Artoo Posted August 7, 2002 Share Posted August 7, 2002 Well Rhett, are you going to post your chapter??? I'm waiting on you to begin mine. I need to know of any interesting developments. That's why I'm waiting. Well it's been several days, I kow it's a special time and all, but c'mon! Post it and let us laugh! Either that or let me get started on mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DashRendar Posted August 7, 2002 Share Posted August 7, 2002 Dash pops in a Cheese Factory tour video that he...uh...borrowed from the cheese store while he waits for the trip to start up again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havoc Stryphe Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 Gah! I'm having LotS flashbacks... Rhett, where's the next chapter?! We need to bring this to a close if we're ever going to pick a winner! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boba Rhett Posted August 8, 2002 Author Share Posted August 8, 2002 Im working on it right now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tie Guy Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 Originally posted by Boba Rhett Im working on it right now! You've said that for the past week and a half! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boba Rhett Posted August 8, 2002 Author Share Posted August 8, 2002 Chapter 11: Cows a Plenty After several hours of driving, three cheese withdrawals from Dash, seven trips over Rommel and five, "AHHH It's my wife! She's found us!" nightmares from Havoc, they had finally reached the Northeastern Iowa border. "Ok guys. We're entering Iowa now. Take a look around. Isn't it beautiful?" Rhett commented. “…What’s that smell?” Asked Havoc “Oh that? That’s the rendering plants, fertilizers and cow manure. You’ll get used to it… or you’ll die. Whatever.” "Wow Rhett, Iowa sure is a pleasant pla… -- Holy ****! What the **** is that!?" Screamed Sherack. "What?! What!?!" Yelled a startled Rhett as he slammed on the brakes sending Rommel sliding under the seats and hitting his head on the back of Rhett's chair and Eets flying into the windshield yet again. "What is it, Sherack?!" "Wha.. wha.. what's… THAT!" muttered the now shaking Sherack as he pointed to something in a nearby field. "Is it cheese?!" screamed Dash as he pressed his face to the window for a better look. "I wanna see! I wanna see!" Yelled Rommel who was now underneath Havoc's seat. "You mean that?" Asked a now impatient Rhett. "YES! Th-th-that!" squeeked Sherack "That's a cow, Sherack." "Oh…. What is….. cow?" *sigh* "You explain it to him, Dash. I'm going to go ask the farmer who's holding the cows leash for directions." "It's where cheese comes from!" yelled a visibly excited Dash to Sherack as Rhett jumped out of the bus and started walking over to the farmer. "A cow on a leash? These Iowans are into some messed up ****" Commented Havoc who was now holding Rommel on his shoulders. "Hello. Mister uhhh…?" "Jebadiah Smith. Smith for short. …Would you like to buy a cow?" "Err.. um.. no thanks. I was actually wondering you if you could tell me how to get to-" "You sure you don't want to buy a cow? "Yes I'm… quite sure. Anyway, as I was saying. Could you give us directions to Sioux City, Iowa?" "Oh! Traveling to the big city are ya? You take the road you're on for fifty miles, then take it again for another fifty miles…. and then again for another hundred miles. Then turn right at the old Mill and go another twenty miles. Then you'll be there!" "Ok, thanks Mister Smith." "No problem sunny. You sure you don't want to buy a cow?" "Yeah I'm sure. Well, by!" Rhett said as he jogged back to the bus. "Ok guys. I know the way now. You can all go back to sleep." "Did he offer to sell the cow?" "Yeah, how'd you know, Dash?" "Why didn't you buy the cow!" Screamed Dash as he leapt at Rhett. "Cheese! CHEESE! Cows make cheese!" "Woah! Easy, Dash. Would somebody tie him to his seat or something?" "I'm way ahead of ya." Said Havoc as he got out a roll of duct tape from under his seat. Rhett pulled the bus back onto the road, nearly knocking over a passing tractor and they where on their way again. They where well into Iowa now when Rhett noticed that they where nearing Ames, where Kurgan lives. "Hey guys! Let's stop and say hi to Kurgan while we’re here!" "Kurgan? Who's he?" Squeeked Rommel who was laying inside Havoc's backpack. “Yassee Rommel, Kurgan is- *CATHUNK* *CUTHUNK* “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” “GAH! We’ve just ran over something, Rhett!” Yelled Havoc Rhett slammed on the brakes and ran outside to the back of the bus to investigate. Moments later he walked back into the bus. “It’s Kurgan.” *GASP* “We ran over Kurgan!? Yelled Sherack. “No….. We hit his pet cow. He was out taking her for a walk. He’s a weeping mess. It’s best we leave him be and head on. Poor guy.” Rhett started the bus back up and they continued down the road. Havoc, Rommel and Sherack ran to the back of the bus to see the incident. Out of the window they could see a man alongside the road cradling a cow in his arms and could hear his screams. “Daisy!!! Don’t do this to me, Daisy! Take me, Lord! Take me! *sob* Why? *sob* WHHHYYYYYYY???!!!!” Havoc looked over to Rommel and Sherack in disbelief. