--ZeeMan-- Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted b! y Qantas' pilots(marked with a P)and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. Enjoy! P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed And the best one for last................. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynk Former Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 (hoorah @ copy and paste thread) There is a grain of truth behind this you know, a friend of mine had a dad who was a mechanic for Qantas. He couldn't believe those planes could stay up in the air with all the shortcuts taken, but for some reason Qantas still hasn't had a crash, their planes just refuse to lol. Even with all the horror stories, it's still one of the safest airlines you can fly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Jedi Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 LOL! Nice find Zee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sabretooth Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 EDIT: http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=150555 LOL, great find, Zeeski! I loved almost all of them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--ZeeMan-- Posted November 22, 2005 Author Share Posted November 22, 2005 EDIT: http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=150555 LOL, great find, Zeeski! I loved almost all of them! i did a search and didn't find anything so i thought it was safe to post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Jedi Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 Meh, it's a totally different area of the boards. You're fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 Great find Zee! Some of those are hilarious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
90SK Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. Nice find man! These are all glorious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IG-64 Posted November 22, 2005 Share Posted November 22, 2005 My favorite one was "P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit." Good find. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swphreak Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 Oldie but a goodie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BongoBob Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 That was freakin excellent I especiall liked P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narfblat Posted November 23, 2005 Share Posted November 23, 2005 P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. That's kind of scary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BCanr2d2 Posted November 27, 2005 Share Posted November 27, 2005 Qantas has had accidents, just nothing major. They had a plane end up at the end of a runway somewhere overseas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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