Marius Fett Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Hey! I haven't seen a thread like this brfore so I thought i'd start one... Got a joke? Post it here and give us all a laugh! Keep it clean though... Here's my first: A boy is born with just a head... No body, no arms and no legs. On his 18th birthday his Dad takes him to the Pun for his first pint. He takes a sip and all of a sudden his body pops out of his head. "Wow!" shouted Dad, take another one son! So the boy took another sip. His arms appeared! Then he took a final third one, and out came some legs... "Yippeeeee!" shouted the boy, and he ran out into the street. Unfortunately he ran straight into the path of a car. He was killed outright. The barman in the Pub says to the boys Dad: "That boy should have quit while he was ahead! If for whatever reason you don't "get it" break the last word in two: "He should have quit while he was a head! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost Down Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Meh.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ztalker Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Three blondes are trying to graduate. Their last task is to calculate the length of a stick that sticks in the grounds behind the campus. It's about 2,5 metres long, and none of the girls can reach the top to measure the thing. They struggle with the task... Until a man passes by: "Why don't you take out the stick and put it on it's side? You can easily calculate then!" Blonde: "No can do! We have to calculate the lenght, not the width!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthJebus05 Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 2 blondes are sitting in a bar. One of them asks the other "What is closer, the moon or England?". The other replies "You idiot, can you see England from here!?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Lion54 Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Ok... I gotta... A man walks into a doctor's office. The doctor says "You need an operation." The man replies "I'd like a second opinion." The doctor says "Alright, you're ugly, too." BA DOOM BOOM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marius Fett Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 An old couple are sitting in a fast food restraunt. Between them they have a small hamburger, a small fries and a small shake. The woman is only eating the food and the man is only drinking the drink. A man sees them and walks over. "Hello, please let me buy you another meal, I can see you're hungry." "No thanks" said the old woman, "We share everything." The man walked away. Five minutes later he sees the same thing still going on. He goes over and asks again, "Please let me buy you something!" "No!" said the old man. "Why not?" said the kind man. "Because we share everything" replied the old man. "Well then why are you only drinking while your wife eats the food?" And the old man replied: "I would have thought that obvious sir. I'm waiting for the teeth! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Betrayer Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marius Fett Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 That one reminds me of my cousin... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bee Hoon Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 These aren't really jokes per se, but I prefer them to blonde jokes:P "Either that wallpaper goes, or I do." -Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Irish dramatist. As he lay dying in Paris Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies. -Voltaire on his deathbed, to a priest asking that he renounce Satan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marius Fett Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 Are you blonde yourself by any chance? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bee Hoon Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Nope, I'm Asian:P Black hair, or really really dark brown anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marius Fett Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 Fair enough... Carry on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salzella Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 this is a good one: A blonde walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. ...so the barman gives her one :D:D:D:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adamqd Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 this is a good one: A blonde walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. ...so the barman gives her one :D:D:D:D Awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marius Fett Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 Love your Mamma, for she will give you the tools to build a successful life. Even though mother’s day is still months away, appericiating your mother is always in season. Here’s why… 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. You better pray that will come out of the carpet. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week! 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. Because I said so, that’s why. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident. 7. My mother taught me IRONY. Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. Shut your mouth and eat your supper. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck! 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate! 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. Stop acting like your father! 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. Just wait until we get home. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. You are going to get it when you get home! 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way. 19. My mother taught me ESP. Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold? 20. My mother taught me HUMOR (so that I could write this blog… ummm yea). When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. You’re just like your father. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn? 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. When you get to be my age, you’ll understand. 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bee Hoon Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Lolz! Nice one, DDD! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferc Kast Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 (Sorry; Couldn't resist sharing this joke I came up with the other day.) There was a musician and his friend at a choir concert. At one point during the concert, the friend asks the musician: "Do I hear a niner?" The musician simply looks at his friend and replies: "No; That's a tenor." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marius Fett Posted February 18, 2008 Author Share Posted February 18, 2008 Nice one Ferc... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcesious Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 This happened in school last week: "Now I'll be teaching you how to use text editors." (She then asks each one of use what kinds of text editors we're familar with, then she gets down to me and I say:) "I prefer Microsoft Word." "Well I'll be teaching you how to use MS word. It's much better." She said. (And yes, she is blonde.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sekan Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 You maybe have heard this one before but... The Magic Frog Once up on a time a magic frog lived in the biggest forest in the world. The forest was so big that he never had seen a animal before. But one time when the Frog was going to a lake he saw a bear hunting a rabbit. He told the bear to stop hunting the rabbit and that he had something to tell them. Your the first animals i ever have seen so you'll be giving three 3 wishes said the frog and smiled. The beer started... I wish that all bears in this forest where females apart from him. Then it was the rabbits turn. He wished that he had a helmet. The bear thought that was one of the worst thing you could wish. The bear wished that all bears the forest next to him was females again apart from him. Then it was the rabbits turn again. He wished that he had a motorcycle. Again the bear thought that it was one of the worst thing you could wish and then he wished that all bear in the whole world where females apart from him. Then it was the rabbits turn for the last time. He wished that the bear was gay and then he drove away from them in his motorcyckle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost Down Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Hehe, nice one Sekan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marius Fett Posted February 18, 2008 Author Share Posted February 18, 2008 Here's another: What's the only thing more fun than spinning your worst enemy around on a washing line at 10,000 miles per hour? Stopping them with a shovel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev7 Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Good one. I'll try to think of a joke... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogue Nine Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 (Sorry; Couldn't resist sharing this joke I came up with the other day.) There was a musician and his friend at a choir concert. At one point during the concert, the friend asks the musician: "Do I hear a niner?" The musician simply looks at his friend and replies: "No; That's a tenor." Why would they be looking for a 'niner' at a choir concert? It does not make sense to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferc Kast Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Why would they be looking for a 'niner' at a choir concert? It does not make sense to me. They are catching up with each other during the concert. Nice joke there, DDD. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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