[Fic] First Love, Last Embrace

[JasraLantill]

“Morgana? Morgana! Can you hear me?”

 

~~~~~~~~

 

“Can you hear me out there?” the melodic voice of Morgana Nasiri’s mother drifted into the hallway from the living room.

 

“Yes, Mother,” eighteen-year-old Morgana called over her shoulder as she removed her cloak from the hook near the front door and put it on. “And, yes, I did finish my school work, and, yes, I’m going out.”

 

“Out?” asked the resonating voice of her father from the next room. “Out where?”

 

“Dad, I told you,” Morgana replied, hurrying to fasten the cloak’s clasp around her neck. “Aldie’s party.”

 

As she stopped to check her reflection in the mirror, she heard her father say, “But it’s already past 2200. It’s too late to go now.”

 

“Dad….” Morgana moaned. “It is not.” She pinched her cheeks to redden them, and then fumbled through her handbag to find a red lipstick.

 

“Party’s probably already started,” her father persisted. “Bet people are already leaving.”

 

As Morgana smoothed the lipstick across her lips, she heard her mother say, “Oh, leave her alone, Rhyen. Besides, you did promise she could go to the party after she finished her schoolwork.”

 

“That was before I knew that it was being held at that new nightclub,” Rhyen hissed back.

 

“She’s young and wants to be with her friends.”

 

“But, Cali, I just want to….”

 

“She’s a good girl. Let her have some fun once in a while.”

 

Morgana clicked the cap back on the lipstick, then smacked her lips together. Then, she paused. There was complete silence in the next room, and she braced herself for bad news.

 

“Just remember what time your curfew is, young lady!” her father finally called to her.

 

Morgana released the breath she was holding. “I’ll be back by one, dad, I promise!” Still in front of the mirror, she frowned slightly, then gathered her long dark hair in her hands, pulled it up from the confines of the cloak, and arranged it so that it fell in loose, soft waves around her shoulders. She smiled, pleased with the results, then called out a hurried “Bye!” and exited the apartment.

 

The streets of Thani were well-lit and crime was rare in this well-to-do section of the city, as the streets were regularly patrolled by the Telos Security Force. Nevertheless, she avoided the temptation to take any shortcuts to hasten her journey and kept to the main thoroughfares. She looked down at the chrono around her wrist, then quickened her pace, rounding the next corner so fast that…

 

“Oh!” she gasped as she collided head on with a young TSF officer coming the other way. “I’m so sorr…”

 

“No, I’m sorry,” the officer interrupted, steadying her by briefly holding her arm. “Are you alright, miss?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Morgana said hurriedly. “I’m sorry. I should’ve been watching where I was going instead of looking at my chrono. I’m late to meet some….” She looked up at him. “…one.”

 

He was sharply dressed in the uniform of the Telos Security Force, but a rakish shock of soft brown hair peeked out from underneath his hat. He appeared to be just slightly older than she was; tall, but not too tall; fit, as he filled out his uniform well, but not overly muscular; and had just enough stubble on his face to make him look that little bit roguish. But, by far his best feature, a pair of the most lovely, deep brown eyes that she had ever seen, surrounded by thick, dark lashes, and sparkling with fiery bronze flecks. She stared into those eyes for what seemed to her like several moments, then said, “Erm… are you alright?”

 

The officer chuckled lightly. “Don’t worry about me, miss. I’m fine. Besides, I get danger pay for a reason,” he added with a wink.

 

“Danger pay?” She bit her lower lip, then grinned while she unconsciously wrapped a lock of hair around her little finger. “I look dangerous to you?”

 

His brow raised as he slowly appraised her. “No,” he said finally. Then his lips parted into a smile. “You look absolutely lethal.”

 

Morgana felt her cheeks flush, and she looked away for a moment, not knowing whether to thank him for the compliment, or be offended by his directness.

 

“Sorry,” he apologised. “Say, do you mind if I ask where you were going in such a hurry?”

 

“The library. To meet some friends. Girl friends,” she added, quickly.