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. These Iowans are into some messed up ****.” Several hours later the bus rolls up outside of were they are supposed to pick Chase up at. A man holding a backpack and a soggy, paper bag lunch is standing outside by the driveway. “Who’s that?” Commented Shearck. “That’s Chase!” Rhett yelled as he flung open the doors and started yelling out to Chase. “Hey Chase! How ya been? Well, come along now and get in the bus. We have a long way to go and a lot of stops to make.” Chase stood there Silently. “Chase? You ok?” Asked a worried Rhett. This isn’t the Mini bus. Mommy told me only to get on the Mini bus when I go to school.” “You’re not going to school, Chase. You’re going to come with us to the forum party, remember? “ “Oh yeah… but… I don’t know anybody on the bus. Mommy says I shouldn’t talk to strangers.” “Oh come on Chase, you know who they are now get on the bus!” “Well…. Ok.” Chase climbed up the bus stairs and started walking towards the end of the bus but stopped when he got to Havoc. He then pulled something from his pocket, held it in front of Havoc and proudly proclaimed… “This is my baseball. Have you seen my baseball?” “Err… that’s not a baseball but it sure is a fine banana.” A nervous Havoc replied. Tears began to well up in Chase’s eyes. He threw the banana on the ground and ran to the back of the bus crying. “What did I do, Rhett?” “Don’t sweat it Havoc. In am minute or two he’s bound to see a butterfly or something and forget about the whole thing.” Rhett kicked the bus into gear and started back on the road. Meanwhile, in the back of the bus Chase was finding himself a seat… *sniff* *sniff* “Mmmmm… this seat smells like the one I sit on in the Mini bus! I think I’ll sit here.” “That’s great, Chase.” Yelled Rhett from the front of the bus. As this was happening, Eets jumped onto the seat beside Chase. “Ruff!” (“hi!”) “MMMMM!! Food!” Chase yelled as he scooped up Eets and dangled him above his mouth. “Reeuff Riff Ruff Ruff Raff RUUFF!” (“Help! This crazy **** is gonna eat me!”) Rhett casually began to speak to Chase. “Chase… that’s not food.” “No eat?” “That’s right Chase. No eat. Now why don’t you put him down and take a nap.” “Oh ok. I like naps.” Chase said as he tossed Eets to the floor and immediately started snoring. Everyone turned to Rhett, aghast at what just happened. Rhett just chuckled. “Heh. Silly little guy. You just have to know how to talk to him…. You uhh…. You might want to move Eets and Rommel tot he front of the bus though, Sherack. Sometimes Chase wakes up hungry. Our old dog sure learned that one the hard way, let me tell ya!. Ahahahhaha! Ahahahhaaa… ahhhhhh…” With that said, everyone slowly moved to the front of the bus and they were back on their way again. Finally, after two close calls with some slow moving tractors, hitting three more cows and having Rommel get stuck in a combine at a rest area, they rolled out of Iowa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silenthunter Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 LOL! Great chapter Rhett! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havoc Stryphe Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 Originally posted by Boba Rhett ...“Hey Chase! How ya been? Well, come along now and get in the bus. We have a long way to go and a lot of stops to make.” Chase stood there Silently. “Chase? You ok?” Asked a worried Rhett. This isn’t the Mini bus. Mommy told me only to get on the Mini bus when I go to school.” “You’re not going to school, Chase. You’re going to come with us to the forum party, remember? “ “Oh yeah… but… I don’t know anybody on the bus. Mommy says I shouldn’t talk to strangers.”… “This is my baseball. Have you seen my baseball?” “Err… that’s not a baseball but it sure is a fine banana.” A nervous Havoc replied. .......................... ........................... .............. ...... .... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! That was great Rhett! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Homer Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 ...and having Rommel get stuck in a combine at a rest area LOL!! Good job, Rhett...definitely worth the wait! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DashRendar Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 *stands up taking seat with him* Thmmm wmmm grmmm Rhmmm! *spits out gag* Now can we stop at the next Farm? I need some cheese...or at least some curds! Heck I'll even take American! O and you asked about how I knew he offered you a cow? *takes piece of paper off of window and shows it to Rhett* If you can't read my writing it says: Will take cow cheap, or expensive, talk to Bus Driver, or his dog, thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherack Nhar Posted August 8, 2002 Share Posted August 8, 2002 Best. Character. Ever If I was still an admin I would probably have changed Chase's rank to 'Mamma's boy' Hmmm... Rhett is an admin... *winks* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boba Rhett Posted August 9, 2002 Author Share Posted August 9, 2002 Thank you. Thank you. ROFL. Should I change it? "Mini Bus Man" "Mama's Boy" "Lookit Ma Basebawwll!!" Oh yeah, and Chase.... Bring it little man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tie Guy Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Hmmm....am i the only one who didn't think that was hilarious? No offense, Rhett, it was a good chapter, and i laughed, but i laughed much harder at some of the other characters and scenes. Just kinda odd, me just sitting here with everyone else cracking up. Oh well, to each his own, i guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Homer Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 my name for Chase: Yoda's B*tch! hehe, have I made the list yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boba Rhett Posted August 9, 2002 Author Share Posted August 9, 2002 Must you always bring down the party, Tie? It's like someone standing up in the middle of a funny movie and going, "That's not funny. What's wrong with you people?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tie Guy Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 Originally posted by Boba Rhett Must you always bring down the party, Tie? It's like someone standing up in the middle of a funny movie and going, "That's not funny. What's wrong with you people?" Oh crap! Are you not supposed to do that? Really, though, i just don't get whats so funny? Chase never acts like that that i've seen? Of course, he's not my brother but... Besides, its not like i hated your chapter or anything. It was good, just not the best, IMO. BTW, i hate parties. (honestly) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthfergie Posted August 9, 2002 Share Posted August 9, 2002 *talks like Wraith 5* Really Tie, Rhett was only showing, in the story of course, that Chase, his brother, was like any normal brother...that is to say...strange. So the Chase character in the story is thusly the epitome of the average brother...again...strange. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artoo Posted August 10, 2002 Share Posted August 10, 2002 Chapter 12: My head's all hurty To paraphrase snoopy (one of the greater writers of our time) it was a dark and stinky night. Rhett’s quote brilliant portable pringle can latrine system or P.P.C.L.S. 2000 was starting to look more like a smelly amorphous blob than a Pringles can. Rhett knew it was getting bad when Chase came up to him and said, “Rhett, I think someone had an uh-oh in the back of the bus. I also found this big wad of brown clay in the back that’s fun to play with. Would you like to play with some?” Rhett having noticed that everyone had retreated to the back of the bus to get away from Chase simply stated, “No,” and pulled the bus into the next rest stop he saw. They all exited the bus and headed for the 7/11. Inside everyone was browsing around except for Rhett who was trying to dispose of the reeking mass. He couldn’t decide whether to flush it or throw it away. Suddenly behind him he heard the clerk say, “Sir if not micro waving that burrito you are to the freezer back it goes.” Thinking on the fly he shoved it into the microwave, set for 5 minutes, and slowly backed away. It was at this point when Rommel suddenly cried out, “Oooo! Look! Mage Knight packs! I love Mage Knight! It is the best game of miniatures, and who doesn’t love miniatures?” It was hard for everybody to control