Path #1 or Path #2? Which Sounds Better?

[Tysyacha]

I'd like to pose a hypothetical fantasy question for you.

 

Background Information

 

Tysyacha has stolen 730 pieces of gold! Not without good reason,

however, for she has had to run away from her village. Tysy has

discovered that the Priests under whom she was to study and

learn aren't above torture and execution when it suits their needs.

 

Thus, she flees, and after about five days of wandering in the

woods, Tysy finds the nearest town. She asks a merchant for

work (after freshening up a bit and washing her clothes in the

stream, of course), but he refuses based upon her rags and

her lack of 3 people who live in the town to vouch for her.

 

Tysy steals a heavy pouch of his gold once the merchant has

gone to the privy, and then she heads for the woods again.

As luck would have it, or fate (or the Force!), she meets Yara,

a tall and stately magician who wants to make Tysy her apprentice.

 

The law is already looking for Tysyacha. Guilt-ridden, she stands

before Yara, who asks her, "What good would 2 years in prison do you?"

 

What does Tysyacha do?

 

Path #1: She goes with Yara, figuring she can live with her guilt.

She becomes Yara's loyal apprentice and learns the art of the

Lightning Ward. After a year, a new law is passed saying that

all criminals shall be put to death. She and Yara must either

run, fight, or die, because Yara has a secret of her own: she's

a killer, and she's been hiding the fact for the past 10 years.

 

Path #2: Tysyacha turns herself in to the patrol guards who

are wandering the forest looking for her. She agrees to serve

a sentence of 730 days in prison, one day at work for every

piece of gold she stole. In prison, she and the guard she works

for as a servant become very loyal friends. After a year, the

new law is passed that decrees all criminals shall be put to death.

The guard, not wanting to kill Tysyacha, flees into exile, taking

her with him. However, Tysy must choose her fate. She could

fight alongside the guard and oher fugitive criminals, or she

could surrender to her old Priests who passed the law, becoming

an assassin and helping to hunt down those who've broken the law...

 

So...what sounds cooler?

[Boba Rhett]

Hmmm, they're both neat but Lightning Ward sounds pretty cool, so I'll go with that one.

[Vladimir-Vlada]

You commit a crime, you pay for the crime. And if you are endangered, run away and become a justice bringer.

 

I vote for Path #2.

[Boba Rhett]

Ah, but what if she hunts down people who were in a similair situation to what she was and do not deserve death?

[stoffe]

You commit a crime, you pay for the crime. And if you are endangered, run away and become a justice bringer.

 

I vote for Path #2.

 

 

Law and Justice are not necessarily the same thing. If the Law is unjust no "greater good" is served by blindly obeying it.

 

Since the priest in the story seems to be a an evil tyrant on a power trip no good would come from putting yourself as his "mercy" or to serve as his enforcer (and likely get painfully killed anyway once you've outlived your usefulness).

 

Better to run from the Ordinators until you have a chance of doing anything meaningful to atone for your crimes. The crimes of this character seem to be very minor compared to the crimes of the ruling priesthood, after all.

[Vladimir-Vlada]

Since the priest in the story seems to be a an evil tyrant on a power trip no good would come from putting yourself as his "mercy" or to serve as his enforcer (and likely get painfully killed anyway once you've outlived your usefulness).

Hmm... I didn't notice that. Well, I changed my mind now, I vote for Path #1. Too bad I can't change that.

[Sabretooth]

Add Path #3. Distract Yara, steal belongings, hightail it. Rinse and repeat.

[RobQel-Droma]

Path #2. If the Priests were crooked and evil, I'm not sure I would really think that I should go to jail for stealing something from them. Probably the choice I would take; why would I want to fight for my life inside a jail because of the same evil priests that I ran from and got into the trouble in the first place?

[Tysyacha]

The merchant that Tysyacha steals from is unrelated to the evil priests.

He's in the next town over, on the other side of the woods from where Ty is.

Who do you think would be Tysyacha's better "master"? Here are their profiles:

 

Yara: She is definitely of the Kreia persuasion, although nicer to Tysyacha

than Kreia was to the Exile sometimes. She killed four people ten years before

the events of this story. It was a duel for supremacy and the title of Lightning

Master. Yara, being physically weaker, knew she was the underdog, and so,

in an action of passion and fear, she electrocuted her four opponents.

 

Afterwards, she was not sorry. She thought they'd have done the same to her.

 

The ends definitely justify the means for Yara, especially if they promote survival.

 

***********

 

Volodya: He is a Warrior, but he has also learned some of the ways of "the Force".

He is a guard at the prison that Tysyacha goes to, if she goes to prison. In

return for her good attitude and loyal service, Volodya teaches Tysy what

he knows of the art of Air. When the evil priests tell the guards of the prison

that they have to kill all their charges, Volodya knows that if he doesn't comply,

then his life will also be forfeit. So, he takes Tysyacha into exile with him.

 

After all, she still owes him one more year.

 

He figures, "If the ends justify the means, what happens if the means

are bloodier and more cruel than the end is merciful and just?" He

knows he has to be careful, and Volodya and Tysy fall in love.

[Emperor Devon]

I say exploit the system, and get as much out of it as possible. The lives of other people and ethics are completely irrelevent. If it is possible, manipulate the system enough that you end up controlling the system, or at least having a prominent position within it.

[RC-1162]

oooooh. is Volodya your bf?

anyway, i go with 2 since even though she did not kill anyone in the first story, her master did, which can land her in the same trouble.

[Hallucination]

Path 1. Thats what I would do, assuming someone would teach me lightning magic stuff.

