Jason Skywalker Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Not really, but, it seems more of a pastoral world, nothing special, which makes it excellent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Not really, but, it seems more of a pastoral world, nothing special, which makes it excellent. Thanks Jason. Well since Coruscant will be finished soon and hopefully the longest planned Part, Onderon, I have a lot of things planned for the Part and afterwards, the crew will travel to Alderaan. I just pruned a bunch of spammy posts--stay on topic, folks. Pruning threads and warning people is not my idea of a good time. Thanks, Jae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted November 21, 2006 Author Share Posted November 21, 2006 Sorry for another short Chapter and I'm afraid it is the last Chapter on Coruscant. Hopefully Onderon will be longer with (Try not to read the Spoiler, since it wrecks all of the Onderon part): The return to the more peaceful Onderon | Vaklu's escape | Sion's interrogation | The Underground Library | The Second Onderon Civil War Chapter VIII - Talks of the Past "Once you embrace the Republic, the power of all Jedi is ready to serve you." - Ulic Qel-Droma Sera was expecting a reply from the elderly Jedi Master. But he said nothing and he continued to meditate. It was as if he hadn’t heard her. Sera had no choice, but to try and get the Jedi Master to listen. “Master Grelan,” Sera said again, this time, her voice firmer than before. The Jedi Master slowly stood up and turned to see Sera. He nodded to her. “Now that is a name I haven’t heard in a long time,” He told Sera, “In fact, that isn’t a name I’ve heard since the Jedi Civil War. Since Revan left Republic space,” He paused and paced around, before talking again, “I myself have no idea where Revan has gone, but many believe that he will not return. But he knows that the Republic and the Jedi are safe from the Sith…” “But they aren’t,” Sera interrupted, “I’ve sensed that the Sith have returned. In a dream, I saw a hooded black figure killing an innocent Jedi. And that Jedi was you.” Nauk listened to Sera even more, repeating what she had just said, under his breath. He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking. When he opened his eyes again, he talked to Sera. “The Sith Lord you saw in your dream was once a Jedi who followed both Revan and Malak in the Mandalorian Wars,” Nauk told Sera, “He killed my own apprentice, after he swore his allegiance with to the Republic, the Jedi and democracy. As Ulic Qel-Droma once said, once you embrace the Republic, the power of all Jedi is ready to serve you.” “You sure do talk a lot, don’t you?” Sera asked. Nauk pointed his shaking finger at Sera. “Don’t be cheeky young one,” Nauk warned Sera, “I was once a hero, before the conclusion of the Jedi Civil War. But enough of my stories, why are you here? There is nothing to be gained here.” Sera ignored Nauk, as she took a look around the ruins of the Jedi Temple. Why had she come here? As Nauk had told her, there was nothing to be gained here. But why was he here? Had a hero become so mad, he had to be near the Jedi Temple? Unanswerable questions ran through Sera’s head, forcing her an answer. But Sera knew that she couldn’t answer. Sera sighed. “Then why are you here?” Sera asked, trying not to be rude, “Do you miss the Jedi so much that you sit here, meditating in the fallen Jedi Temple?” Nauk sighed. “No,” Nauk told Sera, hinting to her that, that was his only answer, “I was one of the Jedi who defended the temple against the Sith. I am the only survivor and I must accept responsibility for all of these who had perished, during the battle. Just like you, when all those deaths of the Mandalorian Wars hung on your shoulders.” Sera ignited her Lightsaber, afraid of what Nauk would say next. “How do you know about me?” Sera asked, a tone of anger in your voice. “Put away your weapon, Jedi Exile,” Nauk commanded Sera, his words hissing when he said Jedi Exile, “I won’t hurt you. And how I know you? A discussion for another time.” Nauk walked off and sighed. “Coruscant,” He began, “Once the heart of the Republic and the home of the Jedi. What is it now?” Sera put her hand on his shoulder, causing Nauk to turn around. “It will return to its former glory,” Sera told Nauk, “I promise you.” Nauk smiled and immediately started to lighten up. “I sense that you were searching for me,” Nauk told Sera, observing her as he spoke, “You dreamt of me and because I was a Jedi, you sought me out and I suspect you’re going to ask me to travel with you.” “How do you know that?” Sera asked, surprised that he knew about her even more. “My insights serve me