Clefo Posted December 31, 2002 Share Posted December 31, 2002 A very good friend of mine, well we was talking on the IM, and after a philisophical discussion on Love, she then dropped the L word to me... Now I am having a mixed rush of emotions, from "Oh my god, someone actually LIKES ME?" to "Do I like her back?" etc.. Being a semi-geek this is all very new to me, I do have a crush on a.. different person, but those feelings seemed to drop after that announcement.. I'm confused.. Help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boba Rhett Posted December 31, 2002 Share Posted December 31, 2002 Heh. You sure are having quite the week. You're going to have to sit down and weigh this all out. Maybe even make a little chart. It does really help sometimes to write out positives and negatives of the two people as well as yourself and maybe even what the two relationships could bring. You know what I mean. Just make sure you're not just jumping at this for the sake of jumping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Snow Posted December 31, 2002 Share Posted December 31, 2002 Hey Clefo, Well, I'm prolly the master of Internet dating... been hurt by it once and tried again and we just realized it wouldn't work out. I'm personally completely against Internet dating b/c you don't have the physical contact. I'm not talking in a sexual way but more in the every day things like taking her out to a movie or walking around a mall with her, and I'm sorry but it's so easy to put your best foot forward on the net.. for both ends... I know I prolly am over negative, but I have this theory about dating. A relationship is like a pyramid, with the higher points of the pyramid being supported by the lower foundation. The foundation consists of more basic things such as physical attraction, enough common interests to hold a conversation, respect, basic trust, things done together, experiences. What happened to me when I met someone from my city off the net, was we spent so much time talking together that when we met I was sick of her and I left her b/c being on IM for 30 huors a week took away from my normal life and got me depressed. But using the pyramid scheme, I basically had over developped the communication and intelligence, and the basic going out and doing things was udnerdevelopped. Of course I perceived a strong relationship based on the intelectual foundation, but we really had nothing for the other parts of the pyramid. When I left her for my own personal reasons (depression, needed space) she got really mean and cruel and I really saw her immaturity and was glad I had stopped it. I would basically tell you to meet her ASAP if she's in your city, or to be VERY careful if she's not. I don't believe at all in dating someone long-distance. I'm a bit of a sap I admit and I enjoy just holding a girl and being with her, and to know "someone's" out there but I can't call them at night or show up at their house to give them a little kiss and walk them to school b/c I have a day off would be too hard for me. Just some questions for you to consider: Do you like her? If you do why exactly? For who she is, or b/c she likes you? If you like someone b/c they like you, you're gonna overlook anything that would tell you it's not gonna work. Anyways, if you want my IM to talk about this, I don't mind talking about it but I'd appreciate if you could ask Sherack b/c I don't feel comfortable releasing my e-mail on a forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clefo Posted December 31, 2002 Author Share Posted December 31, 2002 That was a nice little peice about Internet Dating, except one tiny eensy beensy problem: I know this person offline I met this person as such, justhappened to be talking on the IM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Snow Posted December 31, 2002 Share Posted December 31, 2002 LOLOL Well... I saw the IM, and I somehow feel a bit tipsy from the one glass of champagne I had... I don't know what to really tell you. There's so much to look into. You said it was a good/best friend of yours so you obviously know her well. The only thing I can really tell you is do you like her now b/c she told you that or have you had feelings before? DO/Would you want her b/c you can get her? My best friend is a girl, and I used to like her. She told me she'd never go out with me, and I was really heartbroken but continued the friendship. She ended up dating one of our mutual friends who was a jerk but b/c of a cadet relationship it lasted for 5 months as a physical make out friendship with the illusion of relationship. She's dating someone else now and we spoke and agreed that there is none of that fairy tale head over heels love but we'll prolly just settle down together one day if we're both still single more out of the companionship than anything else. I don't really know what to tell you besides it is common for friends to go out after a while, but almost impossible for daters to become friends after they break up, it's an unrealistic idealism. If you like her irregardless of her liking you then see what happens. If you never thought of her that way until now, then don't go for it, cause you might just lose a good friend. And also, remember that labels are BULLSH**!! Don't worry about 'steps' such as seeing each other or going out. Just take it as you feel comfortable and act according to how you really feel, don't make yourself feel something!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zygomaticus Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 Never having been in a similar situation, nor having ever had a girl friend, the best I can say to you is "Good Luck" I wish you well...nobody wishes you better than I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tie Guy Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 My only question is why didn't she wait till she saw you to tell you? Why do it over an IM, with mere words on a screen compeletly devoid of emotion? I've never professed to be an expert on dating, as i've never had a girlfriend or even a crush, but it seems to me that you should consider your feelings for her, then she what she says next you meet and tell her what you think in a serious manner. This isn't a choice anyone but you can make. All i can say is good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEDI_MASTA Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 my guess is she used it over im BECAUSE of the lack of emotion involved, im in just about the same boat as krkode... so Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy_dog no.3 Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 Wow, someone actually likes u! *points finger and laughs* j/k:p Well I don't know what to say. Just do what u feel is right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artoo Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 welll, hmmmmmmmmm. A good reason why to say it over IM, is that those words are really hard to say in person to somebody if you aren't sure about them, writing or typing them really helps at first. It's what I had to do. Anyway she might have just been saying it like she would love a new outfit or something, not the love that comes from the heart (if that makes sense) or she could have been serious and just accidentally timed her saying it wrong so it confused you. I giuess the only real advice I can give is try and make sure she meant it serious;y, that would be the first step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEDI_MASTA Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 lol c dog... *think of post your picture thread* LMAO j/k dude Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clefo Posted January 1, 2003 Author Share Posted January 1, 2003 