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Legends of the Spam

Boba Rhett

By Boba Rhett
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Zygomaticus Newbie

Zygomaticus

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Originally posted by darthfergie

*shoots an Move Topic Arrow at the retreating rhett*

WRITE IT NOW!!! THE TRUE POWERS MUST BE REVEALED!!! ALL MUST DIE!!!

 

...oh sorry...um...GO GEEBEE!!!;)

 

anyway...NEXT CHAPTER!!!

 

you guys are lazy :mad::D

 

Good job :D

 

Down with Geebee!!:p

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darthfergie Newbie

darthfergie

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When ever people gather there is allways a vendor of somekind to sell things. It could be a fight in the middle of the woods and 20 people came to watch it. All of the sudden a Hot Dog salesman would appear to sell the hot dogs at "Half Price" and he'd be "practically" giving them away.

 

It's a rule of nature you know.

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Zygomaticus Newbie

Zygomaticus

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It could be a vendor of poisoned versions of Rhett's cake from the spam side out to kill the Geebees.:D

 

And then Rhett could get blamed and then the Geebees turn against him and then he has to fight back to regain his honor and fight off the Spam:p

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Boba Rhett Newbie

Boba Rhett

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That's a good start but the font needs to be changed to one that looks more like a LotR one. :D

 

Here's the next chapter...... Hey, it's still today for ME! :D

 

 

*runs away before people can hit him with fruit*

 

____________________________________________

 

 

 

 

Chapter Nineteen: The Awakening

 

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Rhett and his companions, even though they were weary from much toil were now running at an accelerated pace up the stairs leading to a large gnarled stone archway which bordered the entrance to the outer chamber of the castle. Rhett finally reached the archway shortly followed by Tie, Havoc and Leon, and then he paused. Pondering what they were about to jump into, he looked back at his men, then at the blessed stick, which he held firmly in his hand. Then with a great burst of speed, he charged forward under the great archway -- and with a thunderous boom and a great burst of light, was thrown backwards by an unseen force.

 

"Ouch." Squeaked Rhett who was now flat on his back.

 

Leon and Tie quickly helped him up.

 

"What happened?!" Yelled a startled Tie guy.

 

"I'm a dullard, that's what happened." Snapped Rhett.

 

"How could I be such a fool?" Said Rhett while shaking his head and rubbing the now growing bump on his cheek.

 

"Thanks for reminding me about the trials, Tie guy!" Rhett said while shooting a look back at Tie who was standing in back of them all with a smirk on his face, which he was now trying to hide.

 

"What are you talking about, Rhett?" Asked a now thoroughly confused Havoc.

 

"The Trials. That's what I'm talking about."

 

"Trials… What trials?" Asked Leon.

 

"In order to reach the inner chamber of the castle, where Viper resides, we must first successfully navigate through three diabolical defense devices which Viper set in place many years ago to guard the entrances. The devices are of unnatural origin. Forged by the Spam Smiths of old, as deterrents to whoever sought to enter.

 

My friends, I do believe it's time we find out if these weapons ChrisC3po equipped us with really do work." Rhett added whilst studying the large stone archway.

 

Rhett's three companions exchanged nervous looks.

 

"Aha!" Yelled Rhett who began pointing at the large stone statue, which sat perched at the very top of the archway.

 

"Leon, ready your bow and take aim for that carved beast!"

 

Leon, even though he had never used one before, drew his bow and steadied himself for the shot as fast and as well as any seasoned archer could have. Indeed, the magical weapons had other talent endowing properties about them.

 

The arrow began to glow as he drew it back and a soft humming sound started to emanate from the bow. It felt as though the very air was filled with electric charge. Leon released the arrow. It streaked through the air leaving a trail of light behind it and struck the stone creature, shattering it into tiny pieces. The invisible wall, which was blocking their way, began to crumble and fall.

 

"Well that's one down. Come, let us go and face the next challenge!" Yelled Havoc.

 

They all began to run forward into the outer section of the castle.

 

They stopped when they reached the middle of the room. The half of the floor that laid before them was covered with large red tiles that, even though it could have just been the lighting playing tricks on them, appeared to be luminescent. Havoc shrugged and began to step forward but was quickly stopped by Tie guy who grabbed hiss cape and pulled him back.

 

"Why'd you stop me, Tie? Asked Havoc.

 

"The next trap will no doubt be much more clever and most certainly, much more dangerous than the last." Spoke Tie while looking at Havoc. Turning to everyone now, he spoke again.

 

"Do you see the holes scattered across the walls? The red tiles on the ground before us are pressure sensitive. If they are stepped on, balls of concentrated spam power will be unleashed from the holes on the walls that will seek out whomever stepped on the tile and rip them, and whoever is with them, apart."

 

"Well how are we going to get across? Rhett might be able to toss you across but even he is not strong enough to get us all to the other side." Asked a puzzled Havoc.

 

Rhett, who had been standing silently, stirring over the words that ChrisC3po had spoke, began to speak as if coming to a realization.

 

Tie, take out your shield and hold it in front of you.

 

Tie did as Rhett requested and placed his shield on his arm in a defensive position.

 

"Hey whoa, what are you doing Rhett?!?!?!" Was all Tie guy could scream out as Rhett pushed him onto the red tile.

 

Small glowing orbs of the dark spam began to fly from their hiding places within the walls and at a mind boggling speed focused in on Tie and began to fly towards him.