well,” Nauk told Sera, “And that isn’t me bragging either. So, do you have a ship?” “Yes,” Sera told him, “The Ebon Hawk. It’s in the undercity.” Nauk smiled even more. “The Ebon Hawk?” He asked, “That ship is still in one peace. I’ve always wanted to travel on the Ebon Hawk. Come, show me the way.” Sera walked off, Nauk following her. Both’haniwo had waited for the two Jedi. “Thanks for your help Both’haniwo,” Sera told him, “You can return to whatever you were doing last.” “No,” He told Sera, “I will join you in your quest. I heard your discussion and you lack a decent pilot, if you somehow crash landed in the undercity.” Let me guess, Sera thought, another crew of madmen. Her thoughts of Atton, Mical and Bao-Dur reminded her of Nauk and Both’haniwo. “What are you waiting for?” Nauk asked excitedly, “We need to get started.” ***** When the two Jedi and Both’haniwo returned to the Ebon Hawk, Sera was surprised that no one had tried to attack her or her two friends. T3 beeped as Sera, Nauk and Both’haniwo entered the Ebon Hawk. Sera patted the Droid on the head. “Thanks for fixing the Ebon Hawk T3,” Sera told him, as she entered the cockpit and sat in the co-pilot’s seat. Opposite her, Both’haniwo sat in the pilot’s seat. “So my Jedi friends, where are we going?” Both’haniwo asked, “If you don’t say anything, my suggestion will be cruising through space, until he see lines.” Sera sighed. Just like Atton. “We’ll go with your suggestion for now Both’haniwo,” Sera told him, “I’m going to see how Nauk is doing.” Sera left the cockpit and walked off to find Nauk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Good chapter, Both'haniwo is just as Atton. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Yey, I caught up! Good Chapters Pottsie how long is this going to take you to write? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted November 21, 2006 Author Share Posted November 21, 2006 Good chapter, Both'haniwo is just as Atton. Well, Both'haniwo's character is different to Atton and also Carth (Since they are similar). The only similar things are: Both'haniwo-Atton: Same attitude and a bad past. Both'haniwo-Carth: Dedicated to the Republic and worries about betrayal. Yey, I caught up! Good Chapters Pottsie how long is this going to take you to write? Hopefully by the end of Christmas. Thanks for the comments all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Nice chapter, Pottsie. Keep up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
master jedi101 Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Maybe a little short but it still was interesting and good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Two good chapters, Pottsie. I must say that the dialogues look much better in these last two, good work. To answer your question about me planning any fics - ideas pop up every now and then, but there just isn't enough time to realize them, with college and all (which is going OK, thanks for asking ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted November 21, 2006 Author Share Posted November 21, 2006 Thanks for the praise and comments igy. Glad to see that college is working out for you. I hope that if you ever get out of college (Since I hardly see you online nowadays), I hope you can write about those ideas. Remaining on-topic, I shall hopefully complete two Chapters tonight, if I can be bothered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted November 21, 2006 Author Share Posted November 21, 2006 Another short Chapter, I'm sorry, but it will lead to the main plot on Onderon. Also, two characters from TSL will return. ---------------------------------------- PART III Onderon ---------------------------------------- Chapter IX - A General’s Escape “He is too dangerous too dangerous to leave alive.” - Kreia In the Onderon prison, inside the most guarded cell, the commander of the Onderon armies, General Vaklu, sat in his cell, still annoyed at the fact he had been in the cell for over a week. He bitterly remembered the day when he was so close to becoming the king of Onderon, during the end of the Onderon Civil War. His cousin, Queen Talia was close to her death, by the hand of Vaklu and his army, but then the two Jedi saved her. After the one Jedi, who Vaklu remembered as the Jedi Exile, both fought and Vaklu immediately lost and he remembered when Talia told her guards to execute him. The Jedi Exile immediately advised Talia not to execute him and after a debate between the two, Talia decided to let her cousin live, deciding that he would be in one of Onderon’s most guarded cells, until the day of his trial. That day was tomorrow. Vaklu knew that Talia would show him no mercy. Once