[fic] Eternity

[Adavardes]

Eternity

 

I stared into the gloom of my quarters for what seemed like an eternity, a thousand forevers in each moment, a prisoner of my own thoughts and fears. Reality seemed to loop perpetually around me as I reiterated the mission over and over in my mind, and each time, the words ingrained themselves deeper into my spirit, infecting it with its meaning. I had been one of the few Jedi left assigned to the mission that would board the Star Forge and engage in battle directly with its inhabitants. The mission had almost certainly meant death, and the masters had not been without compassion, offering a choice. But to decline was to turn away from the tenets of the Jedi order at their most raw and pure form, and no candidate had dared cross those beliefs. My weaknesses, my own personal desires, had suffered decline at the hands of my devotion to the Order, and to the life I had sworn to so many years ago. Yet, now, the other bleak complications of my own life came to focus, emerging from the sanguine darkness of the walls around me and penetrating my mind with doubt and regret. If I were not to return, as was the likely case, the lives of others, whose connection to my own had been hidden away by all but each other, would suffer the grief of my loss more pointedly than any Jedi brethren could possibly fathom.

 

My thoughts turned and my body jolted as the low beep that signaled a visitor broke the heavy silence. I muttered a barely intelligible acquiescence, and she emerged from the doorframe, as beautiful and faultless as the moment I had first glimpsed her from across the crowded confines of the Initiate chamber. We had both been children then, but our fondness for one another had grown into more, a flood of emotion that had caused us both to abandon everything we had come to believe for a wondrous moment of perfection within each other. We were in love, the love that develops over millions of stolen moments, of coy smiles undetected by disapproving glares, of flesh and passion as our bodies had intertwined and united. It had been pure happiness, pure joy, devotion, loyalty, trust, the tenets be damned, and the Order be damned. Yet each of us remembered our vows, and each of us wished nothing more than to finish our training. It had been a folly to believe that we could maintain the lifestyles that fell into constant conflict with one another, but we had managed, and it had been beautiful, but now, it was all to shatter at our feet with one simple command, a command I could not deny, nor accept, without having my very being torn to pieces of what it was.

 

There were the markings of where tears streamed down her gorgeous face, her milky white skin stained by the liquid of sorrow and dread. She did not speak for a moment; perhaps she could not will herself to ask what she knew she must, but after a time, the words came. “Did you accept the mission?”

 

A sigh escaped my lips, and I hung my head for a moment, staring at my feet, thinking and feeling nothing but emptiness, the entirety of my person numb and cold. I looked up into her deep brown eyes, perfect pools of colour reflecting my image with such affection, that my heart nearly broke. “I had to, I couldn’t turn away from it, and it’s my duty as a Jedi.” I replied hoarsely, failing to trust my own words even as they came from me.

 

She donned a remorseful composure of what seemed to be confusion and contempt, then turned away from me as she swept a strand of her dark red hair away from her face. “Do your loyalties, your duties, lie with the Order, or with me, Adam?” Her face was hidden from me, but I could hear from her voice that she was close to tears once more.

 

I felt helpless, unsure what to say, unwilling to give up my love for her, yet honor-bound to do my part for the Order as a Jedi Knight. My mind grasped at false assurances, ways to comfort her in promises of my safe return, but all tasted of bile on my lips. I could not lie to her. “Kiama, both agreed when we began this relationship that we still wanted to be Jedi. We promised each other that our feelings and our responsibilities would never conflict. I have to do this.”

 

Kiama turned, her eyes once again welling, her face almost pleading for me to stay. “This mission is suicide, and you know it is. This is different, Adam, you may never come back to me, and I need you, I need you now more than I’ve ever needed you before!”

 

“What do you mean?” I asked hesitantly, unsure of the answer and terrified of what it might mean for the future. Part of me had already sensed it, the glow of her face, her daily morning trips to the bathroom with a sickly, pallid composure, but I had denied any suspicion, avoiding the acceptance of the truth, but now there was no more evasion possible.

 

“Please, don’t play dumb, you’re the most talented of our class at sensing life through the Force, the most perceptive. You must already know by now that I’m with child.”

