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Jae Onasi

By Jae Onasi
in Ahto Spaceport Cantina

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Jae Onasi Newbie

Jae Onasi

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This subject came up over in the Senate, ("thread deletion"), and I thought it might be a useful and educational topic for here in Ahto.

Ever had a post disappear on you and wondered where it went? Had a post deleted and didn't know why and didn't feel like PMing a moderator for an answer? After reading this comment:

Some things have been deleted here and there, but remember that there's a reason for it. The mods don't get rid of posts on a whim. :)

I was inspired to write an answer.

I'm going to share with you some of the Great Secrets of the Moderators on posts, stolen completely and unapologetically from The Forum Rules, with apologies to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which is, after all, the Holy Grail of comedy. Yeah, I wrote this on way too little sleep. :D

 

The Holy Book of Moderatoricus, Chapter 945, verses 487-592, spaketh thusly:

 

Thou shalt purge the forums of these Three forms of Evil Posts, and Three forms only. Two shalt thou not countest to, unless thou next proceedest to Three. Thou shalt not countest to Four, and Five is right out.

 

The Post of the First Evil is (cover thine eyes) nakedness of the Most Unholiness, which thou shalt callest 'Porn'. Thou shalt smite down all Pr0n, deleting it posthaste, and thou shalt report it to thine Administrator for the punishment of the Perma-Ban, nay, even the IP Ban, where thus go the pornographers, banished to Internet Hell. Shouldst they be so bold as to include children in their most Unholy images, thou shalt also report them to the FBI, nay, even 'America's Most Wanted' (which is likely the greater in effectiveness), wherefore they shalt be caught, brought to justice, and verily, perhaps even eunuchized, shouldst they be so lucky, lest they become known in the Unholy Incarceration as "Bubba's Sweetheart." Praise be to the Administration.

 

The Post of the Second Evil shalt thou callest "Flaming." Verily, this is not the Flame of Truth as delineated in the Book of Moderatoricus chapter 848 Verses 87-981, but truly it is the evil where one forumiticus dost spew nasty and unpleasant words from his desktop unto another forumiticus via, well, the forum. Thou shalt not tolerate posters being evil and mean to one another, allowing them to say such things as 'you suck!' and 'you are beyond stupid if you like the Smurfs' (even shouldst it be the Truth), as the Holy Book of Moderatoricus preaches Love and Harmony for all. Thou shalt deletest posts of a Flamey nature, and thou shalt Warn the Poster (see the Holy Book of Warnings, Chapter 3240, verses 485-1999). Shouldst the Warned Poster proceedest with further Flames, thou shalt invoke the Holy Ban, either thineself or via thine Administrator, lest the Flamer continue to fire up the forum with his or her heated exchanges. Thou shalt offer a Second Chance to the Flamer shouldst he Repent of his Flaming Ways and become a regular, non-flaming forumiticus, but thou shalt stay ever vigilant for Flaming upon the boards. Praise be to the Administration.

 

The Post of the Third Evil shalt thou callest 'Spam', but only after making upon thyself a Holy Sign of thy choosing (we're equal opportunity), lest thou be contaminatedest by the foul and profane odor of the Reprobate Potted Meat Product, worshipped in the Unholy 'Museum of Spam' out in BFE Minnesota. I kiddest not, there is such an Unholy place, look it up on thine internet. 'Spam' posts doeth not contribute to the thread, verily, they are useless and clutter the Holy Thread. Nay, verily, they waste thread space and the Holy Reader's time plowing through Pure Crap, such as 'One-Word' Posts, 'I agree' Posts, 'Dude!!!' Posts, 'No sh!t' Posts, and Other Posts of a Non-Contributory Nature.

Thou shalt be vigilant for the Post of the Vile Chatspeak and deletest it posthaste, lest other forumitici be drawn down the wide path of Chatspeak Destruction and post such iniquitous things such as "U R teh Kotor Uber1!!11!!one!111" and "OMG, Haxorz Rool, Dogz Drule!!one111!!!111one!!11oneoneone!!11!"

Thou shalt also consider Off-Topic posts to be Spam, and shouldst a forumiticus discuss Raniskrans in a thread wholly undevoted to Raniskrans, thou shalt delete such Spam posts immediately. Thou art allowed to take the time to drink thy coffee and/or eat thy dinner before deleting Spam posts, however, especially if thy dinner includes Pizza, as fresh Pizza is always best when it's hot, and it would be Sinful not to Enjoy thy Pizza.

Whenst thou dost see 'Spam' and deletest it, thou shalt Warn Repeated Posters of the Spamacious variety to "Stop it right now!" lest they continue in their sinful, Spamming Ways. Shouldst they continue to make incorrigible posts of a Spamacious nature after thy Blessed Warning, thou shalt Invoke the Holy Ban. If the Sinful and Evil Spam is intended to boost the Holy Count of the Post, thou shalt reduce the Offender's Post Count to below 1000 (see the Holy Book of the Count of Posts, chapter 3894, verses 194-573), nay, even to zero, shouldst the spam be of a truly annoying nature. Whenst the Holy Count of the Post is reduced below 1000 (actually, 1001 if you want to be technical), the Holy Title shall be reset to "Registered User", thus serving as instruction to the Offending Spammer "not to pull that crap ever again." Praise be to the Administration.

 

Thou shalt not delete posts upon Thine Whim, nor shalt thou ever delete a post just because thou 'Dost not Like it.' Shouldst thou repeatedly delete posts in a capricious manner, thine Administrators shall Frown Upon You, and shall reduce or delete thy post counts, too, yea verily, even unto Zero, thus busting you back down to buck Private again. Praise be to the Administration.

