ChAiNz.2da Posted March 23, 2005 Author Share Posted March 23, 2005 Originally posted by RedHawke Proof positive ChAiNz has Waaaaaayyyyy too much time on his hands! Wait a tick! You are supposed to be doing a massive saber mod... [Three Stooges] Why I oughta' [/Three Stooges] Get back to work ChAiNz! Coitenly!... nyuck.. nyuck.. nyuck... but before I go, here's one you can use for your boss next time you have that "feeling": ------------------------------- A woman calls up her boss one morning and tells her that she is staying home because she is feeling awful. "What's the matter?" she asks. "I have a bad case of anal fixated glaucoma," she says in a weak voice. "And just what the hell is anal fixated glaucoma!?..." "I just can't see my ass coming into work today." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Hidden One Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Hilarious Video! But it kinda makes me wonder, what idiots would do that to them selves?*Thinks of skateboarding clip* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Devon Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da You Know You Drink Too Much When... list] EDITED FOR MORE ROOM HA!HA!HA!HA! Have you ever laughed so hard that it gets hard to breathe? I just did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Real or Hoax? Fun little Flash to test your "fake photos" spotting skills. http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/4462/real_or_hoax1.swf I got an 8 of 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mav Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 I only got 7 out of 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted April 11, 2005 Author Share Posted April 11, 2005 Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house To my desk where I find the can of soda that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the soda aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the soda is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the soda, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye -- they need to be watered. I set the soda down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. ---------------------- At the end of the day: The car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of soda sitting on the counter, the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only one check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail..... Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming! hehehe.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tk102 Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 As I turn on the hose in the drivewayDude! You forgot to turn off the water! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Lion54 Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 Originally posted by tk102 Dude! You forgot to turn off the water! You better remember to get more checks, too!!!! That water bill is going to be really expensive!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaV™ Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 I got 8 out of 10, I only missed the human like faced fish and satan's face.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingerhs Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming! hehehe.... heh, what if i told you that it was already here..... great! now what did i do with that cup of coffee i had sitting right here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted April 12, 2005 Author Share Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by tk102 Dude! You forgot to turn off the water! *glub* *glub* @stingerhs I'm glad I have some company (and another coffee freak too, even better) though losing your coffee is a "sin" in my world... hehehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Lion54 Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da [b though losing your coffee is a "sin" in my world... hehehe [/b] We just got a drive through Starbucks in my town. It goes great with the drive through daiquiri places. I love Louisiana. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted April 14, 2005 Author Share Posted April 14, 2005 Originally posted by Lion54 We just got a drive through Starbucks in my town. It goes great with the drive through daiquiri places. I love Louisiana. OMG that's hilarious! *ponders on moving to Louisiana * hehehe... Yeah, I live in a choice area for Knoxville... I'm no farther than 10 minutes from anything.. so maybe I'll stay here in Knoxville... Starbuck = 2 minutes Best Buy/Circuit City = 5 minutes Wal-Mart/Target (both "Supers") = 10 minutes Krogers (grocery) = 3 minutes 2 liquor stores (my fav ) = 4 minutes The "mall" (god forbid I have to go there) = 10 minutes Interstate access = 3 minutes work..ick (Jewelry Television) = 7 minutes The only pain in the arse, is the fact that I have to drive by the Starbucks to get to work in the morning.. needless to say, that's where the morning traffic is... (go figure.. hehe) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Lion54 Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da OMG that's hilarious! *ponders on moving to Louisiana * hehehe... Heheh If you like liquor, this is the place to be!!! I've heard from people in different states that selling alchohol at gas stations is illegal. Not here, though. That would kill our economy. They should have put a drunk passed out on Bourbon St in New Orleans on our state quarter. If it wasn't 4am, I would go to the Shell station a pick up a couple of beers. Oh, well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingerhs Posted April 14, 2005 Share Posted April 14, 2005 Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da Yeah, I live in a choice area for Knoxville... I'm no farther than 10 minutes from anything.. so maybe I'll stay here in Knoxville... Starbuck = 2 minutes Best Buy/Circuit City = 5 minutes Wal-Mart/Target (both "Supers") = 10 minutes Krogers (grocery) = 3 minutes 2 liquor stores (my fav ) = 4 minutes The "mall" (god forbid I have to go there) = 10 minutes Interstate access = 3 minutes work..ick (Jewelry Television) = 7 minutes The only pain in the arse, is the fact that I have to drive by the Starbucks to get to work in the morning.. needless to say, that's where the morning traffic is... (go figure.. hehe) only 10 min from everything?!? dang it, anywhere i want to go, it usually takes at least 15 min and occasionally longer depending on if you get behind Gran-mamma Susie. as far as getting your coffee, we have a Starbucks inside my church, a Seattle's Best at school, and another Starbucks just 2 min from the mall. of course, you could head to the Joe Mugg's inside the Books-A-Million, Barnie's in the mall, Java Express on Hwy 191, and they're building another Starbucks just two min from the downtown library. while your downtown, you could also check out the Coffee: UnderGround (complete with lite jazz in the backround). life is good when it comes to finding good coffee spots. granted, it takes 30 min to get to school and at least 15+ min to get to the other ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emperor Devon Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 Originally posted by stingerhs Seattle's Best at school, I go to college at Seattle, and you wouldn't believe how addicted to lattes some of the people there are... I cofess that I do need coffee, though. Without it, I'm a zombie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hallucination Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 Fun little Flash to test your "fake photos" spotting skills. You had to post that didnt you? I'm really aragnophobic (sp?). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkkender Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da OMG that's hilarious! *ponders on moving to Louisiana * hehehe... Yeah, I live in a choice area for Knoxville... I'm no farther than 10 minutes from anything.. so maybe I'll stay here in Knoxville... Starbuck = 2 minutes Best Buy/Circuit City = 5 minutes Wal-Mart/Target (both "Supers") = 10 minutes Krogers (grocery) = 3 minutes 2 liquor stores (my fav ) = 4 minutes The "mall" (god forbid I have to go there) = 10 minutes Interstate access = 3 minutes work..ick (Jewelry Television) = 7 minutes The only pain in the arse, is the fact that I have to drive by the Starbucks to get to work in the morning.. needless to say, that's where the morning traffic is... (go figure.. hehe) Wow 10 min or less to anything. Here it takes me 10 minutes to get to a gas station at least provided I don't get stuck behind some shmuck driving slow on my back country road. Once I get to town there is about 6 or so coffee shops(Starbucks is one) liquor store, Fred Meyer(West coast version of Krogers & Target combined), and resteraunts. Lets see 30+ min to Interstate, and at least 1hr to work when not stuck in rush hour traffic. 1hr & 15min to FRY's or 45 min to local Walmart/Target, Best Buy/Circuit City or PC computer club(better than Best Buy by far), or the mall. As to AAADD well Mine is more attuned to starting a project with the computer then somebody derails me with a new game and next thing I know it's 3 months later with 6 new games and a unfinished project. Then comes the depression for having incomplete work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted April 19, 2005 Author Share Posted April 19, 2005 TOP 5 SMART ass ANSWERS FOR 2004 (according to Reader's Digest) Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." Smart Ass Answer #4: A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Smart Ass Answer #3: The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Smart Ass Answer #2: A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." AND NOW FOR THE #1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you sayif tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Kenobi Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da TOP 5 SMART ass ANSWERS FOR 2004 (according to Reader's Digest) Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." Smart Ass Answer #4: A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Smart Ass Answer #3: The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Smart Ass Answer #2: A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." AND NOW FOR THE #1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you sayif tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." Ooh ChAiNz you ain't right man The cop: Sir did you get stuck under the bridge? The man: Nope just saw the bridge fallin' and figured I lend a hand Here's your sign Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted April 21, 2005 Author Share Posted April 21, 2005 Witty Slogans On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels" ******************************* On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business." ************************** Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." ************************** At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in." ************************** On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." ************************** On a Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.." ************************** Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." ************************** At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout." ************************** On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?" ************************** At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." ************************** On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." ************************** In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." ************************** On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." ************************** At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." ************************** On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." ************************** In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." ************************** On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive." ************************** At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment." ************************** Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." ************************** In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" ************************** At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be." ************************** In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up." ************************** In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait" ************************** At a Propane Filling Station: "Thank heaven for little grills." ************************** And don't forget the sign at a ChicagoRadiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak." *************************** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stingerhs Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 if only i could do this in the break room at work: In a Non-smoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." ************************** when i'm sitting down trying to enjoy something that resembles food, i would prefer it if people didn't make a cloud in the break room. Disclaimer: no offense intended towards any smokers in the forums. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted April 21, 2005 Author Share Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by stingerhs Disclaimer: no offense intended towards any smokers in the forums. hehehe..none taken man I smoke, (ie - "chainz" smoker), but not in public places where food is involved, and more importantly, I don't smoke around non-smokers.. even in my own home or car... it's a bad enough habit on it's own, without forcing it down someone else's throat involuntarily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkkender Posted April 21, 2005 Share Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by ChAiNz.2da hehehe..none taken man I smoke, (ie - "chainz" smoker), but not in public places where food is involved, and more importantly, I don't smoke around non-smokers.. even in my own home or car... it's a bad enough habit on it's own, without forcing it down someone else's throat involuntarily I'm probably one of those rare 2nd hand smokers who makes a habit of hanging out with smokers. Mostly because after living most of my life with smokers I have 2nd hand smoke NIC fits.*wishing for a shivers up the spine smiley for that last statement* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChAiNz.2da Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 I love my Job I love my Job, I love the Pay! I love it more and more each day. I love my Boss; he's the best! I love his boss and all the rest. I love my Office and its location - I hate to have to go on vacation. I love my furniture, drab and gray, and the paper that piles up every day! I love my chair in my padded Cell! There's nothing else I love so well. I love to work among my Peers - I love their leers and jeers and sneers. I love my Computer and all its Software; I hug it often though it doesn't care... I love each Program and every File, I try to understand once in a while!! I'm happy to be here, I am I am; I'm the happiest Slave of my Uncle Sam. I love this Work: I love these Chores. I love the Meetings with deadly Bores. I love my Job - I'll say it again - I even love these friendly Men - These men who've come to visit today in lovely white coats to take me away!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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