a Republic war hero, who had allied with the Sith wouldn’t receive any forgiveness. Especially from his own cousin. ***** Dusk had fallen on the city of Iziz. Two hooded figures walked through the deserted streets in Iziz. Anyone who was out in Iziz, nobody noticed the figures walking through the darkness. It was as if they had blended in with their surroundings. One of the figures began to speak, her voice was as loud whisper, making sure not to attract attention to them both. “Master, where are we going?” The one figure asked. “You’ll find out soon enough,” The other figure told the first figure, “Iziz has already suffered a civil war and soon it will suffer another.” “How did you work that one out?” The first figure pried. The other figure didn’t reply as he clutched onto his Lightsaber. The building in front of them wasn’t lit, but the two of them knew why. Like them, the building didn’t want to attract attention. And that was how it would remain. ***** Vaklu sat in his cell, hearing a familiar sound. It was the sound of a Lightsaber. Vaklu noticed the guards outside running towards wherever the sound was coming from. One of the guards immediately spoke. “Who are you?” Vaklu heard the guard ask, his voice quivering with fear. “I have come for the general,” A gruff voice replied. Vaklu heard the sound of the Lightsaber kill all of the guards. Vaklu knew this, because of their screams. The metal door opened and a hooded figure entered Vaklu’s cell. “Who… Who are you?” Vaklu asked, stuttering as the figure stood in front of him. The figure didn’t reply as he lifted his hood down. The appearance intimidated Vaklu. His body was scarred and his one good eye blinked as he stared at Vaklu. “I’m Darth Sion,” He told Vaklu, “One of the surviving Sith from Malachor.” He ignited his Lightsaber and held it towards Vaklu. “Sit,” Sion commanded. Vaklu sat down, unsure of what Sion was going to do to him. “I’m no longer allying with your kind,” Vaklu told Sion, “You failed me, just as I was about to become the king of Onderon.” Sion slashed his Lightsaber at the wall, making a long, thin black line in the wall. “You have no choice general,” Sion warned him, “Like it or not, I need your help, to lure out an old friend. If you aid me in my quest, I shall give you the one thing you’ve wanted for so long. To become the king of Onderon.” “I will serve you for now,” Vaklu told Sion, “But after this, our business is concluded.” “Kneel general,” Sion told him, “I will call the shots. You serve me now. I’ve done enough serving in my time and now it is your turn.” Sion put his Lightsaber away and prepared to leave. “Lord Sion?” Vaklu asked, “What will we do now?” Sion turned around to see Vaklu, still shaking from his appearance. “Since my master failed to aid you on your quest to become king, I shall aid you, as I’ve already told you,” Sion told Vaklu, “But before we jump to conclusions, we must lure out a Jedi who managed to stop you from becoming king. My apprentice shall take things from there. Once my apprentice has completed her task, it is our turn to strike.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Another good chap Pottsie, Keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted November 21, 2006 Author Share Posted November 21, 2006 Thanks Grivis. People seem to spell my name wrong, nowadays. I've seen: Pottise - Previous Post Posstie - Revenge of the Sith RPG Thread I've just noticed it. Anyway, I hope that the future Chapters are longer now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Lol, atleast i'm here enough to still call you Pottsie well Potts. Good job well done though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted November 22, 2006 Share Posted November 22, 2006 Potts, [if you don't mind] I like your chapter. I'd like to see Valku's return on Jedi Exile. Looking forward to more. LOL, you have lots of names! Congratulations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igyman Posted November 22, 2006 Share Posted November 22, 2006 Interesting chapter. I look forward to finding out what it's all about and who Sion's apprentice is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quanon Posted November 22, 2006 Share Posted November 22, 2006 You got a cool story going on Potisissieise ( kidding ) Pottsie ! Truely like a lot !!( side note :go Sion go !!! ) Waiting to read a new chapter . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted November 22, 2006 Author Share Posted November 22, 2006 Thank you all for the support and Vaklu shall return. In due time. CSI = I don't mind being called Potts, but I prefer Pottsie. Quanon = That must be the worse spelling of my username I've seen, since I've joined here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason Skywalker Posted November 22, 2006 Share Posted November 22, 2006 If ANYONE can spell Pottsie that bad, then it's Christmas alright. Anyways, i look forward for a new chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin Skywalker Posted November 22, 2006 Share Posted November 22, 2006 Yup truley the Christmas season lol you did a really amazing job so far, I am really looking forward to more Pottsie.... (I can still spell it:D) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted November 22, 2006 Author Share Posted November 22, 2006 Chapter X - Arrival "We fought many soldiers during the Mandalorian Wars. The Onderonians were certainly brave - but they were disorganized and stupid." - Canderous Ordo, Mandalore Sera and Both’haniwo sat in the cockpit, starring at nothing. They had nothing to do. Both’haniwo had suggested that they went to his homeworld, Alderaan and Nar Shaddaa, to escape the pressures of life. Sera had told him that she had been to Nar Shaddaa at a bad time, the last time she was there. The Exchange had put a bounty on the remaining Jedi and since everyone believed that she was the last Jedi, bounty hunters had been after her, since she had landed on Nar Shaddaa. “Onderon,” Nauk suggested. Sera and Both’haniwo turned to see him. “Onderon?” Both’haniwo asked, “Master Jedi, use your common sense, a civil war has recently happened and I’m guessing they will prevent all visitors from landing in Iziz.” “I’ve sensed a disturbance in the Force,” Nauk told Both’haniwo, “The Sith are returning and one of the survivors from Malachor V has allied himself with General Vaklu.” “That’s impossible,” Sera replied, “Vaklu is under Onderon’s most guarded cell, how could he escape?” “Isn’t it obvious?” Nauk enquired, “The Sith searched for Vaklu and rescued him from the cell. I have no idea where they are now.” “Perhaps they are still on Onderon,” Both’haniwo suggested. “Then we must get to Onderon and warn the queen,” Sera told them both, “If Vaklu is allied with the Sith, he will probably be after the queen.” The Ebon Hawk approached Onderon and landed in a hangar, in a part of Iziz where Sera hadn’t been before. She got up and left the Ebon Hawk. When she was out of sight, Nauk spoke with Both’haniwo. “Stay here with the Droids, Bothan,” Nauk told him, “I suspect that there will be people still after the two of us.” “Yeah?” Both’haniwo asked sarcastically, “Three people are better than two.” “And three is a crowd,” Nauk countered, “Now stay with the Droids and you’ll know when we’re in trouble.” “How?” Both’haniwo shouted as Nauk left the Ebon Hawk. “There will be a disturbance in the Force,” Nauk told Both’haniwo, “Now, I must leave.” ***** As Sera and Nauk entered the small town in Iziz, a guard approached them. He was dressed in the royalist clothing, as most of the employees under the queen wore. “Hello and welcome to Iziz,” He told the two Jedi, “Do you have five hundred credits that will allow you to land?” “You don’t need any money friend,” Nauk warned, waving his hand at the man, “You’re sorry you bothered us.” “I don’t need any money friend,” The man recited, “I’m sorry I bothered you both.” As Sera and Nauk walked off, Sera noticed the man rubbing his head in pain. Sera knew that it was wrong to use a Jedi Mind Trick, but she decided not to argue with him. Where would Vaklu and the Sith be? ***** Soon, Sera and Nauk had arrived at the sky ramp, which was directly outside the palace. What was strange, however, was that there was no one guarding it. Had something happened? Different thoughts ran through Sera’s head that were once again, unanswerable. Even though the sky ramp was unguarded, Sera and Nauk walked up towards the palace and once again, entered it without ease. They even managed to enter the throne room without ease. What worried Sera was that the queen wasn’t in the throne room. “Your highness!” Sera shouted. “I’m afraid the queen isn’t available at the moment,” A hooded figure replied, lifting her hood down. Her appearance was exactly like Sera’s. Except for one major difference. The dark side of the Force had corrupted her. She also wore a black robe, unlike Sera who wore the brown robe of a Jedi. When she ignited her Lightsaber, it was red. The complete opposite of Sera’s blue. “You shall die!” The clone of Sera shouted at the two Jedi, “My master has allowed me to kill you by my hands!” Sera ignited her Lightsaber and beside her, Nauk ignited his two Lightsabers, one blue and the other purple. For a while, Sera and Nauk stared at their enemy, expecting her to make the first move. Soon their enemy immediately leapt at them, her