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Dear Avery:

 

Okay here is my problem.

 

Prom is about a week away and I really wasn't planning on going because it's costs like hella cash. The other day though, this chick (who I'm almost positive is stalking me) calls me up and asks me to ask her to prom. She comes up with these reasons like "My boss is a jerk and he'll make me work that night if I don't have a date for prom, and besides you owe me a date anyway since you stood me up that one time" (which i did LULZ). So I tell her I don't want to go and she's like "Henry you HAVE TO GO WITH ME" and I'm like "tell you what I'll think about it." She says "okay but you have to tell me in a day or two."

 

My question: How do I tell her to **** off in a polite way? I know if I'm really rude she'll turn into crazy psycho bitch and try and steal my stuff (she already did once, she stole my calculator, my history book, and some other stuff that I need). I just need a way to tell her I'm not interested and to leave me alone, but in a way that she won't get pissed.

 

Tankya much Ave.

 

milo~

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Dear Milo...ohhh that's a toughie.

 

I think that you shouldmaybe write her a letter explaining that you're just to emotional for me, that you have important plans on prom night(Make somthing up, you're a good liar), and that you think that upon going to prom she'd have a horrible time with you because you'd probably come half drunk, and give your friends hugs instead of you, and dance with many other girls.(Examples taken from my life, thank you) The best way to get a stalker is to scare them away with visions of their perfect match being a complete mess. But if all else fails, you learn that on Wednesday night, your dearest Grandmother who gave you Mentos and let you watch PG movies as a yound child, had complications in her sleep and passed. The night of prom, you say you canceled your plans and needed some alone time to think. If she offers to stay with you, repete the word alone a lot.

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Best advice evar!

 

Dear Darth,

 

Strapped for cash, and too young for work, and parents are dishing out on car-repairs. How can I roll in the green? Or at least have enough to buy all the eletronics and shiney dangly earrings I dont need but want?

 

Sincerely, fellow team Moderator.

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Dear Milo...ohhh that's a toughie.

 

I think that you shouldmaybe write her a letter explaining that you're just to emotional for me, that you have important plans on prom night(Make somthing up, you're a good liar), and that you think that upon going to prom she'd have a horrible time with you because you'd probably come half drunk, and give your friends hugs instead of you, and dance with many other girls.(Examples taken from my life, thank you) The best way to get a stalker is to scare them away with visions of their perfect match being a complete mess. But if all else fails, you learn that on Wednesday night, your dearest Grandmother who gave you Mentos and let you watch PG movies as a yound child, had complications in her sleep and passed. The night of prom, you say you canceled your plans and needed some alone time to think. If she offers to stay with you, repete the word alone a lot.

I'm not sure about a letter, but the grandma dying excuse sounds pretty good. Of course then she'd feel sorry for me and the solution would only be temporary. ;_;

 

I think I just need a restraining order.

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My question: How do I tell her to **** off in a polite way? I know if I'm really rude she'll turn into crazy psycho bitch and try and steal my stuff (she already did once, she stole my calculator, my history book, and some other stuff that I need). I just need a way to tell her I'm not interested and to leave me alone, but in a way that she won't get pissed.

Well now, I happen to know all about dealing with bitches of the psycho variety. Honestly being rude is the only way she'll ever learn. Of course other suggestions involve telling her you're Jewish and that you have a "Jew thing" scheduled for that night (Hopefully she knows nothing about Judaism), or you could join the Army (They're not too picky at the moment).

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I sense too much implied innuendo to take that seriously...

 

@ Milo: restraining order = win. If not tho, go all emo or act all masochist and pervy. Of course, faking any type of religion thing could work, but would likely send you plummeting torwards the gates of hell. If you have to lie about going somewhere, at least make it a half truth and actually go somewhere, just not where you told her you'd be.

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Dear Ave,

 

I have a creepy grade 8 girl whose name I can't pronounce stalking me and hugging me whenever any of my friends are nearby. How do I politely tell her she's a flat-chested grade 8 with a stupid name who should stop stalking me 'cause she's ****ing creeping me out.

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Hall

 

@Milo: Dress up like Franz Ferdinand with 3 friends and walk around the prom pretending to be drunk (or actually be drunk) singing 'Do you want to' all night long.

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Dress up like Franz Ferdinand with 3 friends and walk around the prom pretending to be drunk (or actually be drunk) singing 'Do you want to' all night long.

"WELL DO YA? DO YA, DO YA WANNA?"

 

Advice from me will be tomarrow, I'm sleepy as hell cause I've been up since 6 30.

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