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Lynk hated The Phantom Menace!


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Yeah sure.. but like i said in your thread.. PM-ing him wont work.... we have to find an E-mail adres of him.. and we dont know where to look.....

 

hmmm maybe we can find something on google about him

hmmmm *goes and looks*

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I loved TPM. I loved AotC too. I don't care what anyone else says. :D

 

Hahahahahahaha at Lynk :D

 

I'm back... finally. Been chatting too long and haven't really paid attention. But I made the time and got off my ass to write. Listen, I don't mind the Phantom Menace, like it in't the crapiest movie evert to hit the big screen. It's just JAR JAR F***ing BINKS he really pisses me off!

 

Rotflmao :D :D :D

 

Hey I get to see AotC tomorrow...again :D

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Originally posted by Redwing

I loved TPM. I loved AotC too. I don't care what anyone else says. :D

 

Hahahahahahaha at Lynk :D

 

 

 

Rotflmao :D :D :D

 

Hey I get to see AotC tomorrow...again :D

 

Am i the only person in the world who actualy liked Jar Jar? *sees everyone pull out their sabers, blasters and various other painful looking objects* :D Guess so. *runs and hides in te safety of lurkers mist*

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*walks in and every1 becomes quiet*

 

¬_¬

 

Hmmm... yeah I admit it, i hated TPM... a hated it a lot. But i didn't completely hate it, I just hated Jar Jar, yeah he was a little bastards that needed to be smited. I'd have done it myself but it was too late, the movie had already been made. The only real highlight of TPM i liked was the lightsaber battle at the end... overall, TPM sucked... but AOTC rocked, i liked it, the only thing I don't like about AOTC is the title, but since the movie was great I'll forgive em... :D

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TPM was good, except for the fact that they made Jar Jar a complete moron. If he had had a few more brains, the rest would've been fine. Personally I hated AOTC. AOTC had good fight scenes, but the rest was bull, let's reiterare the same thing over and over again.

 

Anakin: I love you.

Amidala: I love you.

Both: But it cannot be.

 

Every 15 minutes later the same thing would follow. I'm sorry, but that just totally ripped the movie apart.

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Originally posted by SuicidalXWing

TPM was good, except for the fact that they made Jar Jar a complete moron. If he had had a few more brains, the rest would've been fine. Personally I hated AOTC. AOTC had good fight scenes, but the rest was bull, let's reiterare the same thing over and over again.

 

Anakin: I love you.

Amidala: I love you.

Both: But it cannot be.

 

Every 15 minutes later the same thing would follow. I'm sorry, but that just totally ripped the movie apart.

 

Hmmmmmmm *shakes his head* it sounds like you didn't enjoy any of the movie if u sat down and ANALYSED THE BAD PARTS!! It's pretty funny actually since there were hardly any bad parts :D

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STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT

 

 

FADE IN:

 

INT. SPACESHIP

 

LIAM NEESON

It is vitally important we enter trade

negotiations with the federation.

 

EWAN MCGREGOR

I agree. This one planet and how it

trades with other planets is certainly

an important enough topic to be the

entire plot of a Star Wars film.

 

INT. SPACESHIP - MAIN DECK

 

EVIL ALIEN

Werr. What wirr we do now? My evil,

obviousry Asian race must prevair. I

wirr not face de Jedi. Send de droid.

 

INT. SPACESHIP - BACK TO THE JEDI

 

A droid enters.

 

LIAM NEESON

I sense a disturbance in the force.

 

EWAN MCGREGOR

Well, shit.

 

Suddenly, numerous pieces of CGI enter and begin

attacking the Jedi. The Jedi use the high concentration

of midichlorians in their bodies to use the force to

destroy the CGI. They run outside.

 

EXT. NABOO

 

They run until they smack into some more CGI.

 

JAR JAR

Who might you be?

 

LIAM NEESON

(staring in the general

direction of Jar Jar, but

not really staring at him)

I am a Jedi. There are bad things

coming. Take me to your homeland.

 

JAR JAR

I see. That is quite interesting. I

will guide you to the land from which

I have come.

 

Suddenly, GEORGE LUCAS realizes the Jar Jar toys aren't

selling well enough.

 

JAR JAR (contUd)

Oh! Meesa sorry! Meesa ment to

saysa: Weesa can go back to Jamaica

mon, okeyday?

 

EWAN MCGREGOR

(staring at something right

above Jar Jar)

Good. Do you have a hotel room for me

and Liam? We have..uh..Jedi business

to attend to.

 

JAR JAR

Weesa can smokesa some ganja, mon.

 

AUDIENCE

Die. Die, Jar Jar. Nobody likes you.

 

INT. SPACESHIP - MAIN DECK

 

The queen appears over some kind of thing which appears

to be better in technology than the kinds of things in

the original trilogy.

 

NATALIE PORTMAN

I am the queen. You've gone too far

this time. I will tell the senate and

you will be in a lot of trouble.

 

EVIL ALIEN

I'm so sorry, Amidala.

 

NATALIE PORTMAN

No, no, I'm Padme now.

 

EVIL ALIEN

I thought when in the makeup, you were

the queen.

 

NATALIE PORTMAN

No, I'm whoever is playing the queen

at the time. The voice changes don't

help you figure this out.

 

EVIL ALIEN

Stop trying to confoose me! Droids,

capture the queen.. or Padme.. er..

just capture everyone!

 

LIAM and EWAN and, ****, JAR JAR too take NATALIE PORTMAN

and other members of her staff onto a ship and they

escape. They go to Tatooine.

 

INT. TATOOINE - SOME SHOP WHERE JAKE LLOYD IS HELD SLAVE

 

JAKE LLOYD

Hi there! Golly I'm cute.

