Jump to content

Home

Poster Above You


Kirtan_Loor

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.5k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

^^^Unbeknownst to him, was once targeted for assassination while stopped at a red light by an Albanian hitman with a high-powered sniper rifle employed by Belgian cough syrup mafia kingpin Enrst Hossenfeffer because by strange coincidence, the hitman's target was a minor bagman for his boss who had been suspected of embezzlement and happened to drive the exact same make and model of car, and venom_tyrant was only saved from certain death because at the very moment the Albanian hitman took aim, Ms. Linda Nummers of Pork Bend SC dropped her cellphone on the ground, hitting a few extra buttons which caused her to dial not her ex-husband's voice mail as usual, but instead reached the Albanian hitman's cellphone and screamed insults at him, and by yet another strange coincidence, her voice was almost exactly like that of Sabine Hossenfeffer, who ran the day-to-days of her father's illict cough syrup empire, and the hitman put down his rifle having decided the Hossenfeffers had gone soft, made up his mind to defect to their greatest rivals the Braunstein family, and thereby touched off the infamous Belgian Dextromethorphan Wars which gripped the Brussels underworld for several months thereafter.

 

And all this while venom_tyrant was picking his nose and bopping along to "U can't touch this" by MC Hammer at a red light.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^^^Once inadvertently caused the destruction of an alien species intent on conquering Earth, due to having muttered "Damn, there's no good Thai take-out places around here!" during lunch hour once, and this was mistakenly mistranslated as "We know you're watching, now get out of here before we kill you!" by an undercover pair of Mytheltroxian agents disguised as lamp standards on Davinq's street and who, being very uneasy that a primitive species that still hadn't figured out basic things like interstellar transport and not running into crowded shopping areas with explosives strapped to their bodies could understand and speak their advanced alien language, decided to return to Mytheltroxia Prime to examine this further. But as they left, they were overseen by a fleet of Garglesnrub warships, and as they looked down at the planet the Mytheltroxians were leaving, they noticed it still had a decidedly un-conquered look to it despite the fact the inhabitants were a primitive bunch who still hand't figured out basic stuff like molecular assembly and not having wars about silly things like "Who's got the bigger God?", and they therefore decided the Mytheltroxians were going soft, and proceded to wipe out their species with a biogenic virus that by strange coincidence had the exact same chemical structure as Vietnamese fish sauce.

 

Davinq had kebabs for lunch.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^^^Once went into a bar, sat down at the counter and ordered a beer. The bartender gave him a pint, placed it in front of him, then SuperRodian poured the beer in his lap.

 

"Same again!" he said to the bartender. Puzzled, the bartender gave him another beer, which he then poured over his shoulder.

 

"Another one!" he said to the bartender. Now really concerned, the bartender gave him yet another beer, which SuperRodian poured over his own head.

 

"Another one!" he said to the bartender.

 

"Now just hold on a minute, fella. I see what's goin' on here. You've got a drinking problem."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...