 

At this, he raised an eyebrow. “The library, huh?” He checked his chrono. “Wow, you really are running late,” he marvelled. “It closed hours ago.”

 

She giggled at his remark. “Not ‘in’ the library. ‘At’ the library. On the front steps.”

 

“Ah…,” he said, nodding. “I see. And then?”

 

She frowned slightly. “And then, what?”

 

He eyed her dubiously. “C’mon…. You can’t tell me that a beautiful girl like you is just going to meet some friends on the steps of the library and just… what, sit around and marvel at the architecture?”

 

She grinned shyly. “No.”

 

“Well?”

 

Morgana wasn’t sure that she wanted to tell him where the party was that she and her friends had been planning to go to. After all, even though he was handsome, and a TSF officer, he still was a perfect stranger. “Well, if I don’t get going soon, there won’t be any friends there for me to meet.”

 

He nodded. “Fair enough if you don’t want to tell me,” he said, as if reading her mind. “But I could give you an escort, you know. To the library, that is. After all, it’s my duty as a TSF officer to protect the citizens of Telos. Especially from fast, corner-wheeling lethally-beautiful pedestrian-bumpers. It’s in the manual.” He winked. “Page three.”

 

She grinned at his joke, then lowered her eyes while she ran a thoughtful tongue across her lips. “Well,… I was meeting my friends so that we could go to a party together,” she admitted. “At that new place…the Seventh Level. You know it?”

 

He nodded. “It’s not worth the all the hype, but it’s okay. Good music, though I’d stay away from the fried….” He paused, then shook his head. “Never mind. You’re probably not going for the food, are you? They’ve got a good bar, a great dance floor, live music… you’ll like it.”

 

“Well….” She twirled a strand of her hair around her finger. “I’d ask you to go with me, but my father’s always warned me about strangers. And I don’t even know your name.”

 

“Oh! Sorry!” He offered his hand to her as if intending a handshake, but when she grasped it, he lifted her hand to his lips. “Officer First Class Carth Onasi,” he said, then brushed the back of her hand with a tender, gentle kiss. “A pleasure to meet you…erm…?”

 

“Morgana Nasiri.”

 

“Morgana Nasiri,” he repeated softly. “I knew you’d have a beautiful name.” He kept hold of her hand, and tucked it in the crook of his opposite arm. “Shall we go?”

 

She again stared at those entrancing eyes of his for a long moment, and then clasped her other hand over his. “Let’s.”

 

~~~~~~~~

 

“Morgana, look at me. Look at my eyes, sweetheart. C’mon, look!”

 

~~~~~~~~

 

“Look, you just let me worry about what I can and cannot afford,” Carth said firmly to Morgana, as the waiter was showing them to their table. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “We’ve been going out for over a year now, and I think we deserve to celebrate. And this is your favourite restaurant, isn’t it?”

 

Morgana smiled softly. It was her favourite restaurant—situated on the very top floor of one of Telos’ highest buildings, it commanded a view of the cityscape through its panoramic windows that was second to none. She had come here often with her parents, but being as Carth was still only a junior TSF officer, Morgana worried that he was trying to impress her by competing against her parent’s wealth, and putting himself into debt in the process.

 

As the waiter seated them at a table for two by the window, she looked out at the sparkling cityscape spread out far below them and said, “Yes, this is my favourite restaurant. But still, Carth, I would have been just as happy grabbing a bite at the Seventh Level.”

 

Carth grinned. “You know, I actually thought about that,” he admitted, “being as it was where we had our first coincidental date.”

 

“Coincidental?” Morgana shook her head. “I don’t believe in coincidence, Carth. It was fate and destiny that brought us together.”

 

“Fate, huh?” He smiled and gazed into her eyes. “That’s a romantic notion.”

 

Morgana smiled. “Well, think about it…me being late, then bumping into you on the street, and then not meeting my friends because they decided on the spur of the moment to go someplace else, which left me alone, with you, fruitlessly waiting for them to arrive? There were too many variables for that to have been just all coincidence.” She let out a tiny sigh of longing and stared dreamily into those chocolate brown eyes of his. “It was fate.”