 

Shouldst thou have any questions, thou shalt first read the Holy Book of Moderatoricus in its entirety, all 642,963 pages. Thine Administrators wish to help, but not if you are not willing to RTFM. Praise be to the Administration. Amen.

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Diego Varen Newbie

Diego Varen

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Well, thanks for the effort and we all appreciate it. But the problem is, can you write the rule in, eh, Republic Basic version? For me, I'm not good at old-English. Sorry for the inconvinience.

 

Hey CSI, I'm English, but I agree with you, I don't understand old English. I think the rules are in old English as a joke.

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Jae Onasi Newbie

Jae Onasi

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Hey Jae, I've seen Monty Phyton and the Holy Grail, I've even got the video, which I bought for a Pound from a Charity Shop.

 

It's a take off on 'the Book of Armaments' scene with the Holy Hand Grenade.

 

@Godslayer: [humor] Thou art committing the Sin of the Post of the Third Evil upon my Holy Thread. :xp: [/humor]

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CSI Newbie

CSI

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It's a take off on 'the Book of Armaments' scene with the Holy Hand Grenade.

 

@Godslayer: [humor] Thou art committing the Sin of the Post of the Third Evil upon my Holy Thread. :xp: [/humor]

 

 

OK, no offense, would you stop saying old English? I really can't understand them...

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Emperor Devon Newbie

Emperor Devon

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OK, no offense, would you stop saying old English? I really can't understand them...

 

Nay, she shalt not cease to speaketh the English of olde! It beith an addition of humorous proportions too great for thee not to set thine gaze upon! :xp:

 

@Jae, how doth works of such unholiness spring from words of such innocence? Thine mind is tainted! Methinks the mistake erred in uttering them was greater than thou can comprehend. :p

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Jae Onasi Newbie

Jae Onasi

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OK, no offense, would you stop saying old English? I really can't understand them...

The use of pseudo-'Old English' is purely in jest and it's part of the whole joke. However, because I want you to share in the semi-insanity, I'll give you a little translation guide--it's actually not very hard.

 

Add -est, -eth, or -st to the end of any verb. E.g. did becomes didst, do becomes doest, walk becomes walkest or walketh, etc.

Thou=you (as a subject, as in 'Thou must do this'.) It's only used in the informal version of 'you'.

Thee=you (when it's the object, as in "I handed the sword to thee."). Again, it's only used for the informal you.

Thy/thine=your/yours. Thy is used before a consonant, thine before a vowel (e.g. 'Thy head and thine eye are lovely')

Thyself=yourself

'Shalt' = 'Shall'.

'Art'= 'Are'

'Doth' = 'Does'

'spaketh'='spoke'

'nay='no'

'verily'='truly'

'olde'= 'old'

'Raniskran'--is a word totally made up by my dad in a game he and his highschool buddies made up in highschool for a game they called 'Sh!t-face chess' in which they played a poker-style card game for chess pieces, and then they played chess with whatever they got (which meant that occasionally one guy got nearly an entire side of pieces, while 1 guy would have a pawn or two to play with). 'Raniskran' was one of the names they made up for one of the hands of cards, and it became the word we use in our family for 'that thing that I can't remember the name of right now', as in 'hand me the TV Raniskran over there so I can change the channel'.

 

Now, thou shouldst return to the first post to readeth the Holy Rules for thine education. :)

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Astrotoy7 Newbie

Astrotoy7

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lolz...It wouldnt be innaccurate to say that *alot* of things that go missing are due to database errors, rather than actions by mods/admins.

 

Still, thread/post deletion is at the discretion of staff. Sometimes it's sufficient to close a thread and leave a message: eg. "sorry. this is advertising..read the rules...closed" In more serious instances where posts/threads are deemed offensive etc(ie. contrary to forum rules) the member is pursued by the empire's sinister agents contacted via PM. This is often done following consultation between staff members, unless you are an admin, and therefore have the power to vanquish foes with lasers from your eyes. All thread changes are visible to mod staff so one of us cant delete a members post without it being transperent to others, so it being down to vindictiveness and going unnoticed etc is plain impossible.

 

mtfbwya

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stoffe Newbie

stoffe

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My thoughts on this subject:

 

If a thread or post seems to have disappeared for no apparent reason you should contact one of the moderators of that forum via PM instead of making a post about it. If a thread or post was deleted it was likely for a reason, and posting more about it in public on the forum likely goes against that reason. :)

 

The forum has good functionality for tracking what moderators are doing. All moderation actions are logged and can be perused by other moderators, and deleted posts and threads can usually be seen by other moderators as well. If you feel you've been treated unfairly discuss it in private with either the mod who did it if you know who, or otherwise any of the moderators assigned to that forum.

 

In the corner of the forums I'm assigned to a thread being outright deleted usually only happens if it's double-posted or the thread itself is entirely against the rules and thus never could serve any purpose.

 

Posts tend to be silently deleted if they are bumps or pointless spam that has nothing to do with the topic in order to make the topic easier to read (since any moderation posts or edits would derail the thread in equal measure), in particular in threads of public interest which many people may subscribe to or keep an eye for new posts in. Posts also tend to be deleted or moved if they perpetrate thread necromancy in order to put the old thread back to rest silently.

 

In most other cases posts are usually edited with mod comments or threads closed instead as warranted. Though I can assume this is handled a bit different in forums like Ahto which are more casual. :)

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