Rogue Nine Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 Sher and Eets know about this already, but I thought I'd open it up to everyone. There's this one girl...Emily. She's been one of my best friends for a while now. Smart, funny, charming, gorgeous. Damn. I love having her as a friend. But recently, something came up. The little thing called the "L" word. Now if you remember, I spilled my guts on how I met my current girlfriend a while back. We're still going strong and we love each other as much, if not more than ever. When Emily uttered those words that I heard come out of my girlfriend's mouth so often, I was kinda taken aback. I mean, I had never seen her that way. Sure, she's extremely attractive, both physically and personality-wise, but I love her as a friend, nothing more. Apparently, it's more than that for her. And now, she wants to distance herself from me because she knows that I'm devoted to my girlfriend and she doesn't want to get in the way. But I don't want to lose her as a friend. From what people have told me, that's the only way to go, unfortunately. I don't want that. *sigh* Any ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Odin Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 I assume this is why you posted that pic. Best I could say is try to talk to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherack Nhar Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 As I told you yesterday, sometimes you just have to bite the dust and do as she suggests. You can do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pad Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 i think that distance is the only thing. because she loves u as u say, she will feel pain evry time she sees u. so thats why so needs some space and i think thats the best thing to do. give her some space and maybe it will become allright with ya both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZBomber Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 that stinks. never been in that situation before, but good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tie Guy Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 Hmm...this is why i don't date.....actually, its a lot more comlex than that but thats not an issue...... I, speaking from vast amounts of experince think you should just confront your friend, and tell her you love her as a friend but nothing more. I mean, if you don't feel anything for her then what can you do? I know you risk her getting angry or upset, but thats a risk that you take no matter what you do, unless you dump your other girlfriend for her, and that would make her mad, and thats not something you sound like you want to do anyway. Sorry, your in a tight spot.... of course, some guys would be estatic it if two girls said they loved them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue15 Posted November 11, 2002 Share Posted November 11, 2002 that REEEEALLY sucks. but hey, if i was in your shoes, i don't know what i would do, i'd probably get butterflies or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagobahn Eagle Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 Funny you'd post this.. girl next door was all broken down today because her bf was pissed at her... Let me start with saying I'm not much In the USA, the three main reason for "I don't love you anymore" divorces are: - Capitalist system: Too much time spent at work, not enough at home. - Happiness: People marry too early, have kids too early, buy a pet too early. - Couples do not talk. I have this theory that 80% of all relationships can be solved by talking. There are girlfriends and best friends. You can still be really close without being girlfriends, you know , as long as your current girl is not jealous. Tell her that you want to be with her, as a friend, like your male friends. Just as a buddy. No hugs, no kisses, just some great times. Like with the rest of your friends. You've got a choice. Say YES to TALKING. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tie Guy Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 But the problem isn't a lack of commmunication in this case, its that two girls say they love him and he only loves one. No matter what he does, he has to tell one of them that he doesn't love them/want to be their boyfriend, so one of them is going to be mad/upset. Basically its a lose-lose situation.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue15 Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 not unless he takes them both out in the middle of a field and gives them each a gun and tells them to walk 20 feet in opposite direction, count to 5, turn and shoot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Odin Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 Another thought for you Niner. While unintentionally you did hurt her. Now she must recover and that takes time. I think you need to let her come to grips with what happened. Don't try and force friendship upon her. Doing that could only further distance you two. Instead of you trying to save the friendship allow her to have space. In time she may come back, after she has come to terms with what has happened. The last thing and most important make sure Emily knows that at anytime she can come and talk to you. Hope this helps. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherack Nhar Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 Originally posted by Dagobahn Eagle - Couples do not talk. Say YES to TALKING. Hell yes. How do you make a woman understand that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jatt13 Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 well, i feel sorry for you. i've never been in that situation (and hope never to be), but i have watched a lot of tv. ok, sorry, but i did learn some good advice. sometimes you just have to take the hit, throw in the towel, step out on a limb, and any other metaphor that means you sometimes just gotta take a risk and maybe get hurt. (ok, those really don't mean that, but work with me here!) like the others have said, sometimes just confronting them and talking through it is the answer. it might be hard for both of you, but just tough it out. [/Counciler Mode] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue15 Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 man i keep trying to imagine what i'd do in that kinda situation. i hope i never end up in that situation....well....i dunno. i've never had a girlfriend or a friend girl. I could probably put myself in her position though, and tell you what i would do... If i was her, i'd go out in the middle of nowhere where nobody could hear me or see me, and cry until i couldn't cry anymore cause there's most-likely nobody else (not including God) for me to love. Then i'd probably get extremely jealous of your gf, and plot a course to take her away from you, but not actually go through with it, then I'd just start doing stuff that takes my focus away from the 'life sucks' and start drawing pictures, listening to new music, etc. damn i'm good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagobahn Eagle Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 Hell yes. How do you make a woman understand that? Well, today a friend of mine was all heartbroken because her boyfriend was mad at her and didn't want to listen to her. So it's not only girls -haven't met a girl I haven't understood yet.. except from my friend and her sleepy stage and childlishness, off course, but I guess that doesn't count. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Homer Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 I say get both of 'em in a room and let 'em fight it out...this may be your only chance to have two women fight over you...Lord knows it's not gonna happen to me any time soon... Ok, seriously, though, let her have her space...if you try to force a "normal" relationship with her, it'll just alienate her, but don't ignore her in doing so...it'll be a tricky thing to balance and I wish you all the luck in that endeavor...if you get it to work out, please tell us how you did it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted November 12, 2002 Author Share Posted November 12, 2002 I think I'm gonna call her soon. I don't know what I'll say...I'll expect I'll try to make something up on the spot....argh. No friggin' clue. Thanks for all your help, guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zygomaticus Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 ever heard this- "actions speak louder than words" for a woman, it's kinda the opposite although i'm no proffessor in the arts of a boyfriend (haven't been one yet) so my advice may not be the wisest thing... Sorry to see you in a fix, nine But you just gotta explain it to her. If she's kept you in her heart and never tried to find another boy friend hoping to have you one day, then i'm really sorry for her...that's a heart breaker, but also think of the heart you might break if you switch now. so just explain it to her Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xwing guy Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 All of yalls advice is good, but I think I have to best plan. Send Emily to me I don't have a girl right now. But really though all of yalls advice is good I'd follow it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darthfergie Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 Weeeell I've seen this happen in the reverse. A girl was friends with two guys, but she was asked out by one, then the other the very next day. Not a good situation eh? Well she really likes one of them and chooses him. the other is left in the dust, but she had pitty on him. They are still close friends, but the bf comes first in her attention span and the bf doesn't mind #2 being there. I won't mention any names because there are people here who might know who #1 and #2 are. But like I said #2 and her are still good friends and still talk regularly, but just at school. They don't go out, etc. Personally methinks he is just biding his time till #1 screws up...but that's just me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jediduo Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 I actually have been where you are, Rogue, and here's my belated advice: Talk to her, BE HONEST, and then let her go on her own. She will probably be angry and/or sad, but that happens sometimes. (Don't say that to her!) Then give her some space and wait for her to recover and start being your friend again. While you wait, explain to your gf that you two might need to tone down the hand-holding, etc. quite a bit in public. If the other girl sees you two nice and comfy, that will make her only more upset. If she's totally and hopelessly attached and she won't go away, tell us. I'm having that kind of trouble right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted November 12, 2002 Author Share Posted November 12, 2002 I'm at my wit's end. I dunno what I'll do. Probably something I'll really regret. Oh. To put a face to all this description... The one in the pink. *goes to commit hara-kiri* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfnshannon Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 Well...hum. If I was your girlfriend I'd be PISSED at this girl. I mean who could blame her, but I would be mad that she professed this "love" for you - and tried to take you away from me. If you wanna keep your girlfriend I say let your friendship with this chicky cool off for awhile. I think the reason why emily wants to distance herself is two reasons. Number one because she is hurt. Number two because she knows deep down she doesn't just want to be your friend. I don't think it really matters to her girlfriend or no girlfriend. I do not think that she has your girlfriend's best interest at heart. And if she uses that as an excuse as to why she doesn't want to be as close to you - I don't buy it. If she had your girlfriend's best interest at heart she would have WAITED to see if your releationship lasted and then ended before she made her move. I hope that makes sence. Basically - she couldn't wait anymore to tell you. She wanted you - and apparently lost. I understand you like being her friend....and I find it very ....suspicious that you keep going on about how attractive she is. You started describing her as funny, charming and gorgeous. Now I don't know about you...but when I describe my guy friends...I do not say he's funny, charming and gorgeous. I certainly do not post his picture up on the net. Something is telling me you LIKE HER. Otherwise ....the first words would not be a pic to show her off and how she's charming and gorgeous. That's something you say about your girlfriend...not abotu your best buddie...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfnshannon Posted November 12, 2002 Share Posted November 12, 2002 i forgot to add this - but thought it should be seperate "u can't have your cake and eat it too" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted November 12, 2002 Author Share Posted November 12, 2002 Shan, I'm not your typical guy. I see all my friends that way. Give me enough time, and I'll talk your ear off about my girlfriend. Pertaining to Emily and the way I describe her, sure. I like her. I like her a lot. She's very pleasant to look at and be around. But I don't love her. Not the way I love Áine. If I did, I'd be in a helluva lot more trouble than I'm already in. Áine means the world to me. I think about her about 95% of the time, and I'm not exaggerating. Believe me, I've thought long and hard about the both of them and come to the same conclusion each time: I love Áine. And about posting her pic, eh. I just like people to see who I'm talking about. And the way I describe her is just the way I see her. I have plenty of female friends I can describe in the same exact way. They're just not in love with me. But thanks for helping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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