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Nebraska state senator sues God

Achilles

By Achilles
in Senate Chambers

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Achilles Newbie

Achilles

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LINCOLN, Neb. - The defendant in a state senator's lawsuit is accused of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more still. He can be sued in Douglas County, the legislator claims, because He's everywhere.
If he doesn't show up for his court appearance, can the judge issue a warrant for his arrest? I also wonder how he would be sworn in for testimony. Hmmm....
Sabretooth Newbie

Sabretooth

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Sounds more like a parody of lawsuits to me. Still, it doesn't make sense that you are trying to take legal action against someone who isn't human. If you are, then you are including God as a functional member of the human society, which elicits a mighty WTF from the Almighty.

tk102 Newbie

tk102

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Hello, Lucifer?

Is this God? Hey what's going on?

I'm getting sued.

Holy ****!

Precisely.

That sucks. How can I help?

Well I need a lawyer...

 

 

*ba dum pa*

Achilles Newbie

Achilles

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  Jae Onasi said:
What's the likelihood he'll be re-elected next term? I'm betting the probability approaches zero....
90% christian, so I'd say you're probably right, assuming that this issue is the sole consideration in the campaign.
Dagobahn Eagle Newbie

Dagobahn Eagle

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The 'lawsuit' was meant as a practical example of how frivolous lawsuits in the States have gotten totally out of hand. This is a more than valid point, but it was apparently missed by most people, including the media and, big surprise, the fundamentalist clergy, who recently fabricated a 'reply' from God.

  Silly fundamentalist said:
"This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here — poof!" Friend said.
How utterly pathetic. Not only does he fail to look up the motive of the Senator, he feels compelled to fill in for his almighty god who's apparently unable to defend himself.

 

Watch me scribble a magical note from Odin and say it was delivered by two black ravens.

 

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[God's] response argues that the defendant is immune from some earthly laws and the court lacks jurisdiction.
So God and Jesus could be pedophiles, rapists, homosexuals and flamboyant terrorists and it'd be totally OK to everyone. Right. I love Christian fundamentalists.

 

Edit: Waitaminute, just 'some' Earthly laws. OK, so they've caught our pedophile argument and now He's only allowed to call giant floods killing all but a handful of humans and crush cities with brimstone. I don't know where they pulled the 'some' part from, but I feel safer already:).

 

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It adds that blaming God for human oppression and suffering misses an important point. "I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you," according to the response, as read by Friend.
Yeah, I'm so lucky God included the will to rape and murder and beat other people up in the Free Will package, because without the Will to Rape, a fundamental human right, we'd be mindless zombies without a will of our own. Sure.

 

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There was no contact information on the filing, although St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness, Friend said.
Pathetic.

 

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A second response from "God" disputing Chambers' allegations lists a phone number for a Corpus Christi law office. A message left for that office was not immediately returned Thursday.
I take it He does not take prayers anymore, then. Where should we send requests for help now, to the Salvation Army? Like, 'God C/O Salvation Army, Houston Chapter, this and that address'? Will be quite a change for the church-goers, sending e-mails instead of getting down on their knees.

 

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90% christian, so I'd say you're probably right, assuming that this issue is the sole consideration in the campaign.
It all too often is.
Jae Onasi Newbie

Jae Onasi

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  Lathain Valtiel said:
Remember though, CHRISTIANS ARE HUMORLESS ROBOTS HAHAHA.

Oh, yeah, I forgot that part of the contract that I signed in blood that said I had to give up humor for Lent. :D

  • 1 year later...
Achilles Newbie

Achilles

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Update

 

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"Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice," Polk wrote.

 

Chambers, who graduated from law school but never took the bar exam, thinks he's found a hole in the judge's ruling.

 

"The court itself acknowledges the existence of God," Chambers said Wednesday. "A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God's omniscience."

 

Therefore, Chambers said, "Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit."

Checkmate!

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