Darth Eggplant Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 [align=center] 1. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 2. If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? 3. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. 4. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? 5. If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap? 6. And whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"? 7. If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him.... Is he still wrong? 8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide.... is it considered a hostage situation? 9. Is there another word for synonym? 10. Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"? 11. Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all? 12. What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 13. If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages? 14. Would a wingless fly be called a walk? 15. Is a shelless turtle homeless or just naked? 16. Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny? 17. Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines? 18. Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections? 19. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 20. What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread? [/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boba Rhett Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 LOL That's good sutff, Eggplant. Here, have 50 points. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue15 Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide.... is it considered a hostage situation? heehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!!!!! that's the best! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Homer Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 *Why do they call it a building if it's already been built? *Why is it called a tug boat if most of its job is pushing? *The statement below is true *The statement above is false *Don't you think it's funny that all these tough-guy boxers are fighting over a purse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swphreak Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 3. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. Ahh. I like that one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mex Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 Hmm... * What do you call a vampire when he's biting someone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dark jedi 8 Posted March 12, 2003 Share Posted March 12, 2003 there all funny Eggplant! good job. lol:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Groovy Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Now you all know why I am proud to have him as a feature writer for The Manipulation! Look for his work coming soon to the humor section @: http://www.themanipulation.com *</shamelessplug>* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leXX Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Brilliant, just brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Groovy Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Hey I got one... If pro is the opposite of con, then is progress the opposite of congress? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ckcsaber Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 That is the best joke I have heard in a long while Groovy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swphreak Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 I love that one. Funny site. Oh yea, this cracks me up: Yoda: victory? You say? Not victory. The shroud of the has fallen. Begun the clone war has. *Yoda farts* Yoda: oops did that ruin the dramatic moment? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Groovy Posted March 13, 2003 Share Posted March 13, 2003 Originally posted by ckcsaber That is the best joke I have heard in a long while Groovy Denke:roll1: The other day I told my doctor, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz, I said Doc, I broke my arm in two places. So he told me to stay out of those two places. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dark jedi 8 Posted March 14, 2003 Share Posted March 14, 2003 lol, that's a good one Darth Groovy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Eggplant Posted March 14, 2003 Author Share Posted March 14, 2003 <edit> the prior joke has been edited, try this one instead </edit> 3 ducks are in court , the judge says: 'okay first duck step up and tell me your name and what you're here for.' the first duck steps up and says: my name is quack and i'm here for blowing bubbles in the park so the judge says okay then pay a fine and don't do it again. then the judge says: okay next duck step up and tell me your name and what you're here for.' the second duck steps up and says: my name is quack quack and i'm here for blowing bubbles in the park so the judge says okay then pay a fine and don't do it again. then the judge looks at the third duck and says: 'okay let me guess your name is quack quack quack and you're here for blowing bubbles in the park.' no your honor I'm Bubbles.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted March 14, 2003 Share Posted March 14, 2003 That's utterly gross. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leXX Posted March 14, 2003 Share Posted March 14, 2003 That is one of the most utterly discusting and disturbing jokes I have ever heard. Not funny at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Groovy Posted March 15, 2003 Share Posted March 15, 2003 The Shooting An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked excactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast. That night she went to the emergency room with a shot in the knee. P.S. If I really want to impress a girl I tell her a joke. Then I give her a $100 *cheap drum roll* P.P. S. I remember the first time I lost my virginity.... It was the first time I cheated on my wife! *drum roll* Rectum? Damn near killed 'em! *runs out of room dodging flying tomatoes* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Eggplant Posted March 15, 2003 Author Share Posted March 15, 2003 * the joke that was told 3 posts ago has been replaced by another joke, that hopefully will not be considered as offensive.* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ckcsaber Posted March 15, 2003 Share Posted March 15, 2003 Originally posted by Darth Groovy The Shooting An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked excactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast. That night she went to the emergency room with a shot in the knee. Ewww.... now I can't get Grandma out of my head... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted March 15, 2003 Share Posted March 15, 2003 Buh? Me no get joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Groovy Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 Originally posted by Rogue Nine Buh? Me no get joke. Which one? I told a few of them..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dark jedi 8 Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 the last one you told was pretty funny, though the image of the grandma is a little wierd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 The grandma one. I'm confused. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Groovy Posted March 16, 2003 Share Posted March 16, 2003 Warning, this may offend some people, personal disgrection is advised!: old ladies sometimes get sagging breasts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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