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The Critic's 2 cents

machievelli

have I been honest and not overly critical?  

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  1. 1. have I been honest and not overly critical?


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machievelli Newbie

machievelli

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From Lucasforum: From the Coruscant Entertainment center

 

A Jedi's Promise

Fuu

 

Based on events before KOTOR

 

A young Jedi carries out her promise to the man she loves, Revan...

 

Well done, with some interesting quirks that keeps you interested. Keep writing it, kid!

 

A Jedi's Sacrifice

Obi Web

After the events set out in KOTOR, Gando Star (Revan) must decide what to do with his life.

 

Well written, but at the same time unsatisfying. Obi needs to do a bit more before I can really judge his work

 

Kotor 0.5

By the Doctor

Set before the events in Kotor 1; Highlighting the characters of the game, A glimpse into the byplay that led to Revan’s departure from Dantooine.

 

Well written needing only editing to smooth it out.

 

 

From the Galactic Senate: Coruscant Theater

 

A Clone Wars Story: FLAWS

sidious618

 

Set not long after the battle of Geonosis. A Jedi is assigned to monitor Padawan that must be made ready for promotion at the same time that the Sith plan to kill them.

 

The style is abrupt, and like most young writers, sidious618 doesn’t understand the paragraph and conversation breaks yet. However it looks good and is worth reading.

 

The Last Apprentice

Zane Marit

 

Set before Star Wars III, Anakin is assigned an apprentice and goes on an important mission

 

The style is confused because the author tends to a shift from the past to present mode. The writing is interesting and the story line excellent.

 

Star Wars: Destiny, AU Clone War

Obi Wan

 

An alternate universe story set 15 Months after The Battle Of Geonosis.

 

All right, it’s alternate universe, but having Anakin and Obi Wan A: Hating each other and B:, at odds with who gets Padme is a bit much for even me. Just the one chapter.

 

 

From Kotorfanmedia

 

The Solo Journals

Brenna Solo

 

Revan (Brenna Solo) plots to coerce the Jedi Council so she can keep the man she loves.

 

The style is fun and irreverent. Worth a second look.

 

From the Ashes

Prisoner 24601

 

Starting 72 hours before the KOTOR game.

 

The style is crisp and clean, and the small amount of background (Giving Carth a rank for example) helped a great deal.

 

 

Slow Dissolve

Rose 07

Set before Kotor II. Admiral Carth Onasi deals with attacks by Sith and insurgency on Telos.

 

An interesting style done more through introspection by Carth than anything else in the first chapter.

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machievelli Newbie

machievelli

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The Corrupted Republic

Steven

Ten Years after Kotor II, Possibly intro to Kotor III

 

A man with no memory has visions aboard the Yavin Spire.

 

The writer tends to use the wrong words, or to misspell them Like another person who had seen the work, I assume English is a second language. The idea is good, but the flow of the narrative causes the reader to drag with it. Just an editing and spelling problem. No biggie.

 

Unnamed

Darth Terros

500 years before the battle of Yavin.

Two Jedi go on a mission that quickly goes wrong. The survivor hides on a planet.

 

DT is obviously young, the style is jumpy and punctuation is poorly done. However, I want to see more of this kid’s work.

 

Secrets of the Force

Renegade Angel

Set 4 years after Malchior V

RA tends to jump around a lot, and it gets confusing. But his story is intriguing.

My only real problem with it is this; The force is something created by living beings, and I don’t believe that a simulator of any kind would allow you to actually test what it could do without serious drawbacks.

Picture say Obi Wan from SW1 turning, and throwing the force push as he did to knock down the droids in the first section .

Now picture it inside a simulator with REAL walls beyond the holographic target.

You would need something twice the size of the holodecks from Star Trek, and even then it would be a problem.

But that is a minor point, and only bothers the ‘purist’ as my wife would say.

 

From The Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater

 

 

Back Stage, Spice and Peace Brigade Dealings

Darthsolo

 

Set at the start of the Yuuzhan Vong war. A comedian/ship’s captain finds himself knee deep in the Peace Brigade.

 

The story was intriguing because this is a side of Republic life you rarely see. The inner workings of trason in action, yet told from the point of view of someone who gets into it without knowing. Worth a look.

 

Revelations, a clone wars story

sidious618

 

A Clone Wars Story

Starting the day after the battle of Geonosis, the inner workings of the senate and military in the first months of the war.

 

Well written, and thought out. Sidious obviously know the subject matter.

 

Dark Tidings: An Imperial Agent's Story

James T. Skywalker

 

Set during the Empire after the Rebel Alliance was formed. The travails of an Imperial Agent.

The story is well written and fast paced. The use of nomenclature in the first two chapters was perfect.

