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The Critic's 2 cents

have I been honest and not overly critical?  

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  1. 1. have I been honest and not overly critical?

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Oh, and like Alkonium, can you re-review VoB once it's done. It'll be somewhere between 10-20 chapters long.


Also, here's a porblem I've been having all this while. I don't use original words. Don't get me wrong, I have a reasonably vast vocabulary, but I just don't get the right words when I need them, which is why I often use the same words and phrases, or give awkward descriptions which can be easily solved by using a word or two. The words just don't pop into my head when I need them. Any ideas?

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Let me know, Sabre.

Every writer has things they repeat ad nauseum. Don Pendleton in the Executioner series, Clive cussler with his last half dozen bookswhere he just had to inject a character of the same name.

When it's just words, try a thesaurus. The advantage of a computer, you can put it in, re-read the scene, and if that word doesn't work, just replace it. On the par, you haven't done that badly yet.

Besides, one thing I have constantly bemoaned in reading in the last half-century is that while there are more than 200,000 words in the English language, only about 4,000 are used even in College level texts.

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Sorry I am a little late delivering the goods. Between Christmas, My anniversary (Which I remember and my wife forgets, go figure) and prepping for New Years, I have had a full dance card.

But you guys make it worth while.


Okay First Fanfic (Untitled first attempt)

Darth Beowulf


A young boy has his first experience with the Force and the Dark side.

The work is good kid. Another one of those simple fixes. Edit and spell-check.


The Battle of the Dark Lords



Malak Versus Revan in their final battle.

Except for spelling and editing problems, this is excellent! The scene is clear and moves well. Keep up the good work.


Luke Skywalker vs. Jacen Solo



The climactic battle scene of Luke Skywalker versus Jacen Solo.

Quality work again. My only question is why didn’t you finish the fic?



Knight Trials

Zane Marit


Obi Wan struggles with the loss of Anakin Skywalker.

Departing from the series a little, but excellent work.


Trial Under The Suns



A padawan wanting a challenge gets more than her bargained for.

While the writing style is good, he fails to hold my interest because he obviously doesn’t know enough about ship to ship combat. While a pirate in an armed merchant vessel can and sometimes does take on and defeat a warship, it is unlikely that the merchant would be more heavily armed and armored than anything but a smaller warship.


A Killer Among Us



A down and out Jedi can’t resist the call of a mystery.

Make the Jedi the equivalent of the FBI. Take a typical Private investigator story with the PI an ex Jedi. Toss in a murder and the burning need to investigate, and you have this story categorized.

It’s very well written, and deserves a look.




Knights of the Republic III: Force of Echos



Revan is getting together a few good people...

The style is well done, the story easy and fun to read. The readers on Kotorfanmedia gave it twelve thumbs up. It deserved them.





After the Star Forge, Revan tries to come to grips with her life again.

The writing style is smooth and the angst of the main character well considered and revealed.


Lost and Found



Sequel to ‘Future’s End” and ”Slow Dissolve”

I can’t say enough good things about her work.

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6 January 2006

Just an aside; Did you know that this column has gotten more views in this forum than all of my posted fiction combined?

Now I'm depressed.


Darth Sion: A legacy of Pain.



A Sith master remembers his rise to power

For a first attempt it is very good. The story is compelling the characters well defined and only needs editing to make it work perfectly.


Sith or Jedi... Illusions.




A young Jedi is exiled.

You pretty much said yourself everything critical about this piece that I could have. I have always said a good story is rewritten, and that is merely a quote from Arthur Clark.

Calm down, think of what you want to say. Visualize and begin. Remember that quotation marks are used to differentiate between who is speaking as are paragraph breaks.

Now try again.



The Adventures of John Skywalker

John Skywalker


The Twin Brother of Anakin Skywalker is found and trained by the Sith.

I have critiqued some of John’s work before, and he has the same problems but they are, as I said then, merely technical. He needs to remember to have paragraph breaks, watch when he has people speaking and check his punctuation.

Overall very good.



Galactic Senate’s Coruscant Theater


Mara Jade Luke's Demise




Set during the Vong War. After the death of Luke Skywalker, a 2026 year old Jedi falls in love with Mara Jade.

He jumps back and forth between present and past tense, and his scenes while compelling feel merely slapped together rather than conceived. The premise of the ancient warrior returning to save the day is a bit hackneyed, but like any idea, it comes back.

