RC-1162 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 actually, in the novelisation of ANH, obi wan mentions a duck in front of luke and luke asks him "what is a duck?" and obi wan replies "never mind" so i guess there are ducks and i you see the data bank of AOTC on the original site, in the creatures tab, there is a link named "duck" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterAwder Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 great chapther Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade Puma Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 Yay I am almost to 1,000 views! Not bad so far, at least not for my first fanfic. Chapter XV Jor-el, Linduu and T-4 were powerless to do anything. The Sith raider had seemingly hijacked them and was racing towards Korriban at faster than light speeds. “Jor-el is there nothing you can do to stop this infernal ship?” Linduu was breathing rapidly and on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. “Calm yourself Linduu, be mindful of your feelings. There is nothing to fear at the moment and getting overly excited isn’t going to make things any better.” Jor-el reached his hand back behind his head for Linduu to hold, hoping it would bring her some comfort and calm her down. “It appears that we are headed for Korriban and that our fates are in the hands of the force.” She grabbed his hand and gripped it tightly. “Jor-el what is on Korriban? I have never been there. All I know about it is the stories that I used to hear when I was a child. All I know is that it is said to be a place of great evil.” Jor-el winced at the massive understatement of her words. “Great evil indeed my love, Korriban used to be the home of the Sith. But after the Mandalorian wars, and after the Sith civil war, it became nothing more than dust and ashes. It is now just a graveyard of death. Many Sith lords now rest in tombs on the planet’s surface, and because of their fallen state their souls have not been able to become one with the force. They still linger, thus creating a strong dark side presence on Korriban for as long as it remains.” Jor-el’s words sent shivers up Linduu’s spine. “Sounds like somewhere I don’t want to go, although it looks as if we don’t have a choice.” Jor-el smiled. “Don’t worry my love, I am sure we will find nothing more than rubble and ruins once we get there.” “Are you sure Jor-el? Why would this raider be programmed to take us there if nothing remained anymore?” Jor-el thought for a moment. “It’s probably just an old program from back in the day, hidden away in its computer core all this time. Still you make a good point. We should be on our guard just in case.” The raider lurched forward as it slowed down to exit hyperspace. Upon exiting the group was face to face with a huge armada of Sith cruisers and destroyers. They were orbiting the planet just as a pack of Kath hounds would their prey. Jor-el felt a knot in the pit of his stomach. “Well looks like this place isn’t abandoned after all. I can’t believe the size of this fleet!” “T-4 could you please scan the sector and report the number of ships?” Linduu asked. “Beep beep woo.” Jor-el’s mouth dropped wide open. “50 cruisers and 200 destroyers, how is that possible? Where are they getting the resources to build such a fleet?” “Well remember Jor-el, the Sith are running the galaxy now. There is nothing to stop them from ravaging entire planets just for production’s sake.” Linduu replied as she shook her head in disbelief. “Why are they not hailing us?” “Do I need to remind you that we are in a Sith raider my love? There is no need for them to police their own ships.” “Right, I knew that.” Linduu replied, her cheeks a little red from the embarrassment of asking such a stupid question. The ship continued it’s decent towards the planet’s surface. It entered the atmosphere and began heading straight for a massive spaceport. Jor-el’s eyes were wide in amazement. “Will you look at this city it must be twice the size of Mos Eisly. How could they have built and developed so much in only 5 years?” Linduu looked down on the buildings. “Yes it appears as if their resolve matches their unlimited resources.” Beyond the city they could see the tombs of the Sith as well as the ruins of an old academy. The skyline above them was dark and foreboding. Lightning seemed to be a constant thing as well, for it filled the sky endlessly. “This place gives me the creeps Jor-el, it really is evil.” Linduu said with a quivering voice. “Hold on Lin, looks as if we are coming in for a landing.” The raider slowed to a stop and hovered in mid air above an open docking space. It slowly descended and finally came to rest on the ground. Jor-el and Linduu exited the ship’s cockpit. T-4 started to leave the ship with them but Jor-el stopped him. “No T-4, I need you to stay here. Now that the auto program has run its course I want you to see if you can rewrite the ship’s programming to fit our needs.” “Beep beep” “Very well then, I will keep in contact with you on our personal communicators.” The two Jedi made their way out onto what appeared to be one of the main streets of the city. There were carts containing various things being pulled by Bomas as well as human slaves up and down the path. The street still unpaved