[Fic] A Reason

[Bee Hoon]

It's different from what I had originally intended... Well, here goes!

 

Edit: At Emperor Devon's suggestion, I removed the "Oops, there goes Malak's jaw" part, as he rightly pointed out, it is rather over the top. Many apologies to those who preferred it the other way. I also added bits here and there, with most of the changes in Revan's conversation with Lei at Jae's suggestion. Further smoothening out shall be coming, as and when I feel like it!

 

* * *

 

The Sith assassin shifted uneasily. It had been a highly unusual mission, and he was quite not sure what he should make of it. The master had his reasons, as Malak had discovered the hard way. When Malak had attempted to thwart this particular mission, the master had choked him, so very slowly. The scarlet rivulet trickling from Malak's mouth had contrasted starkly with the dull blue of his face, his face twitching to the soft beat of cracking ribs. All things considered, Malak had gotten off lightly. He had been sure that the master would kill Malak, slowly and painfully, or allow his gleeful assassin droid to terminate “the tall meatbag”. The metallic smell of Malak’s blood was still vivid in his mind, as was the master’s cold voice as he choked Malak. “Have you not learned obedience, Malak? There is a reason behind my every action, and I will not have you interfere with my plans!”

 

Nevertheless, Darth Revan offered no explanation and no one could or would speculate on his motives. Who could fathom the mind behind the mask?

 

The guard stationed by the door nodded to him, and he made his way in. Without a second thought, he prostrated himself before the figure standing before him. He could feel nothing from the man standing above him, but he knew that under the armour, an immense power blazed, only revealed to those who were about to meet Death.

 

“Report.” The voice had a low, hypnotic cadence to it.

 

“The target is fine. She was almost assaulted by several men two days ago. They probably intended to rape her. We…disposed of them.”

 

“Has she enough to eat?” The Dark Lord’s gloved hands had clenched into fists behind his back.

 

“She was quite short of currency. She took a job as a dancer in the cantina, but it was abysmal, to say the least.” He winced inwardly, thinking of the way the crowd had responded. “We made sure that she received payment, and we added a discreet amount as well. It should tide her over for a number of days.”

 

“Does she suspect anything?” The Dark Lord began pacing, boots beating a steady rhythm on the cold metal.

 

“No, my Lord. We have been most subtle.”

 

“Very well then. Maintain surveillance on her, and intervene where necessary to keep her safe. Should she come to any harm…” He did not finish the sentence. He did not need to.

 

The assassin pressed his forehead into the metal floor. “Yes, my Lord.” When the gloved hand gestured dismissively, he scuttled out of the bridge. What was this woman’s importance to the Lord?

 

A cold whisper swept through his mind, and he wondered no more.

 

* * *

 

I could feel my heart pounding as the darkness descended. They swooped around me, silent as always, unseen, but so very present.

 

“Show yourself!” I clenched my fists and waited for them to strike, gathering the Force to me. Such a pathetic gesture, and it was all I had.

 

For several minutes, nothing happened. Then they plunged into me, bleeding their darkness into every part of me, methodically analyzing what they found.

 

They focused on her, one by one, latching onto the memories I had of her, my feelings for her.

 

A weakness.

 

* * *

 

The ship shuddered violently as I awakened, lashing out at the shadow creatures through the Force. Alarms began blaring while brisk military voices assessed the situation loudly, heavy feet tramping past giving the light passing through the doorframe a strange stroboscopic quality. They did not dare to intrude into my room, which was wise. The last time that had happened, it had not gone well for the trooper.

 

Calm down, Revan. It’s just that dream again, for the umpteenth time.

 

I went to the window, shivering slightly in the cold. The galaxy stretched before me, countless stars orbited by countless worlds, their faint light incapable of banishing the darkness of the space. She was out there, somewhere. Was she safe? I couldn’t tell. Not anymore.

 

* * *

 

I felt it, from so far away. The cry. And then, the silence. It tore through me and left me gasping for breath on the floor and then it was gone, a painful emptiness where the bond had been.

 

Lei. She had activated the mass shadow generator.

 

I pulled myself to my feet, using the table for support. Malak lurched in. He too, had felt it. His voice was slurred. “Wh – what was that?”

 

I ignored him and called for my lieutenant. “Tell all reserves to join the battle now. I’m turning command of this battle over to Admiral Karath. All ships with Jedi troops are to disengage and head for Malachor V. Now!”

 

The lieutenant began barking out orders. I clung to the wall and called for her, but there was no reply. I was…alone.

 

Did I make the right choice?

