X R Kun Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 I've been around this forums for a few months already and i know i can talk to u guys about this. You see, my dad's a moron. He had affair after affair. My mom is his second wife and hes been seeing other women behind her back. Hes had so many ive lost count! And time and time again my mom had forgiven him even after i convinced her otherwise. But this time, he had gone too far. He went on a business trip to Indonesia and my mom got to know he married this bitch half-his age there ( shes quite the spy!). And now shes been grieving and crying non stop. My dad isnt worth keeping but she wouldnt listen. Its not that i hate him personally. Were not even close. Its how he treats my mom that make me wanna rip his head off and piss down his neck. No one dared to say anything to him, not his brothers or even his own mom. He does not support us financialy. Sure, he gave a few hundred dollars but thats friggin not enuf! I just wish he would just crash mid flight in one of his "business trips" ( He nearly died a few yrs ago when the flight he was supposed to take actually crashed in Indonesia) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chewbacco Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 Do you want him to actually die!!?? Or have him paralyzed so he can't see other women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X R Kun Posted December 14, 2002 Author Share Posted December 14, 2002 no, i still need his money. The will's not enuf. He still have his other son frm a previous marriage and now that he has a new wife, hell give a large portion to her. Its not that i actually care abt him, i dont even give a f***. In one hand, i want him to die so he can stop this nonsense. On the other hand, i need the financial support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpYzEr Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 Thats quite sad.. hating your dad. Well, I hope it all works out for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X R Kun Posted December 14, 2002 Author Share Posted December 14, 2002 AArrgghhhh! Never ending cycle of dread! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheHobGoblin Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 Your mom should marry someone else. He thinks he can do this and still have another wife. Tell your mom to f**king leave him and go to someone who doesn't think he is a king or somethin. Tell your mom to marry someone who can support you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X R Kun Posted December 14, 2002 Author Share Posted December 14, 2002 I already had! She wouldnt listen! She still hopes he'll come back to us! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheHobGoblin Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 Tell her that he doesn't give a damn about her. She isn't his slave. She has to get someone else. She isn't a idiot. She has rights.! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 Eh, I know where you're coming from, man. My old man...I've never even met him. He lives off in a far away country with his wife and children (my half-siblings) and doesn't pay a blink of support to me or my mother. To top it off, I have an ass badger of a stepfather who wouldn't know parenting from breathing. I haven't had a strong male figure in my life. But I persevere. You should too. Everything will settle itself...trust me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X R Kun Posted December 14, 2002 Author Share Posted December 14, 2002 Well, i dont always bring up this subject. Its only my mom. Whenever we have a quiet evening, she would mumble something abt why her life is like this. Once i actually blastaed back at my dad but that a-hole just shrugged it off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hekx Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 Eh, my parents are divorced, they have been for quite some time.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinWalker Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 Originally posted by X R Kun In one hand, i want him to die so he can stop this nonsense. On the other hand, i need the financial support The one thing that won't change is the grief. If he dies, you'll still grieve (which is what's going on right now), only in a different way. This is one of those situations where the person that has to change is you. The changes I'm talking about is with your own feelings, needs and goals. You can't change the fact that your father has done what he's done. You can't change the fact that it greatly upsets your mother (be there for her, though). You can only change your perspective of the situation. It is wholly possible that, at some point in the future, you and your dad may come to terms. You maybe 50 and he 80, or it may occur sooner, too. That aside, you can only do what's good for you. Be strong for your mom. Accept that he will change only if he chooses. Understand that one chooses to be angry... others do not have that power over us unless we will it. In spite of his behavior, live your life and and make the best of it. But always remember... the negative behavior that dominates your perception of him isn't the sum of his being. There are undoubtedly many redeeming qualities that he has. Should something happen to him (like dying) without a resolution between you both, then you alone will bear the burden of the relationship. So it's best to make your feelings known to the other person. Otherwise the anger, grief, pain, and regret can consume you and affect your own behavior. Anyway.... that's my two cents...... I work with at-risk teens (for about 6 or 7 years