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Darth Groovy Presents: An updated version of Top Ten Movie Cliches that need to go!

Darth Groovy

By Darth Groovy
in Yoda’s Swamp

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Darth Groovy

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Now last year Cinemassacre.com did a very good compilation, but I personally feel they left some things out.

 

10. Always a hero, or just plain cool if you walk away from an explosion.

 

Seriously. From the time you first discovered fire, to the time you discovered fireworks. Did you not turn to see what happened? In Hollywood, you walk away from and explosion you are instantly elevated to "cool" status. Doesn't matter if you are the hero or villain. Observe!

 

(This BBCode requires its accompanying plugin to work properly.)

 

9. "From the creators of The 300 and Sin City..."

 

Seems to be the common tag line of just about every stupid movie right now...

Folks. The 300 movie came out in 2006. It is now 2011. Have we not got over this movie in five years? Really? Sin City... A frank Miller comic. Ok, I get it. Let's make a fanciful movie based on comic culture. Because what worked in 2006, will very obviously work in 2011 right? Please. If the Star Wars prequals did not teach you a lesson, stop hurping the derp over this one eh?

 

8. Horror movie cliche... "scariest thing since The Ring, or The Excorcist."

 

Dude. I remember tag lines on The Blair Witch Project as being the "scariest thing since the Exorcist". First of all, The Blair Witch Project is the stupidest movie of all time, and I am glad to tell you why. First of all, the movie is so low budget, that it used the actual names of the actors as actors in the film. The reason this movie sucks so bad, is because all of the actors in this film are beyond stupid. Seriously, you go into the black forrest to film a witch, you loose the map...ok....might believe that, but after crossing the same stream twice....why did you not just follow the current of the stream? The crew is shown earlier in the film as smoking weed. Then they go into the black forrest. I have always had a problem with movies when I cannot connect with the protagonist. In the Blair Witch Project all of the main protagonists are complete morons, so by the end of the movie, I give less of a crap of what happens to them. Also, never liked the Excorcist either, but that is another thread.

 

7. Every time some mope in any film puts on a leather jacket, we have to hear George Thorogood and the Destroyers play "Bad to the Bone". b-b-b-b-bad bad to the bone...kill me....

 

6. The Heavy: "How You Like Me Now?"

 

In 2010, this song was in every commercial ever.

 

5. Snoop Dogg, and Ice Cube: Please stop making movies?

 

They went from Rappers who talked about racism, drugs, and street violence to making modern day versions of old blaxploitation films. Glad to see progress...(/facepalm)

 

4. Sports Underdog films.

 

Here is the plot. The team sucks, so they get a super tough coach, but he is actually a nice guy and he is really proud of his team. Then they win the big game, and everyone is happy. Even if they don't win the game, everyone is super happy because they went so far. The end. This is the plot for Rudy, Remember The Titans, Rocky, We Are Marshall, Rookie, Hoosiers,...etc. Stay home, watch a real game on TV, and clip your toe nails instead.

 

3. Using a classic Rock Song in a movie that does not even have that song in the damn soundtrack.

 

Usually a sign that the movie really sucks, is over use of music, and over use of commercials. Honestly, I feel that if you went to go see some middle aged action flick because they played Three Dog Night's "Mama Told(Me Not To Come)", and find out that the song is not even in the film, they owe you $.99 at the box office window for the mp3 download. That is, if you were stupid enough to go piss away $10 on a movie for that reason.

 

2. Showing all the best jokes from a comedy film in the trailer.

 

Explains the last five Adam Sandler films, and anything with Dane Cook, and/or Vince Vaughn.

 

1. Having a Disney/Pixar/Dreamworks computer animated kids movie featuring some talking thing, weather it be dogs, cats, wolves, cars, bees, ants, coffee cups, dinosaurs, hermit crabs, grizzly bears, antelopes, nursery rhymes or wilder beasts...basically a new one every 90 days.

 

Tired of it. Formula started with Shrek, (or maybe it was Toy Story...) and it was cute. Then it was Bee Movie, Cars, Chicken Little, The Incredibles, Ice Age, Open Season, Flushed Away, Rattatoulie, I might be missing a few, and I don't care. I suppose these films would mean more to me, if I had kids. I don't...so I don't care. I hate to say it, but I miss the old cartoons, and I am kind of tired of the CGI and the silly one liners and the dramatic pauses to make something seem funnier than it already is. Anyone remember Aladdin? I guess I am stuck in the past, but what ever.

