stick to it because of the sharp stones. It was in the nick of time. Viper reared up causing Rhett to be thrown from his back.

 

Foaming with rage, the seeing stones on the Dark Lords helm burned red as he turned around and charged again at Rhett.

 

"Leon! Fire an arrow at Tie's shield!" Yelled Rhett

 

Realizing what Rhett's plan was, Leon's eyes widened as he quickly drew his bow and let loose one of his flaming arrows.

 

Viper now stood above Rhett

 

"This is the end of you Rhett!!!" He screamed as he raised both his arms high in preparation for a crushing blow.

 

Just then the arrow struck Tie's shield which was still stuck firmly to the Evil Lord's back. Causing the magical properties the shield had to take effect. Mighty fibril strands from the shield began wrapping around Viper. Encasing him.

 

"If we cannot kill you… A prison then." Rhett spoke under his breath

 

Viper gave a great cry and fell to the ground, unable to move.

 

The shield, which had been made to keep evil out, was now being used to contain it.

 

"Release me! RELEASE ME!" screamed Viper.

 

"I don't think so." Said a panting Rhett as he walked over to the fallen fiend while now holding his injured side."

 

"We have done it!" cried Tie "We have defeated Viper!"

 

 

"Defeated me?! You have done nothing but delay the inevitable you fools!" Screamed the raging Viper whilst gnashing his teeth.

 

"Even as we speak, my great army is marching down upon your pitiful band of warriors. All your friends shall soon be dead if they are not already! And then they will return victorious and finish you three off, but not before I've had my fun with you though!" Laughed Viper.

 

 

The three companions looked at each other. Panic washing over their faces.

 

"We've come so far! We cannot let it end like this! What must we do, Rhett?!" Cried Leon.

 

Rhett furrowed his brow and shot his eyes around as if looking for something that could be done. That's when an idea came to him. His eyes widened and he yelled out.

 

 

"Quickly! We must get him to one of the spammish lava pits in the mountain!! It was there that Viper was given his powers. If he was made there, he can be unmade there. Leon. Tie, take hold of Viper and follow me!"

 

"Nooooooooo!!!!!" Viper screamed as they began dragging him off.

 

 

After several minutes of following steep corridors into the bowels of the castle, they reached the mouth of the bubbling lava chasm and dragged Viper to the edge and sat him on his knees.

 

Rhett took out his stick and blasted a whole down to the un-cooled magma.

 

"You reign of terror is over, Viper. Yelled Rhett over the noise of Vipers screams and the bubbling lava as he put away his stick. Rhett then placed his boot on Viper's shoulder, looked up at his two friends. And pushed Viper over the edge.

 

 

"MMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEE…" yelled Viper on his way down as he crashed into the lava and sunk

 

"Now what?" Asked a very stressed Tie Guy "Is it over? Has he been destroyed?"

 

"Not quite." Rhett said while looking to Tie. "Call back your shield, Tie Guy."

 

Without being sure of what exactly to do to "call" his shield back, Tie placed his arm out over the chasm.

 

A sucking sound was heard and a moment later Tie's shield burst out of the lava and spun upward towards Tie's arm while transforming itself back to it's original shape.

 

The three looked down at the lava. A muffled cry was heard and then all was silent. Just as Rhett was about to give a sigh of relief, viper burst up halfway out of the lava. Flailing his arms wildly and clawing at his face whilst screaming out in pain and cursing the three. After a moment, he went silent, and began to slowly sink into the lava again. Before his head was swallowed up once again by the lava, The three could see the fiery red light that once burned so brightly within the stones set in his helm, slowly dim. Until they went dark.

 

"It is done then." Spoke Rhett while staring at the fire pit. Not even believing his own voice.

 

 

 

__________________________________________________

 

Act Two

 

Back at the Battlefield….

 

 

The dark army was upon Young David and the remaining troops now. In but a few moments, they would all be killed. The roar from the army was deafening now. Young David could not even turn and say goodbye to the men and women who had fought so bravely beside him but he turned to them none the less and looked them all in the eye. Acknowledging each and every one of them. He then turned back to the approaching army raised his sword as the first beasts where about to befall them and was about to swing -- when suddenly all of the dark army where silenced and fell to the ground. Young David stared out in disbelief as he realized what had happened.

 

"What are they all doing?!" Yelled a still shaking STTCT

 

Great joy began welling up inside Young David as he turned to his men and women.