Well.. I've weighed the Pros and cons. and I now have a girlfriend.. HA HA! I went to the "Why the hell not?" path and "Lets see where this goes!".. I told her the same and she was fine with it.. soo yeah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xwing guy Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 Clefo, if I was you I would go out with her regardless, just for the sake of having a g/f. Cause to me having a g/f is a prequel to marriage, if you don't get experience with it when you're young, you'll never get past that stage of just the girlfriend/boyfriend relationship and might not never get married. Edit: Clefo tells me he goes out with her now, basically just trying it and seeing where it ends up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue15 Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 congrats, that sounds like something that i would do if i was in your shoes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xwing guy Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 Dadgumit Clefo you beat me too my post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tie Guy Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 Originally posted by xwing guy Clefo, if I was you I would go out with her regardless, just for the sake of having a g/f. Cause to me having a g/f is a prequel to marriage, if you don't get experience with it when you're young, you'll never get past that stage of just the girlfriend/boyfriend relationship and might not never get married. Huh? Dating is only supposed to be if you thikn you might get married. Basically what you said was that you should use some girls to gain experience for others. Sorry, but thats just not right, IMO. You don't need experience to get married, you just need love. Besides, you should learn everything you need to know about being married from your parents. Having a serious relationship is great, but entering a relationship "just for the heck of it" is not only disrespectful of the girl who has serious feeling for you, but also a complete waste of time, IMO. I am glad you made a decision, clefo. Can't say i agree with your reasoning, but at least you made up your mind and out of the sitution. And you never know, maybe great things will come of this regardless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jediduo Posted January 1, 2003 Share Posted January 1, 2003 Congrats, Clefo. All I can say is tread lightly, be honest, and enjoy it while you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfnshannon Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 Alright I'm confused. X wing you think he should go out with her just for the sake of going out with a woman? Ack to me that is using someone! Gaining experience points...hum...this isn't lucas forums out there. You don't get points and then buy marriage for a day. Just kidding Seriously though. The thing I learned is...about dating and internet...even when you are friends in person too. It is VERy easy to say stuff on IM that you may not be able to in person. This is not such a bad thing...especially when back in the day you found out from her best friend or maybe perhaps by a little note dropped to you in class. I'm glad you chose to go out with her. I don't know if you should ever use the word "love" before you are seriously dating eachother etc. But I used to use that word too before I found out what real "love" actually felt like. I just found that I liked the other people I dated...but actually didn't "love" any of them. Sad...maybe...but different kind of feeling you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfmanNCSU Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 She could be just saying she loves you because your such a good friend to her. I know tons of girls that say that to me because I am a really good friend to them. To some people, the word love means a lot more than when others say it. Anyways, I would just remain to be her friend. Try going out with her. It does not have to be a date or anything big. Grab some food and see a movie or a hockey game or something. Just because you go out on a date with someone does not mean you are in a relationship with them. That comes much later. You just have to feel things out to decide on what to do. Do you enjoy the time you spend with her, do you care for each other the same way and amount, does she annoy you any, do you think about her all the time, does she make you feel better just by seeing her or talking to her. Its these little things that made me realize that I was falling into a relationship with one of my great friends, and now we have been dating for a couple of years. Anyway, dont worry about all that stuff yet. Just go out and hang with her, have fun, and cross bridges when you get to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthfergie Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 Good going Clefo. Same thing I'd do in your shoes. If somebody told me that I would think very seriously for going out with them, especially if you knew her decently well. At least now you'll both be able to decide if you really like each other by talking more, etc. You never know how it could end up. and like everybody else said...good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jediduo Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 I respect your opinion, Tie Guy, but I have to mildly disagree. I think that every human needs "learning loves." There are a few exceptions to this, of course, but it holds true for the most part. Everyone needs chances to see what they want in a soul mate, and they also need chances to mess up and learn what NOT to do. You can't just dive into marriage with your very first girlfriend/boyfriend and expect it to last. (Again, there are exceptions to this.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tie Guy Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 Jediduo, why don't we ask the girl on this forum how she feels about guys doing that? She's already answered in this thread. Dating isn't marriage, and it never will be. Dating can't prepare you for marriage, unless your telling me you live with your girlfriend and know all her habits, good and bad and are forced to deal with them all. You get a much more practical and "experienced" view from your parents, or at least you should. Dating give you experience for dating, like where to go and where not to go, what to say and what not to say, and what to do when. You aren't dating when you are married, i think thats obvious. Its completely different. Dating should only be used to find out if you are going to get married, and if you can get along. It helps you with individuals, not some universal scheme you call marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clefo Posted January 2, 2003 Author Share Posted January 2, 2003 How bout we ask the person in question, who seems fine with the "Lets see where this goes" arrangement? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tie Guy Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 Originally posted by Clefo How bout we ask the person in question, who seems fine with the "Lets see where this goes" arrangement? The decision was yours, and you made. Although I disagree, I respect your decision. Its your life, after all, not mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherack Nhar Posted January 2, 2003 Share Posted January 2, 2003 It may sound harsh, but I really do think that you have to be deeply hurt at least once by someone you truly love before being ready for something as big as marriage. Therefore, you do need to date other people before seriously considering marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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