Alien426 Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 ... if we don't get a Quotes thread very soon. Every other forum has one. So here goes: "Late one night Carmack and his friends snuck up to a nearby school where they knew there were Apple II machines. Carmack had read about how thermite paste could be used to melt through glass, but he needed some kind of adhesive material, like Vaseline. He mixed the concoction and applied it to the window, dissolving the glass so they could pop out holes to crawl through. A fat friend, however, had more than a little trouble squeezing inside; he reached through the hole instead and opened the window to let himself in. Doing so, he triggered the silent alarm. The cops came in no time. The fourteen-year-old Carmack was sent for psychiatric evaluation to help determine his sentence." - David Kushner, book Masters Of Doom "You will get away with it." - Frank, movie Donnie Darko "I think this is where we shake hands." - Mr. Glass, movie Unbreakable "Oh, my God! Um-uh. Oh, my God, we... thank you... for the... food that mom has put in front of us and STOP! ...the devil! from doing bad things and... GET OUTTA HERE! ...Satan? GO! Go, so... that we may live in peace. Amen!" - Hogarth is saying grace, movie The Iron Giant "So crank your amp and deal the pain Hey, dude - you're fuckin' insane! The riverz run red with blood of posers And don't you know that he's the fool Who plays it cool But needs for his beer to be much colder" - Hey Dude, song by Beatallica Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reaper Girl Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 Hmmm....and alien invader saves the day....hmmm... ....i'm still not going to let you hug me.... "THIS IS MY ART AND IT IS DANGEROUS!" --Delia Ditz, BeatleJuice (i'm too lazy to look up the links) Firmin (after a prop almost falls on Carlotta) "These things do happen, madame" Carlotta: "What do you know?! You've only been here five minutes!" --Phantom of the Opera 42! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RicardoLuigi... Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 "oh zut! c'est comme les spaghettis!" -my french teacher "yada yada yada" -from seinfeld Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edlib Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 A couple of quotes I've been thinking about this election cycle: "There is no instance of a country having benefited from prolonged warfare." "It is only one who is thoroughly acquainted with the evils of war that can thoroughly understand the profitable way of carrying it on." - SUN TZU: THE ART OF WAR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skinkie Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 MEIN BUTTHOLE - yufster (here ) By the way there's no quote thread in the Sam and Max forum. SO I don't think we were in any real danger here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrMcCoy Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 *onf* (i kinda like this word...) "Thus spake the master programmer: 'After three days without programming, life becomes meaningless.'" -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao Of Programming" "You barbarians! I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'l have you hung, drawn, and quartered! And whipped! And boiled...until...until...until you've had enough. And then I will do it again! And when I've finished I will take all the little bits, and I will JUMP on them! And I will carry on jumping on them until I get blisters, or I can think of anything even more unpleasant to do..." -- Arthur Dent in "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy", by Douglas Adams "Now it is such a bizarrely impossible coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the nonexistence of God. The arguement goes something like this: 'I refuse to prove that I exist,' says God, 'for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.' 'But,' say Man, 'the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED.' 'Oh dear,' says God, 'I hadn't though of that' and promply vanishes in a puff of logic. -- "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" "It is the color of a bleached skull, his flesh; and the long hair which flows below his shoulders is milk-white. From the tapering, beautiful head stare two slanting eyes, crimson and moody, and from the loose sleeves of his yellow gown emerge two slender hands, also the color of bone. " -- Michaell Moorcock, "Elric of Melniboné" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 Okay, so we all know that sooner or later people are gonna start quoteing entire snippets of the scripts for Monty Python. So without delay. "Ni" Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail Oh hell, I mightas well add a book quote to make me look more intelligent than I actually am (me being six and all) 'Er. Shaped metal that does work? Toother Wheels?' The taxman looked frightened 'Wheels with Teeth?' 'What do you call the things that grind corn?' 'Peasents.' 'Yes, but what do they grind corn with?' 'I don't know. Why should I know? Only peasents need to know that.' 'Yes, I suppose that say's it all really.' Conversation between My Saveloy and Six Beneficent Winds in Interesting Times by Terry Pratchett. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrMcCoy Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 k... Man: Oh look, this isn't an argument! Mr. Vibrating: Yes it is! Man: No it isn't! It's just contradiction! Mr. Vibrating: No it isn't! Man: It IS! Mr. Vibrating: It is NOT! Man: Look, you just contradicted me! Mr. Vibrating: I did not! Man: Oh, you DID! Mr. Vibrating: No no no! Man: You did just then! Mr. Vibrating: Nonsense! Man: (exasperated) Oh, this is futile!! Mr. Vibrating: No it isn't! Man: I came here for a good argument! Mr. Vibrating: No you didn't, no, you came here for an argument! Man: An argument isn't just contradiction. Mr. Vibrating: CAN be! Man: No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition. Mr. Vibrating: No it isn't! Man: Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction. Mr. Vibrating: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position! Man: Yes but that's not just saying "no it isn't". Mr. Vibrating: Yes it is! Man: No it isn't! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes. Mr. Vibrating: No it isn't. Man: Yes it is! Mr. Vibrating: Not at all! -- Monty Python, Argument Clinic Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam and spam! -- Monty Python, Spam Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our weapon is suprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and the ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Amongst our weapons...are fear, surprise, ruth... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear... -- Monty Python, Spanish Inquisition ... i know you all waited for this one: I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! -- Monty Python, The Search For The Holy Grail ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alia Posted June 5, 2004 Share Posted June 5, 2004 "But what of the Greek myths, of the Greek god Zeus and of the popular image of Zeus - a Greek God - throwing down lightning bolts to kill people and knock down trees. Where did he find the time? And what of lightning being made of fire? In this workaday world of in the era of the founding father Benjamin Franklin we have no time nor patience for such concerns. These are for the third world and schizophrenics." "At their own peril!!!" --Jeremy Lavine, Essays Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted June 6, 2004 Share Posted June 6, 2004 Dr McCoy, I'm surprised. Surprised that I didn't quote the elderberry one. But whatever. GUARD #1: Halt! Who goes there? ARTHUR: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign of all England! GUARD #1: Pull the other one! ARTHUR: I am. And this my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court of Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master. GUARD #1: What, ridden on a horse? ARTHUR: Yes! GUARD #1: You're using coconuts! ARTHUR: What? GUARD #1: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together. ARTHUR: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercea, through-- GUARD #1: Where'd you get the coconut? ARTHUR: We found them. GUARD #1: Found them? In Mercea? The coconut's tropical! ARTHUR: What do you mean? GUARD #1: Well, this is a temperate zone. ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land. GUARD #1: Are you suggesting coconuts are migratory? ARTHUR: Not at all, they could be carried. GUARD #1: What -- a swallow carrying a coconut? ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk! GUARD #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut. ARTHUR: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here. GUARD #1: Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right? ARTHUR: Please! GUARD #1: Am I right? ARTHUR: I'm not interested! GUARD #2: It could be carried by an African swallow! GUARD #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point. GUARD #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that... ARTHUR: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?! GUARD #1: But then of course African swallows are not migratory. GUARD #2: Oh, yeah... GUARD #1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway... [clop clop] GUARD #2: Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it together? GUARD #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line. GUARD #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a standard creeper! GUARD #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers? GUARD #2: Well, why not? Monty Python and the Search fior the Holy Grail. MAYNARD: Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One. BROTHER: "And Saint Atila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'Oh, Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large --" MAYNARD: Skip a bit, Brother. BROTHER: "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'" MAYNARD: Amen. ALL: Amen. ARTHUR: Right! One... two... five! ???: Three, sir! ARTHUR: Three! [boom] Monty Python and the Search fior the Holy Grail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RicardoLuigi... Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 "i get to travel to lots of overseas places. like canada." -britney spears Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kjølen Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 "No Steve! I'm not like that." -- People from school "Why do you persist, Mr. Anderson?" -- Agent Smith. "I'll kill you. I'll kill you." -- Girl in my band class "YOU... SHALL NOT... PASS!" -- Gandalf the Grey "Sorry hehe, not very serious here with these quotes, am I?" -- Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Edison 007 Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Quotes: "Doing a sociological study on perversion. I'm up to Advanced Child Molesting." -- Fielding Mellish, Bananas "[To president of ABC] Here's a question for "Who Wants to be a Millionaire"- what kind of an idiot is running ABC?" -- Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm "Because you need me, Springfield. Your guilty conscience may move you to vote Democratic, but deep down you long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king. That's why I did this, to save you from yourselves. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a city to run." --Sideshow Bob, The Simpsons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi-Monkey Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Grr! That Friggin Panda! Dude from the new Knorr advert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrMcCoy Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Wapcaplet: "DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED, RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!" Mr. Simpson: 'Ospitals!?! Wapcaplet: Have you ever in a Hospital where they didn't have string? Mr. Simpson: No, but it's only string! Wapcaplet: ONLY STRING?! It's everything! It's...it's waterproof! Mr. Simpson: No it isn't! Wapcaplet: All right, it's water resistant then! Mr. Simpson: It isn't! Wapcaplet: All right, it's water absorbent! It's...Super Absorbent String! "ABSORB WATER TODAY WITH SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL WATER ABSORB-A-TEX STRINGETTES! AWAY WITH FLOODS!" Mr. Simpson: You just said it was waterproof! Wapcaplet: "AWAY WITH THE DULL DRUDGERY OF WORKADAY TIDAL WAVES! USE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL FLOOD PREVENTERS!" Mr. Simpson: You're mad! -- Monty Python, "String" Mousebender: Red Windsor? Wensleydale: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down. Mousebender: Ah. Stilton? Wensleydale: Sorry. Mousebender: Ementhal? Gruyere? Wensleydale: No. Mousebender: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance. Wensleydale: No. Mousebender: Liptauer? Wensleydale: No. Mousebender: Lancashire? Wensleydale: No. Mousebender: White Stilton? Wensleydale: No. Mousebender: Danish Blue? Wensleydale: No. Mousebender: Double Gloucester? Wensleydale: (pause) No. Mousebender: Cheshire? Wensleydale: No. Mousebender: Dorset Blue Vinney? Wensleydale: No. Mousebender: Brie, Rocquefort, Pont-l'Évêgue le Veq, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carre-de-L'Ést, Bresse Bleue, Bruson? Wensleydale: No. -- Monty Python, "Cheese Shop" Father: Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one... stayed up! And that's what you're gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in these islands. -- Monty Python, "The Search For The Holy Grail" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sivy Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 "First one through this door gets a, gets a LEAD SALAD!" "It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car" "There's always that." ~ fight club "I gave her my heart....she gave me a pen." ~ say anything "go on, touch it" ~ Siv "I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman." "It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day." ~ the simpsons "Like my plastic surgeon always says if you gotta go, go with a smile" ~ Batman "What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good on this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?" ~ LOTR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reaper Girl Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 "You rolled a 10 on a 6-sided dice?....Impressive!" ---I actually forgot where I heard that...oh well... "I swear to drunk officer I'm not God!" ---my friend "devil" claims someone actuallly said that "OMG, its like...SOME KIND OF EVIL LOVE TRIANGLE!@! I mean, its like, okay...Bird worked on the Simpsons, THEN went on to...*shudder* ...make IT. Now, Danny Elfman does the Simpsons theme. And, when they made *shudder* IT, they were gonna get Danny but they couldn't afford it. Okay, so, that means that Danny is in with Tim Burton. Its like, OMG, what if THEY ALL GOT TOGETHER, like a Bird/Burton/Elfman ORGY. And for no reason, someone ressurects Ted Hughes, and he'll say "RAWR!'" OMFG!!" ---me, high on nerds and using an old fashioned type-writer. If you can disifer(sp?) that, well, OMFG, YOU'RE IN ON IT TOO!?! eEk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrMcCoy Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 sometimes you frighten me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sivy Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 best quote ever (and from an unlikely source too) ... "you spend the first 9 months of your life wanting to get out... then the rest of your life trying to get back in" ~ look who's talking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alien426 Posted June 9, 2004 Author Share Posted June 9, 2004 I always thought the best quote evar was from Raising Arizona: Parole Board Member #1: "You're not just telling us what we want to hear?" H.I.: "No sir, no way." Parole Board Member #2: "'Cause we just want to hear the truth." H.I.: "Well, then I guess I am telling you what you want to hear." Parole Board Member #1: "Boy, didn't we just tell you not to do that?" H.I.: "Yes, sir." Parole Board Member #1: "Okay, then." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshi Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 " 'What are you fighting for then? 'A Hard boiled egg.' 'That's not a lot to be fighting for.' 'No, but answer me this, when you wake up tomorrow morning, will you have found truth? Doubt it. Justice? Not likely. Freedom? No. But I can at least be hopeful that when I wake up tomorrow morning, I'll get me a hard boiled egg.' " said by Sir Samuel Vimes AKA Sergent at Arms John Keel in Night watch by Terry Pratchett. Priest: Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath... Matthias: Do I say yes? Guard: Yes. Matthias: Yes! Priest: ...you have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the name of our Lord, and so as a blasphemer... Women disguised as bearded men: Ooh... Priest: ...you are to be stoned to death! Women disguised as bearded men: Aah! Matthias: Look, I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was: "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehova!". Women disguised as bearded men: Oooh! Priest: Blasphemy! He said it again! Women disguised as bearded men: Yeah! Yes! Yes! Priest: Did you hear him?! Women disguised as bearded men: Yeah! Yes! Yes! Woman: Really! Priest: Are there any women here today? Women disguised as bearded men: Uh...ooh...no... Priest: Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me... Rock thrown at Matthias: [bladonk] Women disguised as bearded men: Ooh... Matthias: Oh, lay off! We haven't started yet! Priest: Come on! Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on! Women disguised as bearded men: She did! She did! He did! He did! He did! Woman: Sorry, I thought we'd started. Priest: Go to the back! Woman: Oh, dear... Priest: Always one, isn't there? Now, where were we? Matthias: Look, I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying "Jehova"! Women disguised as bearded men: Aiiih! He did! Priest: You're only making it worse for yourself! Matthias: Making it worse? How could it be worse? Jehova, Jehova, Jehova! Women disguised as bearded men: Aiiih! Priest: I'm warning you! If you say Jehova once more... Rock thrown at Priest: [bladonk] Priest: Right! Who threw that? Matthias: Hehehe... Priest: Come on! Who threw that? Women disguised as bearded men: She did! She did! She did! Him! Him! Him! Priest: Was it you? Woman II: Yes. Priest: Right... Woman II: Well, you did say Jehova! Women disguised as bearded men: Aiiih! Rocks thrown at Woman II: [Multiple Bladonks] Priest: Stop! Stop! Will you stop that! Stop it! Now, look! No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle! Do you understand? Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do say Jehova! Women disguised as bearded men: Aiiih! Rocks thrown at Priest: [Multiple Bladonks] Priest: Aaargh! Large boulder crushing Priest: [bladonk] Woman III: Good shot! Women disguised as bearded men: [Applause] Monty Python and the search for the Holy Grail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrMcCoy Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Originally posted by Joshi Monty Python and the search for the Holy Grail afaik this is from "Life Of Brain"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Edison 007 Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 "If someone says to you, 'Why don't you go fuck yourself,' you simply respond, 'Touche,' and you're out of there." --Larry David "You know he worst part of this is I'm looking at your boobs, thinking I would still date you." --Larry David, to a female heckler. "This is pearls before swine here! What is this? Fuck you!" --Larry David, to an unattentive audience. "I don't go out with women. I find them to be too effeminate." --Larry David, on women. "I was hugging a woman and we were jumping up and down and embracing and then I realized that it wasn't love but the Yankees had just won the World Series." --Larry David, on the one good time he ever had with a women. "I look for someone who has large breasts and likes to throw rocks at deer." --Larry David, on what he likes in a women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alien426 Posted June 10, 2004 Author Share Posted June 10, 2004 soldier: "Are you ready to be all you can be, Bobby?" Bobby: "I think I peed my pants!" soldier: "That's your penis talking, son. Says he's proud of ya." - Penny Arcade Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reaper Girl Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Originally posted by DrMcCoy sometimes you frighten me... what you saw wasn't even the half of it... Go listen to "Another One Bites the Dust" backwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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