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BongoBob Newbie

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1. Having a Disney/Pixar/Dreamworks computer animated kids movie featuring some talking thing, weather it be dogs, cats, wolves, cars, bees, ants, coffee cups, dinosaurs, hermit crabs, grizzly bears, antelopes, nursery rhymes or wilder beasts...basically a new one every 90 days.

 

Tired of it. Formula started with Shrek, (or maybe it was Toy Story...) and it was cute. Then it was Bee Movie, Cars, Chicken Little, The Incredibles, Ice Age, Open Season, Flushed Away, Rattatoulie, I might be missing a few, and I don't care. I suppose these films would mean more to me, if I had kids. I don't...so I don't care. I hate to say it, but I miss the old cartoons, and I am kind of tired of the CGI and the silly one liners and the dramatic pauses to make something seem funnier than it already is. Anyone remember Aladdin? I guess I am stuck in the past, but what ever.

 

Darn kids get off my lawn :mad:

 

There I fixed it for ya :p

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IG-64 Newbie

IG-64

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1. Having a Disney/Pixar/Dreamworks computer animated kids movie featuring some talking thing

So... any computer animated kid's movie? Okay, there is some truth in what you say - CG kids films are polluted with a lot of cookie-cutter stuff - but you're making some pretty ridiculous points here.

 

First off, you're basically calling CG animation a "formula." It's a medium. To say that Toy Story/Shrek were alright but everything after that is redundant is a pretty far-reaching statement. I would like to know how many of these movies you have actually seen.

 

I also totally don't get your whole "talking things" point, especially since you included The Incredibles as one of your examples. You know animated films have had "talking things" since the beginning of animation right? The very concept of animation allows for a wider range of characters than just humans, so of course there's going to be different anthropomorphized things (a concept as old as recorded history) talking in animated films. Was The Lion King just a "talking things" movie to you?

 

Then you say "I don't have kids so I don't watch kids movies" and then immediately follow that up with "I miss the old cartoons" which pretty much nullifies the previous statement. I don't have kids either but I watch kids movies all the time, CG and otherwise. I think you mean you don't have kids so you don't watch bad kids movies.

 

"...and the silly one liners and the dramatic pauses to make something seem funnier than it already is..." Ok, I do get your point here. Lots of kids films are cash-ins that have poor writing trussed up with over-the-top slapstick. But this has been true for all mediums of film since kids movies became popular. Where there is profit, there is exploitation. My issue is that you took a lot of examples of different films, I don't know how many of which you have actually seen, and lumped them together as a cliche. I think that does a disservice to the medium, because for every "Shark Tale" throwaway there's another film that's been given as much care and creative vision as Aladdin.

 

Which brings me to my last point. I do remember Aladdin, and it was one of my favorite movies growing up, and I watched it many, many times. But Aladdin has talking animals. It has silly one-liners and slapstick. And yes, it is an early example of CGI use in animated films. It is also a good movie.

 

You don't have to like CG kids films. You can like what you like. But there are good computer animated films. I think Pixar has made some of the greatest contributions to animation, period. That's just my opinion. But the fact is that Pixar and studios like them have teams that work their asses off to make the best films they possibly can.

 

*steps off of soapbox*

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Liverandbacon Newbie

Liverandbacon

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Now last year Cinemassacre.com did a very good compilation, but I personally feel they left some things out.

 

10. Always a hero, or just plain cool if you walk away from an explosion.

 

Seriously. From the time you first discovered fire, to the time you discovered fireworks. Did you not turn to see what happened? In Hollywood, you walk away from and explosion you are instantly elevated to "cool" status. Doesn't matter if you are the hero or villain. Observe!

 

When you blow up a lot of things, it ceases to have an ooh-ahh effect.

 

However, I will admit that you either should be running away to cover from an explosion, or setting it off from far enough away that movement isn't necessary.

 

I suppose being essential to the plot protects characters from shrapnel though. I wish I were plot essential.