threw dust in every direction, making it hard to breathe. There were buildings of all sizes all around them, cantinas, marketplaces, speeder shops, and even the occasional junkyard here and there. Many of the people began to notice the clothing on Jor-el and Linduu. “Lin I think it would be a good idea if we got rid of these Jedi robes and found some more appropriate, shall I say plain attire.” “Yes love, I think you are right.” Linduu replied. They made their way to a clothing hut not more than two blocks away. Ten minutes later they emerged from the shop with new clothing. Linduu studied their surroundings. “So what do we do now big guy?” Jor-el noticed a few dark Jedi walking by. “Well we need to stay under the radar for now, at least until we can come up with a plan on what to do. We should probably find a place of lodging to stay at. After than we need to find out as much as we can about what’s going on around here. Also we need to see if we can pick up on a trail that might lead us to Vandar.” Linduu rubbed her hand over her stomach in a circular motion. “Yeah I also wouldn’t mind getting some food, that wasn’t the shortest trip I have ever had.” Jor-el nodded in agreement and they made their way to the nearest cantina. Once inside they took a seat near the back and ordered their food. ************************************************** The two dark Jedi were going about their patrol of the spaceport when a masked figure in a dark cloak appeared before them. “My lord, where did you come from? We did not sense your presence.” The two Sith said as they knelt on the ground. The masked figure raised its hand for them to be silent. “A raider landed about 20 minutes ago.” It said with a low feminine voice. “Lord Vandar sensed that the two Jedi we have been hunting were in it.” One of the patrol guards interrupted. “Are you sure my Lord? The Jedi, here?” The cloaked figure raised her hand and lifted the one who interrupted her into the air. “You shall never interrupt me again.” She said as she choked him to death with the force. She let the body fall to the ground and looked at the other patrol guard. “Find the Jedi, and find them now or your death won’t be so quick.” The dark Jedi bowed down to the ground. “Yes lord Lantill, it shall be done immediately.” With that he ran off into the city to find Jor-el and Linduu. A moment later Lantill’s communicator began to buzz. She opened it up in the palm of her hand and a hologram appeared. “Jasra have you found the two Jedi yet?” The figure in the image asked. “No my lord Onasi, but they shall not remain hidden for long.” She replied with determination in her voice. “Good, see to it personally that they are not allowed to leave the planet. Lord Vandar has seen through the force that my daughter is pregnant with Kenobi’s baby. He has special plans in mind for the child.” Jasra smiled at the thought of what devious plans lord Vandar might have in mind. “Yes lord Onasi, I shall contact you as soon as I know where they are.” ************************************************** John Onasi entered into Vandar’s palace. He walked into the throne room and knelt down on one knee before the dark lord. “My lord, they are on Korriban, we shall take them prisoner very soon.” Vandar removed the dark hood from his head. “Good, good my faithful apprentice. Done well you have. The girl alive I want, but kill Kenobi you must.” “Yes my lord, it shall be as you command.” John replied. With that he exited the throne room and made his way to his personal raider. It was a hybrid, a mix between a Naboo star fighter and a Clone trooper X-wing. He climbed inside the cockpit and strapped himself in. “Computer set a course for Korriban.” “Course plot completed, engaging engines.” The computer replied. John Onasi prepared himself for the 12 hour journey. His ship climbed into the air and exited the atmosphere. The computer spoke once again. “Engaging hyper drive.” The raider disappeared from Onderon’s orbit, John Onasi was on his way to kill Jor-el Kenobi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterAwder Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 excellent chapther .......but why isen't lord vandar at korriban its the strongest dark side place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade Puma Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 You will find out As far as you know it is the strongest darkside place. Remember this is 1,000 years after KOTOR II ended, some things change Just be patient. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterAwder Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 heheh ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasraLantill Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 Aaah! I didn't know I had such an evil streak in me! You're too kind. Very interesting chapter! Like your idea of the new Sith city on Korriban, and can't wait to see another conflict between John and Jor-el! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordReserei Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Jor-el, isn't that the name a of certain superheroe's father..."SUPERMAN". maybe you should come up with something unique. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade Puma Posted February 15, 2006 Author Share Posted February 15, 2006 Hey now, his is spelled Jorel. Mine is Jor-el. Besides I borrowed the Kenobi name and no one has complained I just liked the name Jor-el Kenobi, I can't help it. Sorry if it bothers you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Great so far, when is the next Chapter coming. PS: Please check out any of my Fanfics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade Puma Posted February 17, 2006 Author Share Posted February 17, 2006 Yay I've reached the 1,000 view mark!!! It's time to celebrate!! A cake for everyone!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasraLantill Posted February 17, 2006 Share Posted February 17, 2006 Yay I've reached the 1,000 view mark!!! It's time to celebrate!! A cake for everyone!! Congrats!! And here's a party to go with your cake! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForceFightWMe12 Posted February 20, 2006 Share Posted February 20, 2006 Nice work, Renegade Good story you've got going here. And congrats on the 1,000 views, I noticed that the last time I stopped by to finish up reading the last few chapters. The only other thing I have to say is that I should probably start watching my back... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade Puma Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 Nice work, Renegade Good story you've got going here. And congrats on the 1,000 views, I noticed that the last time I stopped by to finish up reading the last few chapters. The only other thing I have to say is that I should probably start watching my back... Um... thanks for the props FF But looking over your back? Lol.... Yeah when elephants fly. You will never have to look over your back to worry about anyone as far as your writing goes. Also I am starting work on chapter XVI now I should have it posted around 3 or 4 A.M. Wednesday morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade Puma Posted February 21, 2006 Author Share Posted February 21, 2006 Okay so I lied. I sat down for an hour and a half and here is the new chapter. It's not short, but it's not long either. Hope you all enjoy it. Leave me feedback Chapter XVI The deafening silence of the night sent shivers up Linduu’s spine. It was pitch black outside and there was a feeling of eeriness in the air. She walked over to the window of the room that she and Jor-el had found at an Inn for the night. She placed her hands on the window seal and peered out into the night. “How a place this big becomes so quiet is beyond my understanding. This place really gives me the creeps.” Jor-el walked up behind Linduu and placed his hands on her shoulders. “It should give you the creeps my love. Korriban is filled with the dark side. In fact some say that Korriban came into existence as a result of the dark side of the force.” Jor-el said. “None the less, we have nothing to fear as long as we are together. As long as we focus our thoughts and watch each others backs, then we will make it through whatever this planet throws at us.” “I hope you are right Jor-el. All I know is that I am glad I’m not here alone.” Linduu said. “So what did you find out at the central information hub?” Jor-el turned around and sat down on the bed. “That this city is the only one on Korriban at the moment. It is the first of many that are planned as part of a restoration project.” Jor-el took a deep breath before he continued on. “And it appears as if Vandar is looking for something.” “Looking for something? What do you mean?” Linduu asked. “It seems that he is hiring as many archeologists as he can get his hands on.” Jor-el replied. Linduu looked at Jor-el quizzically. “What is he looking for J?” “Well the information hub didn’t have that stored in its database, and I expected that it wouldn’t. So I went back to the cantina and did some eavesdropping on some of the local’s conversations.” Linduu sat down beside Jor-el. “And what did you find out?” Jor-el got up from the bed and began pacing around the room. “My Jor-el this must be serious. What is it? Come on and tell me already.” Linduu said. Jor-el took a deep breath. “It seems that there is an ancient and powerful Sith artifact buried here on the planet in one of the tombs.” Jor-el paused for a moment. “One that if found will increase Vandar’s power ten fold.” Linduu threw her hands up into the air. “Well this just keeps getting better and better now doesn’t it.” “That’s not all.” Jor-el said. “I have sensed the presence of an old friend here on Korriban.” “An old friend you say? Well that can’t be all bad can it?” Linduu asked. Jor-el continued his pacing. “Yes it is actually. This friend of mine trained side by side with me during my early days at the Jedi academy. She was very wise and powerful for her young age. In fact I would say that she was leaps and bounds ahead of me in many aspects.” Linduu noticed Jor-el’s facial expressions begin to drop. “What is it Jor-el? What happened?” “She fell to the dark side and joined the Sith during the last war. Since I have sensed her presence here I fear that she has sensed mine as well. She poses a great threat to us, I don’t think we should stay here very long if we can help it.” Jor-el replied. “What is her name J?” Linduu asked. “Her name was Jasra Lantill, though I don’t know what she is called now. You know