 

* * *

 

Her influence helped the troops under her command resist me. They would not have followed me blindly; their loyalty was to her instead. I knew that they were a liability, so they became bait for a trap, and they died by the thousands to spring it. She should have broken then, driven insane by their death-cries and I would have been able to keep my one vulnerability close to me. She should have joined me in my downward spiral, master and apprentice. But she didn’t. Rather than fall, or be driven mad, she found the strength to cut herself off from the storm.

 

I betrayed her.

 

In retrospect, I suppose that I should have expected the outcome. She was stronger than the masters gave her credit for, and in the end, I made the same mistake as they did.

 

But that doesn’t change the fact that I betrayed her.

 

It still hurts, even now. Two years have passed, yet the emptiness she left still gnaws at me unceasingly. When I put on the mask, I can suppress it into a dull ache. But I can’t hide behind the mask all the time. Still, I make sure that I’m always alone when it comes off. I can’t trust anyone now. It’s the first lesson I learned as a traitor.

 

She was the last person to see me unmasked.

 

* * *

 

I heard the commotion outside progressing towards the bridge. Malak headed for the door, and it hissed open just as he reached for the control. My breath caught in my throat when I saw her standing in the doorway, blood trickling down her arms from where she had ripped out the tubes connecting her to various machines. Malak grabbed her roughly by the arm, and she stumbled.

 

“Unhand her. All of you are dismissed.” I was surprised at how steady my voice was. The echo within her resonated inside me as well. It was frightening, seeing her this way. She had been so in tune with the Force, and now she was deaf to it. And it was my fault.

 

Malak glared at her with venom. She stared back, pale and defiant. The door slid shut, and I did not bother locking it. I knew we would not be disturbed. She swayed slightly on her feet, and clutched at a nearby console to maintain her balance.

 

“Why have you come? You need rest, nourishment.”

 

“You know why, Revan.” Her voice was hoarse but still unmistakable, evoking a thousand memories that I had buried. She staggered towards me, and her legs gave out before she had even covered half the distance. I caught her before she hit the floor. Focusing, I staunched the bleeding from her self-inflicted wounds. Those machines had kept her alive before I had brought her back from the brink. It was funny, how I could feel gratitude to machines. Not only to the machines, but also to the medical officer who had stayed by her side for the two long days before we pulled out of hyperspace above Malachor V, to the tech who caught her when she fell.

 

The paper-thin medbay gown was woefully inadequate for the chill of deep space; she shivered in my arms, her painfully thin limbs jerking spasmodically. Doffing my cloak took a matter of seconds, and I wrapped her securely in its warmth. Where had these hollows in her cheeks come from?

 

Her eyelids fluttered as she fought to stay conscious. I cradled her close, and she reached for the mask. I caught her hand, and she did not have the strength to fight me.

 

“Revan.” It was barely a whisper.

 

I pulled the mask off slowly. It slipped from nerveless fingers and clanged to the floor loudly. Staring at it, a wave of nausea threatened to overwhelm me. What had I become? I did not want her to see me this way.

 

She ran her fingers across my cheeks, following the faint tracery of veins under my skin. I kept my eyes averted. Would she understand? Perhaps she would, but it would be better if she did not. It would be easier to protect her.

 

“Look at me. Revan. Please.”

 

I looked at her then, right into those dark eyes, and watched the tears well up. The tears distorted my reflection, but even then, I could see my eyes reflected in hers. The yellow eyes that marked me more surely than anything else could.

 

“You’ve fallen.” The tears spilled over, and I wiped them away gently. "Don't. Please, Revan. Come back. For my sake." Her voice trailed off into a whisper, raw with desperation. She cupped my face in her cool hands so tenderly, and I leaned into her touch. It was beyond love. We had been completely open to each other. My folly broke her, and the fractured trust stared me in the eye. Yet she still wanted to save me, and it rent my heart.

 

"I can't. I must do this." Why did I wound her to the core? Her pain is my pain, and ever has been. What was once between us may have been severed with a single stroke, but it did not change this. I saw the pain in her eyes, and it made me falter. Yet there was nothing that I felt, no sign that the Force flowed through her body, as if she was dead. Worse than dead. But there was nothing I could do but carry on to the bitter end. I could not undo the damage. I could not even comfort her when she most needed me.

 

“Why? What are you going to do?”

 

I did not answer her; instead, I placed the tips of my fingers against her forehead and guided her mind into gentle sleep. “Sleep. And turn away from me. Forget me. I… am glad that you did not fall. Be safe, Lei.”

 

She resisted, of course, but she was weakened from her ordeal. As she slid into dreamless slumber, I brushed the loose strands of dark hair away from her face and simply watched her. This would be the last time I would see her. She would be safer away from me.

 

After a time – I cannot say how long - I slid my mask into position and relinquished her to the medical officer waiting outside. Then I left without looking back.

 

The game awaited me.