the excessive laughter that welled up inside of them, but it was too much for poor Sherack, who collapsed into a laughter preventative seizure. Dash looked at Rommel and said, “Maybe we should do something?” “Really?” Rommel replied. “Naaaaaaah,” said Dash as he reached into Sherack’s pocket and pulled out his wallet. “Sweet Yoda’s Toupee! There must be $300 in here!” exclaimed Dash. He strode up to the counter and proudly stated, “I want all the cheese I can get with this,” as he handed the clerk the $300. “Sir, players of hockey on back American money no have,” he said as he looked at the bills. “Well, just give me all the cheese this will get me,” said Dash. “Coming right up Sir,” replied the clerk. “Wadeaminute,” said Dash, “You just spoke perfect English.” “Yeah,” said the clerk, “I just like being a jack*** and screwing with the heads of weak-minded people such as yourself.” He came back in a minute holding a small green package with some hot dog tongs, which he set on the counter in front of Dash. “There you go. This package of string cheese is about the size your price range allows.” “What abomination is that!” exclaimed Dash. “This is a package of string cheese I had forgot and left on my radiator back in ’87,” replied the clerk. “I’m almost too disgusted to eat this,” Dash said as he popped it into his mouth. Outside Havoc was finally facing the music and checking in with his wife. Heavyarms seeing this walked up to him and immediately began snapping his arm up and down while making a whipping sound. Havoc immediately said to his wife, “Say Honeysugarnummymuffinfluffernuttercocoabunch one of my good friends on the bus would like to talk to you.” He put the phone up to Heavyarms face, which now resembled that of a toddler who had just crapped himself. Heavyarms picked up the phone with a fear that can only be compared to that of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming space shuttle. “I’ll leave you two here to chew the fat,” said Havoc as he walked in the 7/11. “What is that noise?” asked Rhett. Wraith5 replied, “If I didn’t know better, I’d say that it is the sound of a man about Heavyarms stature being beaten mercilessly into a pay phone booth wall by a hand about the size of Havoc’s wife sticking out of the receiver.” “Is that what they teach you in college these days?” replied Havoc. “Why of course, what do you think they teach us? Math?” Wraith5 replied. Everyone chuckled at this thought except of course for Heavyarms who was forcefully being reintroduced to the phone book. “Well we better get a move on,” said Rhett while glancing at the microwave timer. Everyone exited the 7/11 and boarded the bus. Eets completely wired from just downing thirteen 6 packs of Red Bull, four 12 packs of jolt, and 3 hits of speed (the cheapest and by far safest among the 3) readied his little bantha horns (remember them?), and prepared to drive for the rest of the trip. As they were about to pull out Heavyarms's bloodied form flew through one of the side windows and landed in his seat albeit sideways. “Heavyarms, are you okay?” asked Sherack. “G** D*** S***** M***** F******!!!” exclaimed Heavyarms. “Yes he’s okay,” replied Rhett, “Let’s get this freak show on the road.” “I take offense to that!” said Rommel, “I’ll have you know my father was a bearded lady!” Everyone chuckled to themselves on this new insight except of course for Rhett who was starting to sweat at the palms, but not because of the bearded lady. It was because he had just heard a muffled thump in the distance, and was hearing sirens coming down the road. Early the next morning Wraith5 awoke and looked around for minute and then stated, “Man Rhett, this is one long tunnel we’re in.” “Welcome to Chicago,” said Rhett, “If the world had armpits this’d be it.” He said as he pulled into O’Hare. “What plane are we supposed to be looking for?” asked Havoc. “Ooooooooooo!!! Airplanes! Is that an airplane?” Chase inquired pointing to a Starbucks. “No.” stated Rhett. “Is that an Airplane?” he asked again pointing to a Starbucks across from the first one. “No.” stated Rhett again. “Is that an airplane?” he asked pointing to a small building. “No, that was where the security station used to be now it’s becoming a Starbucks,” stated Rhett, “If you ask that one more time we are leaving you here.” To this Chase asked, “What is time?” and the group stood still. Dash, thinking on the fly, quickly replied, “Well, time is like a donut being shot out of a cannon at the speed of light except without the cannon or the donut.” “My head’s all hurty, I’m going to lay down