[Tysyacha]

Note: I WISH I had a boyfriend like Volodya. As of now, my boyfriend is

the Invisible Man. Pity, really. I can never tell where his lips are...

[Tysyacha]

More about Volodya:

 

Volodya is not only a prison guard, but he is also a member of the Order

of the Priesthood that Tysyacha ran away from. However, even though

he has been "drafted", Volodya has always had serious doubts about

the eventual goals of his religion, and especially his spiritual leaders.

 

Once the new law is passed stating that all criminals must be executed,

Volodya knows that he must either participate in the executions or

forfeit his own life. He especially does not want to kill Tysyacha,

because he has fallen in love with her by the time the law is passed.

So, with heavy heart, he defects and flees with Tysy into permanent exile.

 

***********************

 

More about Yara:

 

Yara is an atheist, a la Ayn Rand. She thinks all religions are awful, the

"opiate of the masses", as Karl Marx put it. She especially detests the

dominant religious institution of the land, the one of the merciless Priests.

Her goal is to kill everyone associated with them, not just "defeat" them.

If Tysyacha goes with her, Yara will eventually persuade her to murder

her captors, thus adding more bloodshed to both of their hands.

 

Yara's philosophy is this: "Since there is no God/higher power/Force,

the real threat is the religious institutions that are built around this

imaginary figure. Once I tear down all of them, and slaughter the ones

who are perpetuating this dangerous mythology, the world will be free."

[Aristotélēsticus]

i choose path #1, it will make the story more attractive, a fugetive runs from the law, then you may make Volodya one of those who follow her, and by the time he catch her, but on the way to deliver her into the hands of justice (or as they called it), he discovers that she is nice and peacful and fall in love with her, then he release her, while he goes to his leaders to face his fate, they decide to excute him but eventually she appeared and saved her beloved one.

 

what do you think?

[Tysyacha]

Cool! I like it. How would you like this, though...

 

*****************

 

Near the end, the evil Priests capture Tysyacha and lock her in a chair.

They fasten an iron collar around her neck, and one of them says:

 

"One thousand pulses full of life I sens within her heart. Five turns

ought to do it. Your name is Tysyacha, right?" Tysy nods, feeling

sick to her stomach. The Priests interrogate her and try to convince

her to go over to their side. However, she does not give them the

answers they want to hear, and they give her the 5 turns.

 

Tysy passes out.

 

However, she does not die, because one of her old mentors appears

to her in a vision. She knows that Tysy went to prison and worked hard

for 2 years. Thus, she gained some extra stamina. The "Force Ghost" says:

 

"It would have taken 6 turns to kill you, not 5. The work you did in prison

increased your stamina twicefold. Thus, there are 1200 pulses of life in you,

not merely 1,000. Fear not. Volodya has defeated the two Priests, and they

now lie dead on the floor, electrocuted by the same power they sought.

Awaken."

 

Tysyacha wakes up, Volodya rescues her, and they flee together, uncertain

of what lies ahead, but sure that they can conquer any threats together.

[Aristotélēsticus]

great....as always.

[Tysyacha]

I wish I could do a "poll within a poll". Now, if you've been following me so far,

I'd like you to tell me which BEGINNING hooks you the most. How should I start?

 

1. Tysyacha meets Yara right off the bat, after having stolen the gold.

2. Tysyacha and Yara are before a court of law, undergoing a 9-member jury trial.

3. Tysyacha witnesses a criminal being executed by the Priests and then flees.

4. Tysyacha raises a few deep philosophical questions, and then starts the story.

[Aristotélēsticus]

(4. Tysyacha raises a few deep philosophical questions, and then starts the story.)

 

i like philosophy, well that depend on you.....if you want to make the story more philosophical rather than a love and adventure story you can choose this, otherwise i'll go with the first choice.

[REDJOHNNYMIKE]

Is this that story you were going to write, or are you asking for help in an rpg?

 

Interesting, as for the beginning, I'd say 4, but followed by 3

 

Philosophical development of the character, reason for leaving, reason to steal gold (more explanation about those reasons would be helpfull, is she (you) leaving solely because of an execution (or some other abuse of religion) or are there other "complications", and why is she stealing gold, is it because she needs money to travel (sounds like an expensive journey) or does her pilfering have something to do with other "complications" as well), meets merchant (you kind of downplayed that part, you might be able to milk it a little more;))...

Then heads down one of two paths...

1. Yara, The tragedy: A life of bloodshed, destroying everyone who demonstrates a belief in some religion (because you believe their faith causes them to slaughter others, or at the very least, take away other's freedom)

All the while not seeing that you've actually become what you thought everyone else was, and death and the slaughter of everyone who doesn't agree with you is your faith. So this story plays out as one long battle ending (most likely) in your defeat and capture...

2. Volodya, The romantic comedy: Vol saves Ty from her past (at least for now;)) and they fall in love (this gives you much more creative freedom in terms of setting than with a slightly more one dimensional "destroy everything" Yara, the reason being that Yara seems intent on returning and destroying the pursuers, while Vol wants to keep you away from them, which produces more choices of where to go) and have many exciting adventures and romantic encounters...until Tysy gets captured...

(Personally I preffer the redemption/romance, but that's just me;))

 

You kind of lost me in the end though, I don't really have a clue as to what you mean by "turns" or "pulses"

 

I'd say you probably have 1-3 chapters (depending on how detailed you are and how much imagery(etc.) you use) in the first part, up to where you leave with either "master", and I wouldn't stretch the end out more than one chapter, unless you'd rather have a long goodbye than a "both guns blazing" situation (either way could work well)

 

You really haven't said much about what you want to happen during the meat of the story between the opening and the climax, I can't wait to see what adventures you come up with for either of them:D