with how the Sith seem obsessed about changing their names to such meaningless things like, Darth booger, or Lord goober.” Jor-el replied. “Ah I see.” Linduu said. “I see that you find the Sith changing their names to be quite pointless, even funny.” Jor-el smiled. “Yeah I really never have understood why they do it, but that’s not the important thing right now. For the moment I think we need to concentrate on getting to this ancient artifact before the Sith do.” “Any ideas on how we should go about doing that?” Linduu asked. “Earlier in the cantina I overheard one of the Sith archeologist telling his companions that he had found the tomb where the artifact is said to be. Supposedly this tomb has not yet been discovered by anyone else.” A small smirk made its way onto Jor-el’s face. “I took the liberty of placing a tracking device into the cargo on one of the Banthas in their caravan. We should be able to follow them right to it.” Linduu smiled at Jor-el’s resourcefulness. “Well done my love. Now what about numbers, how many of them are there going to be waiting for us at the tomb when we arrive?” “I counted four of them in the cantina, and I figure a few of Vandar’s elite assassins will probably accompany them. After all, he wants this artifact really bad and wouldn’t risk the chance of an archeologist messing this whole thing up for him.” Jor-el replied. “When are they setting out after the tomb?” Linduu asked. “They have most likely already left my love. We should probably get going after them right away. All we have to do is follow the tracking device.” Jor-el replied. “Sounds like a good plan, let’s make sure to keep our thoughts focused and centered.” Linduu said. Jor-el put his arm around Linduu’s shoulders. “Of course my love, why wouldn’t we.” He said with a smile. Jor-el and Linduu set out into the eerie night after the caravan. Making sure to stay out of sight and be as quiet as possible. ************************************************ John Onasi’s raider exited hyperspace and began its decent towards Korriban. He pushed a button and opened up a communications channel with Jasra. “Lord Lantill, have you made any progress in detaining the two Jedi?” “Yes my lord, all is going according as planned. We are tracking their every movement. At the moment they are headed out into the ruins. They are following the archeologist that claims to know where the tomb and artifact are located.” Jasra replied. “Good, good, very well done Jasra. I will be on the planet’s surface in a few minutes. We will meet up then and head out after them. If they find the tomb then it will be much easier for us to kill Kenobi and capture the female once they are inside.” John said. “Very well my lord, I shall be awaiting your arrival.” Jasra replied. Jasra closed the communications channel and walked to the edge of the roof on top of the building on which she was standing. “Good.” She thought to herself. “Neither Vandar nor Onasi suspect anything. It appears as if though my plan is going to succeed after all.” She let out an evil, maniacal laugh as she peered out over the city. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterAwder Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 great chapter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasraLantill Posted February 21, 2006 Share Posted February 21, 2006 I'm evil and devious? Good chapter! And less than two hours to write it? I'm definitely impressed! Go, RB, go! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScieX Posted February 22, 2006 Share Posted February 22, 2006 i like it. but some of your sentences are awkward, not that many. Good stuff dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade Puma Posted February 22, 2006 Author Share Posted February 22, 2006 Thanks for the props all It gives me the encouragement to keep writing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade Puma Posted March 1, 2006 Author Share Posted March 1, 2006 Sorry this one's not very long guys. I haven't had a lot of time lately to write. But I wanted to get some more posted, so here it is. Chapter XVII “Where are they now?” John Onasi asked. “By now I would imagine that they have uncovered the entrance to the tomb and are probably inside.” Jasra Lantill replied as she knelt before her lord. “You may rise.” John said. “We should probably make our way to the cave now if we are to have any chance of trapping the girl.” Jasra rose to her feet. “My Lord, shall I order these assassins to accompany us?” She asked as she pointed to the cloaked figures behind her. “No, we can handle this on our own.” John replied. “Lord Vandar gave me strict instructions to handle this alone, with the exception of you. He was very angry after I returned empty handed from my first battle with Kenobi. I won’t give him a second chance to berate me.” “Very well my Lord.” Jasra said as she and John turned to face the ruins. “I promise you my master. Jor-el Kenobi will not make it through this night alive.” John turned and faced her. “He had better not. Otherwise I am going to separate your head from your body.” He waved his hand towards the ruins. “Now let us depart.” They started off with a slow jog and worked their way up to a brisk run as they headed towards the tomb. “No my master, it is your head which