Admiral Odin Posted September 16, 2001 Share Posted September 16, 2001 Originally posted by JR2000Z: So your saying to bomb the contries that are helping us like Pakastan? they aren't harboring Bin Laden now are they. If they help us the won't be harboring terrorist in the first place. ------------------ "Dulce bellum inexpertis." (Sweet is war to those who have never experinced it.) Roman Proverb God Bless America Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taarkin Posted September 16, 2001 Share Posted September 16, 2001 Unless they're helping us just so we don't bomb them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nute Gunray Posted September 16, 2001 Share Posted September 16, 2001 There are nations chock full of anti-American terrorists that we won't bomb because they're friendly states, like CANADA. And don't try and pretend that terrorists DON'T operate out of Canada. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Conor Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 Anybody can operate out of Canada. We don't have what could be called tight security measures. [This message has been edited by Conor (edited September 16, 2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Thrawn Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 We won't be bombing all of Afghanistan, we will be invading it. If they shoot at us, so be it. Bin Laden's organization is suspected of robbing banks in Canada to fund their operations. Methinks you should train anti-terrorist polar bears and penguins Pakistan is helping because they wouldn't mind seeing the Taliban go away and they need economic sanctions lifted. ------------------ "Here, people don't lock their doors, they deadbolt them, and then stick a chair under the knob." ThRaWn90,RAL_Thrawn,SOB_Thrawn Rogue 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cmdr. Cracken Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 I think everyone want's to see the taliban go away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Thrawn Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 A lot of people in that region do, but they still have a lot of support in the region. ------------------ "Here, people don't lock their doors, they deadbolt them, and then stick a chair under the knob." ThRaWn90,RAL_Thrawn,SOB_Thrawn Rogue 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taarkin Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 Originaly posted by Somethingawful: Although Zack and I have made our fair share of Scientology jokes by repeatedly mocking their belief system, lightheartedly poking fun at their doctrines, and spreading malicious slander and libel against them, I would really like to emphasize the fact that this site doesn't solely revolve around bashing Scientologists. For example, we also pick on children with incurable mental handicaps, many of which cause them to create large wading pools of drool in public places while screeching about firetrucks or Cap'n Crunch. So in the interest of equal opportunity mockery, I would like to take this moment to examine another group of religious nutballs and point out the many reasons why we firmly believe they're absolutely crazier than a bucket of horse testicles. I do this with absolutely no fear and reserve, as members of the Taliban don't believe in computers, and if they did they would simply hollow out the insides and use the computer as a puppet show stage where the main character rapes a mule. Taliban kisses goodbye to lipstick, movies - On Thursday the Taliban placed bans on the import of 30 products including playing cards, computer discs, movies, satellite TV dishes, musical instruments, cassettes and chessboards, after declaring them un-Islamic. Other items listed as banned for being "against the Sharia", or Islamic law, include fireworks, statues, fashion catalogues, greeting cards featuring pictures of people, lipsticks, nail polish and neckties. Technically speaking, the Taliban isn't a religious group, but is instead a large number of stupid people with automatic weapons and mortars. While this isn't strange by itself, the fact that they are not located in Texas really makes their group noteworthy. The Taliban is a gang of fundamental Islamic students who majored in "Advanced Killing People Studies" at the University of ****ed Up Human Beings. In just three years or so, they successfully captured more than two-thirds of Afghanistan, a region of land that is known for its mass exports of sand and weeds. While taking over the Afghan capital of Kabul isn't much of an accomplishment to write home about, especially since it changes ownership roughly 10 times a month and is routinely taken over by special education kids on field trips, it was a gigantic moral victory for them because the name "Kabul" just sounds really cool and mysterious. AFGHANISTAN 7-11 CLERK: "Okay, Mister Taliban Member, those 40 gallons of gas will be three cents and that gallon of milk will cost you five thousand million billion dollars." TALIBAN MEMBER: "I believe that will be NO CHARGE, my good man, for us Taliban have just captured Kabul!" AFGHANISTAN 7-11 CLERK: "Oh no, not