REDJOHNNYMIKE Posted October 5, 2005 Share Posted October 5, 2005 Ohio and teachers are usually the heavier, if not only, income. And if you got married teachers, they pretty much got their choice of housing, even though our homes are a steal anyway. And I was neighbors with most of them for a while, and they don't seem like the kind of people to hire hookers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lukeiamyourdad Posted October 6, 2005 Share Posted October 6, 2005 I think that more teachers hook-up with former students (or current ones....eww!) than hire prostitutes. Also from experience ? RJM: I don't know about teachers in the US, but I can safely say they're underpaid pretty much everywhere in the world.. It's one of the most stressful jobs ever, most of the younger ones burn out quite fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RevanA4 Posted October 6, 2005 Share Posted October 6, 2005 here is an intresting fact that I found funny Caffeine is on the International Olympic Committee list of prohibited substances. Athletes who test positive for more than 12 micrograms of caffeine per milliliter of urine may be banned from the Olympic Games. This level may be reached after drinking about 5 cups of coffee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingerhs Posted October 6, 2005 Share Posted October 6, 2005 hehe, i'm gonna guess that MDK never really wanted to teach in SC public schools. the pay is downright terrible from what i understand by talking with a couple of them back in High School. anyways, time to get this thread back on topic. this time, i think i'll poke some harmless fun at Catholics. in a fairly small community, the majority of the married couples would often times commit adultery. since the community was largely Catholic, the local priest would regularly hear his parishoners confess to adultery during confessional. being an old and conservative priest, he finally got fed up with the constant confessions about adultery and declared during mass that either people would give up adultery or he would move to another parish. not wanting to see their beloved priest leave, the townspeople came up with a plan: instead of confessing to adultery, they would say that they had 'fallen'. the plan worked, and the old priest stayed at the parish. eventually, the priest died and a newly ordained priest soon came to take his place. out of habit, however, the townspeople didn't stop saying they had 'fallen' during confession. since the new priest didn't know about the old plan, he started to get concerned about so many people falling in town. thinking it was related to a problem with the streets, the priest decided to take it up before the local mayor. Knowing about the plan for confessional, the mayor just laughed lightly to himself during the meeting. "I don't know what you find so funny about all this," the priest said. "Your wife has already fallen three times this week!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JediKnight707 Posted October 6, 2005 Share Posted October 6, 2005 As far as I can see that joke has already been posted Still funny though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Lion54 Posted October 6, 2005 Share Posted October 6, 2005 Reason NOT to sit near Home Plate at a baseball game! HEHE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MdKnightR Posted October 6, 2005 Share Posted October 6, 2005 Hilarious photo! Here's a joke that I came up with this morning in the tradition of Jeff Foxworthy... If you "iron" your cloths for the day by hanging them in the bathroom as you take a steaming hot shower, you might be a bachelor! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted October 6, 2005 Author Share Posted October 6, 2005 Hilarious photo! Here's a joke that I came up with this morning in the tradition of Jeff Foxworthy... If you "iron" your cloths for the day by hanging them in the bathroom as you take a steaming hot shower, you might be a bachelor! I have a "friend" that does that... yeah.. a friend...that's it... err.. yeah... <.< >.> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MdKnightR Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Hmm, yeah right! ChaiNz is guilty, but so am I! I came up with that as I was stepping out of the shower. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 Assorted blah blah that later on may offend americans. A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating". Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate." Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him. Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight." The teacher cried. A Tennessee Mountain Woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of dayswith a specimen . When she got home, she asked her husband , " What is a specimen ? " He replied, " Danged if I know . Go next door and ask Edith, She's a nurse. The woman went next door and came back in about twenty minutes with her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face and body. " What in the world happened ? " asked her husband . " Danged if I know , " she replies " I asked Edith what a specimen was and she told me to go piss in a bottle . I told her to go fart in a jug and then all hell broke loose ! ! " To the citizens of the United States of America In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. 2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize." 3. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above). 4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day." 5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. 6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. 9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar. 10. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers. 11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. 12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. 13. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. 14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. 