While the style is bothersome to me, the story is not to badly done.


Tales Of A Coruscant Cabby, The Isamu Starkiller Story

Isamu Starkiller


A night on Coruscant through the eyes of a world weary cab driver.


A story where some people have inserted their own sections, the writing is reminiscent of the Harry Canyon segment of the Heavy Metal Movie, or the movie Taxi driver. An interesting read.


Jedi Slave

Princess Tranquility



Set a year after the Battle of Endor, Han Solo is sent on a diplomatic mission. But the planet is proslavery and he needs a slave so...


The writer was immediately worried at the end of chapter 1 that people would be upset that she would have not only slavery, but that two of the major characters would be involved. Knowing politics as I do, that didn’t bother me in the slightest.

What did bother me is the idea suggested in the work that Uncle Owen was abusive to the point of beatings. Something I did not detect even when Anakin Skywalker was still a slave.

The style is good, and only needs tweaking.


From kotorfanmedia





Set during KOTOR II

A short scene between A female Revan and another unnamed woman.

It is only a short piece, barely a page long. But it immediately caught my interest. Mellyna has two more stories she has written, and I almost went up the chain to find them before going on.

However I am sticking to my methodology. Well done!


Destiny’s Pawn:




Set in KOTOR I right before the capture by Leviathan

This piece is outstanding. Going from the bawdy songs of a crew relaxing after Manaan, to the angst of someone who wonders what there is to life after the force, then to a scene heavy with romance, then to an attack

It’s like riding a roller-coaster.


Don’t Think



Set after Korriban in KOTOR I

Katrina (Revan) decides to push her relationship with Carth to the next level.

The same quality work she has done since I started this job. Very well done.

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13 January 2006

STAR WARS: Shadows Of The Past




A Jedi needing to get his life straight is given an important mission


The biggest problem this little Dane has is that he is fumbling with English. Since all I know in Danish is nothing, I can’t complain too much about that. He needs to edit and remember to finish his thoughts when he is writing.

The story is excellent and kept me going through that interminable prologue. Kid, it should have been at least five paragraphs.


STAR WARS: The Prophets of the Dark Side

Vain Naji-Mohr



A Sith Lord tries to derail a prophecy.

While he has problems with spelling, the writing is clean and well done. The only problem is that there isn’t much to it yet. Keep writing, kid!


Shadow of Destiny

Gray Master


A silent witness follows Revan through his travails after erasing his memory.


The secret outside observer is one of the least used gambits in fiction, and GM does it well up to the end of this first chapter. I liked what I read, and what I want is more.


From the Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater


A Chance Meeting,

Zane Marit


Luke meets Obi wan Kenobi for the first time when he is twelve.


The writing style needs some work because he tends to jump perspectives from third person present to third person past (The difference between saying ‘he picked up the sword’ to compared to ‘he picks up the sword’) sometimes in one sentence. However Zane does excellent work.


A AU story. Untitled



In an Alternate Universe, Anakin Skywalker deals with the mistreatment of his grand daughter.


Picture Anakin and Padme living happily every after...

That is the premise of this short vignette. The style is god, needing only editing, and as with a lot of you kids, my primary complaint is that you didn’t do enough!


Smuggler Assault,




Set during the NJO, Smugglers set up to attack a force not realizing what they face.


The writing style is excellent, and the story well done. Rukh only has to edit the work to make it outstanding.


From Kotorfanmedia



Wounds of the Past




Set on Kashyyyk after finding the Star Map.


Phoq has done some good work here. The style is a bit stilted, but that will improve with practice.



The Wayside

gan xinqba



Set in KOTOR II I believe. An intelligence agent and ex-Jedi apprentice investigates the suspiscious deaths of several Jedi masters.


Written in a journalistic style, the author leads you gently into the story with a bit about the main character, setting the scene and characters, and draws you into his created world. Very well done.






Set during KOTOR. Enroute to Manaan after the fateful meeting withv Malak, our Heroine wonders what is and isn’t real.


A writer should push the envelope of what is part of another person’s universe but not so far that people are bothered by it. Karacat did a good job here, adding what she called a ‘force bomb’ placed by the Jedi council to stop Revan’s return. An intriguing idea.

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