Bilbo Skywalker Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters-who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent-DON't MISS THE LAST ONE!!!!! Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie there. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clemme w/Stick Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 hehe! That was funny d00d! Well, I'm glad that I wasnt there when these things were said. If I were there I would have laughed myself to death! -Clemme Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XERXES Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 god those autopsy ones...*sigh* funnay indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reborn Outcast Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 hahahahahahaha thats good hahahahahhahahahhahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clem Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 nuff said your in a room with a lion a tiger and a lawyer .... you have a shotgun with 2 rounds .... what do u do? shoot the lawyer .... twice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pnut_Man Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 Some of the sickest stuff i've ever heard. Either those people were smartasses or complete morons...hmm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C'jais Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 That is Teh Funny on a high level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leXX Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 LOL those are great! Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kstar__2 Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 those are great! god what a bunch of smartasses! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reborn Outcast Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 Originally posted by Pnut_Master Some of the sickest stuff i've ever heard. Either those people were smartasses or complete morons...hmm Not morons... just smartasses. I wonder if the lawyers were being morons though cause some of those sounded like the were comin from a lawyer or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clem Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 were ne of these lawyers named lionel hutz by ne chance? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hekx Posted January 28, 2003 Share Posted January 28, 2003 The one that got me to laugh out loud was: Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Nice find Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Fisher Posted January 29, 2003 Share Posted January 29, 2003 thats good:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bilbo Skywalker Posted January 29, 2003 Author Share Posted January 29, 2003 haha, just found another one which is funny too : click the link :D:D http://www.independent.co.uk/story.jsp?story=342639 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-s/<itzo- Posted January 30, 2003 Share Posted January 30, 2003 Originally posted by Bilbo Skywalker Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. That was funnay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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