Kabul, the world's most powerful magician and sorcerer of the black arts! The evil Kabul once turned an entire town into kitchen appliances!" TALIBAN MEMBER: "Yes, THAT Kabul! Muuuhahaha! That will be no charge!" AFGHANISTAN 7-11 CLERK: "Alright, that's fine by me. I'm still trying to figure out why the hell I was asking for American currency, since the monetary unit in Afghanistan is the Afghani." TALIBAN MEMBER: "And why are we speaking English?" As you can see by this dialogue, the Taliban is shrouded in gobs and gobs of mystery and intrigue. A good chunk of this mystery and intrigue manifests itself in the fact that the Taliban strictly prohibits about 10 zillion different things, with new everyday objects being added to their list, well, every day. They figure that if people aren't praying religiously every second of their lives, they will fall prey to "the dark side" and be corrupted by intensely Satanic objects such as fashion catalogues, chalk, hair curlers, trampolines, and copies of The Sims. Apparently the Taliban wants all their members to stay away as far as they can from such unholy items, as it distracts them from their more important holy goal of making buildings fall down and causing babies to be blown up. The Taliban make something explode. This will result in them banning the import of crayons and cotton socks. So how did Afghanistan turn into Wacko Central? Not surprisingly, the United States takes a part in blame. Back in the late 1970's, the evil rat bastard commie Red Menace Soviet Union decided that it should strategically take over Afghanistan, as it did with Ukraine, East Germany, Hungary, Czechoslovakia, Ireland, Canada, and downtown Terre Haute. The Soviet Union didn't really WANT to take over these locations, but since they were the bad guy of the time, they were contractually obligated to. In addition they were also required to create terror death zombies from their own citizens in grotesque medical experiments, but since the Soviet Union spent all their money on red paint factories, they never had enough funding. During their invasion, the Soviets ran into trouble when the citizens of Afghanistan decided to start up "PROJECT: KILL THE SOVIETS," which was successful up until the point that the citizens realized it wasn't successful at all, and they were subsequently taken over by the Red Menace. However, Soviet rule didn't last long, as the wily Afghans eventually evicted the Soviets on February of 1989 for failure to pay electricity and water bills. During that time over six million residents fled the country fearing that they would get blown up, and instead elected to get blown up in either neighboring Pakistan or Iran. Even though the Soviets were "kicked to the curb" (that's some phrase I heard on "The Jenny Jones Show"), the victorious Afghan mujahidan factions, many of which were supplied and trained by the US, continued to fight amongst each other like bickering guests on "The Jenny Jones Show." This shows the tremendous affect that Western media has had on their culture, especially since "The Jenny Jones Show" wasn't even around during the late 80's. The Taliban took this moment of weakness to sneak in during the middle of the night, leave their underwear and dirty clothing all throughout the capital of Kabul, and then claim they had taken it over. Since the citizens had to decide between the Taliban, which was heavily armed and extremely insane, and the remaining mujahidan factions, who now had less members than your average string quartet, they chose the Taliban. BIG MISTAKE. The Taliban took no time in enforcing their strict religious Islamic code of laws which is 600 billion pages long and doesn't contain hardly any pictures or car chases. While most religions concentrate on helping members better themselves and their community, the Taliban's religion hinges on the following key cornerstones: 1) Humiliating women, 2) Growing beards. Of course there are more aspects to their interpretations of the Islamic religion, but I chose the two that made the most sense. The Taliban really hates women because their founder, Mullah Mohammad Umar, was apparently turned down by some girl before his 6th grade prom. Ever since then he has made it his mission to embarrass and humiliate women as much as possible. The Taliban passes all kinds of new and wacky anti-women laws every day, each one more goofy than the previous. For example, women can only go out into public if they meet all of the following requirements: 1) They have a 500-foot throw rug covering them and this rug does not contain the color yellow or any pattern starting with the letter "d". 2) They are accompanied by at least 10 men, the shortest of which must have a beard longer than a wagon wheel. 3) The 10 men must chain up and lock the woman to a hitchin' post whenever they enter a saloon to kick back a few whiskeys and talk about the Gold Rush. No wait, that was cowboys and their horses. 