 

“Well, maybe so,” Carth conceded. “Fate, luck, whatever brought us together, I’m grateful for having had the opportunity.” He reached across the table and took up her hand in his. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, Morgana.”

 

Morgana flashed a bashful smile.

 

“I’m serious,” he said. “You’re like… like….” He gazed out the window, then nodded to one of the more conspicuous buildings of Thani—the Republic Building, lit up like a beacon in the night with brilliant white and blue lights that seemed to set it apart from any of its metropolitan neighbours. “See that spotlight at the top of the Republic Building? That’s what you are: a beautiful, dazzling white light—impressive, inspiring, and strong. My guiding light. I could never live without you now.”

 

Morgana smiled again. “You’re pretty resourceful,” she said to him coyly. “I’m sure you’d survive.”

 

“Survive? Well, sure I could ‘survive,’” Carth reluctantly agreed. “But there’s a big difference between surviving and living.”

 

Carth was spared from going into any more detail by the arrival of a chilled bottle of Membrosia. The waiter poured out two measured glasses, and set one down in front of each of them.

 

As the waiter quietly departed, Carth lifted his glass. “A toast,” he said. “To the most stunningly beautiful girl in the universe.”

 

He clinked his glass against hers, and took a sip, nodding at Morgana to do the same. But as she raised her glass to her lips, she noticed something ‘odd’ in the bottom of it—a ring with a rather large gemstone. As she gasped in surprise, Carth asked her what was the matter.

 

“There’s a ring in my glass,” she said, frowning slightly with confusion.

 

“Really?” Carth leaned over and took a peek. “Hmm. So there is.” He smiled at her, then used his fork to fish it out of the flute. He carefully placed it on his napkin and gently dried it off, then held it up near the candle flame to study it. The gem, a brilliantly clear blue diamond, glittered and sparkled with fiery flecks, reminding Morgana of the sparkle she had seen in Carth’s eyes the very first time they had met. And then those same eyes looked up at her. “Looks like it might fit you, too,” he said, rising from his seat. “Shall we find out?”

 

He crossed over to her, knelt beside her, and then presented her with the ring. “Morgana,” he said in a serious, but soft tone. “You changed my life since the very moment I met you. You’re kind, and beautiful, and intelligent and… and….” He suddenly paused and tiny wrinkles of distress began to appear on his brow.

 

Morgana sat on the edge of her chair in anticipation of Carth ‘popping the question’. She had been steadily dating him for over year now, and she had been secretly hoping that this moment would come. “And?” she prompted.

 

“And….” Carth sighed with dismay and shook his head as he looked down at the floor. “Oh, Morgana, I’m sorry.”

 

Her mouth slowly dropped. “You’re s-sorry?” Oh no! she thought. Had Carth suddenly changed his mind about proposing to her?

 

“I had it all planned…the reservations, the seat by the window, the Membrosia and now….” He sighed with despair. “Now I’ve just gone and messed it all up by forgetting the speech I’ve been rehearsing for the past week, telling you how wonderful you are and how lucky I am, and ...”

 

Morgana exhaled with relief, and stifled a nervous laugh. “And how happy you are that fate has brought us together?” she suggested for him.

 

He looked up at her, and seeing her grinning, he began to smile as well. “Yeah, something like that. But, better though,” he said, giving her a wink. “I mean, there was a ‘how much I love you’ part and a ‘how beautiful you are part,’ and… well, never mind. I’m sorry I messed it up. I’m just not a great speechmaker. I’m more an ‘action’ sort of guy. So….” He cleared his throat. “Morgana,” he began again, “will you do me a very big honour and consent to be my wife? Will you marry me?”

 

Morgana felt tears of joy welling up in her eyes as she nodded then choked out the word, “Yes,” before cupping his face in her hands and kissing him. “Of course I will.”

 

Carth was beaming as he slid the ring over her finger. “It’s a perfect fit,” she said, as she flexed her hand to catch the light on the multi-faceted gemstone.

