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Twisted sayings thread


Tyrion

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if a dog gets lost in the woods,

it will be hard to find him.

 

 

Like the world turns,

the butcher makes his meatballs.

 

 

My yoghurt is not your yoghurt

So don't use it.

 

 

When the dead walks the earth,

They will get tired some day.

 

 

When your woman comes into the livingroom,

You have to tighten the chain.

 

Better one woman on your face then none.

 

The cheese is coming out of my ears,

So don't try to say something.

 

 

Better luck next time,

when it's done.

 

 

When a cat starts to talk,

Its time to really think things over.

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Wise man say red fish fly in the winter

 

Beating around the brush is better than being hit in the face with a harlem globetrotter

 

Always resist the urge to wear your underpants on your head, it may kill somebody

 

I used to bowl when I was an alcoholic

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One fine day in the middle of the night

Two dead boys got up to fight

Back to back they faced each other

Drew their swords and shot each other

 

One was blind, the other couldn't see

So they chose a dummy for a referee.

A blind man went to see fair play

A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

 

A paralyzed donkey passing by

Kicked the blind man in the eye

Knocked him through a nine inch wall

Into a dry ditch and drowned them all

 

A deaf policeman heard the noise

And came to kill the two dead boys

If you don't believe this lie is true,

Ask the blind man he saw it too!

 

Don't sweat the petty things. Never pet the sweaty things.

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"People in glass houses sink ships."

 

"Don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen"

 

"A penny saved is worth two with a bush in it."

 

and my favourite:

 

"Why don't you make like a tree... and get the **** outta here!"

 

 

All quotes are from Doc, the bartender in "The Boondock Saints".

Amazing movie, I highly recommend it.

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everybody steps on me, that is why im cracked you see. im a nut.... im a nut...

 

i vont some taquitos!

 

there are only two things you ever need say to inferiors. Meh, and Bah.

 

"i need a plan in case i die"

stay dead, nobody likes a zombie.

"no, i meant like gifts for family members"

zombies make bad gifts.

 

people wont like you if you gnaw on your arm while they talk to you.

 

apes find enjoyment in picking fleas off of each other and HUMANS are the more evolved version?

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