now) and I've seen similar situations. The part that always troubles me is that the kid usually is affected most by the father's poor judgement. Once those kids start living for themselves and accepting their parents for what they are, then they move on. That's not to say that everyhthing is all of the sudden peachy... but the perspective changes and the anger is less prevalent. SkinWalker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chewbacco Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 You have issues man. Your dad gave you life and you want him to die???!!! When my brother gets very mad at any of our parents and he'd wish that he or she would die. And I will just sit in a corner and whine. But, I knew that he didn't mean that. Do you? Do you mean that to your dad? I would rather send him away somewhere far away that you wouldn't see him again ever. Would you rather have that? If not, you are a sad little boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X R Kun Posted December 14, 2002 Author Share Posted December 14, 2002 Im trying to live my life to the fullest. Im studying for a diploma in architecture and hopefully i will get a good job and support my mom. Maybe my dad. Thats all i can do now. I dont really give a rat's ass what my dads been up to as long as i support my mom. Shes been through alot of tough times but me and my siblings will always be there for her. Thx guys, especialy skinwalker. I feel like crying like a little girl but thats not me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-s/<itzo- Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 your situation made me think about this song by Jay-Z. it's a rap song (i don't know if you into that) but it totally relates to what you're going through. heres the lyric. "Where Have You Been" (Jay-Z feat. Beanie Sigel) [beanie Sigel] Damn how am I gonna say this shlt? hey... hey dad, yeah it's your boy remember me? I wanna talk to you scrap I remember being kicked out the house 'cause I looked just like you Said I'd be nothing but a crook just like you The n****z in the hood was shook Where the just like you 'Cause all they said was little whitey look I'm just like you But dog I can't see it at all, sh!t We never kicked it at all We never pitched or kicked at a ball dog, you never taught me sh!t how to fight, ride a bike, fix a flat none of that sorts of *shlt N***a you was an abusive pops f**k you left me out to dry, stuck gotta teach news to box gotta teach news to bop and that aint the half of it man I gotta teach news to block It's about time we have a father to son sit down let me tell you 'bout your fatherless sons how they grew to be men and father they sons father they daughters n***a, you left a fatherless daughter I never follow your orders n***a you make me sick how you gonna leave these memories in the back of my mind I can see it clear as day you smackin my mom I 'member that day you showed me that gat, that 9 put it in my palm when I was young and said that would be mine, you turned me out the reason why I hit the block reason why I tried to hit them cops reason why I started hittin shots reason why I started gettin licked and drinkin syrup and skippin court ginger bread man never think of gettin caught look at your hand man damn you fought n***a you left my mom left us with no good-bye's you left us out to dry you left us with no letters, notes, (nothing!) no replies no digits numbers was unlisted you left us with some of my loneliest night n***a some of my hungriest nights sh!t, one of the reasons for years (sh!t embarrasin) damn we used to think money was white yeah you gave us life like, fruit from a plant we aint eat right from them foods from them stamps and to think you was my pop, man i gotta stop sh1t [CHORUS] Daddy, Where Have You Been? Beanie: And when you come home, you got us here all alone Mommy, Where Daddy Went? Beanie: You always stick up for him Always said you'd make up for him Mommy, What Happened Then? Beanie: What was you cheatin on him? Why he's always beatin' on you? Daddy, Where Have You Been? Beanie: N***a, you gonna hear me out [Jay-Z] I wanted to walk just like him (remember?) wanted to talk just like him (word) often momma said I look too much and I thought just like him (it could happen) wanted to drink Miller nips and smoke Newports just like you but you left me, now I'm goin to court just like you I would say "my daddy loves me and he'll never go away" bull****, do you even remember December's my birthday? do you even remember the tender boy you turned into a cold young man with one goal and one plan get mommy out of some jam, she was always in one always short with the income always late with the rent You said that you was comin through I would stay in the hallway (waitin) always playin the bench (waitin) and that day came and went F**k You! very much you showed me the worst kind of pain but I'm stronger and trust me I will never hurt again will never ask mommy "why daddy don't love me? Why is we so poor?, why is life so ugly? Mommy why is your eyes puffy?" please don't cry everything'll be alright I know it's dark now, but we gon' see the light It's us against the world we don't need him, right? (right) mommy drivin 6's now (yeah), I got riches now (yeah) I bought I nice home for both of my sisters now we doin real good we don't miss you now see how life twists around, f**ker? [CHORUS] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunatic Jedi Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 You could legally take him to court and have him pay your mom child support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X R Kun Posted December 14, 2002 Author Share Posted December 