attack parried by Nauk’s Lightsabers. ***** Sion and Vaklu walked up the sky ramp. Those who remained loyal to Vaklu surrounded him and Sion as they talked to each other. The queen had been chased out of the palace by Vaklu’s army and since there wasn’t a Jedi Master guarding her, she and her royal guard ran away from the palace. Now the palace was Vaklu’s, once the Jedi Exile and the Jedi with her were defeated. Sion had told Vaklu everything. “Lord Sion, are you sure you’re apprentice will be able to defeat two Jedi?” Vaklu asked. Sion turned to look at him. He smiled, despite what he was going to say. “No,” Sion told Vaklu, “My apprentice is nothing more than a person created by the Mandalorian Wars. Her death means nothing to me. Even if she manages to defeat the Jedi Exile and her companion, I will be the one who separates her head from her diseased body.” The palace was directly in front of them. Sion knew his plan was working. ***** Sera blocked another attack from her enemy. Despite her opponent being the same as her, her power was much stronger and she was a lot more agile, compared to her. Nauk tried to stab the enemy with one of his Lightsabers, but the enemy managed to knock his Lightsaber out of his hand, causing Nauk to pick up his Lightsaber, leaving Sera alone. Sera and her opponent’s Lightsabers clashed together, both of them trying to break out of the Lightsaber lock. Sera’s opponent gritted her teeth as she tried to push Sera down with her Lightsaber. Sera immediately pushed hard, causing her opponent to stumble and fall over. Nauk took his chance and immediately pierced his Lightsabers into her heart. After a loud scream, their opponent was silenced and she had been killed. Sera and Nauk smiled at each other, before preparing to leave. Just as they were about to walk out, a large army approached them and shot at them. However all the blaster shots were set on stun. Sera couldn’t move as she was hit. She didn’t know if Nauk had been hit, but Sera guessed he had. Someone approached Sera. It was General Vaklu. Sera wanted to ask what he was doing here and how he got out of prison, but how could she reply, when she was stunned? “Not so tough are you Exile,” Vaklu taunted, “If I wasn’t under strict orders from my associate, I would let my army kill you straight away, but since I’m not allowed, I’ll let me and my associate deal with you both later.” Vaklu punched Sera, knocking her out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HK-42 Posted November 22, 2006 Share Posted November 22, 2006 Good chapter, Pottsie. I can't wait to see what Sion does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CSI Posted November 23, 2006 Share Posted November 23, 2006 Yup truley the Christmas season lol you did a really amazing job so far, I am really looking forward to more Pottsie.... (I can still spell it:D) [Off topic] No, not spelling it correctly, but indeed copying it "correctly". Just kidding. [On topic] Interesting plot of mixing cloning technology (which can be tracked to EU, referring to clone of Emperor Palpatine, Emperor Devon's offspring.) And very nice dueling outta there. BTW, I don't think Valku's punch can knock a Jedi Master out, does he? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anakin Skywalker Posted November 23, 2006 Share Posted November 23, 2006 [Off topic] No, not spelling it correctly, but indeed copying it "correctly". Just kidding. Hey, I resent that, I can spell his name! Grrrrr..... Back on topic... Hey, anything can happen CSI, if Pottsie says so, this is his story not yours, and again, can't wait to see more Pottsie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diego Varen Posted November 23, 2006 Author Share Posted November 23, 2006 BTW, I don't think Valku's punch can knock a Jedi Master out, does he? 100th Post in this Thread! Thanks for the comments all. To answer your question CSI, the Jedi Exile was stunned and getting knocked out by one punch would be hard to avoid when you're stunned. Well I always have trouble writing battles. Luckily I've had advice from JediMaster12, DarthSion101 and cutmeister in my successful Fic, The Sith Lord. For people who want to know, the end of that Chapter was inspired by the PS2 game, Indiana Jones and the Emperor's Tomb (I keep talking about this sometimes) in which the event happens in Part II Prague. The next Chapter is inspired by the beginning of Part III of the game, Istanbul. I'll start the next Chapter when I get home from school (No I'm not typing this at school). I'm glad to know that my name is still spelt correctly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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