 

 

From Kotorfanmedia

 

 

Chasing Redemption, Prologue: A Hard Truth

Prisoner 24601

 

Direct sequel to the author’s From the Ashes .

The style is still excellent, and the segue from sad memorial for a fallen enemy to arrest by special operations troops is well done. The readers on Kotorfanmedia gave it ten thumbs up. Add mine to it.

 

Layers of Deception, Chapter 1

Seraterranova

 

Starting with the destruction of the Endar Spire

 

The writing is steady and crisp, the characters well defined.

 

Searching For What Was Lost

Allroav

 

Set after KOTOR: The scattered crew of Ebon Hawk begins the search for Revan.

 

Very well done, the reactions of Dustil and Mission to the loss of someone they cared about only accentuates the reaction of Carth.

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machievelli Newbie

machievelli

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Darth333, who asked me to start doing these made one request recently, and that was that I post URLs for the stories I review. If you want one for a previous review, please contact me via my own e-mail audmun@msn.com. Eventually I will have one attached to Star Wars Knights.com, but it hasn’t been activated, or maybe just not where I can get to it.

 

Darth333 has also decided that if anyone is going to stick a fork in me and tell us if I am done, it is her. So yes Virginia, there will be a critique of my work soon enough.

 

 

From Lucas Forums Coruscant Entertainment Center

 

The Legendary Exile

analia

http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=154587

 

A young girl is given a mission to find her sister Revan.

 

The only problem I had with this story little lady is you didn’t go any farther.. Come on!

 

Star Wars KOTOR III: The True Sith Empire.

Kookaburra

http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=155729

 

The continuing story of the Exile and his mission

 

This is the second of kookabura’s works I have read. The ideas are there but again there are the neophyte problems. The first paragraph should by my estimate, be three.

He doesn’t show much knowledge about weapons. Of course this is because he’s working from the game, and everything you hold in your hand to inflict damage is automatically a melee weapon. It is just that there are over fifty varieties of sword alone that I can think of without cracking a book.

Don’t take it as a major attack, kid. It is a minor thing that will be fixed by time.

 

An Apprentice's Betrayal

RagingHippy212

http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=155982

 

The fateful days before Revan is captured.

 

Like a lot of the kids writing here, the author doesn’t know a lot about the military and how it is organized. Here a specific mistake was made, and I will address it because it is an uncommon one.

Even when they are technically the most important men on a mission, (Seal teams, pilots, etc) a junior officer is not in charge unless there is no one senior to him in rank. What he says is taken into account, and more weight is given than normal because of it, but that is it. You announce Ensign Ulgo, yet have him giving orders to a fleet and berating a Jedi. A junior officer in that situation doesn’t ‘assume’ that his word is writ. Not and go much farther in the service.

There are some editing problems, and that is pretty much all the nasty stuff I can say.

Except for that it is well written and worth reading. Keep it up and bring it on kid!

 

 

From the Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater

 

STAR WARS RESURRECTION: ETERNAL DARKNESS

darth cimmer

http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=5561

 

44 years after the battle of Endor, three Jedi are sent on a mission and immediately discover resistance.

 

The pacing is fast, and furious. The writer keeps you going.

 

Power Of The Force: Rise Of The Legions

obi-wan

http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=5562

 

A year after the end of the Yuuzhan Vong war a new evil arises.

 

The only problem I had with the story was the idea that the Star Forge might still exist in the time of the New Republic. After all, wasn’t it destroyed at the end of Kotor 1?

 

 

The Light of an Ignored Star

Erick Landrider

http://www.galacticsenate.com/index.php?showtopic=5646

 

Tatooine, 39 years after Return of the Jedi

 

Here instead of saying something off the cuff, I’m going to use his own words;

 

It is a story of a no-name who's dedication and no-quit attitude keep him going in the worst times of his life.

 

The story is one section of life you don’t see very often, the dragging poverty and boredom of real life. The main character is not even remotely likeable because he just irritates you.

What irritated ME was he only did the one chapter.

 

 

 

 

From kotorfanmedia

 

Letting go

Jiara

http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=311

 

Carth learns to let go of his hatred

In interim between Kotor and Kotor II

 

The write is intense from the first few sentences, Jiara pushes the pace, as would any woman in the situation she is describing. Excellent

 

Thinking ‘Bout It

fnord

http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=358

 

Starting with the escape from Endar Spire, a comedic look.

 

Fnord enjoys the work, and is funny without really trying. Most of the humor is about the situation in this first segment, falling and accidentally spearing an opponent, that kind of thing.

I’m going back and finishing it.

 

Findings - A Jedi

clodilla

http://www.kotorfanmedia.com/?p=432

 

Kotor 1 The first tentative conversations between Carth and Illitha (Revan).

 

I actually got some ideas for changes in my own work from this. The style is brisk with a lot of introspection by both characters.

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