 

"The dark powers, which had been sustaining the army, have been extinguished. The four of them have succeeded! Viper has been destroyed!"

 

Cheers rang up from everyone as they all raised their swords high in victory.

 

 

____________________________________________________

 

Act Three

 

Back at the castle….

 

 

"We've done it, we've really done it!" Yelled Tie and Leon as the hugged each other. Rhett turned away from the pit and faced them.

 

 

"Yes. We've.. douhh…." Is all that Rhett managed to get out before falling forward to the ground.

 

"Rhett!" Yelled Tie as Leon and Tie knelt beside him and turned him over.

 

"What's wrong?!" Yelled Leon.

 

"He's lost a lot of blood. He's passed out. He's going to be alright though." Said a relieved Tie.

 

"Oh thank goodne…." Leon was interrupted by a loud creaking sound in the walls.

 

"Uh… what was that." Tie stated bluntly.

 

"The castle, it's collapsing! Quick, help me carry Rhett! We must get out!" yelled Leon.

 

The two of them each took one of Rhett's arms over their shoulder and began pulling him up the corridors, but they where getting nowhere, fast.

 

"We'll never make it out at this rate! He's twice the size we are. We can't carry him! We have to wake him up somehow!" yelled Tie over the loud banging and rumbling in the walls as he sat Rhett on the ground.

 

"Rhett! Wake up Rhett! WAKE UP RHETT!!" Screamed Leon as they both shook him and slapped him about the face furiously.

 

The walls began collapsing around them and pools of lava began welling up through the great cracks which where now everywhere.

 

"It's no good, Tie! We can't do it! We have to leave him or we all die!" Screamed Leon.

 

"Then we'll all die! I'm not leaving him here!" Screamed Tie back at Leon.

 

"Tie! Do you think Rhett would want us to die needlessly because of him? He'd never do that to us! Now come, We must go!" Yelled Leon as he stood up.

 

Without saying anything but without taking his eyes off Rhett who was still lying on the ground, Tie stood up and then let out only one word under his breath.

 

"…ok…."

 

They took one last look at their friend then dashed off through the castle chambers.

 

Several minutes later they rounded the corner of the hallway to the bridge out of the castle. The long wooden bridge had caught on fire and was almost fully engulfed in flames.

 

"Quickly, before it collapses!" Yelled Leon.

 

 

They both made it over to the other side safely then turned back to face the castle and remember all that they had lost there.

 

The spires of the castle began to fall in and the great bridge was almost completely in flames now as smoke rolled out of the castle entrance. They were about to turn and run away again to avoid the falling debris when they heard something…It was the sound of footsteps and of someone coughing! They both turned back to the bridge and stared. The smoke and fire was now so intense that almost nothing could be seen. They saw nothing for a few moments but then they saw the silhouette of a person in the smoke. As the person drew nearer they could see who it was. It was Rhett! He was breathing heavily and casting off the heavy armor the he still wore so that he could move faster.

 

 

"RHETT!" Leon and Tie began to cry out. "This way! The bridge is about to go out! You must hurry!"

 

Rhett Was now moving faster than ever and was over halfway across the bridge but he still wasn't moving fast enough. The bridge began to creak and shift.

 

"He not going to make it!" Yelled Leon.

 

"Oh yes he is!" responded Tie "grab hold of my legs, Leon."

 

"Rhett! If you can hear me, JUUUMP!" Cried out Tie as he flung himself off the ledge giving Leon barely any time to grab hold of him as the bridge began to fall.

 

 

Rhett had indeed heard him and right before his jump was to come to an end, his hand met Tie's. The two of them sung downward, hitting the side of the cliff. Summoning all his remaining strength, Leon pulled the two of them up over the ledge and back to the ground. All three of them then fell to the ground on their backs. Totally exhausted and gasping for breath.

 

 

After a minute or so of this while they all still laid on the ground Rhett spoke up.

 

 

"You guys…. *pant* didn't really think you could get rid of me that easily did you?"

 

 

They all burst out in teary laughter and remained laying there.

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Originally posted by STTCT

Wow! No wonder it took so long! That post should count for at least 50 posts! I liked the climatic yet happy ending of the chapter!

 

:::: raises glass for a tequila toast to Rhett::::

 

Sì, señorita! Yo gusto mucho el tequila y del chapter de Rhett! *hic-up* :mex1:

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