 

Tie let out a scream of terror and raised his shield to his face. Just before the balls of concentrated evil reached him, the magical properties of his shield began to take affect.

 

Small strands of a strange green fiber began flying from Tie's shield at an amazing rate. Some began wrapping around his body while others began heading towards the oncoming objects. The strands met up with most of flying orbs in midair and clung to them but for a second. The once fearsome orbs dropped to the ground, charred and smoking. The several orbs that did get past the defensive strands disintegrated upon impact with the strands that had wrapped around Tie.

 

A wide eyed and hyperventilating Tie guy looked at Rhett who was now holding back laughter and after a few choice words, which will not be uttered here, asked Rhett how he knew his shield would do that.

 

"Remember Chris' words, Tie guy. Dark powers shall not avail if we hold true to these tools. You were never in any danger my friend." Rhett said while chuckling with Havoc and Leon whose expressions were still a mixture of shock and horror.

 

"Well, ok. But do you think you could at least extend me the courtesy of warning me before you do something like that again?!" Yelled Tie.

 

Rhett reached out his arm and put his hand on Tie's shoulder.

 

"Well, I suppose I could. But were would be the fun in that?" Rhett said while winking at the more calmed Tie.

 

"Now, we all must cross together." Rhett said as he grabbed Tie guy's hand.

 

The green fibers immediately started to wrap around Rhett also. Catching onto what was being done, Havoc and Leon quickly followed suit and were soon all beneath the protective shell of Tie's shield. They made their way to the other side of the room, all the while, having balls of the spam power hit their thin coating of protection only to disintegrate before them.

 

They opened the next door and passed through it into the middle chambers of Viper's castle. They were all relieved to be out of that accursed room. But their relief lasted but for a moment. For when they turned to face the new room they saw what it contained. Twelve of Viper's most fierce minions stood at the other end of the large room. All armed to the teeth and with an evil look in their eyes. I look of bloodlust which none of them had ever seen.

 

"Scatter and hold your own men! Remember, trust the tools!" Yelled Rhett as the agents of evil all let out a shrill laugh and began to advance upon them.

 

Havoc flung his cloak of invisibility over himself, drew his sword and ran to the right, Leon and Tie went to the left and Rhett stood ground where he was.

 

Seeing that one of the larger warriors was quickly approaching him, Rhett thought it to be the time for his gift, his blessed stick to come into use. He drew it from his belt and pointed it at the great warrior -- nothing happened. Panicked, Rhett began to shake the stick to try and get it to work. Still, nothing happened. The enemy was near now and had raised his axe above his head and was about to make a swift blow to Rhett's head when an invisible sword stabbed into the neck of the beast.

 

"I hope you figure out how to use that stick of yours, and fast! Yelled the still invisible Havoc as he ran back out to fight two other oncoming enemies.

 

Rhett knew that even with their new weapons that his three companions could hold out in this battle for long. He had to figure out how to use his weapon. He quickly began looking over the stick for a clue to how it was to be used. That's when Rhett saw what he was looking for. Letters on the stick began to shine brightly. A strong wind swept through the room and all averted their eyes, as the intensity of the light spewing forth from the letters on the stick became unbearable for everyone. That is, all except Rhett, who was staring wide-eyed at the glowing letters. Seemingly taking in the amazing white light which shone from the letters.

 

The winds settled and the light dimmed down until only a soft glow was remaining around Rhett's stick. Everyone even though still locked in battle stared wide-eyed at Rhett. Who now had a profound look on his face. The look of a man who had seen something so glorious that it was never intended to be looked upon by any mortal man.

 

A sparkle of the light could still be seen in his eyes as Rhett raised the stick, pointed it at the nearest enemy and spoke the word, which was inscribed upon the stick.

 

"Yoink."

 

A great burst of energy so strong that it seemingly distorted the very fabric of space in the room leapt from the end of the stick and slammed into the foe in front of him. With such a great force was the energy released that the enemy was thrown far away through several of the castle's reinforced stone walls and eventually came to rest, far outside the castle as little more than a pile of shredded meat.

 

The ten minions who were left shrieked and leapt at Rhett trying to stop him before he could do the same to them. But it was too late for them.

 

"Yoink."

 

"Yoink."

 

"Yoink."

 

"Yoink."

 

And with but a few more sayings of the word, their enemies were all vanquished.

 

Rhett lowered the stick, let out a his long held breath and looked forward at the large wooden doors which were now the only things standing in-between them and the Spam King. Rhett's companions were still focused on their friend in amazement.

 

"How… what….. " was the only thing that any of them could manage to get out.

 

Without answering, Rhett raised the stick once again, pointed it at the doors that stood between them and Viper and spoke the invoking word. The doors didn't even have the chance to fly off their hinges. They were splintered into thousands of shards.

 

"There will be time for questions later, my friends, but now, we have a job to do. The fate of the world depends on us." Rhett spoke without emotion as he began walking towards the inner chamber…

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Tie Guy Newbie

Tie Guy

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Hmm...Wasn't "yoink" the sound that the move post grenade made?

 

Pretty good, though. Why was it called "The Awakening" anyways?

 

BTW, i could easily change the font, but i don't think that i have that font, which one was it? And i was really just pointing out the fact that we need a logo. I'm certainly not the most skilled graphic designer we have here anyways.

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