milo Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Has anyone seen "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"? I swear, whoever wrote the script was high when they did it, but it's hilarious. Or maybe it was just really late at night, when everything seems funny. Either way, I couldn't stop laughing. "You weird f***er!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ztalker Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 The Godfather! Calo: In Sicily, women are more dangerous than shotguns. Michael: My father is no different than any powerful man, any man with power, like a president or senator. Kay Adams: Do you know how naive you sound, Michael? Presidents and senators don't have men killed. Michael: Oh. Who's being naive, Kay? Kay Adams: How did he do that? Michael: My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse. Kay Adams: What was it? Michael: Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured the bandleader, that either his signature or his brains would be on the contract. Kay Adams: ... Michael: ...That's a true story. Tom Hagen: Mr. Corleone never asks a second favor once he's refused the first, understood? Clemenza: All right, you just shot 'em both. Now what do you do? Michael: Sit down and finish my dinner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace MacLeod Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Has anyone seen "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"? I swear, whoever wrote the script was high when they did it, but it's hilarious. Or maybe it was just really late at night, when everything seems funny. Either way, I couldn't stop laughing. "You weird f***er!" So you're unfamiliar with Hunter S. Thompson, the inventor of Gonzo Journalism? If you liked the movie, then you really should check out the book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TSR Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 "if you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball"-to asdd to the best logic ever... also, one of the commentators on dodgeball always manages to be compltely stupidi.e #1 commentator: It's unbeliviable! #2 commentator: i can't believe it! #1 commentator: it appears that they are forfitting the game! #2 commentator: its a risky tactic, lets just hope it pays off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace MacLeod Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 From Dr. Strangelove Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb: [the President calls the Soviet Premier] President Merkin Muffley: [to Kissoff] Hello?... Ah... I can't hear too well. Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little?... Oh-ho, that's much better... yeah... huh... yes... Fine, I can hear you now, Dmitri... Clear and plain and coming through fine... I'm coming through fine, too, eh?... Good, then... well, then, as you say, we're both coming through fine... Good... Well, it's good that you're fine and... and I'm fine... I agree with you, it's great to be fine... a-ha-ha-ha-ha... Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the Bomb... The *Bomb*, Dmitri... The *hydrogen* bomb!... Well now, what happened is... ah... one of our base commanders, he had a sort of... well, he went a little funny in the head... you know... just a little... funny. And, ah... he went and did a silly thing... Well, I'll tell you what he did. He ordered his planes... to attack your country... Ah... Well, let me finish, Dmitri... Let me finish, Dmitri... Well listen, how do you think I feel about it?... Can you *imagine* how I feel about it, Dmitri?... Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello?... *Of course* I like to speak to you!... *Of course* I like to say hello!... Not now, but anytime, Dmitri. I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened... It's a *friendly* call. Of course it's a friendly call... Listen, if it wasn't friendly... you probably wouldn't have even got it... They will *not* reach their targets for at least another hour... I am... I am positive, Dmitri... Listen, I've been all over this with your ambassador. It is not a trick... Well, I'll tell you. We'd like to give your air staff a complete run-down on the targets, the flight plans, and the defensive systems of the planes... Yes! I mean i-i-i-if we're unable to recall the planes, then... I'd say that, ah... well, ah... we're just gonna have to help you destroy them, Dmitri... I know they're our boys... All right, well listen now. Who should we call?... *Who* should we call, Dmitri? The... wha-whe, the People... you, sorry, you faded away there... The People's Central Air Defense Headquarters... Where is that, Dmitri?... In Omsk... Right... Yes... Oh, you'll call them first, will you?... Uh-huh... Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you, Dmitri?... Whe-ah, what? I see, just ask for Omsk information... Ah-ah-eh-uhm-hm... I'm sorry, too, Dmitri... I'm very sorry... *All right*, you're sorrier than I am, but I am as sorry as well... I am as sorry as you are, Dmitri! Don't say that you're more sorry than I am, because I'm capable of being just as sorry as you are... So we're both sorry, all right?... All right. Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel... that Coca-Cola machine. I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be some change in there. Colonel "Bat" Guano: That's private property. Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Colonel! Can you possibly imagine what is going to happen to you, your frame, outlook, way of life, and everything, when they learn that you have obstructed a telephone call to the President of the United States? Can you imagine? Shoot it off! Shoot! With a gun! That's what the bullets are for, you twit! Colonel "Bat" Guano: Okay. I'm gonna get your money for ya. But if you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, you know what's gonna happen to you? Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: What? Colonel "Bat" Guano: You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company. General "Buck" Turgidson: General Ripper called Strategic Air Command headquarters shortly after he issued the go code. I have a phone transcript of that conversation if you'd like me to to read it. President Merkin Muffley: Read it! General "Buck" Turgidson: Ahem... The Duty Officer asked General Ripper to confirm the fact that he *had* issued the go code, and he said, uh, "Yes gentlemen, they are on their way in, and nobody can bring them back. For the sake of our country, and our way of life, I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them. Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed by Red retaliation. Uh, my boys will give you the best kind of start, 1400 megatons worth, and you sure as hell won't stop them now, uhuh. Uh, so let's get going, there's no other choice. God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural... fluids. God bless you all" and he hung up. General "Buck" Turgidson: Uh, we're, still trying to figure out the meaning of that last phrase, sir. President Merkin Muffley: There's nothing to figure out, General Turgidson. This man is obviously a psychotic. General "Buck" Turgidson: We-he-ell, uh, I'd like to hold off judgement on a thing like that, sir, until all the facts are in. President Merkin Muffley: General Turgidson! When you instituted the human reliability tests, you *assured* me there was *no* possibility of such a thing *ever* occurring! General "Buck" Turgidson: Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Scary Movie 3 (a little more) The Oracle: Orpheus, honey? Orpheus: What? The Oracle: Do you mind? Orpheus: I'm watching the game. The Oracle (pissed off): The Lakers will win by 12. *Orpheus throws down the remote* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milo Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 So you're unfamiliar with Hunter S. Thompson, the inventor of Gonzo Journalism? If you liked the movie, then you really should check out the book. You know Mace, even as I wrote that, the thought popped into my head that you would know something about this movie. Weird, huh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace MacLeod Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 ^^^Heh heh...ooooooooooo *twilight zone theme song plays in background* The movie really doesn't quite capture the laugh-out-loud quality of the book, but it's still a trip and a half. And yes, ol' Hunter was very, very high when writing...well, anything. Crazy, crazy guy. Gun nut, refused membership in the Hells Angels even after they offered it to him (part of the late 60's hippy-dippy drug counterculture experiment in mixing with the Angels--started with Ken Kesey and ended at Altamont), and his inimitable writing style is a real breath of fresh air from most contemporary literature. One of my brothers in-law actually shaved his head in Hunter's baldness pattern for Hallowe'en a few years back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Jimmy Posted July 4, 2006 Author Share Posted July 4, 2006 Yet again, more FMJ: Joker: Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me? Hartman: Who said that? WHO THE F**K SAID THAT? WHO'S THE SLIMY LITTLE COCKSUCKER WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH WARRANT? Nobody, huh? The fairy f**king godmother said it? I will PT you all until you die! (Hartman grabs Cowboy) Was it you, you scroungy little f**k? Cowboy: Sir, no sir! Hartman: You little piece of s**t, I bet it was you! Cowboy: Sir, no sir! Joker: Sir, I said it sir! Hartman: Well, no s**t! What have we got here? A f**king comedian, Private Joker! I admire your honesty, hell I like you, you can come over to my house and f**k my sister! (Hartman gives Joker an uppercut to his stomach) You little scumbag, I've got your name, I've got your ass! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers I will teach you! Now get on your feet. Scarface: Tony: Who do you think you're talking to, you f**king bellboy? Oh and Jae Onasi, I listened to your suggestion, so I edited the title of the first post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henz Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 "Shut the F**K up Donnie!" -*whilst bog washing* Where's the f**king money Lebowski!? *Pulls his head out* -It's down there somewhere let me take another look. -*pulls a bowling ball out of a bag* What the f**k is that? - Obviously you're not a golfer. The Big Lebowski. Best film. Ever. Made. Ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Sitherino Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Jesus Quintana: You ready to be ****ed, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna **** you up. The Dude: Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man. Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy **** with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the ****ing trigger 'til it goes "click." The Dude: Jesus. Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody ****s with the Jesus. Walter Sobchak: Eight-year-olds, Dude. I love that bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace MacLeod Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism dude, at least it's an ethos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Shrek Princess Fiona: What's he like, this Lord Farquad? Shrek: Well princess, let's just say that men of Farquad's stature come in short supplies (giggles). Donkey: Hey Shrek, you could say that people think little of him (laughter). Fiona: You two are just jealous because you can never measure up to a man like Lord Farquad. Shrek: Well princess, the sooner we get to Duloc, the better, then you can do the ''measuring'' yourself (laughter). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ztalker Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 ^^^ WHAHAHA!! Shrek to own!! Donkey: Wat about my Miranda rights?You're supposed to say "You have the right to remain silent!". Nobody said I have the right to remain silent! Shrek: Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack, is the capacity. Queen: So, Fiona. Tell me about your new home. Shrek: Well, Shrek owns his own land. Right, honey? Shrek: Yes. It's in an... enchanted forest, abundant in squirrels, and cute little duckies... Donkey: What? [laughs] Donkey: I know you ain't talking about the swamp. Shrek: Donkey... King: An ogre from a swamp. How original. Queen: I guess that's a fine place to raise the children. [both Shrek and the King choke; Shrek coughs up his spoon] Shrek: It's a little early to be thinking about that, isn't it? King: Indeed! I had just started eating. King: So I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be... Shrek: Ogres! Yes! Queen: Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold? King: Oh, no, no. Of course not! That's assuming you don't eat your own young. Princess Fiona: Dad! Shrek: Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones who have been locked away in the tower. Princess Fiona: Shrek, please! King: I only did that because I love her! Shrek: Oh, yeah! Daycare or dragon-guarded castle! Genious casting! John Cleese as the king Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth InSidious Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 From Dr. Strangelove: President Merkin Muffley: "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!" Ripper: It looks like we're in a shooting war. Mandrake: Oh hell. Are the Russians involved, sir? "Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk, ice cream? Ice cream, Mandrake? Children's ice cream!...You know when fluoridation began?...1946. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual, and certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works. I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love...Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I-I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women, er, women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake...but I do deny them my essence." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 South Park (this isn't from a movie, but it's still funny) Kyle: Now that Cartman's gone we need another fat kid if we're gonna beat the girls this saturday. Stan: Who's the second fattest kid in South Park? Butters: I think Clyde is the second fattest kid. Clyde: Hey, I'm not fat! Kyle: Face it Clyde, Cartman's gone and now you're the fat kid. Now get your fat butt over here! Clyde: Hey, I'm not fat, I'm just big bones. Stan: Yeah, that's what they all say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannibal Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Jesus Quintana: You ready to be ****ed, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna **** you up.... I love that bit. Was waiting for someone to quote The Big Lebowski. There are so many great lines from that movie. My favories is: The Dude: That guy treats objects like women, man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Dogma Jay: C'mon man tell me something about me. Rufus: You j*rk off more than any man in the world. Jay: S**t man, everyone knows that, tell me something no one knows. Rufus: While you're doing it you're thinking about guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mimartin Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Risky Business: Service Manager - "Who's the U-Boat Commander? " Monty Python and the Holy Grail - French Soldier: "You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts." Sir Bedevere: "What makes you think she's a witch?" Peasant: "Well, she turned me into a newt!" Sir Bedevere: "A newt?" Peasant: "I got better". About Last Night - Bernie: I stole it Danny: You did not. Bernie: Oh, that's great, Dan. I tell you I'm a thief and you call me a liar. Animal House - Bluto: "Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!" Boon: Umm - maybe we could drive up to your folks' place this weekend. Katy: Oh, fabulous. My car filled with your beer buddies going up to empty my parents' liquor cabinet. It's too depressing to think about. Boon: No! Just gonna be you and me. And Otter and another girl. Katy: Is this really what you're gonna do for the rest of your life? Boon: What do you mean? Katy: I mean hanging around with a bunch of animals getting drunk every weekend. Boon: No! After I graduate, I'm gonna get drunk every night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace MacLeod Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 From "Animal House" The Dean: Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. From "Blazing Saddles": Jim: You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons. Taggart: I got it. I got it. Hedley Lamarr: You do? Taggart: We'll work up a "Number 6" on 'em. Hedley Lamarr: "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one... Taggart: Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course. Hedley Lamarr: You spare the women? Taggart: NAW. We rape the **** out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on. Hedley Lamarr: Marvelous. [bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain] Bart: Stampeding cattle. Hedley Lamarr: That's not much of a crime. Bart: Through the Vatican? Hedley Lamarr: [smiling] Kinky. Sign here. From "Beavis and Butt-head Do America": [after a cavity search by a female FBI agent] Butt-head: Did I just score? Butt-head: [over US Senate loudspeaker] Uh, attention! Attention! We're looking for the chick with big boobs! Beavis: Yeah. We are ready to do you now! Beavis and Butt-head: Uh-huh-huh-huh! All senators: Uh-huh-huh-huh! Uh-huh-huh-huh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Jimmy Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 Waterboy: Rob Schnider: YOU CAN DO IT! CUT HIS F**ING HEAD OFF (lines later) HEY! WATERBOY CHEATED! CUT HIS HEAD OFF! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerec Skywalker Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 From Patch Adams Arthur Mendelson:Hey Patch, have you studied any proctology? Hunter Patch Adams:Yes a little. Arthur Mendelson:Good, take care of this a**hole for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I just couldn' resist - Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace Watto: Republic credits are no good here. Qui-Gon: I don't have anything else, but *Mind Trick* credits will do fine *Mind Trick*. Watto: No, they won't. Qui-Gon: *Mind Trick* They will do fine *Mind Trick*. Watto: No, they won't!! What? You think you're some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that?? Besides, I'm a Toydarian, Mind Tricks don't work on us, only money! No money, no parts, no deal! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerec Skywalker Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 from Spaceballs Dark Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie? Colonel Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now. Dark Helmet: What happened to then? Colonel Sandurz: We passed then. Dark Helmet: When? Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now, now. Dark Helmet: Go back to then! Colonel Sandurz: When? Dark Helmet: Now. Colonel Sandurz: Now? Dark Helmet: Now! Colonel Sandurz: I can't. Dark Helmet: Why? Colonel Sandurz: We missed it. Dark Helmet: When? Colonel Sandurz: Just now. Dark Helmet: When will then be now? Colonel Sandurz: Soon. Dark Helmet: How soon? Video Operator: Sir! [Dark Helmet has becomed far too confused and everyone now ignores him even though he's center screen] Dark Helmet: What? Video Operator: We've identified their location. Dark Helmet: Where? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mimartin Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 The Princess Bride: Vizzini: Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Westley: Yes. Vizzini: Morons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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