will be removed on this night.” Jasra thought to herself as she ran stride for stride with him. ****************************************** Jor-el and Linduu were standing at the tomb entrance looking inside. “Do we have to go in there?” Linduu asked. “This place really gives me the creeps.” Jor-el smiled at her comment. “I will admit that this place isn’t exactly the hottest vacation spot.” He looked back down into the dark tomb entrance. “None the less, we have to go in. If we wait any longer then we risk having the archeologist find the artifact.” “Well why can’t we just wait out here and jump them when they come out?” Linduu asked. “Because if one of those assassins that escorted them in there comes out holding the artifact, well, let’s just say that I think he would be more than a match for us. Of course that is assuming the stories that I heard about this thing are true.” Jor-el replied. Linduu raised one of her eyebrows. “So what, we wait for them to find it, but take care of them before they can grab it?” Jor-el smiled. “Now you’re getting the idea. It’s about time you started learning to think strategically.” Linduu shot one of those icy female glances over at Jor-el. “What are you trying to say? That I didn’t know how to do so before?” Linduu walked over to Jor-el and cupped his face in her hands. “Give me a little more credit than that love. I got you to fall in love with me didn’t I?” “Oh now you’ve gone from strategic, to smart aleck.” Jor-el replied with a smile on his face. “Come on then, let’s get inside and do what we came here for.” They stepped inside the tomb entrance and began sneaking closer and closer towards where the archeologist was searching. They followed the sounds of the voices up ahead of them that echoed through the catacombs of the tomb. “There they are. Quick, hide!” Linduu whispered as she ducked down behind a rock formation. Jor-el hid behind some boxes of equipment that the Sith had brought with them. “Be on your guard now, there’s no telling what might happen from this point on.” He whispered. “Wait, I think I’ve found it!” yelled the archeologist. “Wait, never mind. It’s just an old depleted lightsaber emitter.” Linduu looked around the big room and noticed something odd. “Something’s not right here.” Jor-el glanced over at her. “What do you mean?” “There aren’t any markings or writings describing who this tomb belongs to.” She replied. Jor-el looked down at the ground with a frown. “You’re right.” He said still whispering. “But why would there be no writings? I mean if even the artifacts left behind by this Sith are so powerful, then surely he was a great Sith lord of much renown.” “Perhaps I can answer that question.” A female voice said from behind them as Jasra and John stepped out of the darkness and into the light of the torches that hung from the wall. ************************************************ (6 hours ago.) “My lord will you keep the artifact for yourself?” The young assassin asked. “How can I keep something that doesn’t exist?” Jasra replied. “What do you mean my lord?” The assassin asked her. “The artifact, the tomb, it is all just a lie.” Jasra replied. The young assassin looked puzzled. “A lie, what do you mean? Why would you lie about such a thing? “You have so much to learn, and my patience is growing very thin with you.” Jasra replied with anger in her voice. “It is all a part of my plan to kill Lord Onasi and take his place as Vandar’s second in command.” Jasra was now looking up into the sky with her arms outstretched towards the clouds. “And then I shall kill Vandar and become the new ruler of the Sith!” “So the tomb and the artifact don’t exist?” The young Sith asked. “Well the artifact doesn’t, but the tomb does in a way.” Jasra replied. “I found an empty cave network about 3 months ago. So I decided to use it to aid me in my plan of killing Lord Onasi.” Jasra had a proud smirk on her face now. “So I did a few things to make the inside of the cave look like a tomb. Then I spread the rumors about the powerful artifact in hopes that Lord Vandar would send his second in command here to search for it. Now I will admit things haven’t quite worked out like I planned. But none the less Lord Onasi is on his way here as we speak. Once I get him alone he is a dead man.” “But my lord, don’t you fear that he or Vandar will sense your plot through the force?” The assassin asked. Jasra ignited her red double bladed lightsaber and pressed it up very close to the young Sith’s throat. “That is the last time that you ever question me again, do I make myself clear?” The young Sith nodded in acknowledgement. “Good, remain loyal to me and I will make you a ruler of many worlds. Neither Vandar nor Onasi will find out about what I am planning. I can shield my thoughts from them just as easily as I can walk across the street.” ******************************************** (Back to the present.) Jasra looked over at the assassins which were guarding the archeologist. “It seems we have some intruders over here that need to be taught a lesson.” The four assassins walked over towards where Jor-el and Linduu were now standing. “Capture the girl, leave the male to us.” Jasra commanded as she and John ignited their lightsabers. The assassins ignited their sabers as well and began to move