 

The world around me spun out of my grasp, my mind lapsing into a state of panic and bewilderment, unable to free itself. The Order would discover that Kiama was with child, and I would admit our relationship to them. We would give ourselves to their mercy, but they would have none, and instead would cast us out as exiles, failures, to live a new life of insignificance, casting aside our roles as saviors of the galaxy for the lives of common citizens to raise our family, something neither I nor Kiama had ever been satisfied with. I regained my control enough to look into the eyes of my beloved, the eyes that had stared back into mine what seemed like an eternity ago. She had smiled a smile that had brightened my universe for a moment. But now, that eternity had passed, and we gazed at each other, her image blurred by my own tears, now coming in a bittersweet mingling of happiness and pain. I stood and hugged her, unconfident that the embrace would be returned. But her body yielded and held my own with a gentle and somewhat fragile caress. We stood there, holding each other, sobbing silently into the darkness surrounding us, both cheerful and frightened simultaneously. I pulled away and looked at her once again before kissing her affectionately, the sensation of her lips making contact with mine still sending a flood of warmth through me. I rested my forehead against her own, closing my eyes and breathing deeply. It was her who first spoke.

 

“What are we going to do?” her voice was less shaken, as if the closeness of her lover had eased her internal conflicts.

 

“I am no longer sure, my love. My responsibilities have changed with our baby, but I have made a promise, and the galaxy needs my lightsaber. It may mean the difference between defeat and victory, and I cannot let down my friends, my brothers and sisters that also go to fight Malak’s forces in a final stand.” My voice held a confidence I did not truly posses, but I supported it all the same, unwilling to falter in strength of resolve.

 

“I know, I understand how important you are to the others. I was being selfish, trying to keep you to myself, but you have a duty that you have sworn to uphold, and I will not keep you from that duty. It would be… unfair to you.” Kiama managed a small smile, but it was clear that neither of us had faith in its sincerity.

 

However, I returned it, though I knew it had not reached my eyes, which reflected only reservation. “I now have new motivation to return home, Kiama. I will not allow my child to grow up without a father. He will have a family, I promise you this, and that promise will be what keeps me alive and brings me back to you.”

 

“I will be waiting for you, my love.” She replied, but her eyes were cast at the floor.

 

Then, we embraced once more, our shared loves melding into one, each knowing that the union of minds and spirits might very well be the last. Thusly, we clung to one another, for an eternity, the eternities of moments continuously adding to one another, imprisoning us in our passions and fears, in our commitments and loyalties, and most of all, in our devotion to one another. An eternity of love.

[Kyvios]

you did a great job, I really enjoyed it.

[Adavardes]

Thanks. The really irritating part about this is that I know there are typos in there, and I changed them on word, but somehow, in the transfer from word to here, they changed back. Ah well, there are only two or three anyway, and it doesn't detract from the peice. Glad you enjoyed it.

[Astor]

I really liked it - I think you managed to do the conflict of his duties as a Jedi and prospective father justice - which was made all the more significant by virtue of their forbidden love.

 

Well done!

[jrrtoken]

Great stuff. It seems somewhat like Anakin's and Padme's relationship in Episode II, but the consequences seem much more realistic and dire, especially with the Star Forge. Coolio.

[Alkonium]

Definitely my favourite submission this month. Makes you wonder how often that happens.

[Tysyacha]

This was amazing, Adavardes! It does remind me of Anakin and Padme, although without all the cheesy fourth-grade dialogue. This is an actual MATURE relationship!

 

Congratulations--you get my vote!

[Adavardes]

Thanks, guys. Glad you enjoyed it.

[CommanderQ]

Excellent work, Adavardes!! The descriptions and emotional writing absolutley captivated me, and you portrayed such a relationship between the Jedi as I have not seen before. Good work, you earned my vote!

[Adavardes]

I'm glad to hear it, and please, keep the comments coming.

[The_Catto]

Indeed a work of art.

Everything that I was going to say has already been said.

But, in saying that - Twas a great read. Thank you

[Adavardes]

Thank you guys for all the wonderful comments. ^_^

[Bee Hoon]

I muttered a barely intelligible acquiescence

Big fat juicy word that is slightly out of context You might want to try using simpler language in the future...while sometimes there is a complicated and impressive way to convey a message, the simplest way is often the one with the most impact.

 

without having my very being torn to pieces of what it was.

A bit awkward.

 

She donned a remorseful composure of what seemed to be confusion and contempt

Conflicting adjectives, and the use of "donned" makes it sound like she consciously chose her expression, which implies a lack of sincerity, imho ;o

 

“Kiama, both agreed when we began this relationship

*we both agreed

 

In a nutshell, good work, although a little predictable. The sentence structure is still a tad lengthy and the piece itself is rather short. The descriptions are pretty polished, although a little wordy for my tastes. Good work, but try to trim it so that the flow is better!

[machievelli]

read

[igyman]

Another great piece. I have to disagree with Bee about the word complexity issue. Yes, sometimes simpler words can convey a message in a great manner, but there are times, like this one, where some more unique words add to the writer's style and to the tone of the story. Nice work!