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The Critic's 2 cents

have I been honest and not overly critical?  

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  1. 1. have I been honest and not overly critical?

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All right, let's see if it works...


Lucas forums Coruscant Entertainment Centre


Before I Leave you...

Darth Longie


Interlude between KOTOR and KOTOR II. Revan remembers a past teacher


Dl said he hasn’t posted a fanfic before and I knew it when I read what was written.

My question kid, is WHY NOT? The writing style is hesitant, but great. The characters are clearly defined, well covered, and my only other complaint is that you didn’t write more.



Darth Nihilus


Prometheus X-303



Set in KOTOR II A darklord contemplates his past.


The only problem I see is that Prometheus keeps jumping from first person present to third person present, and sometimes from either one past, sometimes in the same sentence. Take a deep breath, slow down, remember which tense is proper and are you an internal or external observer. Good work regardless.




The Story Of Timmy Marong

pokejedi 123


Set after KOTOR II


A cop On Alderaan has a busy day.


The concept is good kid. You’re doing good work, it just needs work to make it great.

You need to have a paragraph break between speakers, and edit and proofread your work. Also your grammar needs work as does your tenses. It’s ran, not runned.

As I have told others, your problem is that you’re mind is running faster than your fingers can keep up. What I would suggest is typing it in a word processor program then run the spell-checker and if it has it a grammar checker too. Then go back and look at what you’re writing. Compare it to other works by published authors.

If it passes all that criteria, post it. Because I want to see more.


From the Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater



This Has GOT To Be One Of THE Wierdest Pairs Ever



A Jedi Odd Couple deals with problems


While there are problems with editing and style that can be addressed by merely having the author proofread next time, I was struck primarily because this is the first work I have seen where the Jedi are not homonid. One is a Toydarian, the other a Hutt. If you had put Skywalker and Kenobi in their places the scene would read just as clean, and that is the most important point.

He complains that another piece was deleted. A pity, I would have wanted to read it.


Jacen's Return



Jacen Solo deals with his feelings after the Yuuzhan Vong war.


The style and writing is outstanding. The author delves into the angst of a returning survivor of what a modern American would call torture, and does it well.


In All My Glory



The thoughts of the average clone trooper


This is much better than his previous work. The battle is clearly defined from the point of view of the clone, and his decision making is clear and concise. Very well done.



From Kotorfanmedia


Foretelling of a Wet Wedding



Set a year after KOTOR A reunion with a few extra twists...


Charys starts you off thinking it’s just a simple assassination. Before you know it your dragged along as the entire crew gets behind Carth’s attempt give Revan not only a bracelet, but some quality time together. Ambushing the reporters was a nice touch.


Every Hour On the Hour



Set in KOTOR. HK’s daily routine with some amusing twists.


65 readers on this site gave it a thumbs up, 41 thought it was worth commenting on, and after reading it I can understand why. HK is himself, and the exchanges between him and the other members of the crew were hilarious. But not half as funny as his own internal dialogue. His equating snoring (Observation: Human male Jedi is producing a rasping, grating nasal emission similar to that of the human female Jedi.) with Force powers caused me to snicker. It wasn’t the first either.

If I didn’t have to worry about him slaughtering anything and everything, I would love to have him around just for the entertainment value alone.


A Discussion



A dueling challenge response set three years after the end of KOTOR.


There is a feeling of letting go as the two characters (Revan and Dustil) talk about allowing their animosity to flow away. The piece is short, but very well done.

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I though you onlt reviewed completed works? I know at least one of those is obviously incomplete. Am I wrong?


Anyway, nice work, Mach! Looking forward to next reviews!


Doc, if I only reviewed completed works, I would have little to review. My own acceptance is only about twenty pages longer than what has been posted.

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Return of the Exile

Jedi Knight 707


The Exile prepares to face the same danger that has killed so many.


I am Sorry JK, I honestly thought I had reviewed your work. Better late than never...


The work flows smoothly after a bumpy start, and keeps the reader interested. There are a few spelling and editing errors, but on the whole is excellent. I wish I had the time to read it all the way through.


The Geonosian War



Set in the future a century after The Attack of the Clones: The descendant of a Geonosian engineer strikes at the new Republic.


The basic idea at first had me confused. However once I got into the story it began to flow a little better. The battle scenes are a little stilted, and he doesn’t know enough about the ships in combat, but that is easily corrected.

Like a lot of the kids here, Steven is trying to write in a screenplay style, jumping from place to place. A newbie’s mistake, and one that time will correct. Beyond that spelling and grammar are the only real problems.


The Destiny of all existence



Three men with amnesia try to understand their plights.


VV is excellent in his portrayals, and only needs editing and some translation to be excellent in the story as well. As someone to whom English is a second language, he does better that I think I would do with a translation program, so I can‘t really complain. At least he tries to write in English. I can’t even curse in Magyar.


Chronicles of the Forgotten Jedi



set seven years after the destruction of the Star Forge

Too short to really call. The story so far is good.



Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater


Resurrection- Jango Fett

Zane Marit


A clone begins having flashbacks of Jango Fett’s memories. Based on a suggestion by another author (Kent)


Like all of Zane’s work the idea is well defined and well presented. It fleshes out some of the Original Jango Fett’s personality because you get a chance to see it from inside his head.


The Hunter

Obi Wan


Two and a half years after the Battle Of Geonosis. A Hunt with only one end


Obi Wan only wrote a vignette but it is well worth reading. Except for some minor grammar and spelling mistakes, it is outstanding.


Star Wars: Battle of Galidran a furry clone story

Marcus Starkiller


A Clone war story with all of the Jedi as animals...


A unique method of carrying the story forward. Except for count Dooku all of the jedi are assorted animals. The idea is reminiscent of Alan Dean Fosters’s ‘Spellsinger’ series. The battle is laid out in a straightforward manner and keeps the reader’s interest.





Like Wolves



Set six years after KOTOR: The exile tracks down Revan to gain revenge.


Back in January I reviewed Phoq’s Wounds of the Past. At that time I commented on a stilted style, and that it would improve.

I am happy to see that I was correct. Like Wolves flows gently like butter, smooth and delightful. 17 readers on the site gave it a thumbs up.

Add mine.


The Second Jedi Order: The Beginning

Darth Exile


Set in the interim between Kotor and Kotor II. Revan departs to find an evil even darker than the Star Forge.


The writing is excellent, the pacing smooth and crisp. The ending leaves you wanting more.


Object of Oppression

Home One

Set at start of KOTOR

Another view of the initial battle of Taris.


The battle is good, but the writing is stilted. The scene ends as they leave the ship, but because of that, and glossing over the battle scene, there is little to judge the work by. Since it is also the only part published, I can only say I would need to see more.

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RB, I have already written the review (I read the story right after we talked) but it hasn't been officially reviewed because every time someone comments on a story, or it is added to, it pops back up to the top of the queue and I am working from the bottom.

If you'd like to see it I can PM it to you.


Darth, the advantage of being an omnivorous reader is that I can cuss in almost 20 languages. The odds that any modern American knowing Latin is small enough that I took the chance. Of course, you're Canadian.

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