Fishflesh Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 Fellowship of the Rings was shoved down our throats. d*amn you, gravity! The giant firebeast thing is defeated by Gandalf when he destroys the bridge, sending the creature plunging to its death... despite the fact that it has wings. Greed. Hollywood can't make a movie these days without crapping out a sequel the next year to squeeze more money out of the sheep. Guess what; there's ANOTHER LOTR movie coming this Christmas. Gee, I wonder what will bring Rocky out of retirement this time? Speaking of Orcs... The Orcs were obviously stolen from PC game maker Blizzard and its Warcraft series. Too bad Blizzard is apparently too scared to sue New Line over it. Racism. Percentage of protagonists in Fellowship who are white: 100. Meanwhile the black antagonists and their black crow spies and their black glass seeing ball inhabit their black towers and perform black magic. Gosh, I wonder if there's some symbolism there? Gold: The Stretchy Element. The ring, which is seen to be at least two inches in diameter at the beginning to fit the polish sausage-sized finger of Sauron, suddenly fits Frodo's child-sized finger later. I guess this movie takes place in a world where rings magically change sizes on their own. Violence. Give me one reason that story couldn't have been told without all the fighting. Horse sense. Why didn't they take horses on their quest? Or even better, why didn't Gandalf's giant flying bird friend haul them into Mordor? Watch out, Frodo! All of your methods of transportation have been swallowed by the Dark Lord of the Plot Hole! Retracted.* See below. Return of the Living Dead. If you watch closely during the Inn scene, Frodo and his crew are shown getting stabbed by the Ring Wraiths. Then, five seconds later, they are fine again. Note to the director: try proofreading your movie before you release it to the public. Did someone say plot hole? Liv Tyler's character is seen easily defeating nine strong supernatural beings, even though she is clearly a woman. The Battle Droid Syndrome. The mutated muscular soldiers of Mordor turned out to be hilariously ineffective soldiers, a dozen of them held off by a single dying human. Apparently they made the beasts by crossing Orcs, Goblins and the French. Sloppy CGI. Gandalf's smoke boat is pretty impressive, but smoke cannot be made to travel horizontally, thus revealing it to be nothing but a cheap special effect. The Asbestos Wizard. We all saw Gandalf fall into the molten core of Middle Earth after his battle with the firebeast thing. Well, I guess the Gandalf action figure must have sold well, because in the slap-together sequel coming up this year Gandalf is back. I wonder if they'll even bother to explain it. Maybe he'll be resurrected via voodoo, a la the corpse in Weekend at Bernie's II (look closely and you'll notice LOTR steals several elements from the WAB films). Invisible Implausibility. Every time Frodo or Bilbo went invisible with the ring they should have also gone BLIND. Your eyes cannot function unless light is reflected off the cornea. If light passes through it (as must be the case with invisibility) sight is no longer possible. Also, rings do not turn you invisible. The Asbestos Wizard, II. The giant fire beast thing at the end was breathing a firey breath hot enough to send heat-distortion waves through the air. The sheer temperature of the air should have burned off Gandalf's beard and eyebrows. None of my reading on evolutionary biology reveals a single reason why a particular race of humans would develop unflammable facial hair as this would provide practically no advantage in either survival or mating. I'll have to rent that one. The rushed-through story the screenwriter threw in as the first ten minutes of Fellowship of the Ring looked a lot more interesting than the movie we were forced to watch. Why didn't somebody make a movie off that instead? Magic Mechanics. Experts on the occult say in order for a wizard to floorspin a fully-grown man like Gandalf, he'd need three magical staffs, not two. Finders, keepers. So Bilbo, who we are supposed to identify with as a protagonist, finds a piece of someone else's jewelry and just keeps it for himself? That's funny, because I would expect a good man to submit it to the local Lost and Found so it could be claimed by its owner. It makes me wonder if he bought that hillside house or if he was just squatting. Go-Go Gadget Arrow Sprouter. Legolas shoots arrow after arrow at his enemies, and yet the number of arrows in his quiver never decreases. I guess elves have glands on their back that secrete arrows. Watch out! He's going to explode! The heroes are shown eating again and again, and yet no one ever goes to the bathroom throughout their entire quest. Meesa gonna make theesa movie suckah! The character of Gollum in The Two Towers will be entirely computer animated, in a cheap effort to cash in on Jar Jar Binks Mania. Thank you, Peter Jackson. Thank you right to Hell. Propaganda. The Elves, clearly the most advanced and wise species, are also clearly gay. Speaking of Elves... Elves are beautiful and wise and tall? Great warriors? Makers of fine lightweight weapons? Our modern knowledge of elves has observed only an ability to make cookies and toys. All the elves in the film are portrayed as living in a warm paradise (Rivendell) but our own information tells us the aforementioned group of toymaking elves work and thrive in the arctic. Hey, Mr. Jackson: Research is half of writing. Homage or theft? The "happy village of little people" idea was stolen from Willow. Homage or theft II? The wise old wizard character was stolen from Harry Potter. Homage or theft III? The "travelling on our quest through a corn field" scene was stolen from Shrek. Homage or theft IV? The character of the rebellious-but-helpful Ranger was stolen from Val Kilmer in Willow. Homage or theft V? The concept of the violent dwarf was based on Al Pacino. Homage or theft VI? The "old man looking through the door hatch at the approaching little people" scene was stolen from A Clockwork Orange. Homage or theft VII? The cantina scene with a noisy bar filled with a mix of otherworldly species was stolen from Cecile B. DeMille's One Night in an Alien Bar. Homage or theft VIII? The incident with the flock of evil magical spying crows serving the All-Seeing Eye was based on an actual incident. Homage or theft IX? The character of the Giant Evil Flaming All-Seeing Eye was based on former President Jimmy Carter. Homage or theft X? The character of Elrond was based on Agent Smith from The Matrix. Weighty issues. AKA "Plot Hole No. 273." Even with all that walking and light eating, the character of Sam only got fatter. Realism, schmealism. Liv Tyler's immortal elf volunteers to give up her eternal life for a single romance with a human man. Could any man really be that well endowed? I find it unlikely. Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow. The most advanced civilization is that of the elves, which are long-haired, new-age types? Sorry, Mr. Jackson, but modern science has proven that in any modern civilization, hippies would be extinct. Too many notes. No movie should be over two hours long. Did we need that whole thing in the mine? Didn't it seem like they were just adding pointless scenes in the middle to pad it? It's like they decided beforehand they wanted three hours and used filler to flesh it out. Too many notes, II. I just want to re-emphasize the above point. There is no reason entertainment can't be concise. Too many notes, III. Too many characters to keep track of. The dwarf was clearly only there as a token dwarf character to sell tickets to lucrative movie-going dwarf demographic. Lose him. Rationalization for violence. Why is the black octopus creature painted as the bad guy when it attacks, when one of the fellowship had clearly been throwing rocks at it? The Shoeless Land. The Hobbits both 1) refuse to wear shoes and 2) run a livestock-based farming economy. Wouldn't they constantly be stepping in crap? Why doesn't the movie address this issue? Casting. Why couldn't Frodo have been played by Christopher Walken? Casting, II. Why couldn't Gandalf have been played by Bruce Campbell? Casting, III. Why couldn't Bilbo have been played by Vin Diesel? Casting, IV. Why couldn't the Ranger have been played by a monkey? The Score. The background music wasn't nearly funky enough for me. What's that smell? As bad as the Lucasfilm leaks were last year, the filmmakers of The Two Towers already have the novelization out in paperback. I've seen it at Barnes & Noble already. As if we needed any less of a reason to go see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havoc Stryphe Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 You do realize that Lord of the Rings was published in the 1940's, therefore predating Blizzard Software Co. and Warcraft by half a century, right? Also, there was already three books published in the forty's, therefore the sequels were already planned for 50 years well before New Line Cinema's greed could touch it! By the way, Lord of the Rings is a mythological Fantasy, therefore the laws of Chemistry and Physics are subject to skirting, bending and all out breaking. Much like in Star Wars, the space battles are so unbelievable because there is not enough molecules in the vacuum of space to conduct sound waves. i.e. no blaster sounds, TIE fighter screams or explosians! Or how the force can cause a droid to disobey the laws of gravity by levitating it. etc, etc, etc. Even in African tribes, black represents evil. It's not racist, it's mankind's nature to describe evil as black/dark and good as white/light. They were not stabbed in the movie by the wringwraiths. It was a suspense ploy by Peter Jackson to make you feel they were about to be stabbed, but then cut quickly to showing the wraiths stabbing beds full of straw while the hobbitts listen to their screams of rage from an inn next door. Apparently you were stuffing your mouth full of pop-corn during that scene and missed that! Most of your arguments rest on reality, however, the Lord of the Rings NEVER took place in this reality. It is a mythological Fantasy that takes place in teh imaginations of people world wide! You are not making any sense Ackbar, sit down and relax for a second! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fishflesh Posted October 16, 2002 Author Share Posted October 16, 2002 Uhhh Havoc Stryphe Before every body comes mad ad me i did not wrote this i just posted this here. I like LOTR! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havoc Stryphe Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 Originally posted by NL_Ackbar Uhhh Havoc Stryphe Before every body comes mad ad me i did not wrote this i just posted this here. Oh, ummm, then you should have said that first...yeah! Sorry, Ackbar, I thought you wrote it! Then carry on! Let's bash the unknown authur then! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy_dog no.3 Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 1) Greed- Get used to it. 2) I think most of the world knows that LOTR is based off a book. The book was written like 50 yrs ago. And when was Warcraft released? 3) Damn u gravity- I belive that a creature that size will not be able to support itself using those wings. 4) Horse sence- Read the book. Birds get tired too. 5) Sloppy CGI- U think u can do better? 6) The Abistios (something like that) Wizard- Read the book for yet more spoilers 7) Invisible Impluasibilty- Ever wondered why it called a fantasy? 8) Magic Mechanics- Magic doesn't exist anyway. 9) Did someone say plot whole- SEXIST! 10) Go-go gadjet arrow- Hey carries alot of arrows, and probably steals more from the orc corpses. Just like in computer games (if u ever played an FPS) 11) Watch out, he's going to explode- Offscreen. If it was onscreen it ould be banned. 12) Mesa gonna make this Movie suckah- Gollum was created way before my favourite Gungan. 13) Homege or theft 2 and 3- *sighs* LOTOR came way before any of these, and they were realesed at approximately the same time. 14) Homage or Theft VII- I think u are reffering too Star Wars. If so, George Lucas admitted to stealing alot of ideas. 15) Homage or Theft X- U may as well say Colleteral Damage's fireman was based on Terminator. 16) Realism, schrealism- Look at Brad Pitt. 17) Casting- 18) The Score- *sighs again* 19) What's that Smell? - FOR THE LAST TIME, LOTR WAS WRITTEN AGES AGO! U MAY AS WELL SAY IT WAS A SPOILER WHEN FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE CAME OUT, BECAUSE THE IAN FLEMING NOVEL WAS OUT LIKE 10 YRS BEFORE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zygomaticus Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 Originally posted by Havoc Stryphe Sorry, Ackbar, I thought you wrote it! nobody here has that much time:rolleyes: and about stealing orcs from blizzard, that's bull... i think this writer does NOT realize that the movies were made off of books. stolen from willow? stolen from harry potter? what the...? probably thinks it was like starwars...came movies first... As bad as the Lucasfilm leaks were last year, the filmmakers of The Two Towers already have the novelization out in paperback. I've seen it at Barnes & Noble already. As if we needed any less of a reason to go see it. seeing this makes me feel how pathetically unknowledgably stupid this guy is! and makes me realize that not everyone can be as smart as others... btw, Akbar, where did you find this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kylilin Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 well, I thought it was funny without being offended. I like LotR, but I did get the sarcasm intended by the post. Funny stuff, where did you get that? BTW...the Hobbit was written in the 30's and the Lord of the Rings books were written in the 50's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zygomaticus Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 'twas supposed to be sarcastic??? oh...ok.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ckcsaber Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 The Orcs in Warcraft look nothin like the ones in LOTR! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simwiz2 Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 Whoever wrote those insightful comments is a complete moron. The idea that books written before there were even PC's copied off of a PC game company is just laughable. And it copied an animated movie that came out a few years ago? And the 100% male, black antagonist comments are whines, and just plain stupid. I suppose this person also believes in sensoring every book that uses colors to symbolize good vs evil, and that doesn't have 50% men, 50% women heroes, and have exactly equal numbers of heroes being different races. This person is also probably one of the people who laments that every time a minority driver gets a speeding ticket, it is because of their skin color. As has been mentioned the color black, and dark, have always been used to symbolize evil. Black crows, cats, witch hats, etc, have nothing to do with race or skin color. Those comments, like so many others I have seen, are simply whines trying to cite racism where there isn't any. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fishflesh Posted October 16, 2002 Author Share Posted October 16, 2002 Originally posted by krkode btw, Akbar, where did you find this? \ i found this on a dutch starwars form and thay say that thay found this on a other forum aigan i can ask in dutch where thay found this http://www.swfan.nl/forum/cgi-bin/echobase/topic.cgi? forum=11&topic=250 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wait i think this is the REAL link http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/50reasons.html He says he is sorry! Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boba Rhett Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 Holy heck, some of you dudes. JOKE. It's a JOKE. Now take your pills. Funny stuff, Ackbar! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy_dog no.3 Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 Originally posted by simwiz2 Whoever wrote those insightful comments is a complete moron. The idea that books written before there were even PC's copied off of a PC game company is just laughable. And it copied an animated movie that came out a few years ago? And the 100% male, black antagonist comments are whines, and just plain stupid. I suppose this person also believes in sensoring every book that uses colors to symbolize good vs evil, and that doesn't have 50% men, 50% women heroes, and have exactly equal numbers of heroes being different races. This person is also probably one of the people who laments that every time a minority driver gets a speeding ticket, it is because of their skin color. As has been mentioned the color black, and dark, have always been used to symbolize evil. Black crows, cats, witch hats, etc, have nothing to do with race or skin color. Those comments, like so many others I have seen, are simply whines trying to cite racism where there isn't any. This is the first time u posted at Off-Topic Discussion. Hey simwiz2 u visit Apocylopton (dunno how to spell it)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breton Posted October 16, 2002 Share Posted October 16, 2002 Actually, the first guy who posted this meant it as a joke. So we should not flame him, we should flame all those people who actually agreed with him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jatt13 Posted October 17, 2002 Share Posted October 17, 2002 as soon as i saw that i didn't even bother to read it all and got set in "defend something i like" mode. then ackbar meant it as a joke. great. ruin all my fun. anyway, like my avatar sorta suggests, i've actually learned a few things from dogbert. one is to dismiss idiots like the one who wrote this crap with a wave of my hand and the word" bah". i found it sorta works. if i do it to people at my school it stuns them for the fraction of a second i need to get away from the moron that's wasteing my time. so, with no further ado, i say to the one who wrote this: BAH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfnshannon Posted October 17, 2002 Share Posted October 17, 2002 hee hee I thought the comment about the Ranger guy looking like Val Kilmer from Willow was RIGHT ON!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted October 17, 2002 Share Posted October 17, 2002 The Battle Droid Syndrome. The mutated muscular soldiers of Mordor turned out to be hilariously ineffective soldiers, a dozen of them held off by a single dying human. Apparently they made the beasts by crossing Orcs, Goblins and the French. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...I love that one. Whoever wrote that was an ignorant moron who should cut himself off from the world and read some books for a change. His idiocy is hilarious, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy_dog no.3 Posted October 17, 2002 Share Posted October 17, 2002 Ah it was a joke. Dammit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Odin Posted October 17, 2002 Share Posted October 17, 2002 hush let Niner live in his ignorance. I found these paticularlly funny. Gold: The Stretchy Element. The ring, which is seen to be at least two inches in diameter at the beginning to fit the polish sausage-sized finger of Sauron, suddenly fits Frodo's child-sized finger later. I guess this movie takes place in a world where rings magically change sizes on their own. Violence. Give me one reason that story couldn't have been told without all the fighting. the filmmakers of The Two Towers already have the novelization out in paperback. I've seen it at Barnes & Noble already. As if we needed any less of a reason to go see it I would have never guessed that the Two Towers were available. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted October 17, 2002 Share Posted October 17, 2002 You're the ignorant fools. I know Number 3 didn't write it. That's why I did not mention his name. Simpletons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Odin Posted October 17, 2002 Share Posted October 17, 2002 Your just trying to cover up your mistakes. We all know that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boba Rhett Posted October 17, 2002 Share Posted October 17, 2002 Ok, it's obvious we need to have a class... Now, what can we do about this? Sweet monkey, people. Please grow a sense of humor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kvan Posted October 17, 2002 Share Posted October 17, 2002 Originally posted by Boba Rhett Ok, it's obvious we need to have a class... Now, what can we do about this? Sweet monkey, people. Please grow a sense of humor. Frankly I'm getting a lil tired of all these pics Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Havoc Stryphe Posted October 17, 2002 Share Posted October 17, 2002 Well, initially there was no linked address or no header to explain this was writen by someone else, and given Ackbar's previous exploits, it was assumed he was merely complaining again. As soon as he stated he didn't write it, it became obvious that it was meant in humor then. At that point I re-read it and laughed. What do you know, irony can be funny! I was initially taking it at face value, because of who posted it without links or header that's all. Like I said, after all the facts were presented I found it extremely hilarious! I'll have you know I was nominated for funniest member! I have a sense of humor thank you very much! Oh...you..were..joking...weren't you? um...yeah.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Odin Posted October 18, 2002 Share Posted October 18, 2002 what is this sense of humor you speak of? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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