14, 2002 yeah i know something about maintenance but we cant afford to pay the lawyers fee and all that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova_wolf Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 Life hating your dad is a reality for more people than deserve. I myself hate my father and consider him dead despite his several stunts to get back into contact w/ me - he always believed I would search him out when I turned 18. But I cannot say I fully understand your particular situation - whilst I do have the same feelings for my father and escaped him, it was for somewhat... less subtle reasons than him cheating... For 12 years I lived w/ just my mum and sister as the only man of the house, and if he were to return.... Well - I would have been the only line of defense for the ten minutes it would take police to arrive.... I mean - how many seven year olds do you know that have stood between their injured mother and father and prepared for a fight.... But whilst it sucks, you have to get your mother to realise what is going on, cause as w/ you, it was what it did to my Mum that got me above all else and made me stand my ground those twelve years ago.... Wishing him dead will only make you feel worse - just get you and your Mum free of him, then after talking it through and clearing the air, ensure that you treat him as dead, not wish him dead. But it sounds like your the one that needs to get her to listen - ge her to see whats it's doing to you seeing her like this, and her mothering instincts should kick in long enough to get her away for her to see whats its doing to be. It may seem a trick, but it s that time. I'm here for you man - just stay in there for her - now YOUR the man of the house, as real man would do that to his wife. Just hang in there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X R Kun Posted December 14, 2002 Author Share Posted December 14, 2002 Yeah, i AM the man of the house! Oh wait, i have an older brother. No, I AM one half of the tag team brothers. Anyone coming to harm my family would get a double clothesline frm us. And yeah, ive come to accept him as not exactly dead but just not part of the family. He comes here once a month in which i would just keep silent until spoken to. Believe me, u dont wanna get on the wrong side of him. He may talk sweet to his bitches but hes actually a violent psycho. Not that hes always like that but he does have a short temper and when he goes nuclear, he would start using objects in the house. Yes, even a chair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mex Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 I hate my dad too, he left my mom when I was just three years old He doesent even speak to me any more, I gave him my e-mail address 6 months ago, no reply. I wrote a letter, no reply. I phoned him, no reply. I dont really care about him much any ways, yesterday, I forgot he was alive, thanks to Keleigh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X R Kun Posted December 14, 2002 Author Share Posted December 14, 2002 Wow! And i thought i was the only one with these problems! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clemme w/Stick Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 I feel sorry for you! I cant imagine how it must be for you. Well, maybe it would be better if he got paralyzed, like Chewbacco said in his first reply! Unfortunately I dont have any samilar episodes to share with you guys..! -Clemme Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova_wolf Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 Originally posted by X R Kun Believe me, u dont wanna get on the wrong side of him. He may talk sweet to his bitches but hes actually a violent psycho. I know that - my father was an ex-para... colleced live ammo, including grenades!!! When it came time to move house, clearing our llft could easily have turned nasty! Even once tried to break into through back door, and the glass showered my Mum - deep leg wound... But I think that the most inportant thing is to never drop to their level - or even that direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Gnarly Posted December 14, 2002 Share Posted December 14, 2002 Just Remember not to treat your wife this way X R Kun.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfnshannon Posted December 15, 2002 Share Posted December 15, 2002 I was reading your story and I just wanted to say . You are a brave guy and I'm glad you are there for your mother. While it may seem frustrating that you can't seem to change your mom's mind...and everyone keeps telling you that its your job and you have to. Its not. Sometimes people just don't listen. One day she will have her fill and finnaly end it with the guy. She probably is trying to hold it together for the sake of her family. For you guys. I know a lot of women who wouldn't leave there ****ty ass guy because they felt that they must keep the relationship together for the kids. Even though that's not always the best thing. Now here you are...not sure how old you are and you have the burden of trying to hold your mom together. Dude! You need to take care of yourself. I'd really talk to some real people about this. Not just the net - but your friends or a councelor or maybe your older brother. You can't keep carrying this stuff on your shoulder because look how angry it is making you. I'm glad you want to support your mom etc and help her. But some day your going to get really fed up and I think that's why you should talk to someone like a councelor. Who can give you some really good advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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