Guardian Omega Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Wrong. There are billions of girls on the internet. It's just that they are all in .jpg form-some guy on LUE, GameFAQS's nuttiest and most disruptive board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-=DarkZero=- Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 IF I PUT FOOD UP MY ASS? WILL I CRAP OUT MY MOUTH? says: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Gay bashing is for homos, you fag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-=DarkZero=- Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Originally posted by ET Warrior Lmfao! Rofl that's a good one, omg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi Luke Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IG-64 Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Originally posted by Jedi Luke If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either. lmao, that makes absolutely no sence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boba Rhett Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 "In retrospect, my 7th grade plan of accumulating as much knowledge about LOTR and Star Wars as a way to meet girls...probably not the best idea." - Probably said by many of us. "By the way, how does it feel to know that a bunch of perverts with highly developed hand muscles and too much time on their hands are all drooling over you?" - Said my a random person on a guitar forum I visit, after a teenage girl posted her picture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiroki Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Well, I had one, but my new one is the one ET Warrior just posted! Let me write it again, so that we may all bask in its hilarity. "Gay bashing is for homos, you fag." *laughs his ass off* Thanks for that, ET Warrior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guardian Omega Posted March 6, 2004 Author Share Posted March 6, 2004 Funny story and moral. True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family. The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pie™ Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 Originally posted by Dante Vandetta. IF I PUT FOOD UP MY ASS? WILL I CRAP OUT MY MOUTH? That SOuth Park episode was killer! Great story Guardian Omega Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jed Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 Originally posted by Guardian Omega Funny story and moral. True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family. The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car. *rolls around on the floor laughing so hard he cries* BEST STORY EVAR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obi Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 This isn't off of the internet, but I found it funny. It's from the Clint Eastwood movie "Heartbreak Ridge." Clint's character, and one of his black soldiers are walking to his truck. The black soldier says: "Hey man, what's 12 inches long and white? NOTHING! HA HA!" Clint responds- "What's black and bleeding if it doesn't shut it's face?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jebbers Posted March 6, 2004 Share Posted March 6, 2004 guardian omega that is awesome...you should have been like no time for condoms! and ran up the steps....but the dad prolly would have came up stairs and beat the crap out of you in the middle of gettin your freak on.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kylilin Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 please read this, it's hysterical.http://www.8ballband.com/42/bloodninja.txt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pie™ Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Originally posted by jebbers guardian omega that is awesome...you should have been like no time for condoms! and ran up the steps....but the dad prolly would have came up stairs and beat the crap out of you in the middle of gettin your freak on.... Uh.... You do realise that that isn't something he's experienced? I think i've seen it on a joke site before... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Handorin Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 LOL that story was off of ebaumsworld.com read it b4. qoute by many: IM NOT A NEWB U NEWB! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pie™ Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Originally posted by Kylilin please read this, it's hysterical.http://www.8ballband.com/42/bloodninja.txt bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him. Damn that's great!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZBomber Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 My new favorite quote: Bloodninja: Wanna cyber? MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables? Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****? MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that. Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes. (pause) MommyMelissa: is that it? Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch. Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce? MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me? (pause) Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily. Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains. MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis. Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots. Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this **** is HOT. MommyMelissa: ... Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love. MommyMelissa: What the **** is this madlibs? I'm outta here. Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****. MommyMelissa: whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiE23 Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Originally posted by Kylilin please read this, it's hysterical.http://www.8ballband.com/42/bloodninja.txt ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!ROFLMFAO!!!!!!! That is so f*cking funny! Some people are so weird.... I like the ending of the Pizza devivery guy, that was so sick! TiE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Blood Ninja is classic funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheHobGoblin Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 I remember someone told a troll something like " We need a mod to.... FINISH HIM..... BANALITY yes 1000 POST I'm free! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Originally posted by Hiroki Thanks for that, ET Warrior. You welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guardian Omega Posted March 7, 2004 Author Share Posted March 7, 2004 Found another one, this time an All your base parady In A.D. 1945 war was ending... Emperor Hirohoto: "What happen? Hideki Tojo: "Somebody set up us the Atom bomb." Japanese Soldier:"We get flash of blinding light." Emperor Hirohoto: "What!" Hideki Tojo:"Main screen turn on." Emperor Hirohoto:"It's you !!" Harry Truman: "How are you gentlemen !!" Harry Truman:"All your islands and emperor are belong to US." Harry Truman: "You are on the way to destruction." Emperor Hirohoto"What you say !!" Harry Truman: "You have no chance to survive make your time." Harry Truman: "We had the bomb and had no doubt we would use it. Ha ha ha ha... " Hideki Tojo: "Emperor !!" Emperor Hirohoto:"Take off every kamikaze!!" Emperor Hirohoto:"You know what you doing." Emperor Hirohoto: "Crash into that aircraft carrier kamikaze." Emperor Hirohoto: "For great justice." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GonkH8er Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 http://www.bash.org has one of the funniest collection of internet quotes on the net..... most are from chat rooms for example ----------------------- #4281 +(7688)- [X] <Zybl0re> get up <Zybl0re> get on up <Zybl0re> get up <Zybl0re> get on up <phxl|paper> and DANCE * nmp3bot dances -< * nmp3bot dances |-< * nmp3bot dances :D/-< <[sA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet #5273 +(7683)- [X] <erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is. #23396 +(6660)- [X] <Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE <Donut[AFK]> INSULT <Eurakarte> RETORT <Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT <Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE <Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE **** UP <Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM <Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE <Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE <Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE <Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE <Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON <Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES <Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD <Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS #99060 +(6110)- [X] t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say... BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES BlackAdder> IN FACT BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG *** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.* *** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( ) t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right CRCError> right heartless> Right. r3v> right #5300 +(5596)- [X] <tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK <tatclass> er. <tatclass> hi. <andy\code> A common typo. <tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other. -------------------- and my personal favourite -------------------- #23601 +(3229)- [X] <mage> what should I give sister for unzipping? <Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks? <mage> no I mean like, WinZip? --------------- but yeah, theres some great ones there... check it out... in the top 100 and 100-200 ------------- #83627 +(2352)- [X] <scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals. ------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheHobGoblin Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 I'm not a newb I'm a human being! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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