15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776. Thank you for your co-operation. John Cleese Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MdKnightR Posted October 8, 2005 Share Posted October 8, 2005 Mostly hilarious, but I take exception to.... 7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. Although I love German cars, nothing can take the place of my 1977 Pontiac Grand Prix! 11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. I second this motion! DOWN WITH MILLER, BUDWEISER, AND COORS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lukeiamyourdad Posted October 8, 2005 Share Posted October 8, 2005 Although I love German cars, nothing can take the place of my 1977 Pontiac Grand Prix! I've tried some american made cars...not that great eh...you have to put the pedal to the metal to see it move a few inches... But i'm sure there's a lot of good ones too, perhaps I'm just unlucky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingerhs Posted October 8, 2005 Share Posted October 8, 2005 I've tried some american made cars...not that great eh...you have to put the pedal to the metal to see it move a few inches... But i'm sure there's a lot of good ones too, perhaps I'm just unlucky. well, that's not really my problem with them. in fact, i admire a large number of American-brand cars like the new Mustang GT and the new Corvette Z06. my problem is just that you gotta take them to the shop so many darn times to fix some wierd problem. granted, you have to do that with a lot of German makes, too, so that kinda leaves me with the Japanese makes..... and, contrary to popular belief, most of your high-volume Japanese cars are American-made, the company just isn't based in America. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted October 8, 2005 Share Posted October 8, 2005 With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The HokeyPokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in..... and then the trouble started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REDJOHNNYMIKE Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 @hal, and other redcoats... *Johnny pushes Bush's brand spankin new (Nukyeulur + Englind) big red button and solves that anoyance* #5 you are going to have a fun time enforcing that:D Hmmm, Hemi vs Mini = I do believe the propper english word is PWNAGE ol' chap #8 here I'm back down under $3 *blows raspberry and farts in your general direction* #10 obviously you haven't been to many truck stop diners or any place where there aren't any cityfolk #13 consider the difference between Knights and Archers, the archers don't need itXP #15 looks back at list, money aside, you still owe us for not having to say HEIL!!! *runs around naked in the street* *brits everywhere chuckle at this the pinnacle of their humor* In summation, we backwords redneck americans made you brits bend over and call us Big Pimp Daddy last time, and we've gotten even more ornery since then:D And of course #14 You want to where british humor comes from? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 I'm canadian. I was just telling you what John Cleese told me to tell you, and as I recall we beat you guys in the war. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REDJOHNNYMIKE Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 Hmm, then why am i talkin all like american and whatever;) and watching football, and driving a dodge, and just ate french fries at mcdonalds, seems to me if you'd already won, the above list would be pointless:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 uuumm Whats McDonalds? j/k. You see Canada 0wned you guys in the war, but we let you stay your own country. Its the British who feel like taking over again. We Canadians got ou freedom a long time ago (and without war- we asked politely and the kind British decided that we were british at heart, and wouldn't deny freedom from their brothers. And John A. McDonald says hello. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REDJOHNNYMIKE Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 So you are really so confused you don't know if you're british or canadien:D THIS IS THE MOST HILARIOUS STUFF IN tLSoL EVER:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lukeiamyourdad Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 So you are really so confused you don't know if you're british or canadien:D THIS IS THE MOST HILARIOUS STUFF IN tLSoL EVER:D That's true. I'm glad I'm french canadian, we have no trouble defining who we are. Unlike the anglo-canadians who still feel they owe something to the bloody Queen. She never comes here...and even if she does, our taxes pay for the ceremony...and all her expenses are paid...by our taxes... BTW, a bit of knowledge of Canadian history and you'll know that the British who came here didn't want to be called Canadian at first since the word first designated the french settlers. Then, during the 1960's, the old Canadians started to call themselves "Québécois" and those who called themselves the "British who happen to live in Canada" started calling themselves the Canadians. Odd eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REDJOHNNYMIKE Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 Well don't worry, I know they don't like you having guns up there, but if the brits ever try and reclaim the french canadians along with us we'll send you some magnums:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 ^^ Kind of you to offer, but we have beavers and timbits . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MdKnightR Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 Hmmm, Hemi vs Mini = I do believe the propper english word is PWNAGE ol' chap No $h*t! But nothing can compare to the raw power of a Pontiac 455 (when it is built right)!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REDJOHNNYMIKE Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 I honestly never learned mechanics (to busy) growing up, so that was the best I could think of:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MdKnightR Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 3 vampires walk into a bar. The first vampire tells the bartender, "Give me a glass of A positive." So the bartender pours him a tall glass of A positive. The second vampire tells the bartender, "Give me a mug of B negative." The bartender pours him a mug of B negative. The third vampire tells the bartender, "I'll have a glass of hot water." The other 2 vampires just about spit out their drinks and looked at him like he was out of his mind. "What the hell do you want a glass of hot water for?" The 3rd vampire reached into his cape, pulled out a used Kotex, and replied, "Tea Time!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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