towards Linduu. Jor-el and Linduu gave each other a look that said, “I love you, no matter what happens, I love you.” Linduu ignited her pink double blade and dropped into a defensive position. The four Assassins leaped towards her and began their attack. Jor-el ignited his silver lightsaber and instantly went on the offensive. Slashing, thrusting, ducking and countering every attack that Jasra and John made. Jor-el and Linduu were in for the fight of their lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 A great Chapter. Will Jor-el and Linduu survive? I can't wait to find out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted March 2, 2006 Share Posted March 2, 2006 I've had the opportunity to look over the thread, and I find your story quite interesting. You have a nice ability to suddenly change the plot in unexpected ways, and your cliffhangers keep us all hanging on for the next installment. I would recommend a couple things to make this even better. First, double check the grammar before posting--you need some more commas in your sentences. There are a number of style guides with all those retentive punctuation rules. They're not fun to read through, but good grammar really does help the reader understand your thoughts better. Consider reading it out loud to yourself or someone else--I've found that I pick up some more grammar errors that way besides just re-reading it. Second, because of the length of your fic, you're probably at the point where you do need to develop some kind of outline (instead of writing on the fly) to prevent continuity errors. In one chapter you mention Jor-el has a pure heart, but in the next chapter we see him doing a mind control technique and forcing Lin to draw a moustache on herself. Even though you meant to incorporate it as humor, the act itself is pretty darkside if you think about it. Since he was making fun of her in that scene, I also had a little trouble believing he had feelings for her after that. Later in the battle near the destroyed Ethon Star, he throws his pregnant wife against a wall (which is also a pretty dark act), but in the next chapter, he asks her if he hurt her, and she says he didn't touch her. That being said, I loved the idea of a Midichlorian planet, and the color-changing saber crystal is very cool. The sub-story with Jasra plotting against her masters is so very Sith--you captured that one well. You've given your main characters enough depth for me to start to care about them and what happens to them. There is excitement in your action sequences. In some of them, I really do wonder if Jor-El's going to bite the dust, which of course makes me want to read further. Each chapter you write is better than the one before, and I encourage you to keep writing. We all have to find out what happens to Jor-El and Linduu! Keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade Puma Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 Thanks for the advice Jae. I do have an outline, but it is in my head. The story is probably going to be over within 5 chapters or so, "or some where around there." And the gramar thing, yeah I have always had problems with my gramar. I am trying really hard to make it all correct, but I will always miss some. And to answer your pure heart question about Jor-el, it's true that he does have a pure heart, much like Anakin Skywalker had a pure heart. But like Anakin, Jor-el was overcome by his emotions at the moment, and made the wrong choice on how to handle them. He does love Linduu, and does have a pure heart. In the moment where he force pushed her across the room, he was already overcome by anger towards the Sith, and didn't remember doing that. And Linduu was telling the truth, he didn't physically touch her. But as you have pointed out, I am sure that I do have a few continuinity errors in my story overall, just bare with me through those. Once again, thanks for taking the time to read through all of my story up to this point. I can't wait to read the next chapter of your Fic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jae Onasi Posted March 3, 2006 Share Posted March 3, 2006 I hear you on the grammar thing. I can't tell you how many sentences I've diagrammed in my life. Blech. I appreciate you taking my comments the way they were meant, which is just to suggest things to keep and things that can help you make your story even better. I'm glad you explained those plot points--I understand better where you're going with it now. As for continuity issues--I didn't see any others. It's finished in just a few more chapters? You're going to make a lot of readers very sad that you're finishing so soon. Very kind of you to include my little story in your sig. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade Puma Posted March 3, 2006 Author Share Posted March 3, 2006 Well, it's tentative, perhaps 5 chapters or so. But it might stretch out to 10 knowing me. I have one more big part of this story, and it is going to take some long writing and description. Not to mention I have to start work on the next chapter to finish this fight. And all I have to says is, "You are all going to hate Jasra after the next chapter." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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