 

“Must be fate then,” Carth said.

 

“Must be.” Morgana smiled. “And the ring… Carth, it’s beautiful.” Then her eyes narrowed a bit. “And expensive. You really shouldn’t have. You can’t afford it.”

 

“You know I’d do anything for you. I don’t care about the money, I only care about you. I love you, Morgana. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You just hang on, sweetheart. Just hang on. Help’s on the way.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Oh, Mother, I don’t need any more help!” Morgana said, as she primped herself in front of the mirror. “Stop fussing. The dress is fine.”

 

“It’s still just a little bit wrinkled here in the back. Hold on, I’ll get the steamer.”

 

“Mother!” Morgana rolled her eyes, as her mother darted away, muttering something about the dressmaker’s reputation.

 

“She just doesn’t stop, does she?” Morgana said to her bridesmaid, Keri.

 

“Well, you’re her only child,” said Keri. “She wants everything to be perfect, and I suppose it’s only natural for a mother to be nervous on her daughter’s wedding day.”

 

“I thought I was the one that was supposed to be nervous.”

 

Keri raised an inquisitive brow. “And are you?”

 

“No, not at all.” But as Keri’s look of doubt intensified, Morgana gave her friend a lopsided grin. “Yes!” she admitted.

 

“Here we are!” Morgana’s mother called as she re-entered the room, clothes steamer in hand. “Oh, and I have good news, girls. The groom has finally arrived.”

 

“You doubted that he would?” Keri asked.

 

“You never can tell with men and weddings,” said her mother as she steamed out a wrinkle in the wedding gown’s train. “They are both so unpredictable.”

 

“I would never doubt Carth,” Morgana said with conviction. “Not for a moment. He loves me. And I love him.”

 

“Sometimes, love is not enough,” her mother replied between steam puffs.

 

“It is for us,” Morgana replied.

 

“Ach, just wait until you have children,” her mother cautioned. “Then you’ll find out what true love is.” She stood back and looked at her daughter’s dress. “There. That’s better.” She set the steamer down and then circled around to stand in front of her daughter. “Ah, you look absolutely stunning! The most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen!” Her mother wiped a tear away. “Oh,” she said on the brink of crying. “My baby is all grown up…”

 

“Oh, Mother, don’t you start again,” Morgana pleaded. “If you start, then I’ll start, and then Keri will start….”

 

“We’d all better start,” Keri interrupted. She was standing at the window. “Start down, that is. Listen!”

 

The slow soft music that had been drifting up from the garden outside through the open windows suddenly stopped. A bell began to ring—the signal for all the guests to be seated as the ceremony was about to start.

 

“That’s our cue!” Morgana’s mother said excitedly. “They’re ready.” With her eyes brimming with tears, her mother looked at her daughter. “You look so beautiful. I wish your father was here to see you. He would have been so proud.”

 

Morgana clasped her mother’s hand. “I know, Mom. I know.”

 

“C’mon, Mor,” said Keri, as she affixed Morgana’s veil on her head. “You don’t want to be late to your own wedding, do you?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Here. Take my hand, Morgana. Hold on to it.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“…hold, from this day forward until death do you part?” asked the Justice.

 

“I will,” said Carth, as he slipped a golden band on Morgana’s hand.

 

“And do you Morgana Nasiri, take this man, Carth Onasi, to be your husband, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to have and to hold, from this day forward until death do you part?”

 

Under her veil, Morgana smiled at Carth. “I will.”

 

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.” The Justice smiled at the both of them. “You may kiss the bride.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Please, Morgana. Just stay with me. You can’t go! Not yet! Not now!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I’m sorry, Morgana,” Carth said. “But I have to go. It’s my job. And, anyway, being selected for pilot training in the Republic Navy is a really big promotion. I thought you’d be happy for me. For us.”

 

“I am happy for you,” Morgana said. “It’s just… well….” She sighed. “I suppose it’s just fate and destiny again, isn’t it? You’re destined to be a Republic pilot, and I’m… erm….” She shrugged. “Not.”

