guybroom Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 A man is wondering through the desert: "Water! Water!" He calls. He soon sees a bazzar. He goes towards the first stall - "water! water!" The man at the stall says "i'm sorry, i only sell jelly." The man craws to the next stall, "Water! Water!" "I'm sorry, I only sell fruit" The man goes to the last stall: "Water! Water!" "I'm sorry, i only sell chocolate biscuits." "This is a triffel bazzar" I know - terrible! It was the only one I could think of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyrion Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 What's the difference between a Mercedes and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Mercedes in my garage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guybroom Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Tyrion What's the difference between a Mercedes and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Mercedes in my garage. EVIL!!! EVIL!!! (and funny!) Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.... Why did the dinosour cross the road? Chickens weren't invented yet... Why did the monkey cross the road? He thought it was a game (ok - not funny) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BongoBob Posted July 27, 2005 Author Share Posted July 27, 2005 "For as long as I can remember, I've been looking for a guy like you, with a head like that and a torso too, birds sing, and you're gonna pay, the end, NOW HERE'S SOME MEAT COVERED IN BBQ SAUCE!" *"zim walks through the door, gir is standing on his head* GIR: You're on fire! ZIM: Am I? Ah, oh well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyrion Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 I've got this sweet new act called The Aristocrats, anybody wanna see it? (Google it if you don't get it...I don't want to be banned.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ACDC_Fanatic Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 A monkey died and it fell out of a tree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guybroom Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!" The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?" "Two years," says the man. "Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink. The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TK-8252 Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by ACDC_Fanatic A monkey died and it fell out of a tree Uh... ha ha? this thread is for jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Andrew Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Laura Belch is speaking Friday at the community hall about her recent travels in China at 7 PM. Hear her breathtaking account of all the wonderous sites there. So hear Laura Belch all the way from China! Ha ha. Funny. Or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 This is honestly one of the worst joke threads EVER. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyrion Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by ET Warrior This is honestly one of the worst joke threads EVER. You're just jealous of our uber humor. For god's sake, your avatar is a crown on Maud'Dib. You're obviously overcompensating for your lack of ability in humor...and no doubt other...pleasures... I regret nothing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lightsaberboy Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guybroom Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 These are just getting worse and worse - mine included! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black Knight of Keno Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 A guy met a broom... ...soon there were little guybrooms running around I know... Worst joke ever... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guybroom Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by Darth Tepe A guy met a broom... ...soon there were little guybrooms running around I know... Worst joke ever... Clever - did you're goldfish teach you that one? Speaking of fish..... What do you call a fish with no eyes? FSH (doesnt really work when it's typed) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IG-64 Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by Lightsaberboy The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!" ^ Me. ^ X) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acdcfanbill Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by Darth Tepe A guy met a broom... ...soon there were little guybrooms running around I know... Worst joke ever... a guy met a brush and then Mr. Threep meet some wood... and then we got Monkey Island... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guybroom Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 there once was an alphabet party, but only some letters turned up. They got hot and turned on a fan and went to an expensive resturant. And very quickly we got an ACDC FAN BILL NOW SHUT UP!!! *crys in a corner* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Jedi Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by ET Warrior This is honestly one of the worst joke threads EVER. I concur. It must die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Jedi Posted August 7, 2005 Share Posted August 7, 2005 So as Ms. Peters is writing on the chalkboard in her first grade class, there's big comotion in the back of the room. She looks up and there's little Johnny with his hand down his pants. Ms. Peters says "Johnny! What on earth has gotten in to you?" Johnny says, "Well, my thingy itches real bad!" So Ms. Peters tells him, "Go to the pricipal and call your mother." When Johnny comes back he sits back down, but a few minutes later there's another big comotion in the back. Ms. Peters looks up and there's Johnny at his desk and all the other kids are crowded around him. Ms. Peters walks to the back of the class and Johnny stands up with his thingy sticking out of his pants. She says to him, "What are you doing? Didn't you call your mother?" Johnny says, "Yes, ma'am. She told me if I could stick it out till noon she could come get me." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Sitherino Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 You know what I find funny? When girls are like "if women were leaders there'd be no war". Bull****, if women were leaders we'd have war everyday. We'd have one lady come out and say "Oh my god, do you see what the Queen is wearing? Tacky". And the queen would just go "oh you bitch" then just run across the floor and bitchslap the president lady. And they'd both go "shoot that whore". And the soldiers would be like "pardon". The Queen: "you heard me, shoot that whore' President Lady: "you guys shoot THAT whore" The Queen: "slut" President Lady: "Skank" The Queen: "bitch" President Lady: "****" Then they'd start slapping again. It'd be war all the time. Then we'd have the black political figure like "oh no you didn't just look at my man, bitch". "I'ma **** yo country in the ass". "this is MY man". It'd be hell. Soldiers though would probably just stand back as the ladies fight and just yell ****. Soldier: "I hope some shirts rip off and we see titties flop" *shrugs* just a bit of different jokes for you. More standup-esque humor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kjølen Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 A man walks into a bar. In the corner of the bar, there is another very tiny man, about the size of your foot, playing on an equally tiny piano. The man walks up and sits in an old stool. "Where did you get that little man?" he asks the bartender. The bartender replies, "Oh, that old stool you're sitting on is a magical wishing stool. You get anything you wish for. But it seems to be a bit messed up, though." "I wish for a million bucks," says the man on the stool. The entire bar suddenly fills up with one million ducks. "See?" said the bartender. "I told you it gets messed up, do you think I actually wished for a 9-inch pianist?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 A guy is walking along the beach one day when he sees an old bottle in the sand. Thinking of stories of genies he rubs the bottle and *poof* there is the genie. Genie looks at the guy and says "Look, I've have a really rough life, I'm trapped in a crappy old bottle and not a lamp, so I'm not in a good mood, I'll give you one wish instead of three and we'll call it good." The guy is a little miffed, but hey, free wish. So he thinks and finally decides. "I wish I could read women's minds" "done" The next day the man comes back and rubs the bottle again. "What is it?" asks the genie? The man replies, "The wish didn't work, I can't read women's minds, I don't hear a thing" The genie says "...it worked." <_< >_> *flees* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyrion Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 A guy is walking along the beach one day when he sees an old bottle in the sand. Thinking of stories of genies he rubs the bottle and *poof* there is the genie. Genie looks at the guy and says "Look, I've have a really rough life, I'm trapped in a crappy old bottle and not a lamp, so I'm not in a good mood, I'll give you one wish instead of three and we'll call it good." The guy is a little miffed, but hey, free wish. So he thinks and finally decides. "I wish I could read women's minds" "done" The next day the man comes back and rubs the bottle again. "What is it?" asks the genie? The man replies, "The wish didn't work, I can't read women's minds, I don't hear a thing" The genie says "...it worked." <_< >_> *flees* You're gonna get banned by Lady Jedi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jed Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 On a large commercial plane, the pilot announces that the turbulence is not what it seems, and that the plane is going to have to make a crash landing, at best. Everybody on the plane starts to go crazy; chaos ensues. Among the chaos, a woman stands up into one of the aisles, and rips her clothes off. "Before I die, I want to feel like a woman," she screams. "Is there anyone on this plane man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A young man leaps out of his seat, and takes off his shirt. "Yes, I am!" he yells, as he throws his shirt at the woman. "Iron this!" <_< >_> *flees after ET* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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