 

* * *

 

I had always been good at dejarik, but this was a three-way game where one of the opponents had not even revealed itself. The Republic was already on the verge of collapse; as I had predicted, it was a weak foe. Once I had control of the Core Worlds, the true war could commence.

 

I don’t know what I will find. I know only two things about the shadow-creatures. The first is that they had driven the Mandalorians to war. I had felt their dark currents in the Mandalore and a few other Mandalorians in command. Secondly, they built the academy on Malachor V and numerous other structures. All of the monumental edifices bore the taint of a blackness that permeated the essence of the structures, yet they had been abandoned for centuries. Everything else was an enigma. What would the corporeal forms of those shadows look like? Do they have an army? How large is it? How great is their power? If they could analyze me as they had in my dream, if they knew of her, then they would hurt her: a quick and efficient way to hold me in their power.

 

You think too much, Revan.

 

She always said it with a wry smile. Something in my chest constricted painfully. I rested my forehead against the glass and fought back tears.

 

They would never have the chance, I vowed. If they, or anyone, harmed her…My reflection in the window-glass stared back at me grimly. A faint hum filled the room as a datapad fell off my desk and clattered to the floor, every piece of furniture in the room oscillating at a high frequency. I concentrated on my breathing, regaining my composure slowly.

 

I begin pulling on my armour, piece by piece. My troops regard it as vestments of a Sith Lord, but I am not a Sith, nor am I a Jedi. I just do what I must. I devised new ways to shield my mind when I found the knowledge of both the Jedi and the Sith lacking. I walked the dark places of this galaxy, seeking answers to questions that still haunt me. I orchestrated the fall of innumerable Jedi. I will conquer the Republic, and prepare the galaxy for what is to come.

 

She doesn’t know it though. She thinks I betrayed the Republic. It is technically correct, but the Republic would have fallen to the shadows anyway. I cannot hope to defend a lumbering machine that operates on the warped logic of bureaucracy.

 

She thinks that I betrayed her. I did, and I cannot justify it. How could I have done that to her?

 

A sacrifice, I whisper to myself. She had been one, as I was now. She still would have been wounded, even if things had gone my way.

 

There was that bitter taste in my mouth again. It was so ironic, how I hurt her despite the fact that I did everything for a reason. I wish she knew why. I wish I had told her.

 

I do not hope that she will forgive me, but there was, and still is, a reason behind my every action.

 

My reason is her.

 

I settle the mask on my face, and hide my reason from the galaxy.

[Emperor Devon]

Excellent job, beehon. This one was done very well. All elements of the fic caught my eye, but the descriptions and feelings of the characters did so particularly. Some of the ideas in here were quite original - most topics already have at least a fic or two written on them, but I can't recall any similar to this. Revan keeping tabs and even protecting the exile after she left was new, and fit in with his character perfectly - in heart he's not really a Sith Lord, but as he said "I am not a Sith, nor am I a Jedi."

 

The only criticism I can think up is how Malak lost his jaw over that matter. I always thought he lost it in battle or that Revan tore it off as punishment for something like bombing a planet rather than conquering it, but for a mission like this it wouldn't be very strategic. The Sith would get a bit suspicion if he reacted that way towards Malak over a broken, non-Force-sensitive exile.

 

But that's only a minor detail. An excellently done and long (that's a good quality ) fic.

 

My rating: 9/10

[Bee Hoon]

Thanks:) Well,I always thought that there was a lot of potential for backstory between Revan and the exile. That's the beauty of the game, in a way. It leaves lots of room for fanfic writers to go nuts:p

 

Hmmm, I suppose that he might have lost his jaw that way, but I was just trying to show how strongly Revan felt for the exile. You do have a point... I guess those Sith would try to exploit it, though one might just argue that any disobedience from Malak would have caused Revan to punish him severely.

[Emperor Devon]

I don't think the Sith would try to exploit his feelings for the Exile as much as it would make them question his leadership. After going on about how mercy and love are weaknesses to his followers, they would not have been very confident in him if he started going against the principles he'd been preaching (and which they strongly believed in). Zapping him with Force lightning would've been a bit more realistic IMO, but this is hardly worth paying attention to when you compare it to the actual writing.

 

That's what the Sith seem to commonly do, at least. Palpatine only gave Vader a minor scolding when he killed a Jedi he'd been wanting to interrogate, but had his arm torn off after his failure to stop Luke from blowing up the Death Star.

[Bee Hoon]

Hehe... Point taken. I'll have a think about it. I'll probably incorporate what you said (credit to be given to you, naturally;)), and maybe forego Malak losing his jaw (my bloodthirsty friends would be terribly disappointed:p)

 

Thanks for the comments:)

 

Btw, that pic in your sig... I think I'm going to need therapy now:S

[JediMaster12]

beehoon that was an excellent piece. You gave tremendous depth and emotion to the characters, especially Revan. The line where he says that he was neither Sith nor Jedi is befitting of his character as suggested by Kreia when she suggested that perhaps he was always true to himself. At least you emphasized the importance of the Exile as suggested by HK when he reveals that his master was interested in terms of the natural leadership. Very good and I give you 9 out of 10. Absoloodle!

