El Sitherino Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 You're gonna get banned by Lady Jedi. Cept she can't ban. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Sitherino Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 I forgot to mention D333 can ban. *laughs* JOKES ON YOU! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 Seriously, I have never understood why women get so offended at sexist jokes about women. They're just as welcome to insult men, and I'll probably laugh if it's funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venom750 Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 What did Vader say to Luke at christmas? Luke i felt your presents Also women out their don't penalize me for this How do you know a blonde been by the computer There's cheese by the mouse:lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Sitherino Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 Aye, I don't mind any kind of jokes as long as they're funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coupes. Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 ET's joke reminded me of a similar one I knew. Here it goes... ------------------------------------------------ [insert generic man-find-genie-lamp-and-gets-1-wish intro here] *I know I'm lazy So the guy thinks for a while and says... - I get sea sick and I'm really aifraid to fly, so I wish there was a bridge connecting America and Europe so I can travel. The genie then answers: - Woah! That's a really big wish, I'm not sure I'm up to the task. Don't you have another wish instead ? - Well... I wish I could understand woman. So the genie answers: - How many lanes do you want on your bridge ? ------------------------------------------------ And yeah... it's pretty bad, I know, but the thread is pretty bad too so far <_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lightsaberboy Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you got this beautiful bicycle?" "Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this georgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'." The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Venom750 Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 A blonde and a brunette are going to jump of a buliding the the blonde jumps first then the brunette who hit the ground first the brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for direction Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Jedi Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Seriously, I have never understood why women get so offended at sexist jokes about women. They're just as welcome to insult men, and I'll probably laugh if it's funny. I've never been offended by sexist towards women jokes. You guys have some pretty funny ones, too. Honestly I know plenty of those, yet none against men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Honestly I know plenty of those, yet none against men. Coincidence? I think not.... XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guybroom Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Why drink and drive? When you can spliff and fly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 If you're not going to even TRY to make a good joke, then don't. Please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BongoBob Posted August 9, 2005 Author Share Posted August 9, 2005 Don't drink and drive. You might spill your drink. *HALO JOKE AHEAD* "This here is an M12-LRV. I like to call it a Warthog." "Why Warthog sir?" "Because M12-LRV is too hard to say in casual conversation" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 More of a Red Vs. Blue ripoff joke.. A pirate walks into a bar with nothing but the steering wheel of the ship hanging from his crotch. When the bartender points it out the pirate says "Yarrr, it's drivin' me nuts." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kjølen Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 Two blondes walked into a building. Silly blondes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Windu Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?" So the guy tells him: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh." "She socked me one." The first guy responded, "Mine was a tongue twister too." "I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy *****.'' >_> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BongoBob Posted August 10, 2005 Author Share Posted August 10, 2005 More of a Red Vs. Blue ripoff joke.. So what Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokarev Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 I voted for Nader, I hate everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 The Man Commandments. 1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances: - When a heroic dog dies to save its master. - The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. - After wrecking your boss' car. - One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". - When she is using her teeth. 2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. 3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 4.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. 5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional. 7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free. 10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts. 11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean. 17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights: - Yeah, Baby, Push it! - C'mon, give me one more! Harder! - Another set and we can hit the showers! 20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was. 23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. 24.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence. 25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BULL****!'. Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent. 26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale. 27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. 28.) Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. 29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. 30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. 31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood. 32.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy. 33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay. 34.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either. 36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "**** OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility. 37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man. 38.) A Man is never allowed to talk to his mother on the phone while at a bar. This is especially true if said conversation is preventing him from taking his shot during a game of pool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 The Man Commandments. :lol: * ET has been granted +500 Kewl Points * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Windu Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 Did you hear about the goldfish who went bankrupt? Now he's a bronzefish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Sitherino Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 Did you hear about the goldfish who went bankrupt? Now he's a bronzefish. Nice one spongebob. Now tell the one about the squirrels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Lion54 Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 Ah , what the heck. A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says you need and operation. The man says "I'd like a second opinion." The doctor says "ok, your'e ugly too" BADOOMBOOOM!! I got that from an episode of Star Trek where Data is trying to learn humor. I tell it to everone. Dosn't really work without a cigar, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ET Warrior Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 A man walks into a dentists office and says "Hey, I think I'm a moth." The dentist says "If you think you're a moth, why did you come into the dentists?" And the guy replies "Well, the light was on." <_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nerd_Annhilator Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 If a gnome is standing in a subway station would that make him/her a metronome? .....*fail* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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