Qantas Airlines

[--ZeeMan--]

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe

sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The

mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and

then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are

some actual maintenance complaints submitted b! y Qantas' pilots(marked

with a P)and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance

engineers.

 

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an

accident. Enjoy!

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.

 

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed

 

And the best one for last.................

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

[Lynk Former]

(hoorah @ copy and paste thread)

 

There is a grain of truth behind this you know, a friend of mine had a dad who was a mechanic for Qantas. He couldn't believe those planes could stay up in the air with all the shortcuts taken, but for some reason Qantas still hasn't had a crash, their planes just refuse to lol.

 

Even with all the horror stories, it's still one of the safest airlines you can fly.

[Lady Jedi]

LOL! Nice find Zee!

[Sabretooth]

EDIT: http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=150555

 

LOL, great find, Zeeski! I loved almost all of them!

[--ZeeMan--]

EDIT: http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=150555

 

LOL, great find, Zeeski! I loved almost all of them!

 

i did a search and didn't find anything so i thought it was safe to post

[Lady Jedi]

Meh, it's a totally different area of the boards. You're fine.

[Jeff]

Great find Zee! Some of those are hilarious

[90SK]

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

 

Nice find man! These are all glorious.

[IG-64]

My favorite one was

"P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit."

 

 

Good find.

[swphreak]

Oldie but a goodie.

[BongoBob]

That was freakin excellent

 

I especiall liked

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

[narfblat]

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

That's kind of scary.

[BCanr2d2]

Qantas has had accidents, just nothing major. They had a plane end up at the end of a runway somewhere overseas.