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Darth Groovy Newbie

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So... any computer animated kid's movie? Okay, there is some truth in what you say - CG kids films are polluted with a lot of cookie-cutter stuff - but you're making some pretty ridiculous points here.

 

First off, you're basically calling CG animation a "formula." It's a medium. To say that Toy Story/Shrek were alright but everything after that is redundant is a pretty far-reaching statement. I would like to know how many of these movies you have actually seen.

 

I also totally don't get your whole "talking things" point, especially since you included The Incredibles as one of your examples. You know animated films have had "talking things" since the beginning of animation right? The very concept of animation allows for a wider range of characters than just humans, so of course there's going to be different anthropomorphized things (a concept as old as recorded history) talking in animated films. Was The Lion King just a "talking things" movie to you?

 

Then you say "I don't have kids so I don't watch kids movies" and then immediately follow that up with "I miss the old cartoons" which pretty much nullifies the previous statement. I don't have kids either but I watch kids movies all the time, CG and otherwise. I think you mean you don't have kids so you don't watch bad kids movies.

 

"...and the silly one liners and the dramatic pauses to make something seem funnier than it already is..." Ok, I do get your point here. Lots of kids films are cash-ins that have poor writing trussed up with over-the-top slapstick. But this has been true for all mediums of film since kids movies became popular. Where there is profit, there is exploitation. My issue is that you took a lot of examples of different films, I don't know how many of which you have actually seen, and lumped them together as a cliche. I think that does a disservice to the medium, because for every "Shark Tale" throwaway there's another film that's been given as much care and creative vision as Aladdin.

 

Which brings me to my last point. I do remember Aladdin, and it was one of my favorite movies growing up, and I watched it many, many times. But Aladdin has talking animals. It has silly one-liners and slapstick. And yes, it is an early example of CGI use in animated films. It is also a good movie.

 

You don't have to like CG kids films. You can like what you like. But there are good computer animated films. I think Pixar has made some of the greatest contributions to animation, period. That's just my opinion. But the fact is that Pixar and studios like them have teams that work their asses off to make the best films they possibly can.

 

*steps off of soapbox*

 

Problem is though, there are so, so, many of them now, that it is easy to get them all confused. Only the best stand out. And those are few and far between. With the Disney cartoons, we had to wait for them. Maybe once a year if that.

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acdcfanbill Newbie

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Problem is though, there are so, so, many of them now, that it is easy to get them all confused. Only the best stand out. And those are few and far between. With the Disney cartoons, we had to wait for them. Maybe once a year if that.

 

I would put forth that this is a symptom of all genres these days, not simply animation. There are several hundred or a thousand-sh movies made a year and most of them I find to be awful.

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Sabretooth Newbie

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of you knuckleheads said the same thing about Anime movies. Except I found that they pretty much ALL suck! :p

 

If you've watched a Studio Ghibli film and thought it sucked, then you really shouldn't be watching films at all. Maybe read books or something. :p

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Darth Groovy Newbie

Darth Groovy

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Well it could be worse; they could keep giving Kevin Costner work...

 

Jesus Christ... Kevin Costner is the worst actor of all times. I am glad they gave Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett a shot at this title. Even though critics panned it, I loved that movie. They did Robin Hood much justice. I remember all the money they dumped into Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and it turned out a pathetic excuse of a film, even though it was written well, and had a plethora of good supporting actors, Costner ruined it by refusing to use any kind of an accent at all. The best thing that came out of that romp was that sappy Brian Addams song...

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Darth Groovy Newbie

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I also missed an entire mistake which can make or break a movie. This is so important.

 

The lack of a protagonist in which you can identify with.

 

This means if the people in the movie are stupid, and you know longer care about them in some fashion, the movie is doomed from start to finish.

 

Such can be said about a movie I just purchased. Skyline. The first mistake is that it was written and produced by Special fx guys, and not regular movie dudes.

 

What it tries to be is a drive in romp via 1955 Invasion of the Neptune Men or something equally as horrible. What it turns out is a virtual who's who in Sci-Fi entertainment. The characters are paper cut out throw away targets. And the ending is nothing less than a CGI cartoonish nightmare.

 

Rent Skyline for it's fun special FX. Do not buy this film.

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