back in the bus,” said Chase. “Good Boy,” replied Rhett. He then looked out at the tarmac and exclaimed, “Look! There they are!” “How can you tell?” asked Wraith5. “See the people who look like they have a reason to live?” stated Rhett. “That looks like Wraith9, and Leon, and Crazy Dog, and there’s David!” They welcomed their friends as they exited the plane and quickly got acquainted quickly. Rhett said, “Before we go, I need to get some coffee so my kidney doesn’t give out and I can pass a sobriety test.” Everyone chuckled at this comment. “No, I’m serious guys, I need some coffee.” “Well I think I saw a Starbucks right over there,” said Wraith5. Rhett just stared at him and then began to walk towards the closest Starbucks. When he arrived he came up to the counter and saw what could only be described as an android programmed to be nothing but perky. “Hi!” it said. “Would you like to get our ultra-mega-deluxe dark mocha java light light sugar-free sodium-free fat-free crappafrappacappuccino combo meal!?! It only costs the mortgage on your house!” “She scares me!” shouted Dash as she tried run away but wound up hitting a wall and falling into unconsciousness. “I think I’ll just have a strong black coffee,” said Rhett. “Black coffee!?! Is that some kind of code word!?! Are you a terrorist!?! Terrorist! Terrorist!!! TERRORIST!!!” she shouted. Rhett saw some men armed with assault shotguns come charging out of a door and knew that it was time to leave. “C’mon guys! We need to exit quickly! Leon, you and David grab Dash and follow us!” he said as he began hauling for the bus parked outside. They all barely managed to get onboard as Eets, still tanked on Red Dog, Jolt, and Speed, and floored it heading out of O’Hare. Another thank you to Chuckles, though not as big as the last one. Oh andunlike some people it doesn't take me a week and a half to get a chapter up. [ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Homer Posted August 10, 2002 Share Posted August 10, 2002 very good! LOOK!! A STARBUCKS!!! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tie Guy Posted August 10, 2002 Share Posted August 10, 2002 LOL, great chapter, artoo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eets Posted August 10, 2002 Share Posted August 10, 2002 *smacks artoo upside the head* It's Young David! Awesome story nonetheless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jatt13 Posted August 11, 2002 Share Posted August 11, 2002 good chapters, rhett and artoo! well, i'm back! i had a great time at camp, and artoo never came up. loser. anyway, keep up the good work! so, who has the next chapter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthfergie Posted August 12, 2002 Share Posted August 12, 2002 Outside Havoc was finally facing the music and checking in with his wife. Heavyarms seeing this walked up to him and immediately began snapping his arm up and down while making a whipping sound. Havoc immediately said to his wife, “Say Honeysugarnummymuffinfluffernuttercocoabunch one of my good friends on the bus would like to talk to you.” He put the phone up to Heavyarms face, which now resembled that of a toddler who had just crapped himself. Heavyarms picked up the phone with a fear that can only be compared to that of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming space shuttle. ROTFL!!!!!!!!!! Good chapter Artoo! BTW, who are we picking up next? I blanked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Homer Posted August 12, 2002 Share Posted August 12, 2002 Well, according to the map that...uhm...YOU made, we're heading through Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, and South Carolina Wolfman in in NC and i'm in NC....others may be along the way that I have forgotten, if so, my apologies ps: http://66.250.145.38/attachment.php?s=&postid=738106 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artoo Posted August 13, 2002 Share Posted August 13, 2002 *bows* thank you, thank you. Oh, and about the name thing, I was trying to shorten everyone's name a little, sorry if anyone doesn't like that. Some names were short enough, some weren't, that's how it went. And after consulting my psychic advisor (not Ms. Cleo) I have determined that NC is the next stop, so speak now or forever hold your peace if you are in the route before NC and want to be included in the story. edit: Actually it was a Pringle's Can full of poo, and I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo on your hit list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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