Zoom Rabbit Posted May 29, 2003 Share Posted May 29, 2003 I just had a thought: Whenever you eat a banana, you should put the sticker on your forehead. That way if you choke on it, the paramedics will know what they're up against. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfnshannon Posted May 29, 2003 Share Posted May 29, 2003 a stupid idiot who should be left choking on his banana? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfnshannon Posted May 29, 2003 Share Posted May 29, 2003 boy that didn't sound right..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynk Former Posted May 29, 2003 Share Posted May 29, 2003 Originally posted by STTCT a stupid idiot who should be left choking on his banana? hey STTCT... wanna touch my weasel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfnshannon Posted May 29, 2003 Share Posted May 29, 2003 sorry last time i touched one I ended up with a rash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitro Posted May 29, 2003 Share Posted May 29, 2003 That's almost as bad as George Dubya getting caught choking the pretzel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taos Posted May 29, 2003 Share Posted May 29, 2003 I'll keep that in mind..........thanks Zoomie. o.O Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi Skywalker Posted May 29, 2003 Share Posted May 29, 2003 But what about everything else we eat? You can choke in everything in fact! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoom Rabbit Posted May 29, 2003 Author Share Posted May 29, 2003 Also, you should remember to remove the sticker from your forehead when you're done eating the banana. If you go out in public with the sticker, everyone will know that you're an idiot. To ensure this, put a large mirror at face level right by the door, and use a red magic marker to draw an arrow on it pointing to your forehead as a handy reminder. If friends come over and ask what the arrow points to, while they're looking in the mirror, say disingeniously, 'Why, it's *you.*' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoom Rabbit Posted May 30, 2003 Author Share Posted May 30, 2003 Just read the thread a little closer, and had no trouble at all coming up with idiot's safety tip #2: DO NOT TOUCH LYNK'S WEASEL!!! Mange, rabies, herpes, weasel funk, ticks, rodent boogie fever, leeches and God knows what else... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfnshannon Posted May 30, 2003 Share Posted May 30, 2003 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitro Posted May 30, 2003 Share Posted May 30, 2003 The less you care. (I was gonna open photoshop and go to town on that, but time wasn't permitting) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edlib Posted May 30, 2003 Share Posted May 30, 2003 I always thought it was "The more you know, the more dangerous you become." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynk Former Posted May 30, 2003 Share Posted May 30, 2003 Originally posted by Zoom Rabbit DO NOT TOUCH LYNK'S WEASEL!!! Mange, rabies, herpes, weasel funk, ticks, rodent boogie fever, leeches and God knows what else... Mr. Weasel: ¬¬ You know Uprio happens to be VERY clean you bastard! *Mr. Weasel pounces on Zoomie and starts ripping his legs off in a spray of blood* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoom Rabbit Posted May 30, 2003 Author Share Posted May 30, 2003 You haven't been feeding him lately, have you Lynk? Idiot's safety tip # 3: If you are washing off your car's windshield in the driveway with a hose, and you reach in the driver's window to turn the key and flip on the wipers, ensure that the vehicle is not in gear and you don't turn the key all the way over so you drive over your own foot. (Based on a true story!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cmdr. Cracken Posted May 31, 2003 Share Posted May 31, 2003 Idiot's Safety Tip #4 No matter how cute it may be, never touch or pet a burning rabid dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jared Posted May 31, 2003 Share Posted May 31, 2003 *reads thread and vomits everything that was eaten in the last year* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leXX Posted May 31, 2003 Share Posted May 31, 2003 Idiot's Safety Tip # 5 When getting off a moped, always ensure you put the foot stand down first, or the moped will fall on you and you will have a huge bruise on your leg for at least two months. It also helps not to be in front of a large amount of people when this happens, so as to avoid embarrasement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deac Posted May 31, 2003 Share Posted May 31, 2003 Idiot's Safety Tip #6 Eating metal is best left to professionals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edlib Posted May 31, 2003 Share Posted May 31, 2003 Originally posted by Zoom Rabbit If you are washing off your car's windshield in the driveway with a hose, and you reach in the driver's window to turn the key and flip on the wipers, ensure that the vehicle is not in gear and you don't turn the key all the way over so you drive over your own foot. (Based on a true story!) *Tries to think of appropriate response to this unfortunate mishap...* Oh yeah, right!.. HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!! Watta maroon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kjølen Posted May 31, 2003 Share Posted May 31, 2003 Idiot safety tip #7 Whenever you are in charge of children, make sure your not stupider than them. This prevents children coming up with ideas that will boggle your mind. (How did they get to the peanut butter?!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoom Rabbit Posted May 31, 2003 Author Share Posted May 31, 2003 Kjolen: That's why I never watch kids between the ages of two and twelve without plenty of rope to tie them down. Prevents misunderstandings to begin with... Deac: Aaaaaaaaaa-hah-hah-hah! I don't know why that's so funny. Edlib: Yeeeees, it's true. It's also true that this happened less than two hours after I'd purchased and put on the only pair of steel-toed boots I've ever owned in my entire life. When I did it, I looked down and had three thoughts: 'I don't believe that just happened. If that had happened two hours ago, I would have a broken foot. No one else will believe that it happened either!' God as my witness. Idiot's safety tip #8: Do not barbecue around Shetland ponies and leave the grill unattended--they will kick it over and catch the yard on fire as soon as your back is turned. True story...or no? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilleApplePie Posted June 1, 2003 Share Posted June 1, 2003 Idiot's safety tip #9 When a Black Widow makes a web under your porch don't spray it and the porch with WD40 and then decide to light it on fire... (sad to say...I did this...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edlib Posted June 1, 2003 Share Posted June 1, 2003 Idiot's safety tip #10 Hey kids! No matter how tempting it may seem, or how badly you feel you need to, never, NEVER pick your nose with a paring knife! Unless you feel an urgent and overwhelming desire to spite your face. Then, by all means... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitro Posted June 1, 2003 Share Posted June 1, 2003 Idiot's Safety Tip #11 If you're gonna barbecue on an enclosed patio/deck, make sure the barbecue is actually lit. Not me, a friend. He's currently lacking eyebrows and has to replace the burned-out ceiling of his patio after he left the propane running full-tilt for the usual time it takes to warm up the commercial grill his dad scored for him. We came out, and he walked over and realized it wasn't lit, and hit the starter... I was walking in the door to the patio some 15 feet away carrying in excess of 50 beers, and the blast knocked me over, breaking almost an entire case of beer (in total), and a rib when the one case that got airborne (instead of just falling) came down on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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