 

“Fate and destiny, huh?” Carth snorted lightly. “You know that sounds pretty close to the philosophy about the Force that the Jedi believe in. We had a class about them today. Well, more of an information session than a class, really—you know, just in case we happen to run into Force Sensitives in the course of our training.”

 

“Are you planning to run into any?” Morgana asked, concerned.

 

“No, it’s just one of those classes that they have to give everyone so that our superiors can tick the box and say we’re all educated on the subject. It’s not likely that I’ll ever meet one. I mean, have you?”

 

Morgana thought a moment. “No,” she said finally. “But then again, I’m not joining the Republic Navy.” She frowned slightly. “You know, I think my father’s great–great-great uncle was one.”

 

“A Navy pilot?”

 

“No, a Jedi.”

 

“Really?” Carth said, staring into her eyes. “Well, that’s interesting. According to our class Force Sensitivity is likely to run in families.”

 

“Oh? Well, maybe our son will be a Jedi,” Morgana said wistfully, as she absently laid a hand across her belly.

 

Carth did a double take. “Huh? Did you say…. I mean, did I hear you say, ‘son’?”

 

Morgana took pause, then began to grin.

 

“Like a ‘son’ son?” Carth stammered. “A baby?”

 

Morgana giggled. “I got the news from the clinic this afternoon.” She gazed into his eyes. “You’re going to be a father.”

 

“Well, that’s… that’s… that’s great!” Carth beamed with joy. “A son! Wow!” Then his grin began to fade. “Erm… are you feeling okay? You want me to get a pillow or something for you, or something to eat, drink… a doctor?”

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

“Medic! I need a medic over here now! Just keep looking at me, sweetheart. I know it hurts, but help’s coming.”

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

“I know it hurts, Morgana, but now’s the time to …pu-ush!” the Doctor said, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically.

 

“You’re a man!” Morgana snapped at him between panting breaths. “You can’t possibly know how much this hurts!”

 

The doctor merely nodded his head. “If I had a credit for every time a patient said that to me…. Okay, c’mon, Morgana, just keep up with your breathing, and give me one more really big pu-ush!”

 

A few gasps and grunts later, there was the sound of a baby’s cry. And a moment after that, Morgana was presented with a healthy, wrinkly baby boy wrapped up in a white blanket.

 

“Oh, you’re just perfect, aren’t you, little one,” Morgana cooed over her newborn infant, the pain of the last few hours nearly forgotten. “Where’s my husband?” she asked the nurse standing near her. “Is he here yet?”

 

As if on cue, a harried-looking Carth dressed in a Republic naval uniform was ushered into the delivery suite. “I’m so sorry, Morgana,” he apologised as he hurried over to her side and grasped her beckoning hand. “I came as soon as I could, but you know how my Captain is about….” He paused mid-sentence and a bright smile began to appear as he stared at his newborn son.

 

“Carth,” Morgana said, “meet your son, Ga….”

 

“Dustil,” Carth finished for her.

 

“What?” Morgana blinked her eyes. “I thought we agreed on naming him Gavin?”

 

“Yeah, but now that he’s here, he doesn’t quite look like a Gavin to me,” Carth said.

 

Morgana grinned as she looked down at her son. “No, I suppose not.”

 

Carth chucked the baby gently under the chin. “Dustil? Dustil?” he called out in a light sing-song voice.

 

********

 

 

Carth’s heart had dropped when he had arrived at the scene. The entire planet had practically been obliterated by Saul Karath’s traitorous bombing raid, and Carth and the rest of his Republic rescue team had arrived too late to stop it. The only thing they could do now was search for the few people that had survived in the scattered pockets on the outskirts of the cities, like this one.

 

He had dug like a madman through the rubble that was once his home until he had finally come across Morgana. She was badly injured, semi-conscious, and needed urgent medical attention. Problem was, there were too few medics and too many injured. All he could do was stay with her and try to keep her conscious until help arrived.

