Sivy Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Why is abbreviation such a long word? Is it possible to be totally partial? Why do people call it a TV set when you only get one? If buttered toast always lands butter side down, and a cat always lands on it's feet, what would happen if you dropped a cat with a piece of buttered toast tied to it's back? If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? How do you tell when you've run out of invisible ink? Did ancient doctors refer to IVs as 'fours'? Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? If the pencil #2 is so popular, why is it still #2? If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just live 10 miles away? Why can't I set my laser printer on 'stun'? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? If you write a book about failure, and it doesn't sell, is it a success? Is there another word for synonym? Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? What's another word for thesaurus? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leXX Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 Thank you for my first laugh of the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoom Rabbit Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 Hmm. Often wondered those things myself, except that I've always seen succeeding to fail as the whole point in failing to begin with. Right? 'If buttered toast always lands butter side down, and a cat always lands on it's feet, what would happen if you dropped a cat with a piece of buttered toast tied to it's back?' Wouldn't it land on its feet? And then freak out because there's toast tied to its back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kstar__2 Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 another sivy thread great stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 Originally posted by Sivy B When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Pale yellow with a touch of mauve. Why is abbreviation such a long word? It's a conspiracy. Is it possible to be totally partial? Only in Australia. Why do people call it a TV set when you only get one? Because it's got two letters, a "T" and a "V". If buttered toast always lands butter side down, and a cat always lands on it's feet, what would happen if you dropped a cat with a piece of buttered toast tied to it's back? The cat lands on its feet, because the buttered toast is already butter side down on the cat's back due to the Butter Side Down law. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? Leap years. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Cuz they suck. How do you tell when you've run out of invisible ink? You get onions. When your eyes are filled with tears everything will be invisible, making the invisible ink visible. If you still can't see it, it's gone. Or it just doesn't like you. Did ancient doctors refer to IVs as 'fours'? No, they refered to them as "voodoo doll pins". Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? They're rebellious. Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? In the first you're reciting for a play and in the second you're playing by a recite. If the pencil #2 is so popular, why is it still #2? The government bought up all the #1s and is now covetously guarding the technology. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just live 10 miles away? They're afraid of the monsters that lurk in the unknown lands past that fifth mile. You know. The ones that really cause car "accidents". Why can't I set my laser printer on 'stun'? You can. But the result is so stunning that you refuse to believe it and spontaneously forget. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? In outer space. In flying saucers. Duh. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? Shhhh. It's a secret. If you write a book about failure, and it doesn't sell, is it a success? Only every other time. Is there another word for synonym? There's an antonym. Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? Practice makes perfect, and we all know doctors aren't perfect... When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? Who says they have signs? What's another word for thesaurus? theothersaurus. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? No. Gas station bathrooms are where the Illuminati conduct their most secret of secret meetings. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? No. They get eaten by sharks. Purple ones. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? Depends on what center of gravity you're living on. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? You've succeeded at failing, and failed while succeeding. Also, you get chewed up and spat out by a terantek. Don't worry, it's had its shots. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? Yours. You can't fool us! Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? It turns sweet after too long. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? Penguins. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed. Away with your evil, evil questions. ^_~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sivy Posted September 18, 2003 Author Share Posted September 18, 2003 good answers smart ass Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ray Jones Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 what if the toast is on the butter.. i mean toasted butter? would the butter land on the toasted side..? and what if we would be as 2 times as tall as we are? would the toast do a 360 turn then? what if we use butter with half the fat? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Blackadder Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 Top post mate, something to weedle away my afternoon wondering about! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devil Doll Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 why I think that Reddy didn't has anything better to do and that's the reason he answered everything? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wasslera Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 Jake, stop teasing us with your witty repertoire and amusing-yet-intelligent humor. You make us feel inadequate ...right guys? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nute Gunray Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 I know the actual answers to all these questions and more. Standby. Here: When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Red. We've seen this dozens of times on the show. Why is abbreviation such a long word? It's not. Is it possible to be totally partial? No. Why do people call it a TV set when you only get one? They used to be more than one piece. If buttered toast always lands butter side down, and a cat always lands on it's feet, what would happen if you dropped a cat with a piece of buttered toast tied to it's back? It would cause space to collapse. If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? Not all 7-11s are. Equipment is standardized and the doors are bought from a door vendor who does not build special doors for a single client. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Rain temperature How do you tell when you've run out of invisible ink? This is the stupidest thing ever. Invisible ink isn't invisible even when its on paper and 'invisible.' Did ancient doctors refer to IVs as 'fours'? No, because it's technically I.V. Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together? Because the rooms are apart from each other and it is from the Italian for "to seperate." Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays? In both you are reciting. If the pencil #2 is so popular, why is it still #2? it's popular because of its reflectivity. the grade of the graphic is #2. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just live 10 miles away? Because if you live 10 miles away, teh five mile zone of death with move with you. Why can't I set my laser printer on 'stun'? Different kind of laser. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? Metaphor. The world is not a stage. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? Romans. If you write a book about failure, and it doesn't sell, is it a success? No. You will owe your publisher a significant sum. Is there another word for synonym? No. Irony. Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? Because the Greeks ruined everything. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? Yes. What's another word for thesaurus? There isn't one. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? So people don't deal drugs in them. Yes they are afraid someone will clean them. CLEAN THEM WITH COCAINE. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? Ideally. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? You'd have bad breath and probably not be hungry. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Both. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? The British. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? It can get worse. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? No. You probably couldn't even make out the shape of the words. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? It would probably be called United Express or Federal Parcel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wasslera Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 Psssssshhhhhhhhhh, ruin all our fun, why dont you? XP!!!! *Likes Jakes answers better* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devil Doll Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 Yes, I liked Reddy's answer better than yours hey!!! that's a proof of sanity on you!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you are going to be a sane person, then you are not allowed in Aresen!!!!!!!!!! Burn the sane guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynk Former Posted September 19, 2003 Share Posted September 19, 2003 lol @ Red ^^ That's our munchkin for ya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philocleon Posted September 20, 2003 Share Posted September 20, 2003 *points at Red's answers and puts on a professor's cap* And as you can see here class, what we have here is a perfect of example of one with too much time on their hands. Obviously this person has chosen to waste his time by making answers to stupid questions and sitting around all day surfing various message boards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sivy Posted September 20, 2003 Author Share Posted September 20, 2003 well ok, heres some more to ponder... Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why is a boxing ring square? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary? Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoom Rabbit Posted September 21, 2003 Share Posted September 21, 2003 Why do we have eyebrows? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuicidalXWing Posted September 21, 2003 Share Posted September 21, 2003 What happens if both sides of a piece of toast are buttered, does it hover in the air? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pisces Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 Why isn't palindrome spelled the same way backwards? Why do we park in driveways, and drive on parkways? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nute Gunray Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? Different chemicals react differently. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? I can't answer this one because of children in the room. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? It does. It just doesn't dry if you close the bottle Why is a boxing ring square? The term ring is a holdover from Greco-Roman wrestling. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? To minimize distractions Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Lemon juice made with actual lemon wouldn't last as long and the other is a marketing thing Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? I forget, but it has something to do with an old verb for "dealing" Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? It counts seconds. You are retarded. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Everyone is in a rush to get home Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary? Because the dictionary wouldn't be very good if it didn't list all the words now would it Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? There is. I don't remember what it is. If you butter both sides of toast and you assume that is entirely impossible for buttered toast to not land face down, the dual-buttered toast would rotate on one of its axes trying to get a non-buttered side to point up. It would spin faster and faster and faster and eventually exceed the speed of light. it might even collapse in on itself and cause a black hole and destroy the solar system. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pisces Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 Cool. Do mine, do mine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuicidalXWing Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 Why isn't palindrome spelled the same way backwards? Because palindrome is not a palindrome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoom Rabbit Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 Nute, why do we have eyebrows? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoom Rabbit Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 Originally posted by SuicidalXWing What happens if both sides of a piece of toast are buttered, does it hover in the air? Sure. If you're on the international space station, or on an aircraft in freefall... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redwing Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 Originally posted by Sivy B well ok, heres some more to ponder... Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? You see, the pigment in our hair has a special dislike for the sun. So when you cruelly expose it to the sun's hurtful rays, it makes its escape downwards, into your body - showing up in your skin. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? They can. Just not when you're watching, because they're getting ready to, uh, talk to you. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Because of an ancient blood feud between glue and plastic cleverly exploited by gluemakers. Why is a boxing ring square? It's trying to be innovative. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Because you don't want the tiny people in the radio to know where you're going next. They might revolt. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Well, you see, after they used all the lemons in the dishwashing liquid, they didn't have any left for the lemon juice. Sorry. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Because uh...he...brokes...things? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? I want your spicy brains. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Well, I can see you humans think you're all the most important beings in the universe. Ever looked up at the birds, or the ants, or the squirrels? Well THEY'RE all rushing. Just cuz you aren't doesn't mean they aren't! Tsk tsk :| Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary? Cuz it uh...likes it there? Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? Well that should be obvious. They just aren't special enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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