4) The woman must not ever speak except when being smashed in the head with a "Woman Smashin' Stone," at which point she can only say that she wants to be hit some more. 5) The woman must stay in the shadow of a man at all times, under the penalty of being put into a catapult and flung into an active volcano. Even the Soviet Union, which is now known as the less menacing and less red "Russia," has realized how insane the Taliban is, and is supplying anti-Taliban groups with tanks, guns, and explosive objects. The Taliban responded by banning Russian tanks, guns, and explosive objects, in addition to paper towels, refrigerator magnets, foam hats, packing material, linoleum, and any RonCo product. As you can see, the Taliban is fairly convinced that the solution to any problem lies in banning the import or use of random household objects, since women and compact mascara mirrors are obviously to blame for Russia shooting at them. I blame the fact that their religion edges out Scientology on the grand scale of "Things That the World Probably Shouldn't Have," which now includes Carrot Top, Pauly Shore, and those stupid neon cellphones that glow when they ring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Rogue 9 Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 Originally posted by Thrawn: Pakistan is helping because they wouldn't mind seeing the Taliban go away and they need economic sanctions lifted. BAAH! Pakistans intell community is the group responsible for the Taliban government they aren't anti-taliban in the least they just don't want to appear anti-american lest we take offense and include them in our war on terrorism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tek Gunner Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 ****ing taarkin stop copying and pasting every ****ing thing you find at somethingawful. i mean, ****. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nute Gunray Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 Originally posted by Tek Gunner: ****ing taarkin stop copying and pasting every ****ing thing you find at somethingawful. i mean, ****. concurred. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zoom Rabbit Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 I wish to announce that the world's rabbits have decided not to assist the Taliban in Afghanistan. When the American assault flushes them out into the countryside, they won't be allowed down our rabbit holes. This should leave them exposed and ripe for sniping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Leader 05 Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 It sounds good to me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Jimbo Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 thats the most serious thing ivv heard on this forum in a couple of months Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hannibal Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 "The US will stay in power for a long time, longer then I shall live." As I live in the United States, I certainly hope so, but that wasn't my point... 1.We plan on beating down the terrorist camps. And only terrorist camps? Good ****ing luck. "2.If we don't attack the countries that harbor the terrorits then what is the point in attacking at all." You're not getting me...attacking with military force is what I'm fighting against.... "Also we are not the empire, we are trying to rid the world of murders." Firstly, you clearly don't know where part of the United States' wealth comes from. Secondly, that's a rather hypcritical statement...KILL the murderers because they are murderers. hmm... "Also the world is behind us." The whole world? Well they're not, and a while from now when all the shock is gone, they won't be. We are not conquering but defending freedom and liberty. blah blah blah. Freedom for who? You? "Dulce bellum inexpertis." Take your own advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hans The Great Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 Taarkin's dialog gave me a great idea.. We have major league religious loonies here, why don't we sponsor a massive "field trip" into Afghanistan? Flood their country with every zealous gun-toting nut we can find, then televise the whole thing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Zoom Rabbit Posted September 17, 2001 Share Posted September 17, 2001 *(Cuts off Hannibal's head.)* Aaaah...that was refreshing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Thrawn Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 Thank you rabbit for what needed to be done. ------------------ "Here, people don't lock their doors, they deadbolt them, and then stick a chair under the knob." ThRaWn90,RAL_Thrawn,SOB_Thrawn Rogue 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hannibal Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 "*(Cuts off Hannibal's head.)* Aaaah...that was refreshing! " <Eats Zoon Rabbit> Mmmm...refreshing? no, not quite...(and no, I'm not named after the cannibal, so don't start) Is there any reason behind the decapitation or has reason failed you? On another note, is SOB_Thrawn refering to SOB, the FPS clan? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Loyaltist Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 I hate noobs ------------------ If you leap before you look, I'm not catching you sorry ass! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Odin Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 Originally posted by Hannibal: "The US will stay in power for a long time, longer then I shall live." As I live in the United States, I certainly hope so, but that wasn't my point... 1.We plan on beating down the terrorist camps. And only terrorist camps? Good ****ing luck. "2.If we don't attack the countries that harbor the terrorits then what is the point in attacking at all." You're not getting me...attacking with military force is what I'm fighting against.... "Also we are not the empire, we are trying to rid the world of murders." Firstly, you clearly don't know where part of the United States' wealth comes from. Secondly, that's a rather hypcritical statement...KILL the murderers because they are murderers. hmm... "Also the world is behind us." The whole world? Well they're not, and a while from now when all the shock is gone, they won't be. We are not conquering but defending freedom and liberty. blah blah blah. Freedom for who? You? "Dulce bellum inexpertis." Take your own advice. I don't like war, in fact I despise it. That proverd means not to cherish war. It is a necessary evil. 1.last time I checked our goal was to attack the terrorits, which means destroying where they operate, I never said it will be easy. 2.So let me get this straight we shouldn't use our military to attack the terrorist. Do you want to send in the police, and ask them to surrender? Military is the only way 3.I'm sorry but please show me where exactly have we conquered some country, or say slaughtered a lot of people, because they didn't agree with us, or put them in prison? b.When a person takes another life they forfiet their own, hence killing a terroristis not hypcritical but necessary. If they aren't killed then more innocents will die, who have the right to live. 4.Are you dense (or do you think everything is literal). Most of the world, also many of the leading powers support the US. Also they support us because they know they have to. For the last part. Freedom for you, me, freedom not to fear traveling on a plane. I can say more later if you still don't understand. ------------------ "Dulce bellum inexpertis." (Sweet is war to those who have never experinced it.) Roman Proverb God Bless America Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edlib Posted September 18, 2001 Author Share Posted September 18, 2001 Dear Hannibal: [This message has been edited by edlib (edited September 17, 2001).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Loyaltist Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 Originally posted by Hannibal: "The US will stay in power for a long time, longer then I shall live." As I live in the United States, I certainly hope so, but that wasn't my point... 1.We plan on beating down the terrorist camps. And only terrorist camps? Good ****ing luck. "2.If we don't attack the countries that harbor the terrorits then what is the point in attacking at all." You're not getting me...attacking with military force is what I'm fighting against.... "Also we are not the empire, we are trying to rid the world of murders." Firstly, you clearly don't know where part of the United States' wealth comes from. Secondly, that's a rather hypcritical statement...KILL the murderers because they are murderers. hmm... "Also the world is behind us." The whole world? Well they're not, and a while from now when all the shock is gone, they won't be. We are not conquering but defending freedom and liberty. blah blah blah. Freedom for who? You? "Dulce bellum inexpertis." Take your own advice. 1. We'll hit our targets don't worry about that. 2. So how do you suggest we fight? Go kiss there asses and make up? No the only way they'll know we don't play is if we strike back with a vengence. 3. So we can't kill the murders but we want them to stop...hmmm I know lets send over ballons a few clowns and a cake and stop all this "fighten and the feuden!" 4. NATO allies (Frzance, Britian etc.) are backing us up. Watch the news and you'd knpw this. 5. Well first off if the want to kill all of us we won't be able to enjoy are freedon if we're dead are we? Also others countries around the world will be able to join there freedom instead of being ruled by terroist. You do know what Hilter wanted to do with the world didin't you? ------------------ If you leap before you look, I'm not catching you sorry ass! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral Odin Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 at least somebody understands what I posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Thrawn Posted September 18, 2001 Share Posted September 18, 2001 SOB_Thrawn refers to a once grand JK/MOTS/Obi-Wan clan. It is famed in some circles. Anyone can understand it Admiral, as long as they can read. ------------------ "Here, people don't lock their doors, they deadbolt them, and then stick a chair under the knob." ThRaWn90,RAL_Thrawn,SOB_Thrawn Rogue 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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