 

“Hey, has anyone seen a young boy around here?!” Carth called out to the few shell-shocked survivors that were making their way to the rescue shuttles. “A teenager with dark hair? Anyone?!”

 

Morgana moaned. “Morgana?” Carth lifted her head and placed his flight jacket under it like a pillow. “Morgana! Can you hear me?”

 

Her eyes slowly fluttered open. “Morgana, look at me. Look at my eyes, sweetheart. C’mon, look!”

 

Morgana blinked a few times, her full dark lashes caked with dust and grit.

 

“You just hang on, sweetheart,” Carth said to her. “Just hang on. Help’s on the way.” He picked up her hand—bruised, and limp, and cool. “Here. Take my hand, Morgana. Hold on to it.” He felt her fingers twitch, but she was too weak to actually grasp.

 

“Please, Morgana. Just stay with me. You can’t go! Not yet! Not now!” He hit the button on his comlink. “Medic! I need a medic over here now!” He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. “Just keep looking at me, sweetheart. I know it hurts, but help’s coming.”

 

Survivors were now making their way to the shuttles, some on their own accord, some with support from others, and some on stretchers. Carth shook his head. Why? he thought. Why did this have to happen? Why were the former heroes of the Republic, the ones who had vanquished the Mandalorians, now turning on their own? What kind of evil was making good men turn so bad?

 

Morgana coughed, spluttering up blood in the process. “I’m cold, Carth,” she whispered hoarsely.

 

“Morgana, honey, hang on,” he said to her. “Hey!” he screamed into his comlink. “Where’s the damn medic! I need some help over here, now!” He placed his arms around her and lifted her head to lie on his chest, then covered her with his flight jacket. “It’ll just be a few more minutes, sweetheart.” He rocked her and began to smooth her hair, once lustrous and soft, now clotted with blood and debris. “Save your strength. Don’t try to talk anymore. Just stay still and….”

 

“Hold me.”

 

“I am holding you, sweetheart,” Carth said, his voice just about to crack. “I’m holding you and not letting you go. Not ever.”

 

Morgana tried to smile. Bright red blood trickled from the corner of her mouth. “Do you remember the day we first met?” she asked groggily.

 

Carth gave her a tight lipped grin. “The Seventh Level. Yeah, I remember.”

 

“That was a good night out,” she said, smiling reminiscently. “You were right. The music was good.”

 

“The only music I remember was your laugh,” Carth said softly. He leaned in close to her face, kissing her lightly on the lips.

 

“You were late bringing me home,” she said. “My father was furious.”

 

“Yeah, well, he got over it. Just like you’re going to get over this.”

 

“Are my rings still there?” she asked. “I don’t want to lose them.”

 

Carth lifted up her hand to show her. “They’re right here.”

 

“That was sneaky of you to put that one in the glass.”

 

“Hey, I knew you liked surprises.”

 

“I wish you could have stayed home with us more. With me and Dustil.”

 

“Where is Dustil?” Carth asked her. “I couldn’t find him. Is he here?”

 

“He went to his friend’s house,” Morgana said. She frowned a bit. “He was supposed to clean his room before he went.” She began choking, gasping for breath as she coughed up more blood.

 

Carth looked over his shoulder, his eyes squinting to see through the smoky haze and chaos all around him for a sign of any medical personnel in the vicinity. “Medic!” he screamed. “I need a medic here now!”

 

“Shh….” Morgana hushed him. She swallowed. “It’s alright, love. It’s just fate.”

 

“No.” Carth shook his head. “No, you hang on! You’ll be fine, once a doctor gets here.”

 

“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you both. He was such a… beautiful… baby.”

 

“I love you, too, Morgana, but you are not going to die on me! Not now!”

 

Morgana grinned, and then let out a soft, final sigh.

 

“Morgana?” Carth bent closer to her, straining to hear another breath. “Morgana! Don’t you do this to me!”

 

But he knew it was too late when he looked into her eyes. The spark was gone. The flame extinguished. But the grin on her face remained--a last testament of her love for him.

