turtlefreak Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 People of RD!!! I need you all's advice We are writing poetry books in english and I wrtoe this one poem in about 10 min (Mayhem and Tabby already read it) And Its gonna be the last one in my poem book and I want it to be a good one if not the best here it is: Last Regrets I’m sorry for what I did I didn’t mean to hurt you Don’t look at me that way Like I’m just another issue Please don’t treat me like I’m nothing It was all a big mistake I’m sorry I didn’t live up to your standards And I am just another ache It started as a game We didn’t mean any harm But now I’m sorry I embarrassed you And caused such alarm They told me it was safe And nothing could go wrong But now as I sit here in this cell I realize that this is where I belong Please don’t be mad at me As it is I feel bad Because the sight of that boy, dying on the hospital bed Made me feel really sad I just took one sip That’s all, I swear But then they said, “Here! Drink more!” Which is why he’ll spend life in a wheel chair I was driving home from the party When they crossed the street And in my drunken stupor I ran on to the blackened concrete I am writing this now, in hopes I’ll be forgiven for what I’ve done Because Mom, I didn’t mean to kill your other son what do you think? too sad? too emo? any changes? Discuss! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Det. Bart Lasiter Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Reporting you for murder brb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss_Mayhem Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Sentence structure in terms of a rhythmic pattern of syllables could use some work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Master Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 You got rhyme, which is good, good use of language, its like a mini-story, in the end, its good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turtlefreak Posted March 24, 2007 Author Share Posted March 24, 2007 I wanted a little E.A. Poe twist in there here's a less emo one: Live Life Today Like There’s No Tomorrow Life is a precious gift People just don’t accept that When given an opportunity They turn it down or out on to the doormat Some people are rich Others are poor This is one of the many reasons That this world is fraught with war Everyone has their troubles Will I make it through the week? Does he really love me? Why can’t she speak? There is no perfect world No matter how much you try There will never be a day That no one will cry Life is so short It never does last Those who don’t realize that Are the real outcasts You must live life to its fullest And take advantage of what you control Accept the misfortunes in life And let go of your soul Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. And live life like it's Heaven on Earth. What about that one? huh? comments or complaints Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davinq Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 It almost seems like a song The Fray would sing. You should send it to them and have 'em take a look at it lol. And help you with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turtlefreak Posted March 24, 2007 Author Share Posted March 24, 2007 i hate the fray. grrrr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss_Mayhem Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 The guy that sing for the band is uber-white. Like vampire white. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthAve Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 You should write a villanelle. Those are rad and a great way to end a poem book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Det. Bart Lasiter Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Write me a poem about this: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss_Mayhem Posted March 24, 2007 Share Posted March 24, 2007 Great way to end a thread, Jmac +10xp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davinq Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 The guy that sing for the band is uber-white. Like vampire white. I've said it before, and I'll say it again Mayhem. Isaac Slade is the shiznit, don't be dissin' on him! -_- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samnmax221 Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 Go rent Trading Places. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itchythesamurai Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 That reminds me of why American kids have no legitimate reason to be pouty. ****ers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davinq Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 To whom are you insinuating, itchy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turtlefreak Posted March 25, 2007 Author Share Posted March 25, 2007 You should write a villanelle. Those are rad and a great way to end a poem book. WTF is that, ave? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Psychochaos3 Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 i hate the fray. grrrr How could you hate the fray? They're awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Master Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 For the insult on the Fray tf, you must burn!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martmeister Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 DSP for you, Jmac! Okay, I got a poem for the pics: Dad was an NK high officer. Dad flicked a cig in Kim Jong Il's elevator. Dad and mom are dead My sister and I have no legs now Thanks, Dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Master Posted March 25, 2007 Share Posted March 25, 2007 ^Lmao, good try though, for that, you get a beer!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthAve Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 Here's a poem. I would give you my rap from The Hunt is On, but it has the f dizzle. SLINKIEEEEESSS onmywrist. They are multicolored. AnD VaRiOuS SiZeS. I have a UNIQUE sense of humor. To wear these slinkies on my arms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turtlefreak Posted March 26, 2007 Author Share Posted March 26, 2007 nice but i dont think mayhem would like it but its original Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Master Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 *Does the same as tf avy* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss_Mayhem Posted March 27, 2007 Share Posted March 27, 2007 I dont hate the Fray, the guy is just very very very pallid. Ohoh? PoetrySlam? Cant beleive I'm doing this ... My LJ blog is better than yours It has a shinier layout Of it's superiority I can be sure Be humbled I gave you a shoutout It's pink and green and blue and grey While you're without colorscheme So hey just admit and say sometime today That you're blog's blah while my blog gleams Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turtlefreak Posted March 27, 2007 Author Share Posted March 27, 2007 nice. @ grey: thats me everyday... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.