[Bee Hoon]

Thank you:) I did try to make Revan as accurate as possible with reference to the game, but angstier:p Honestly, Revan's character as portrayed in the second game is absolutely fascinating!

[mailboris]

i love the ways you explained that this is the reason why Malak lost his jaw hahaha its somehow so morbid yet LOL funny plus somehow you make Revan seem so cute and funny...like a little boy with his first love hmmm...this is a very different side to Revan than i think any of us at all would have imagined...well done, a new prespective for us all then

[RC-1162]

Wow, beehoon, I can truthfully say this is one of the best things I've read recently. Revan's conscience is clearly portrayed and a very different side from what would be expected of a Sith Lord is shown. Loved this one.

[Bee Hoon]

mailboris, you have a weird, weird sense of humour! Thanks:)

 

RC-1162, wow, that's high praise. I'm glad you enjoyed it! I had a lot of fun making an emo Sith Lord, teehee.

[Cygnus Q'ol]

Absolutely brilliant !!!

 

Loved the flow. It was quite easy to fall into this story.

Your portrayal of Revan and his emotional thought process was creative and right on the money.

 

Caught me off guard with Malak's jaw thing. SWEET !!!

 

One helluva pleasure to read.

I'll be lookin' out for more from ya.

[JasraLantill]

A most excellent read! Thumbs up all the way! I love your idea of the Shadow creatures. Ties the whole saga together and really cements the idea that Revan is just doing what he thinks is right for the Republic and the Exile, unconcerned by what labels (i.e. Sith or Jedi) that others want to impose upon him. Great job!

[Jae Onasi]

I liked the idea very much, and Revan's characterization and backstory of love for the Exile is intriguing.

One thing about the breaks--I was expecting different speakers, especially when you changed fonts. I needed a little detail right at the start of at least the first few breaks to know we were still looking at things from Revan's perspective. A couple of times I asked 'who's talking here?'

The breaks also make the piece a little more choppy than I prefer--we just get into the flow of one section and then it stops abruptly and we move to something else. If you smooth out those transitions a bit, I think you'll like how the piece moves even better.

 

I liked the scene between Revan and Lei--I would have liked to see even more there, especially Lei's feelings--a few more lines of dialog would be great; however, it works quite well as is.

 

The story is enjoyable and I look forward to more stories.

[Bee Hoon]

Cygnus Q'ol, thanks! Poor Malak, everyone's just out for his blood:p I try to make a Revan that people will fall in love with... *imagines sensitive new age Revan*

 

JasraLantil, took me ages to decide on how I would portray the True Sith. Those game developers had to be soooo darned vague about it, lol. Thank you very much, and I did try hard to stay true to the idea of Revan that I formed as I played the games:)

 

Jae, well, I didn't really want to put the dream in italics, but couldn't figure out another way to separate it from the here and now, so to speak. I initially tried doing it with different speakers, and got myself all muddled:p And that was with me technically knowing exactly what was going on! Blek. I'll have another go smoothening things out after a while. Then should be able to see it better. Thanks for the review:)

[Lord Spitfire]

Wow.

 

That was good. Very good. I am speechless.

 

Seriously, this is very nice! I like how the character interactions, the confliciting feelings, and particularaly the monologue fit in with Revan. Man, you are the best fanfic auther I've ever read, that was amazing!

 

(Though I always imagine a Male Exile, Mae Revan, who goe swith Bastila, and feels guilty about betraying her, but i don't care.)

 

My rating: 9.8/10

[mailboris]

haha you can't top me...i won't let you!! I'm biased...so 10/10 THERE!

[Bee Hoon]

Lord Spitfire, thanks! I'm not definitely not the best fanfic writer I've read though:p Well, that's just why the canon characters wil never be fully accepted! Everyone's got their own ideas:)

 

mailboris, that you are indeed;)

[The_Catto]

That was excellent!

It deserves the 5 star rating!

Congratulations!

[Lord Spitfire]

Beehoon, i was just listening to this song, and guess what it was called: My Reason.

 

The lyrics and the tone of the song go almost perfectly with this story, more so than the song you posted. Just letting you know, you should listen to it.

[Bee Hoon]

Mr. BFA, thanks:)

 

Lord Spitfire, who's the artiste? I'll see whether I can find it on Youtube:p I know Iris wasn't exactly in sync with story, but I loveeeeeeee the song!

[Empress Padme]

A very enjoyable read