 

Carth’s vision began to blur, and he gave his wife one last, tender kiss. “Goodbye, my love,” he whispered, and then he buried his face in her hair. And wept.

[stingerhs]

quite the gusher; i think i actually shed a tear towards the end there. seriously, this one is a gut-wrencher with a lot of emotion. the pacing was excellent, and i loved how things were told through a series of flashbacks interrupted by reality. its a little lengthy, but i don't see how the story could've been pulled off otherwise. great read and highly recommended.

 

score: 9/10.

[Diego Varen]

Another good Fic for me to vote on. I like the fact that this is set on a minor character mentioned in KOTOR, which was Carth's wife. I like it that the past is the main part of the Fic, while the present day has minor parts.

[Emperor Devon]

Wow Jasra, I have to say I am quite impressed with this! It's nice to see a fic about Morgana - she didn't seem quite 'real' enough from what Carth says in the game. She seemed much more like an actual person and someone Carth would be genuinely sad of losing in this. The little details were a nice touch - how exactly she met Carth and how he proposed to her can't really be captured in a video game, but can make the characters seem much more alive.

 

The only thing I can criticize is the attack on Telos - while it's possible for people to survive bombing runs by small vessels, it would've been much more efficient (and much less risky to the troops) if the Sith simply blasted the planet into slag via orbital bombardment. But that would've turned Morgana into glowing dust particles and would've made this whole fic impossible in the first place, so it can be overlooked.

 

A most excellent read, again!

[Sabretooth]

Oh my God, I am blown away. This is an excellent piece of literature, that should well be canon!

 

You have my attention, Jasra! I really liked the format of the storytelling and the crisp writing. Awesome work!

 

My frank score: 9.5/10.

[ForceFightWMe12]

....

<.<

>.>

....

 

Wow. All I have to say is Wow. If ever I come back to the fanfic writting buisness here on LF, I'll have to sharpen my skills to have any hope of winning one of these competitions

[The Doctor]

Nah, we'll just have to hope that Jasra doesn't have the time to write for each month's competition.

 

Amazing work, Jasra. Simply amazing. There's nothing else I can say, really.

[Bee Hoon]

Very nice! It was a lovely read:) I, too, liked the interspersing of the early days of their romance with the here and now.

[Grace]

Quite the creative piece of work, Jasra! I've read it three times now and every time, I've picked up something different... that tells me you have several layers of detail,whether you meant it that way or not. As Beehoon mentioned, I also like how you had Carth's present words interlacing with the past. And when the story comes fully to the present, we can see the present context of those 'echoes', if you will.

 

And such a tear jerker! You really captured the emotions well. I thought it was so realistic that, despite the fact that she's dying, included in a mother's thoughts are what her child ought to have done before going out.

 

Oh my... if I keep going on about how much I loved this story, my post's length will rival that of the story itself! So without further ado, I give you my rating: 10 (quite possibly the only 10 I'll hand out )

[Vaelastraz]

This is just great. I haven't read all stories of this competition yet, but I'm pretty sure this will be my favourite.

 

Btw, you should continue your Hidden shades of grey story, Jasra. I can hardly wait.

[Jae Onasi]

Loved it!

I shed a few tears myself. The emotions were very real.

Only 2 things stood out at me--first, the wedding ceremony was very Earth-like--we tend to expect some slight differences in such things in the SW universe since it's a different culture. Second--if they can travel in hyperspace, surely they can figure out how to take away a woman's pain in childbirth.

I did find the other medical details quite appropriate for the situation without going overboard on detail. The death scene is appropriately heart-wrenching for me, and I caught Carth's pain at not quite being on time. Poor guy, no wonder he's such a mess when a female Revan meets up with him.

[Ragged Tiger]

I just wanted to say this was really beautiful. I was actually crying by the end of it. Young TSF Carth was cocky and likeable. The format worked great - sort of your life flashing before your eyes before you die. Excellent work.

[Empress Padme]

Beautiful, bittersweet tale. You capture a young Carth well. You make Morgana more than just a side note. Wow and well down.