 

NATALIE PORTMAN

You certainly are, little boy.

 

JAKE LLOYD

I'm the only one disturbed by the fact

that I'm gonna bone you in episode

two?

 

LIAM NEESON

Jake, I need you to have a pod race so

I can get the parts I need and free

you.

 

JAKE'S MOM

No, I won't allow him to pod race.

He'll get hurt.

(pause)

Ok, I will. Nevermind. Good luck.

 

They pod race. It looks really COOL.

 

GEORGE LUCAS

(attempting subtlety)

Oh! Look! There's a video game of

this scene... uh.. buy it! Hey, I had

to sacrifice a part of my grand vision

for these movies to include a part

that could be turned into a game, so

buy it or I'll do it even more in

episode 2.

 

JAKE wins! He has to leave his mother, which will become

very important in the next movie. He also has to leave

his protocol droid, THREEPIO.

 

AUDIENCE

He built C-3PO? Why wasn't this ever

mentioned in the original trilogy?

 

GEORGE LUCAS

Because I just made it up. Speaking

of stuff I'm just making up, how do

you like the midichlorian bull**** I

pulled out of my ass?

 

They all get into their ship and go to Coruscant.

 

INT. CORUSCANT - JEDI COUNCIL

 

LIAM NEESON

I want to train this boy.

 

YODA

Nope. Sorry. Too old the boy is.

Clouded his future seems. Vague my

worries are.

 

LIAM NEESON

Well, he is the chosen one. He will

bring balance to the force. I'm

training him.

 

SAMUEL L. JACKSON

Yoda told you no, mutha****a. What

the **** is wrong with you, bitchass?

I'll ****in' kill you! I'm gonna be a

****in bad ass in the next two ****in

movies, you know. My toy has a

****in lightsaber.

 

LIAM NEESON

I'm going to go over your head and

train him myself, then. So there.

 

He exits.

 

INT. GALACTIC SENATE MEETING

 

IAN MCDIARMID

Damn I'm evil.

 

Suddenly, we see E.T! This does not make the film HYPER-

CUTESEY like Return of the Jedi, but CLEVER.

 

EXT. NABOO

 

NATALIE PORTMAN

I am either the queen or Padme now.

Regardless, your cheesy-looking race

of annoying, unrealistic characters

need to ally with our badly acting

race of creatures so we can capture

this one guy.

 

BOSS NASS

One guy? The climax of this film

revolves entirely around us capturing

one, pretty insignificant guy?

Doesn't that make this whole thing

kinda pointless?

 

NATALIE PORTMAN

No more pointless than the fact that

this entire film revolves around taxes

on trade and the cutting off of one,

pathetic little planet half-filled

with annoying creatures.

 

They go after the bad guy or whatever. Who cares?

 

Finally DARTH MAUL shows up for a prolonged fight

sequence. Darth wears black boots, a black cloak, a

black shirt, has a red lightsaber, wears red and black

face paint, and has horns. He is EVIL.

 

Meanwhile, the Naboo people go after this one

insignificant guy and we really don't care.

 

Meanwhile, the Gungans go against a bunch of droids and

we really don't care except we want the Gungans to die.

 

Meanwhile, Anakin takes off into space to join the space-

battle, which is mostly over by the time he arrives. We

care a little bit.

 

INT. SOME KIND OF THINGY WITH SOME RED FORCE FIELDS

 

MAUL, LIAM, and EWAN all have a huge lightsaber battle

which has had a lot of effort put into the choreography

and is thousands of times better than any other

lightsaber battle in a Star Wars film.

 

AUDIENCE

Whoa! This is really cool!

 

Suddenly, we go back to one of the other three stupid

battles going on at the time. Eventually, we return to

the good one.

 

DARTH MAUL

(menacing as hell)

Grrr.

 

Eventually, MAUL stabs LIAM, which is very surprising,

especially to those of us who bought the film score which

has a song whose title gives away the ending. He then

kicks EWAN into a shaft. EWAN grabs onto something on

the side and holds on for dear life.

 

EWAN MCGREGOR

Well, you certainly are an experienced

fighter and there is little question

you could kick pretty much anyone's

ass.

 

DARTH MAUL (contUd)

Muahahahaha.

 

Slowly, EWAN uses the force to grab LIAM'S lightsaber,

jump up out of the shaft, over MAUL, press the button

on the saber, and slice MAUL in half while MAUL stands

there like an idiot and does nothing at all. He dies.

 

EXT. SPACE

 

JAKE LLOYD

Whoaaaaa! I'm in space! Now this is

pod racing! Yipee! Uh oh! Man, I'm

so cute.

 

JAKE goes into a hangar, where the main reactor for the

ship is kept. He accidentally blows it to ****.

 

JAKE LLOYD (contUd)

Uh oh! I better leave! Let's leave

Artoo!

 

They exit quickly. The ship explodes, which stops all

the droids and just makes everything great, because it's

always enjoyable when a serious conflict is resolved with

a slapstick accident.

 

EXT. THE STREETS OF NABOO

 

The Gungans are dancing and such, still alive. A huge

party ensues.

 

AUDIENCE

Wow! Watching this party and all this

celebration has convinced me that the

tiny, pathetic problem that has been

taken care of is actually really

significant! Hooray!

 

Suddenly, the AUDIENCE realizes that behind all the

mindless celebration and kiddie cartoon bull****, what

actually happened was the future-emperor has actually

manipulated everything, come into great power, and that

one tiny problem has actually been resolved, but

thousands more have been created.

 

GEORGE LUCAS

Three years, suckers. I'd make them

come out sooner, but I work very hard

on my films, as I am an independent

filmmaker due to my disgust with

Hollywood's commercialism. Now go buy

some Star Wars toys!

 

END

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